5 Year Journal Day 299

 Today's prompt is "How are you?" Write a rhyming couplet (two lines of verse that rhyme and have the same rhythm).

I am awake.

I am awake.

     Lol.

     It is now 3:24 am on Sunday. I woke up about an hour ago. I started the washing machine, then began to shop vac the living room floor. It's loud so I'm surprised Caleb didn't come out of his room. Yesterday I woke up around 10:30 am and started working right away. I had breakfast and took my morning meds first of course. We went to run errands . I had to go to UPS to turn in the AT&T cable equipment we used for U-verse, go to Walmart for blueberries, yogurt, and sugar-free sweet tea, and go to CVS to pick up more of Caleb's meds. We came home, and it was already lunch time. I had a quick frozen meal of chicken souvlaki, and began to clean the kitchen. It was a disaster area, and it took me all afternoon to get it ready to cook in. I bought fish the day before. 

     I cooked snapper for dinner. It tastes good with some Creole seasoning on it. I had Caleb help me get the trash out of the kitchen and out of my work area. He also began to clean up in the living room. He was able to remove a full contractor bag of junk from the living room floor. Our living is very small, so that just tells you how messed up it is. I have to walk over Caleb's messes every time I leave the house. I can't wait for it to be fully cleaned out. 

     The check engine light came back on today. The dealership reset the light so it was off for a little while, but it is back on now. The fuel cap was not the reason for the light being on. Now, it is going to take longer to figure out what is really wrong with the Mazda. I am not looking forward to spending more time at the dealership. It is hard to sit there for hours just waiting with Caleb. He gets bored, and I want to be in the cold air conditioning and sleep. It is too warm in there.

     Today is going to be another day of cleaning. I need to wash some laundry and get the bathroom clean. Caleb needs to continue working on getting stuff off the living room floor and getting trash out of the house. 

     I was able to get a dish strainer full of dishes hand washed, and the dishwasher fully loaded and started yesterday. I cleaned the stove top and the counter top. I began removing things off the island to clean it. I swept the kitchen floor. It needs to be mopped pretty badly. I finally had my candles , incense, and sage burning while I was cleaning. 

     I want to go lay down. I guess I will go ahead and take my iron pill and orange juice and do that. 

5 Year Journal Day 298

 

Today’s prompt is “Who is the last person in your missed calls?” Caleb is the last person in my missed calls.

     It is now 2:48 am on Thursday July 22, 2021 and the internet and cable are out. I am using Microsoft Word to type up my blog, but it is not the same.

     I woke Caleb up to help me reset the WiFi. He was sleeping on the floor in the living room and I was not trying to walk over him. The living room is such a mess because of him. He has taken apart the sofa and used the cushions to make a teepee.

     I could not sleep. I could not get cool enough to get comfortable. I was too warm to cover with a blanket, which is generally a requirement for me being able to sleep.

     Yesterday I had my therapist appointment online for EMDR. We just did intake questionnaires.   I no longer think EMDR is the best choice of therapies for my situation, so we are going to do CPT, Cognitive Processing Therapy. I am just glad to have help where I am being given tools to get better. I can’t do everything on my own. I don’t have the time nor energy to read the books I want to find out how to better care for my mental health.

     Billy called me about his problems with his roommate, Robin. It was all kinds of craziness that he was telling me.

     After my online appointment with the therapist, Caleb and I went to Walmart so I could buy some blueberries and sugar free sweet tea. I ended up buying more school supplies for Caleb while we were there. Walmart had stocked more supplies so there was more stuff that we did not have from previous purchases that we needed.

     When we came home, I was tired and went to lay down for a few minutes. I had leftover chunky pasta sauce with lots of shredded cheese for dinner. No noodles.

     Yesterday I put all my appointments in my new planner for this school year. I am using the month planner sheets for my appointments to be able to see them all at once, and the day planner part that just breaks down the week for keeping track of my glucose numbers and what I eat. I bought a separate student planner to use to schedule what I am going to teach and the assignments I plan on giving. I bought a student planner for Caleb too. He has to be able to keep track of what’s going on with his assignments too.

     We are listening to Matisyahu on the Bluetooth speaker now. Caleb nis wide awake. I called AT&T to fix my internet and they said to call back after 6:00 am because some of their systems are down. Like really? WTF am I supposed to do without internet at this hour?

