5 Year Journal Day 336

     Today's prompt is "What was the last risk you took?" I would probably have to say it was getting my both my traguses pierced with my septum by an apprentice. One tragus piercing ripped because it was not placed properly. 

     Yesterday was a recovery day from Monday. I was sore all over and tired beyond measure. I barely made it to my first appointment to get the quote for replacing the windows. I just wanted to stay in bed, although I did get up at 0530. I got my walk in, in the morning. I walked 1 mile at a 2 mph pace. That is slower than what I worked up to on Sunday, 2.2 mph. After the first appointment, I thought I had my appointment with Michal. I did not realize the time had changed to 1530 for the appointment. I decided to take a nap since I had to wait an hour. I fell into a deep sleep, and did not wake up for the zoom meeting. When I got up up, it after 1700. I wanted to take my medications and go back to sleep. Christinia reminded me that I was going to go out to CVS to pick up Caleb's medication and some ear plugs for him.

     I caught up with Michal after I got back home from CVS and putting gas in the car. We spoke for a few minutes, and caught up real quick. Her daughter is soon to be married in Israel, and Michal will be gone for a month.

     I ordered Harlee and Christinia some new clothes from zulily. All of Harlee's clothes arrived yesterday and she is so cute in them! Some of Christinia's clothes came too, along with some plants and books I ordered. 

     I ordered books on keto cooking, medicinal gardening, essential oils, kid's finance class, National Geographic books, and so many more. I know Christinia is like "Where are these going to go?" Little does she know that that is only the first of the books, and there are more coming. 

     I am so thirsty right now. It is now 0431.

     Today I am going to walk a mile, and I have the appointment with the solar panel company to get a quote. I am still waiting to hear back from the woman who gave me the cabinet replacement quote to see how long that quote is good for. I should be receiving my loan disbursement around noon today. I will be able to pay off my high interest debts as soon as it clears. 

     I have not been doing my Reiki practices lately. Maybe I should do that now, before anyone wakes up.

5 Year Journal Day 335

      Today's prompt is "Who inspires you?"  I am inspired by Michal who is a Reiki Master, a teacher, and influencer among women. 

     Today is Tuesday and it is now 0947. I have completed my morning routine, including my 1 mile walk on the incline trainer. I am ready to lay down to be honest. I have the first Harry Potter movie on in the background. 

     Today I have two appointments. One is to get a quote for replacing the windows in the house. The other appointment is my meeting with Michal. I have dishes to wash, and laundry to clean. I still have to clean the hallway carpet with the carpet cleaner. Caleb is riding bikes with his friend, Chase, right now. I got my application for life insurance completed and am waiting for the underwriting to be completed. 

     Yesterday was a big day for us. Just as I was getting dressed, after my shower, Monarch Roofing showed up to begin replacing my roof with a new one! For FREE! It was awesome, but I had to bring the Mazda to the dealership in Wilmington. They began working while Caleb and I were away. We returned after getting a rental car from Hertz. It was a Chevy Smart, and small as can be. When we arrived home, WWAY news was here and interviewing the crew! I was interviewed too and made the local news!

     Monarch Roofing provided a new 50 year warranty roof, Handyman Connection came and replaced most of the light switches for us for free, and Elite borders is coming on Wednesday to provide a garden border, new mulch, and a handicap accessible walkway that is level with the porch! 

     Pizza was provided by a local pizzeria for everyone here. There were soooo many people here! The front yard was full of vehicles, even stretching down the road. In the afternoon, I got the call that the Mazda was ready for pickup, and had to drive back to Wilmington. I was happy to not have to sit at the dealership all day though. On the way home, I met up with the camera crew from Monarch Roofing and completed another interview. I went home happy. 

     When I got home, I was happy to have the return to normalcy. The noise it takes to replace a roof is too much for me. I was exhausted. 

     I did not get my walk done. 

     Caleb was invited to go the trampoline park in Wilmington with Chase's family, so he was gone for a little while. 

     I went to bed without dinner. I just was not hungry. There was too much excitement going on. 

     I am glad Monarch Roofing had the whole crew here to complete the roof in one day. It was done before I made it back home from Wilmington the second time. It looks awesome, and now I feel safer.

     The next steps are possibly to replace the windows, but definitely to remove the mold in my closet where the roof was leaking. I still want to replace the cabinets in the kitchen, and the floor in the kitchen. We are waiting on the grant process with the VA to find out if I am having a walk-in tub put in the bathroom, before replacing the floor in there.  

     The next steps with the Mazda are to get an oil change, replace the tires, and get an alignment. 

     I still have to go the DMV to replace the registration sticker on the Volvo, because they only sent me a new card, but no sticker! The whole damned thing was lost. I need a sticker too! Ugh! Once I do that, I can schedule to go to Lumberton and see my dad. I have to get a AAA membership before that too. Then I can be there with directions on where to tow my Volvo to get it repaired and brought back to standard so it can be driven safely again. 

     I closed on the refinance home loan on Friday, but law requires a wait period before funding the loan. I am just waiting for that before I proceed with all the things I have planned. I will be able to pay off my high-interest debts with the cash-out. 

     Tomorrow I have someone coming by to give me a quote on solar panels for the house. Thursday, we go to get Caleb's psychological evaluation results, and he has therapy in the afternoon. Friday, Christinia and I have an appointment with the VA Caregiver Support program. 

     It's a busy week for sure! 

