It's now 0344 and I have been awake for about half an hour already. I woke up to use the bathroom and came out here and did some hape'. I recently had another one of my zoning out episodes. My neurology team says it's more depersonalization-dereazlization than it is a seizure, so I guess that's good. I take regular medication to prevent seizures. I have similar results from both a seizure and the DDD. All of a sudden, I am not present. I have a blank stare and do not react to people trying to help me or talk to me. I can't hear anything and if I do hear words, I can't comprehend them. I am lost in space somewhere. This last time was several days ago. I was standing in Nana's room when I went blank and my hand was shaking. Nana quickly pulled me to her bed by the waistband of my shorts so I would not fall. I think she might have tried talking to me, but I didn't understand a word she said. At some point, I began to see the box of cookies on her recliner and decided I could fix myself if I picked the box of cookies up. Then I thought I should count the cookies to bring myself back to my body. I was very serious about trying to count the cookies at the time. I could not count them. My brain wasn't working properly, but I tried. I gave up and put the cookies back in the bag and back in their box. Nana says that Caleb took me to my room to lay down in bed, but I have no memory of that at all. I have been recovering ever since. Yesterday I spent all morning trying to get started on my housework, but never got started. I was fighting myself to get moving and just couldn't. I got up and did most of my morning routines, but slower than usual. By the time I realized what time it was again, it was already 11-something in the morning. I woke up around 0815. I spent most of yesterday afternoon in bed trying to sleep. My brain wasn't having it and my mind kept racing. Bella came to bed with me and laid down next to me. She always helps me relax my nervous system. She is here now begging me to go back to bed. I just wanted to put something together before I went back to bed. Caleb just woke up. Nana just went to the bathroom. It's the witching hour they say. LOL
I am hoping to find ways to prevent this DDD from impacting my life negatively. I would like to learn more about it and how to prevent these episodes from happening. The last time it happened was July 18, 2025. They are happening more frequently. Trump being President is not helping the situation any. He bad decisions are negatively impacting me already. My grocery bills, electric, and water bills are higher with no change from our use or needs. I get alot of petition signing requests and requests for political donations. They flood my email. I have to stop them from coming in because the amount of news I'm getting is overwhelming.
I don't remember the last blog I wrote, but since then my Pepere' (grandfather on mother's side) passed away. Caleb's school year started with his new online public school. He hasn't completed a full day yet, but everyone else has put in more than a week. He says the computer the school sent is not working properly and the screen flashes and then turns black. Caleb had testicular pain that I had to take him to the ER for. Caleb then had his prep for his GI procedure that he failed by eating during the fast. We spent Labor Day weekend recovering from the drama of all that. Then Wednesday I had the DDD episode which is linked to not getting enough sleep, trauma, and stress all of which plague me.
My step-brother, Brian, and his wife, Sarah, were scheduled to visit today, but had to cancel because Brian had oral surgery and needed to recover.
I don't know if I mentioned this already in a previous entry, but Caleb stole from some of my credit cards and Nana's debit card to buy gaming software totaling about $400. That didn't help me pay the bills or buy groceries either.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, I received medical bills that I have to pay out of pocket because the providers don't accept Medicare or VA Community Care payments.
On the brighter side, I was able to pay my federal tax bill and a number of payment plans off completely.
We found the shopvac, and it works! I am still struggling to get the house cleaned up. We have a bug infestation and we can't fix it without decluttering first. It's driving me crazy!
I am tired again. Time to go back to bed.
Thank you for reading! Have a blessed day! Keep us in your prayers!