     I am behind in getting Caleb to take his end of year test that is required by the state to run a homeschool. We started it, but haven’t finished it. Every day is a struggle.

     Today I have physical therapy in the office at 9:15 am. It’s really too early for me to be going out, but I had no choice. It was all that was available. Caleb has two appointments in the afternoon. One is for his therapist and the other for his psychiatrist. I also have a Magdalene Rose Temple video to watch when I come home. It’s going to be a busy day.

     I have to find the motivation to take a shower before we leave the house for our appointments. I was too tired after dinner.

     I need to catch up with Ms. Miller about why I can’t order my Miralax online . It’s weird. I haven’t been taking it recently. I got tired of making my drinks. My elbow is strained from lifting the heavy water bottle repeatedly, along with my heavy purse. I’m just trying to give it a break. I am not having as much trouble with my bowel movements as I was before, so maybe I have improved my situation by taking prebiotics, probiotics, eating kimchi, and eating Greek yogurt.

     I am now on 13 units of insulin since my last appointment with my diabetes doctor. My sugar levels are staying high, and I don’t understand why. I am not eating any of the Big 4: rice, potatoes, bread, or pasta. I am taking physical therapy twice a week, and I actually pushed myself pretty hard in the pool on Tuesday by myself. I am supposed to do physical therapy exercises twice daily at home too. I have not been successful doing that, but I am trying to do what I can. I mean, when you put it into perspective that I can not take daily showers… I am doing what I can, really, I am.

     Caleb is eating his sunflower seeds and listening to Our Lady Peace.

     I want to declutter my work space and use the filing cabinets for what they are for. I mean I have piles of papers and notebooks that I don’t need to have right beside my laptop. I need to get my headspace cleared up. I have not been following Ethony  Dawn for awhile of the Awakened Soul Coven. I am behind in the Magdalene Rose Temple videos and meditations. I have not finished reading the books that I have started. I have not completed the rituals I wanted to do. I have not even lit my candles and incense lately! I’m dragging ass , as we use to say in the Army.

     I have forgotten that I wanted to incorporate the use of the meal replacement and protein shakes in my daily routine. I am trying to cut calories and still feel full. Also, I need to have something in my belly in order to take my medications in the mornings and in the evenings.

     If I get my internet turned back on today, which would be great, I need to check my dad’s secure messages on myhealthevet. I am trying to reschedule his eye clinic appointment at the VA, but no one answers the phone! SO I decided to ask the primary care team to send a secure message over to the clinic scheduler and let them know he needs to reschedule his appointment for any day in the afternoon. I don’t know if this has actually happened, but I hope we are able to reschedule his appointment because that will determine when he will have his eye surgery to correct his vision.

     I am trying to help my dad with his communications with the VA because secure messaging is the best way to reach any of the providers. I am also trying to stay on top of the other things he has going on with his VA disability claims, which he has many, as well as other things going on. For instance, he bought a Suburban a few weeks ago, and still has not received the title. His temporary license plate tags are going to expire soon. He needs someone with a valid license to sign the title and register the vehicle in NC. I don’t want to do it. I would rather Sharon do it, but her license is expired and she needs to see an eye doctor for an exam to replace her glasses before she will take the driver’s license test. Ugh! So many complications.

     My check engine light is on in my Mazda 5 van. I took it to the dealership last Friday, and am taking it back this Friday. They ordered a new fuel cap to see if that was the problem. They are also scheduled to replace the front brakes as they need servicing. I have other services that need to be done, but we are focusing on 1) check engine light and 2) what can be dangerous. I don’t have a lot of money to spend right now. School supplies and groceries are expensive. My bills cost most of my income. It’s really a shame to see the hole I have dug for myself. I am in so much debt right now. On the brighter side, it does look like I might be paying off two of the smaller balances on store credit cards in about 2 months. It’s not major, but every little bit helps.

     I have asked for help from both my mom and dad, as well as my Aunt Lisa to help pay for Caleb’s school books. They cost about $300 this year. I spent just as much on school supplies. My dad has helped a lot. My mom is unable to help because Kenneth may be needing surgery soon and they will have to pay for that. I never heard anything from my Aunt Lisa when I asked for assistance in paying for the books, but I assume she is just too busy. I wish there were some grants for homeschooling to help offset the expensive costs of doing things outside the school system.