5 Year Journal Day 334

      Today's prompt is "What three words describe your family?"  Three words that describe my family are:  (in reference to me and Caleb) Autism Spectrum Disorder. 

     It is now 1214 on Friday. Yesterday I went to my endicrinologist for an appointment. I handled it well, considering how it made me feel last time I was there. Four months ago, I was there for the first time. I was there to be seen about my hormone levels in reference to possible menopause. I left there feeling fat shamed. This time was different. This time, I left there feeling like I was being helped.

     My A1c is 8.4. My LDL is 52. My kidneys and liver are in ok health. 

     The weather was nasty. I woke up at 0430, and it was thunder storming outside. I stayed up and walked my 1 mjle on the incline trainer. I started walking on the incline trainer the day before yesterday. I signed up for a virtual challenge to do 100 miles, so I intend to walk 100 miles over 100 days. 

     On Wednesday, I got the approval to close on my home refinance loan. I tried to call my dad with the good news but no one answered his phone, nor Dona Sharon's phone all day long, and the room phone was off the hook. I am closing later today. All this hard work is about to pay off. 

     Caleb had an interview with Timber Ridge Wednesday afternoon, and he was later denied for admission. I was not happy, and happy at the same time. I did not want him to go if the fit wasn't right, and clearly it wasn't. I am not pursuing any more PRTF's , or placements away from home. 

     Caleb also had an appointment with Ms. Kathy, his psychiatrist. We did not change his meds this month, but I did mention the ER visit for hallucination. 

     I went back to sleep earlier, and it is now 0458. 

     On Tuesday, I had my call with the VA pharmD. My glipizide was lowered to 2.5mg at night, and kept the same morning dose of 5mg. 

     When Monarch Roofing let people know what they were doing to help a veteran, other companies wanted to help too. On Tuesday, a handyman came over to see how many electrical sockets and light switches we needed to replace. 

     I was tired by the time it came to my call with Michal, and asked to reschedule. 

     Monday, I did not have any appointments, but one of the guys from another company stopped by to help a veteran too. His company wanted to add a garden border, new mulch, and a new entryway to the porch!

     Ohhh! I remember why I was so tired on Tuesday afternoon. It was because I went grocery shopping by myself at Walmart. I went into Walmart to get Christinia's medication, and a few groceries, but ended up with a full cart! Caleb stayed at home to get his room clean, so I did not have his help.

     Today I close on the refinance home loan at 1100. That is the only appointment I have. I still have to clean the kitchen if I want to make dinner, and clean the hallway carpet. I will be walking my 3rd mile today, on the incline trainer. Hopefully it is easier today than yesterday and the day before.

     Christinia wants to go see a rescued dog on Saturday. I don't know if I will be up to it. I'm feeling slow, heavy, and sore all over. 

     Monarch Roofing will be over early in the morning to begin work on the roof on Monday. I am getting an estimate on how much it would cost to replace the all the windows in the house from Lowe's on Tuesday, and then having my meeting with Michal. I am getting a solar panel estimate from Cape Fear Solar on Wednesday. Caleb and I are going to get his psychological evaluation report on Thursday. On Friday, Christinia and I have a virtual VA assessment for the caregiver assistance program. So, there is not as much as had been going on previously during the week. I still have to wait for Hayley to text me on Monday with Caleb's in-home-intensive therapy appointments for the week. I am still waiting for the Mazda dealership to call when they get the parts they need to fix my mini van to go and drop it off. 

     I have organized most of the files I am working with these days and set the outdated ones in a separate drawer of the filing cabinet. I am attempting to get organized in the way I use to be, so I am more efficient with my time. I still need to clean my room, and my bathroom. I still have a mess beside and behind my chair at the dinner table. I did manage to get up the water filters and put them to use. I did manage to begin reloading the dishwasher. I have been busy keeping up with the document requests from Veterans United Home Loans all this time. 

     Yesterday I made an appointment for Christinia and me to get another matching tattoo. I have a photo of the one I want, " ; I.G.Y. 6. " 

     I have to do another 2 weeks of blood pressure monitoring, now that my medication has been increased. 

     I started taking a supplement that is supposed to help with inflammation. It has ginger, tumeric, bioperine, and one other main ingredient in it. It has only been a few days. I do not know how long it takes this stuff the work, but I did not have inflammation in my legs last night. I am also taking a supplement with apple cider vinegar and cayenne pepper in it. I have a cayenne pepper supplement coming in the mail. It is supposed to help with my metabolism.

     I orderd alot of books the other day, from Zulily. I do not know when they will arrive. I can't wait to read them! I want more books, but I have not decided to place the order just yet. Most of those are National Geographic books and school workbooks for Caleb. The books I bought are about all kinds of things I am interested in. Spirituality, wellness, and health, finances, child-rearing and parenting, and cooking! Also crystals, Reiki, essential oils, card decks, and books about the life of Jesus.   

     I guess it's about time to get my morning routine done. I have about 50 pills to digest before I can do my walk for the day, and then I will likely need to cool down and shower. Caleb is not up yet, surprisingly. 

     

5 Year Journal Day 333

      Today's prompt is "How much water did you drink today?" I just got up and it is 0305 now. I have not had much water today yet. 

