This has been a hard week. I have alot going on in my life right now. It became too much for me and I wiped out on I think Thursday, My Pepere' died, Hurricane Erin was off coast, Caleb's new school started, the house is still a disaster area, I have less money than expected for this time of the month, and I haven't been sleeping well at all. I was trying to keep up with everything going on and just crashed on Thursday. The day started off somewhat normal, but I spent most of the day in bed getting rest. Friday morning I needed to know the date, and could not tell the year. Was it 2024 or 2025? My memory was failing me and things were confusing. It is now 0326 on Sunday morning. I have been awake since about 0230. I had to get up to use the bathroom and came out for a snack. I decided to do some hape' and answer some questions I had from Saturday that I did not answer. What are the balances on my credit cards? I am more watchful now that Caleb decided to use my credit cards to buy video games. He maxxed my credit cards out! I was soo angry! Then, he used Nana's debit card to do the same thing and tried to convince me it wasn't him. That was our bill and grocery money! Now I have to find a way to pay the bills I was going to pay with that money some other way. I can't earn money. I can't hold a job even if I wanted to, and right now, I do want to. I need the extra income. Groceries are expensive and so are our bills. I'm soo stressed out. Hurricanes already stress me out. The whole season is just one big anxiety attack waiting to happen.
My email is getting flooded by all the Trump news, petitions, and money-raising attempts to fight Trump. It's too much to read and act on alot of the times, and I have to delete them without even opening them. I can only do so much. I don't have money to donate, but I will sign petitions. I'm so stressed. My medications aren't strong enough for another Trump Administration.
Thank God we were not hit by Hurricane Erin, but it looks like we are going to have a busy hurricane season this year. If I could move away, I likely would. I want to be away from where hurricanes can hit. It would be great if the temperatures weren't so high. My air conditioning cannot fight the 90-degree plus temperatures as hard as I would like it to. I am heat intolerant. I was close to a heat stroke while I served in the Army. There is no amount of water to prevent how my body reacts to the heat. I have had to stay home and rest and try to take care of myself.
My Pepere' is my grandpa on my mom's side of the family. He passed away. I don't do well with death. I am just trying to care for myself the best I can. He didn't want a funeral. I would not be able to go anyway. I can't travel like I did when I was younger. I have a full house with Caleb, Nana, Bella, and Bubba to care for. Not to mention that even if it was just me, I wouldn't have the energy required anyway.
Caleb's new school started Wednesday and we ended up missing the first few days. Caleb was having trouble with his computer the school loaned. His new school is an online public school. I wasn't doing well, and could not supervise him due to trying to take care of myself. I thought I would have to return the computer, but I think I was able to restore the computer to functioning properly.
I was still tired yesterday. I woke up at 0500 and stayed awake for a few hours before needing to go back to sleep. I then got up again around 1030 or so. I stayed up for another few hours and wanted to take a nap, but couldn't. I was getting too many notifications on my phone to fall asleep. I got up and worked on how I could pay the rest of the bills. After that is when I began working on Caleb's loaner computer for school. Eventually, I got up and began washing dishes to catch up on the mess in the kitchen, and I was able to cook dinner. We had salmon with black beans and rice.
On a better note, I weighed in under 300lbs recently. I have also been in ketosis for 3 days straight now. I am trying to avoid buying Breyer's Cookies N Cream ice cream. I love it, but it's not a part of the diet that is going to help me control my diabetes or lose weight.
I keep cleaning in the house only to have Caleb follow me and destroy everything again. He is worse now that he is 16 than when he was 4! I'm going to have a long talk with him soon. I can't keep living this way. It's not healthy for anyone, especially me when I put the little energy I have into making progress and he wipes it away in a flash!
I'm ready to go back to bed. I think I got off my chest what I needed to.
Thank you for reading! Have a blessed day! Keep us in your prayers!
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