     I managed to deal with the everyday complaints from teachers about Caleb from kindergarten to 5^th grade. I’m not doing it anymore. I went through the trouble of getting him a psychological evaluation every year, or as needed to keep his IEP updated. That IEP didn’t do much to help him! He is not the average student. He is different, and is not going to sit still and be quiet all day long. He was breaking crayons, shredding papers, and he even farted loudly. I mean there was always something to complain about. I get it. There are maybe 30 students in the class, and Caleb is causing all kinds of distractions each and every day, but what exactly am I supposed to do about it after the school day ends and I finally get the note when Caleb comes home? I am not at the school to sit with Caleb during his classes to help him do the right things. I cannot discipline the ADHD and ODD out of him. The teachers did not know what to do, and I did not know what to do either. SO here we are, homeschooling so I can better control his behavior and train him to do what will be expected of him as an adult. Do I make him sit in a desk all day? Nope! Is he required to be quiet all day? Nope! How does this impact his learning ability? I’d say positively. Now if I can manage to school him without the arguments from his ODD. Ugh. I get exhausted too. I’m not supposed to be working, but here I am doing a special education teacher’s job. He only spent maybe an hour with the special education teacher when he was at elementary school. He should have been separated from his peers to accommodate his needs, but the administrators thought differently. The policy was to separate him from the classroom of his peers as little as possible. Was this helpful? Hell NO! How frustrated was I when I went into the annual meetings to discuss what is working, the progress made, etc. ? What I wanted, and what Caleb actually needed was not going to happen because of the administration and the policies in place.

     Caleb is going to study 6^th grade subjects this year. He should have studied them last year, but we ran into behavioral problems, so he will have to do it this year. His problems are well documented with his mental health team. The arguments are so frustrating! Every time I tell him to do something I am starting a war with him. His brain fights everything I say. We are doing better these days, and I hope this year we will accomplish way more because of the work I have done with Caleb to get him to slow down and not be so argumentative for things that obviously are 1) not a danger to him, 2) not a danger to someone else, and 3) not against the law. He needs to be able to trust that I am trying to teach him the right things to do, and the things he will need to know as an adult.

     The only person I have to talk to on a daily basis is my dad. I need adult conversation throughout the day, and most everybody is at work during the day. I try to chat with other people as they are able through text messaging, but it’s not consistent. I am hoping talking to my therapist once a week will help. I need to blog daily. It helps to clear my head so I can think more clearly during the day.

     I had to ask my Aunt Lisa to send us a giant pack of paper towels and some scrubbing bubbles spray. I try to budget what little I have after paying the bills, but things are tight since the $400 in food stamps I was getting has been discontinued. That’s a lot of groceries that I no longer having the resources to buy. I don’t know what we are going to do. I have the child tax credit coming in until December, but that is only $250/month. It helps, but it’s still short of what I was getting in food stamps. My dad has been helping me buy groceries too. His disability rating increased recently, but he is still not at 100% for reasons I do not understand. I help him, and he helps me. I wish I could have them live with me, but I know that can never happen again. They were paying me rent when they lived with me. I could use the extra income to cover expenses.

     Travis recently text messaged me. He was complaining about his situation as always. I actually considered having him move in again, so he could pay me rent, but I decided against it. He has a really nasty attitude about most things, and smokes weed, which is still illegal in NC. He wants to pay $600/month for a room to these elderly people in Whiteville and think he’s not going to pay in other ways too. They have him wake up early every morning, go to church on Sundays, and mow the grass. I’ve heard complaints about them not using the air conditioning, and other things. I told that dumbass if he didn’t like his situation, then leave. He is stupid and likes to bitch. I told him that he likes to bitch and so instead of making changes to make things better, he keeps them the same so he can continue to have things to bitch about. He is one hateful ass motherfucker. There is no way I can live with him again.

     It is now 4:16 am. I am wide awake. I have had at least 3 Diet Mountain Dews by now, and a package of Swiss cheese to snack on. I guess I will stay up. I still have to hop in the shower eventually.