     Yesterday was a busy day. It was Sunday and I wanted to get the hallway carpet cleaned up. I began to vacuum after I completed my full morning routine, but the vacuum was suffering problems. I chose to go to Lowe's to replace it with a new vacuum. I took Caleb with me and we walked around looking at all the seasonal stuff for Summer, after we loaded the chosen vacuum in the cart. I ended up buying some meat seasonings from the grilling section and some discounted paints from the paint section. 

     I had on a bright red lipstick to help me clean the floor. I don't know, I just wanted to wear it. Anyway, I went out with it on, and apparently caught some women's attention as they were walking by together while I was looking around the paint section. I did not hear what they said, but caught on the word lipstick as they looked at me. I felt bad but kept on going with my mission. I came home and when Christinia was awake, told her about it and how it made me feel. 

     We put together the new vacuum and I vacuumed what waws left on the hallway floor. Harlee woke up and soon after so did Christinia. 

     We ended up going to Walmart in the afternoon and I bought Caleb some much needed underwear, socks, and shorts. He is 13 and a few months old, but is wearing men's sizes already! I needed face moisturizer, and Christinia bought Harlee a kid-friendly tablet. The girls both needed new shoes, so we found some cool ones. Then, of course, we had to pick up food groceries. When we got home, my face felt like it was burning, and I was tired so I took a nap. 

     I wanted to make burgers and a salad, but did not have the energy when I got up. That pretty much describes my day.

     Saturday, I managed to catch up on the kitchen cleaning. That didn't take me too long, but it did make tired. I didn't do much else.

     Friday, Caleb and I went to the Mazda dealership to have the drive belts replaced and an update on services needed. I need my rear brakes replaced, a coolant service done, tires replaced on the right side, and a 100,000 mile tune up. I plan to get all that done with the help of my refinance loan going through.

     Hopefully, if all goes well, I will close on my home refinance loan this week. 

     Thursday was my mom's birthday, and St. Patrick's Day too. Inklanation had a piercing sale for $25 each, so I just had to go! I got both my tragus pierced, as well as my septum. I wanted my belly button pierced, but was told i have too much of an outtie. 

     Today marks the beginning of month 2 of my Virta/keto diet. The differences from week 1 to week 4 are : weight (0.1655 lbs. lost), glucose (20.0477 drop), and ketones (0.05 drop). It's not what I was expecting, but it's a good start. My coach tells me not to focus on weight loss so much, as that is usually the last thing to happen. My weekly report from the app states that my A1c estimation is 7.3-7.7%, which is a drop from 9.8% August 5th, 2021. My ketones actually increased the past week by 0.3 mmol/L, and my weight increased last week by 2.5 lbs. Since starting Virta last year, though, I have lost 15.2 lbs. 

     I hope to begin walking a little bit at a time on my incline trainer once my blood pressure medications are changed. I also have been suffering from tight calves because I started wearing my new diabetic shoes with custom insoles, and lift. I have to break the shoes in before I can walk comfortably for any distance. I am doing better than I was.

     Today I have to clean the hallway carpet where Bella had accidents. I also need to cook my meats and make a salad. I am waiting to hear about my refinance loan.

     Tomorrow I have a phone appointment with the VA pharmD, an appointment with Monarch Roofing, and a video call with Michal.

     Wednesday, Caleb has an interview with Timber Ridge by video call, and his psychiatrist appointment.

     Thursday, I have a follow up with Endocrinology.

     Friday is free and clear so far!

     Every Tuesday afternoon, I meet with Michal by video call. Last week we decided that I should be making my morning routine with Reiki and permanent thing. It makes my day so much easier when I have given myself Reiki before everyone wakes up. I was not successful at keeping formal Reiki in my routine this past week. The only day I did do formal Reiki routine was yesterday morning. I gave myself 22 minutes of Reiki and closed out the session. I just felt like I needed more than 10 minutes and I should let my body determine what I need. I will likely do a session today too.

     I never followed up with the Qi-Gong exercise that Michal suggested, and I should definitely try that.

     I am almost finished with my 5 year journal. It is actually taking me almost 3 years to complete a one year cycle because I am not writing everyday. I will not continue it for another 4 years, LOL. I have other writing and journaling prompts I would like to explore. 

     

5 Year Journal Day 332

      Today's prompt is "Who have you deleted from your contacts/address book?" No one yet, but I need to! LOL

     Yesterday was a busy day. I woke up at 0700 and began working right away. I began working on getting the forms sent to me by my VA providers through myhealthevet. One of them was a blood pressure worksheet, and the other was for my therapy appointment. I then went to my dad's account and refilled his medications that had refills, and requested refills to be ordered on the medications that did not have refills. I then emailed his provider asking that they overnight his medications that were requested by the ER doctor. I also asked them to schedule a follow up appointment for dad's labs that were requested from the ER doctor.  

     I then began working on updating my Virta spreadsheet that has my glucose, ketone, and weight log. After that, I updated my blood pressure readings on the other spreadsheet. Then I went and updated my bills spreadsheet, as I waited for my 0930 therapy appointment. I updated the balances left on my credit cards, and I am slowly paying down my debts. 

     I had my therapy appointment via video call, and it went well. We did a tapping therapy that left me sleepy. Once the appointment was over, I got an email to review a document regarding the home loan refinance. It was the appraisal! The house was appraised for more than we estimated, and it was such good news that there were no problems listed that needed to be fixed before we can close the loan. 

     I got a call from my mom, and spoke to her on her way home for her lunch hour. I wished her an early Happy birthday. Her birthday is today, St. Patrick's Day. 

     I called my dad, and let him know the good news about the appraisal, and also that my mom called me. He asks me every time I call him, "Did Marie call you today?" He began asking me a question about why did she leave us for Dennis, and I had to tell him that I was not willing to talk about that right now. I told him how I was feeling, that I felt like my sugar was low and I needed to eat. My sugar ended up being 86. I only had snack slice of Colby Jack cheese for breakfast. 

     Christinia made me a plate of leftover boneless pork ribs for lunch. I then went to lay down for a little while and rest. I got a call from Tim Langdon at Veterans United Home Loans, and spoke to him about the changes to my refinance loan. It went well, and I was happy. 

      Around 1400, I got up from bed and gave Caleb his medications. I only had a short while before needing to drive Harlee and Christinia to Harlee's doctor appointment, so I stayed up. Caleb and I sat in the car for an hour while Harlee was having her appointment. We stopped for gas on the way home, and then came home. 

     Around 1700, I asked Christinia, "When is dinner?" and she got mad and walked away talking to herself. It was an honest question. I asked her earlier if minded having steak for dinner, and I thought she would be the one cooking. She left the room saying "Make your own dinner." I did not deserve this kind of treatment. Cooking a steak takes less than 10 minutes on the stove top. I wasn't going to cook for only myself, I never do that. I decided to have ham and Swiss cheese rollups so I could eat quickly, take my night time medications, and go to bed. 

     Earlier we got a call to make the next appointment with the VA caregiver program. I do not know if we should continue with it, if she has a problem being civil about dinner. 

     As I laid down in bed, I began questioning our relationship. She has mentioned getting married to me before, and typed that she loves me, but when I told her, " I love you girl" yesterday, she did not respond. She has a hard time being gentle with Caleb, and I do not know that leaving him with her is the best choice for him, when I die. I am currently trying to get life insurance. I want Caleb to be able to keep this house. I have had alot of repairs made so far. 

      I am no longer interested in marrying anyone. 

      I have enough problems of my own. I do not need more problems to deal with. I am working on myself to make myself better, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I want to be with someone who is doing the same thing, investing in him/herself. 

      Today I have a fasting lab at 0840. I cannot wait until that is over. I am so thirsty for my gatorade. I have 2 appointments back to back in Wilmington in the afternoon, and more labs to be done. I am going to prepare a corned beef brisket before I leave this morning in the crockpot for dinner. Apparently I cannot rely on Christinia to make me dinner. 

     Tomorrow I go back to Wilmington to have the Mazda worked on. That may take a couple of hours, and I am not looking forward to sitting there waiting. Maybe I can bring some books?  

     Caleb completed his pysch eval on Tuesday and we will get the results on March 31. Hopefully the refinance will be complete within a week. I have to do my Reiki practice this morning. I did not do it yesterday morning. I have a budget worked out on how to allocate the money from the cash-out refinance. I am going to continue to work on the house and get the cars fixed. That will reduce my anxiety and worries alot. 

5 Year Journal Day 331

      Today's prompt is "What is your favorite brunch food?" I like the ultimate omelet from Denny's.

     Today is Sunday, and it is 0414. I keep waking up, even though I am now taking Trazadone 50 mg before I go to bed. Yesterday was a busy day, although I did not intend it to be. I got out of bed around 1030. That is late for me. I usually get up when my alarm goes off at 0700. I took Caleb to run errands with me and we made a full loop around town. First we stopped at Amsterdam Life to see if they any replacement coils for my e-cigarette. They did! Then we went to Food Lion to get some Diet Mountain Dews on Sale. I bought other groceries too. The next stop was the gas station to fill the gas tank of the Mazda. From there we went to Walmart to get the rest of what was on our shopping list. After that, we went to Lowes Home Improvement to pick up some supplies to fix the house. Our last stop was CVS to pick up Caleb's medications. 

     When we got home, I knew we still had what we what planned on doing for the day to do. Man, that was alot of running around! 

     After I took a break and had something for lunch, we went to my bedroom to start cleaning up. Christinia and Caleb worked together on my closet ceiling, and I began picking stuff up off the floor, and folding clean laundry. We worked until my back started hurting, and I needed to stop. My room is still a disaster, but it is less of a disaster than it was. I now have my underwear, bras, and socks where they belong in the drawers. Once the paint in the closet is dry, I can hang the rest of my clothes up, and we will have at least 2 empty laundry baskets! 

     It was getting late in the day, and I had to switch gears to make dinner. I started cooking the broccoli I bought earlier from Food Lion, in the oven. I then cooked asparagus and snap peas. Then I cooked a variety of mushrooms including some exotic types like oyster mushrooms and Maitake mushrooms. Last, but not least, I roasted some chicken breasts, and then I was done cooking for the day!

     Apparently my dad had a bad health day. He threw up 14 times, according to Dona Sharon, and was not doing well. I called in the morning and no one answered. I called in the afternoon and Dona Sharon said that my dad was sleeping. She said she sent me some messages, but I never received any messages from her. I found out way late in the day that my dad was not doing well. When I found out the situation I told them he needed to go to the ER, and I was tempted to call an ambulance. I begged my dad to go the ER, and not wait. I got a message around 2030 or so that he had been picked up to go to the hospital. I had already fallen asleep and did not hear the phone ring at all. 