     So I am trying harder to manage my diabetes, but it looks like we will have to keep increasing my insulin because my numbers are still averaging 250. I am trying to increase my exercise, but it is a work in progress. I am doing good on avoiding the Big 4 so far, and it has been a week and half. I have even avoided going to Jersey Mike’s for their bowl because I do not have the extra money to spend. I have lost one pound too!

     I’m just looking around at all the clutter I have to declutter. Oh man. It’s like, where do I even start? I wish I had an office. I have Bella at my feet. She is so precious to me. She is such a good girl and she loves to follow me around the house. She loves to sleep next to me. She is so soft and cuddly. I wish I could carry her everywhere I go. She turns 6 this year, I think. I got the birthday card for Bella from the vet this month. It’s hard to believe 4 years have passed with her as my Bella boo boo.

     I want to find a way to get Caleb coding this year. I won’t be able to pay for a program, which sucks, but I have seen trials recently for kids to start learning.

     I want to plan a trip to Washington D.C. for him to visit the museums there. He was there when he was younger, and I am sure now he will have a different appreciation for what is there. I want him to go to the Airborne Museum outside of Ft. Bragg too. I also want to be able to take him to New York City and Philadelphia eventually too.

     My dad is willing to pay for a membership to the pool at the local community college, where we have been going for my pool physical therapy so Caleb and I can go when we want. I am happy about that. It is easier for me to move in the water, and will help me exercise more frequently without as much pain.

     Alright I just took my iron pill and orange juice.

     I’m almost totally done with vaping. I crave it when I am driving though. I am still on zero nicotine. I don’t vape as much as I was before.

     I have all kinds of household chores to catch on. They are never ending. I clean it up and Caleb finds ways to create a disaster area. I need to schedule a chore chart so he works on at least one chore a day, so we are constantly making progress together, and not just me all the time, by myself.

     I want Caleb to keep a free writing journal this year. I bought him a notebook to write in just for that purpose. August approaches quickly. I have got to get the test sent back to the service I rented it from. There is no reason for Caleb not to complete the test when we are home. He may need to do it over the weekend in order to get it done already. I have at least one appointment a day during the week which makes it hard to sit down for any period of time to get testing done. I have to create a testing environment for him, and supervise the test taking. It would be easy to do if I could just type my blog while he is testing. It would give me something quiet to do, while being able to observe his progress and keep an eye on the timer.

     I am waiting for labs to return results for blood lab to determine my hormone levels. I am testing to see if I am in menopause. I also gave a stool sample for colorectal health screening. I have labs for pelvic exam testing I am waiting for too.

     I am waiting for my new glasses to come in so I can pick them up. I hope they look good on me.

     Well, I am 5 pages in, and running out of things to write about. I need to go shower, so that’s what I am going to do.

 

5 Year Journal Day 297

      Today's prompt is "Write a haiku about your day (5 syllables/ 7 syllables/ 5 syllables)." 

     I woke up early.

     Bella followed me around. 

     Chores are being done now. 

     It is now 6:33 am here. I woke up around 4:00 am. I went ahead and started the washing machine, hand washed some dishes, finished loading the dishwasher, and started the dishwasher. I made a new breakfast of Vanilla blended Greek yogurt and fresh blueberries. It was better than I expected! I did not even need to eat that much to feel satisfied. Awesome/

     Sunday I decided to avoid the Big 4 : bread, rice, pasta, and potatoes. Today is Saturday. It has been a week. I have made it through without eating any of the foods I wanted to avoid. Caleb ate potatoes and asked me every time he cooked them if I wanted some. I kept telling him that I could not have them right now. I wonder if I have been able to lose any weight. 

     This past week I went to physical therapy twice. Once was in the pool, and the other time was in the office. Both had their challenges.

     Today Caleb has to complete his testing. I have to catch up on washing clothes and cleaning the kitchen. Once Caleb has finished his testing, he needs to clean up the messes he created on the floors. 

     Tomorrow we have a play date at the splash pad. Today is going to be all work. 

     Yesterday we went to the Mazda dealership in Wilmington to have the Mazda looked at because the check engine light is on. We had a 7:30 am appointment and got there a few minutes earlier. It is an hour away. Yesterday I woke up around 4:00 am too. I stayed up. 