     Friday night was a disaster for Caleb. He threw a fit ... and now I can't even remember what the issue was. Later on he had a hallucination, and I took him to the ER. He was medically cleared, but since there was no psychiatrist on staff, there was not much they could do other than rule out things by labs. Caleb was sent home with instructions to follow up with his psychiatrist. 

     Caleb is undergoing a psychiatric evaluation at the present time. He started the process last week, and will finish testing on Tuesday morning. I will get the results on March 31st. So far, it looks like Caleb has mild to moderate Autism. I will have to report the ER visit when his appointment comes on Tuesday. 

     I reached out for help to my psychiatrist for anxiety and trouble sleeping and she prescribed new medications to help. I am now taking a low dose of Hydroxyzine several times during the day, and it helps me feel less overwhelmed. I am now taking a low dose of Trazadone to help me sleep, and I do not know that it helps much. I still wake up over and over again throughout the night. 

     I do not know if I wrote about my ER visit recently. I went to the ER for chest pain, and a blood pressure reading of 173/122. I was there for several hours. I was given Nitroglycerin tablet, Nitroglycerin patch, and some other stuff too. I had an ekg and labs to rule a heart attack. I had a chest x-ray too. Labs showed no heart attacks. I was able to go home, which is what I wanted, after my blood pressure was in a safe range. I was instructed to follow up with cardiologist. I followed up with the Women's Clinic at the VA in Wilmington, trying to get blood pressure medication right away because my blood pressure rose the next day and was staying high. Ms. Miller wanted me to observe and log my blood pressure readings for 2 weeks before she decided to change my blood pressure medications. I do not know if she referred me to a cardiologist. I will have to follow up with her about that.  

     I was hoping that the anxiety medication would help me reduce my blood pressure, but it seems to have little effect on it. I stopped taking my thermogenic stack, just in case it was causing my blood pressure to be high. It doesn't appear to have any effect that I quit taking it. 

     I am starting week 4 of the Virta keto diet on Monday. The only cheat I had was the cheetos on the way home from the ER that one day, and some on the following day too. I am still trying to get my ketones up. I am unsure if I have lost any weight, because 1) I was on my period week, and 2) the digital scale readings are not consistent. One day I weigh 320 lbs, and the next day I weigh 296 lbs. So, I am unsure. Once I get my blood pressure under control. I will start walking on the incline trainer to earn my 100 mile medal. I figure I can break it up into smaller pieces and walk a little multiple times a day to walk at least one mile a day. It is a part of the virtual challenge I signed up for, and I am so excited to have a motivating reason to walk!

     We had planned on going to the St. Patrick's Day parade, but all of us slept in, and were so tired yesterday. It rained on and off, and the weather was just not right to be outside for a parade. 

     This coming up week is going to be busy. I need to rest today, and work on my room at the same time. Monday morning the VA appraiser is coming to appraise the house. Tuesday morning, Caleb has his psych eval appointment. I then have an appointment that has to be with Christinia, by phone, with the VA for 2 hours. Later in the afternoon, I have my regularly scheduled appointment with Michal for the Ignite Your Light program. On Wednesday morning, I have therapy on a video call with Mr. Dillon from the VA, and later in the afternoon Harlee has a pediatric appointment in the office. On Thursday, I have to go to Leland for labs for the endocrinologist office, and later in the afternoon I have 2 appointments back to back at the VA. One is for occupational therapy, and the other is for speech therapy/memory loss. I also have to remember to show up early enough to have my labs taken at the VA. I need a full bladder! On Friday I am taking the Mazda to the dealership to have the drive belts replaced. Sooo.... yeah, busy, busy, busy! That's not including the regular activities like Caleb's 3 times a week in-home-intensive therapy. 

     I don't know if I wrote about Pride Restoration coming over and doing an estimate on the cost of fixing my closet mold issue. We thought it might be the water pipes I had put in a few years ago, but it wasn't. The roof is leaking into my closet! Oh man! So glad to have won a FREE ROOF! I can't wait for them to replace my roof now.  Christinia put some Killz on the mold for now, as that's all we can do for the time being. Monarch Roofing will come over and put a tarp to cover it soon, because they are scheduled a few weeks out and can not replace the roof right away.

     Chrisitinia and I are attempting to prepare for the worst. If I die, what do I want to happen? I need a will and some other documents. I am attempting to get life insurance, but most companies do not want to cover me because of my medical history, so finding one that will accept me is hard. She has mentioned getting married for the sake of our kids. 

     Jonathan Rivera is now up for the child support case. Nigel Johnson, my ex-husband, has been cleared and is not Caleb's father. We knew that to begin with but because I was legally still married to him when Caleb was conceived and born, he had to be ruled out first. Rivera has to be ruled out because he signed the birth certificate. He is scheduled to take the DNA test on March 21, and the test results won't be back in time for the court hearing in April, so the hearing will be continued until the beginning of May. Once Rivera is proven to not be Caleb's father, the suspected father will be searched for and notified to take the DNA test. Jamie McCurry is the suspected father. We already know Rivera is not the father because we took a DNA test many years ago in a private lab. We suspect Jamie McCurry because he served in Korea during the time I did and is genetically related to Caleb as shown by Ancestry.com. He has so far denied knowing me, and refuses to take a even an Ancestry.com test to rule him out as Caleb's father. Once he is proven to be his father, I am pressing charges with CID. 

     We are working on getting Caregiver Assistance through the VA for me. We are still working on getting medical records to VA about Christinia's VA claim. My dad is using a lawyer to file his claims, but so far it doesn't seem to be making a positive impact. He was still denied on multiple claims. He is filing for Aid & Attendance through VA, and was denied. Why? I don't know. He is legally blind and cannot administer his insulin himself, nor his other medications. He cannot drive. It's a mess. Meanwhile, he is living in a cheap motel, waiting for something to change in his favor. It sucks. I don't want him there. I want him in his own home close to where I live. 

     I am not watching the news at all. I am too sensitive. I use my dad as a filter because he watches the news constantly everyday. He tells me what I need to know. The stuff happening in the Ukraine is heart breaking. I pray for the refugees, as that is all that is in my power to do. It weighs heavily on me because I do not want World War 3 to happen, and yet, I sense this is the beginning of it. Mathew may be deployed to support NATO countries. Apparently Eric is no longer serving in the Army, according to my mom. 

     I wish I could contact Mathew. It would really help me process what is going with him regarding this war. I pray for him and his family too. 

     I was doing good on doing my Reiki in the morning up until yesterday. I did not do Reiki at all yesterday. I still had a very good and productive day though. I was tired, and fighting the weather all day long. When it rains, and is dark outside, it really affects me. I will do my formal Reiki practice this morning before Caleb wakes up again. He was awake when I got out of bed. He was drinking one of his Pepsi sodas. 

     We are waiting for the psych test results to submit the completed application to Timer Ridge. The rest of his application has already been submitted. We are just waiting for a psych eval result with IQ testing. Hopefully things will work in Caleb's favor to be admitted and approved by Trillium/Medicaid.  I do not know what I will do for 4-6 months without Caleb when he is accepted and approved. 

     I think Harlee has a TEACH evaluation coming up. TEACH is the organization that evaluates for Autism in North Carolina. She will be starting school in the Fall, and I need to get the application for enrollment for Christinia to fill out. She is worried about how Harlee will do on the bus, and at school, being with strangers and not being able to communicate effectively if something bad happens. I understand her concerns and hope to help ease her worries. 

     Bella is snoring on the couch.

      It is now 0541. Caleb is on restriction for 2 weeks starting Friday night for not going to his bedroom when told to go more than once. Actually, for actively making the decision the to not go to his room after being given the opportunity to decide. He will have no tv, phone, or going to visit Jerry. 

     I have to update my bio markers spreadsheets, so I think I will do that now. Blessed Be~!

5 Year Journal Day 330

      Today's prompt is "What are you trying to do?" I am trying to change the world, with one act of kindness at a time. I am investing in the future by raising my son to do things the right way, to the best of my ability. I am raising my dog to love and be loved at all times. I am spreading love, light, and healing everyday through my Reiki practice, prayers, and meditation. I am doing my best at investing in my own health and wellness by getting back on track with the Virta program to reverse my diabetes, continuing the Ignite Your Light program with Michal, and continuing the Reiki training with Michal to become a Reiki Master. I am going to learn more about crystals and their healing powers. I already have my own collection, but I don't remember as much as I would like to. I am currently going to therapy to help heal some inner wounds, but I am also working with Michal, at my own expense, to do the same thing with different methods.  

     I would like to one day write a book and have it published. 

     I am also trying to fix my house. It was built in 1986, and was not in good condition when I bought it. I have not had the money to do what is needed to repair things as they break, but I recently qualified for a personal loan, and am using that to do get as much done as I can. So far I have had an electrician bring the wire running from the circuit breaker to the outside outlet to code, repaired the lights in the laundry room and hallway, had black mold removed from under the kitchen sink, had the refrigerator replaced, had the brush, bushes and trees removed from around the house, had the outside of the house repaired, had the outside of the house painted, and had the hallway bathroom ceiling repaired with a new ceiling fan installed. It might not seem like alot, but everything costs so much money to get help to fix things around the house. I am not able to repair things on my own, because I am either ignorant of how to do things, don't have the tools, and/or can't physically do them. 

     It is now 0458 and I have been up for about an hour or so. I could not sleep as I got too warm and was sweating. Yesterday was a busy day for me. I woke up around 0900 or so, and after Caleb and I did our morning routines together, we went to run errands. I knew I needed to go to CVS to pick up his medication, and put gas in the car, so I went ahead and stopped at Walmart first. I did not have many things on my list to buy, but it's always a good place to start since I was heading out that way anyway. So the routine is, Walmart grocery shopping, then stop at gas station, and stop at CVS on the way home. That's what we did. 

     I woke up and was not ready to get up, but it was getting late for me, and both Caleb and I needed to get our meds. After the running around, we came home. I had roast beef sandwich meat and sharp cheddar cheese chunks for a quick lunch. I was trying to hurry home to be there for the delivery of my bidet. It did not come during the scheduled time window. I was tired and needed to rest, so I went to lay down in bed until my next appointment with Monarch Roofing. That was scheduled for 1400. I got up at 1350, and flossed my teeth in preparation for being on video. A group of Monarch Roofing employees showed up, and kind of threw me off guard. I thought I would meet with 2 people at most. They brought with them good news. I had won the free roof through their roofs for vets program!

     I was able to choose my roof color and it was so exciting... the whole thing! I was presented with one those big checks for a free roof, and pictures were taken and video was taken. It was awesome!