     We were at the dealership for more than an hour waiting for results. We are going to try replacing the fuel cap as a first solution. I also have some other recommendations to think about getting done soon. I already made another appointment for this Friday coming up at 7:30 am again. I am going to go ahead and get the fuel cap replaced as well as get the front brake pads replaced .

     When we left the dealership yesterday, we went directly to the VA clinic I could drop off my stool sample to the lab. 

     Thursday I went to the VA clinic and had blood drawn as well was given a stool sample kit. I was there for an appointment in the eye glasses clinic to choose my glasses frames, and went ahead and stopped at the lab because I got there early enough to take care of that too. 

     I am having my hormones checked to see if I am in menopause. I am having my stool checked for colorectal problems. I am still waiting for my pelvic exam results. I had my annual physical exam last week. It takes 2 weeks to get the pelvic exam results back.   

     When I got back home after leaving the VA clinic yesterday, I went straight to my bed to rest. I was tired and wanted a nap. I stayed in bed the rest of the day. We went to Walmart around 6 something in the evening so I could buy blueberries to eat for breakfast.

     I made my own version of gumbo for dinner. I had a bag of shrimp thawed in the fridge that needed to be cooked. I used a large bag of frozen cut okra, 2 cans of black beans, 2 cans of fire roasted tomatoes, 1 cup of quinoa, and a 2 lbs. bag of Argentine p&d 16/20 shrimp. I seasoned it with Zatarains' Creole seasoning. It turned out really good. 

     It is now 6:53 am and Caleb is awake. I have a load of laundry in the dryer, a load in the washer, and dishes in the dish strainer to be put away, and dishes in the dishwasher to be put away. 

     I need to finish cleaning the kitchen, then go clean out the hallway bathroom. We have something blocking the drain in the bathroom sink that I need to find a way to clear. 

     There is no water left at Walmart. I have asked my Aunt Lisa to find a way to ship 10 gallons of water to me. Shipping is free when she orders from Sam's Club because she has a membership. Hopefully it is not a problem. We are in hurricane season, and I need to be sure we have water just in case. 

     Tonight I want to make a big salad with the rest of the salad ingredients I have leftover from earlier this week when  made the first big salad. I created my own Red Wine vineagrette dressing for the first time. It was good , but had too much salt. I will likely cook the sausages with the bell peppers because I need to cook the bell peppers before they go bad.

     The other day, Caleb and I watched Disney's "Fluppy Dogs" that he found on youtube for me. It gave me the feels. My mom recorded that movie along with alot of other cartoons on VHS when I was a very little girl. I don't know what happened to the VHS, but I kept it for a really long time. I watched it over and over as I was growing up. The other movies on that VHS are "My Pet Monster" (Monster Max), and Disney's "A Christmas Carroll." 

     Walmart had Care Bears for sale, and it gave me the feels too. I ended up buying a "Togetherness" Bear. 

     I am wondering if I should put Caleb back in regular school. Ugh. So mnay things to think about. 

     I have spent the last of our food stamps. We will not be getting any more. 

     I received the first of the child tax credit payments. It's not as much as the food stamps, but at least it's something that will keep us from being hungry. My debts are so high, I have very little money for food. I am trying to get myself out of debt but it is a slow process. I need to find a way to bring more money into the budget, but I cannot work. 

     I already started buying school supplies for Caleb. I need a math textbook to teach him pre-algebra. 

     My work space is a disaster and needs to be organized. 

     I have been trying to stay on top of my stuff so I can also help my dad, but it is too much to do for one person. He needs someone to make calls  for him , and send emails. He also needs to get his documents together and file claims. I cannot do everything he is trying to get done. I am overwhelmed by the stuff that he needs done. I have taken a break from things, but meanwhile, he needs to have appointments made through the VA to repair his eyesight and get him psychological care. He needs to speak to a therapist on a regular basis. He is trying to fix his credit so he can move out of the motel he is living in and buy a house of his own. 

     I already helped him get the vehicle he wanted. Now he needs to get his eyes fixed so he can drive the damn thing. Sharon needs to get her eyes examined and glasses replaced so she can renew her driver's license and put the vehicle in her name on the title and registration. The temporary tags will expire soon, and my dad has not received the title yet from the dealer he bought from. 

     I am trying to figure what is the best decision for Caleb for this school year. He has gotten his Covid-19 vaccine. I just don't know. 