     Shortly after the team left, the bidet was delivered and installed. It was just the attachable toilet seat, but man, is it nice! VA ordered it for me through the occupational therapy office. I was embarrassed that I had not prepared for it to be installed and my bedroom and my bathroom were disgusting, but the installer did not make me feel badly. I apologized so many times for the conditions he was working in and even tried to lighten the mood by joking with him. 

     After he left, I went to Food Lion to buy some veggies for my salad. I totally forgot about Caleb's therapy appointment at 1600, but I left him home so he could eat the pizza he just made anyway. I got back home after 1630, with the groceries, and felt badly. I bought a family size rotisserie chicken and quickly began eating, figuring my glucose was getting low. My glucose was 104 immediately after I ate half a chicken by myself. I spoke with Hailey, the team lead and one of Caleb;s therapists, about how the past week has been with Caleb. He has not been cooperating to get his schoolwork done, but we also have not been at home everyday either. It can be hard to work on a flexible schedule without routine. I have to manage to do it myself, so I know it is not easy, but it has to be done. 

     After I ate, I was feeling better, and I thought I might be able to clean the kitchen and get some cooking done, but that did not happen. I went to lay down after Hailey left, to rest. I got up to take my medications, but then returned to bed. I was not feeling well. After laying there and having chest pains, I went to check my blood pressure on my machine. My blood pressure was 173/122, very high! I looked it up on google, and that is within stroke range, so I quickly went to to tell Christinia that I needed to go to the emergency room. I was going to go by myself so no one would have to wait for me, but Caleb quickly said, "You are not going alone!" Caleb went to the hospital with me and endured the waiting for several hours. After an Ekg , chest x-ray, and labs, it was found that I did not have a heart attack, but did have fluid in my lungs. The doctor wanted me to stay for observation overnight, but it was so hot there, and I was too uncomfortable. I asked if I could be discharged after the second set of labs, pending no problems, because there was no one to take Caleb home. I could not wait to be in my own bed, with the air conditioning blasting ! I was sweating and so uncomfortable in that bed at the ER. I was discharged and we got home around 2330. I gave Caleb his medications and said goodnight to everybody and went to bed.

     Last weekend we went to Lumberton to try to pick up the Volvo from my dad. We left on Saturday and returned on Sunday. We didn't bring the Volvo home because we could not get it started, even with a new battery. Something electrical is wrong with it, and it needs to be sent to the dealership to have it correctly fixed. I am still working on finding a way to make that happen, because I have little money right now. It will just have to wait. Anyway, it was good to see my dad. Christinia took some photos of Caleb, my dad, and me together that came really good. I was supposed to pick up a bike that my dad found too, but there was no room in the Mazda to put it. After all the Mazda is a compact mini van, and already held 4 people plus a dog and our luggage. It was fully packed in there. I was going to disassemble the wheels from the bike and put it in the back seat of the Volvo to bring it home, but since we did not fix the Volvo and bring it home, I just left the bike. I should have disassembled it and put it in the back seat of the Volvo to get it out my dad's motel room. Thay have such little space in their room, and the bike is in the way of them walking out the door. 

     On Saturday we went to eat Mexican food for dinner. I had the 3 meat fajitas with queso. It was delicious. It was Christinia's treat for everybody, and she picked up the tab. On Sunday, we went to Denny's for breakfast. It was a long night in between, where no one was able to sleep. I could not get my CPAP to work correctly because the mask needed replacing. It was so loud from the air escaping, that eventually I gave up and turned it off. I could not sleep with it, and had a hard time sleeping without it. Christinia could not sleep either. The beds are so uncomfortable. You can feel the coils in the mattresses. Not only that, but as soon as Christinia laid down, and moved the top "blanket", she found a mouse dropping in the sheet, and a roach crawled out from under the sheet. Harlee was rolling around on the bed she shared with Christinia, and kept her from a good night's sleep. Caleb did not keep me from sleeping. My sleep apnea, and the mattress did that. My back was hurting and I could not get comfortable. I could not wait to get back home.

     Today is Tuesday. I still have to clean the kitchen and do my meal prep. It is looking more and more like that won't happen this week, and I may just have to do a little at a time, rather than doing everything in one day. I have 2 appointments today. One appointment is at the Wilmington VA clinic for speech therapy. Speech therapy is the gatekeeper to getting help for my memory problems, and they will do an evaluation once I get there. I may have a traumatic brain injury, I don't know. The second appointment is a video call with Michal. She is helping me heal my inner wounds in order to be a more effective Reiki practitioner. 

     Tomorrow, I have a video call with the VA therapist in the morning, and Christinia has a dental appointment for her tooth pain in the afternoon in Wilmington. Stacy is going to come by on Wednesday too to help me with a probable leak in the attic.

     I scheduled the VA appraisal yesterday for this coming up Monday morning. I need to get my room and bathroom cleaned up. I need Caleb to clean his room too. There is just so much work to be done around here, it is not even funny. I can't wait for the work to be done so I don't have to worry about it anymore.  

     I am cooled off now. I'm not sleepy, but I think I might go lay down and rest anyway. I have to try to get alot done today. It is now 0600. 

5 Year Journal Day 329

      Today's prompt is " What are your favorite shoes?" My favorite shoes are my diabetic shoes with my custom insoles and lift. It's what I wear everyday.