     Meanwhile I still have to file the paperwork for social services regarding Caleb's suspected biological father. 

     I have so many books that I have not had the energy to read. I have not even done the last of the meditations in my program with Magdalene Rose Temple. 

     Caleb was supposed to go on a filed trip on Tuesday, but he doesn't want to go as much as I thought he did. He would rather go to my physical therapy at the pool with me. He was supposed to go riding ponies in the water with a group of kids his age, led by adults. It was going to be a whole day activity. Oh well. 

     I was reading about this diabetes' reversal program that I bought. It is mostly juice based, where I have to make my own juices throughout the day. I think it requires too much work. I also think that I can take what I have learned from the e-book, and apply it to my situation in  away that suits me. So far, I am already doing better than I was. 

     Yesterday I did most of one of the exercise programs that my physical therapist told me to do at home. I did the exercises while I waiting at the dealership in the waiting area. I could do everything there except the one where I have to be laying down. I even got my 6 minutes of walking done! SO, a pat on the back for that. I have to do the exercises twice a day, and only did it once because I went to bed when I got home. Today I hope to do better.

     I am now on 13 units of slow acting insulin a day. I have been referred to pre-bariatric surgeon appointments. I don't know if I wrote about all the things that have happened since going to my annual physical exam. I don't remember. I don't think I will go through with the surgery, but the advice from the surgeon could help me lose weigh naturally. I have an appointment with Leann Grossman, my dietician at the VA, on Monday morning. We will discuss my diet and what needs to change now that I am on insulin. I need to know about how carbohydrates I can eat a day, and lose weight. I also need to know what type of carbs I can eat safely as a diabetic. 

     Caleb is begging me to give him his bike back. He went to take Bella for a walk since it is early, and not too hot outside yet. It has been 100 degree heat index the last 2 days, and maybe more, but that's all I've heard on the radio. 

     

5 Year Journal Day 296

      Today's prompt is " What new word have you learned?" I recently learned how to say "You are welcome" in Chinese, although I have already forgotten it.

     Today is July 8th, a Thursday. It is now 5:24 in the morning. I could not sleep due to terrible gas gas from kimchi. It has been about a month since my last entry. We celebrated the 4th of July in Ft. Bragg with my dad. Caleb took a photo with Captain America! It feels like alot has happened and I don't have the energy to go through it all right now. Let's skip.

     On Tuesday I had my appt with the Pharm-D, Dr. Amanda Karels, by phone. She increased my insulin to 12 units a day. Yes, that's right. I have been taking insulin for about a week now. I started at 10 units of insulin per day.

     On Tuesday afternoon I had my annual physical with Ms. Miller. I asked about whether or not I was in menopause. I asked about whether or not I have Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. I asked if she would sign my papers for aid and attendance. The answer to signing the papers was that " it will make it easier for you to be overweight, and I don't want it to be easier for you to be overweight." I cried. I was asked if I have considered weight loss surgery. 

     Skip ahead. Wednesday I had physical therapy in the office. Yes, I started physical therapy last week too. I got a call about scheduling an appointment to evaluate my mental health for bariatric surgery (maybe that was Tuesday?). I was informed that I would getting a call to schedule an appointment with imaging for a gall bladder ultrasound, and that I needed to also go to the lab to get a stool sample kit.

     So, here we are. I am in the beginning of trying insulin to reduce my glucose numbers. I am in the beginning of physical therapy to reduce my pain from everyday walking and movements. Now, I am in the beginning of preparation for bariatric surgery. Oh! I forgot to mention, last week was the first appointment for introducing me to EMDR process for my Military Sexual Trauma. Lots going on.

      A couple of weeks ago, we drove to Virginia to pick up a 2007 Ford Expedition Eddie Bauer EL for my dad. He wanted a truck, and finally we found him one worth the asking price. 

     I feel like I have been back and forth to Lumberton alot lately. It messes up my routine. I don't sleep well there. All meals are from restaurants because my dad and Sharon live in a motel. It's not helpful when I am trying to lose weight. You offer me food, and I'm going to take it! 

     Today Caleb needs to get as much of his annual end of grade testing done as possible. I have no appointments, and neither does he nor Bella. 

     I have so much work to do around the house. I have paperwork to do for myself. I have paperwork to do for my dad. It can be overwhelming to think about everything going on right now. 

     We are expecting the remnants of Tropical Storm Elsa today too. Possible tornadoes. Lots of rain. 

     Tuesday I went for a walk down the street after I ate dinner. Ms. Miller said it would be good to walk after meals to reduce my glucose numbers. Caleb and I went to the Chinese buffet in Wilmington for dinner, so there was a n hour between eating and walking. I took my glucose reading before I went for a walk and got 272. I came back home after walking 0.65 miles with Bella down the street and back, and did another glucose reading and got 249.

     I had a meal replacement shake for dinner on Wednesday and went for a walk afterwards. Before the walk I was at 283. After the walk I was at 282. Same walk as the day before. I don't really understand it. I did not give myself time to digest before I walked. On Tuesday, I had "real" food and drove home for an hour before I walked. Hmm..

     Also, completely unrelated, is that I am no longer eligible for food stamps. Apparently something changed in the wording of the income limitations and now my VA disability is being counted as income, where it wasn't before. So, this is the last month I have of food stamps benefits. 

     Caleb's phone broke. He woke up one morning and it would not turn on, nor would it charge. He has been without a phone for about a week now, and it is really hard to deal with. I can not leave him at home now because if there was an emergency, he would have no way to call for help. 

     I have fallen behind in my meditation with The Magdalene Rose Temple. I have not been paying attention to Ethony Dawn's class materials. I have not been reading my books. 

     I am still trying to pay down my debts on my credit cards so that I can refinance my house. I am still trying to figure out how I am going to fix the house before I refinance the house to qualify for another VA loan. It's really a mess that I'm in. I can't work. I have no time, nor energy. I am being pulled from every direction. My dad needs a team of people helping him with all his needs. I am not even on top of my needs! 

     August will be here soon enough, and a new school year will begin. I have to teach Caleb how to do simple math, and write essays coherently.

     It is tourist season here in Oak Island. It seems like most businesses do not have enough help right now. 

     I am really going to need that child tax credit refund that is supposed to be coming up soon. 

     I still have not cleared my porch of my dad's stuff. It's too damn hot to do it now. Also, I need someone to take the contractor bags of trash away to the dump for me after I go the things he left behind.   

     I totally forgot about my classes I bought on Udemy! I am not finished with one of them, and haven't even started on like 17 of them! 

     I try to keep in contact with a few people so I do not lose myself in the madness. I text Rachel. This year is our 20th high school graduation anniversary. Well, it's mine anyway. 

     My friend Brenda is also a veteran and we keep in touch too. She has recently gone through surgery, and is in recovery. She is also diabetic and knows my struggles to get my glucose down. She is a good accountability partner for my walks and exercises because she exercises more than I do (which isn't much yet). 

     The sun is rising. It is now 6:13 in the morning. I feel like I am scattered all over the place because I have not written in my journal for so long, and so much is going on. 

     Caleb has his Covid-19 vaccine now, and so does my dad and Sharon. I had mine from earlier this year. 

     Bella has been licking her paws alot lately, so I am going to try to give her a special "Sensitive" kibble by Purina. I hope she enjoys it and that it gives her relief. 

     I have not necessarily been having the same sleep patterns that I did when I first started this blog. While I might still get up at 2 am, I do not stay awake. I have a few oranges or maybe a grapefruit,  and go to bed.

     I called my Granny and Pepere the other day to make sure that they were ok because of the Tropical storm Elsa. They were doing fine. I asked Granny about her diabetes and how much insulin she was taking, just out of curiosity. 

     Oh so the latest about my siblings is that Eric has blocked me on Facebook, which was the only way I had contact with him. SO now all 3 of my siblings have blocked me! Must be a Fucking record. I don't think I deserve that kind of treatment, but they have each made their decisions. I HATE Trump! And I will never change that. If that means we can't be family, then so be it, I guess. I'm not the one blocking my brothers and sister. 

     I have a packet of paperwork to fill out about pursuing Caleb's biological father through the Department of Social Services. I need to fill that out and get it turned in. 

     I have dropped my vaping habit almost entirely. I am now vaping 0 mg nicotine e-juice, and can go a day without vaping at all. 

     I think I am ready to check my glucose and take my morning medications. It is now 6:30 in the morning.