     Yesterday was a pretty good day. I woke up around 7 something. I took my meds, and ate a small breakfast of leftovers of my meal prep foods. I gave Caleb his meds. I did my Reiki practice. I started to clear a path in my bedroom since the floor is cluttered with stuff. I was trying to get Caleb to clean up his room too, but he ended up helping me with my room. I had a small lunch of ham and cheese. I roasted potatoes for Caleb. Raven came earlier and finished the paint job on the outside of the house. I washed a few dishes and cleaned off the stove top and counter. I prepped some veggies to roast later.

      I had an appointment with VA VR&E for independent living track. It required a virtual home tour, which is why I was trying to clean my room and bathroom in the morning. We are putting in a packet for changes to make to the house to help me do things on my own. One of the things will be an accessible shower. Another thing will be an ADA toilet. Hopefully they get approved. 

     Caleb had therapy in the afternoon. I ended up filling out some paperwork needed to get him into Timber Ridge. 

     I started making a salad and realized that some of my veggies went bad before I could use them. I went to Food Lion to replace the veggies, and while leaving was stopped and was asked if I left my bags in the cart a few days ago. I couldn't remember the last time I went to Food Lion, so I did not know. I went to see the bags, and Yes! They were mine! I came home and finished making a huge leafy green salad. It was awesome! 

     Romaine lettuce, green leaf lettuce, red leaf lettuce, cucumbers, red onions, feta stuffed olives, roasted red peppers, shredded cheddar cheese, pepperocini peppers, tri-color bell peppers. sliced white mushrooms, and a new sugar-free balsamic vinaigrette! Yummy!

     I finally got a call from Monarch Roofing. We scheduled an appointment for them to come out.

     Today is Saturday and it is now 0455. I am going to visit my dad today, and pick up the Volvo. I don't know why I am up so early. It was about 0415 when I got out of bed. I just couldn't sleep anymore. I could stay in bed all day though. 

     I am looking forward to being able to schedule the VA appraisal next week and get this refinancing business back on track and over with. 

     I am having a bidet delivered from the VA on Monday and the appointment with Monarch Roofing. On Tuesday I go to the VA clinic for speech therapy to examine my memory problems. Later on I have a video call with Michal for Ignite Your Light program. On Wednesday I have a VA therapy video call, and later in the day is Christinia's dental appointment. Thursday Caleb begins his psychological evaluation appointments. Friday is clear so far. Caleb's therapy appointments get scheduled during the day on Monday, and those are 3 times a week. Caleb has also been referred to a podiatrist about his toe nail fungus, so I have to make that appointment. That's alot of stuff going on during next week!

     I recently bought some meditations from TealSwan that I would like to incorporate into my days. I have also purchased a 30 day program for empaths that I want to start. I signed up for my first virtual challenge. The challenge is to walk, run, swim, canoe, kayak, skate, or anything else... for 100 miles. I am going to walk of course. I will get a medal for completing the challenge. I have not started yet, but I will soon. 

     I fought myself about buying more crystals, and in the end I choose to buy them. I have crystals everywhere in my house. I like how I feel around them, and could not resist the sale that was going on for limited quantity items. At the same time, I am trying to not spend money, and get out of debt as quickly as possible. It's a hard road to travel. Right now my expenses are greater than my income. I am looking for ways to change that. As the temperatures get warmer, the electric bill will get higher and so I am trying to prepare for that too. 

     I had trouble with Caleb last week. I could not get him to do his school work. He just was not willing to cooperate and wanted to argue and get mad. Knowing that the VA appraiser is going to be taking pictures of the house, I wanted him to then clean his room in preparation for that. He went to his room, but it's nowhere near clean. I don't know what to do with this kid some days. It feels impossible to get him to see that education is important and you have to do it... that cleaning your room and keeping it clean is important too. I don't know what it is about teenage boys, but I know this is a common problem I am facing. I try to tell him that we are on the same team and need to work together. He agrees and says he understands, but when it comes to things he does not want to do, well... that's a different story. I am getting less arguments when it comes to taking the trash and recycling out, and when it comes to unloading the dishwasher and/or dish strainer, so that's a good thing. He wants to go the neighbor's house, Jerry's, all the time, but doesn't understand that we have to get our work done before we can play. Sometimes I just have to give up because I have my own work to get done that the household relies on. My dad says I am too soft and I should "put the fear of God in him." I can't follow his advice, because I haven't forgotten that he choked a 10 year old Caleb on 2 separate occasions leading him to be forcibly removed from my house due to social services being contacted and getting involved. I'm not going to be violent in my approach. I'm better than that, and it doesn't take violence to be a good parent. Going to Timber Ridge will help Caleb with his O.D.D. and ADHD.

     I have been back on the Virta Keto Diet since Feb 21, 2022. I am standing strong in my convictions and motivation to make this a lifestyle in the most economic and stress-free way possible. I have been doing meal prep at the beginning of the week, where I spend several hours cooking my meals for the weel ahead. It is worth it to have my foods readily available, and not have to cook a meal every time I need to eat, which is 3 times a day. Not only is that alot of dirty dishes, and cleaning up, but it's not efficient. Meal prepping has been the answer to keeping on track so far. I am not seeing weight loss yet, but I am about to start my period and think I am likely retaining water. I have been in nutritional ketosis every day this week so far. I am feeling better about my choices every time I follow through with the plan I set for myself. I have not cheated once since starting, by eating non-Virta-friendly foods.

     I have been trying to ground myself in Reiki every morning, and before I fall asleep. I am a Level 2 practitioner now, and will be starting the Master program in May, and graduate in August. I am scheduled to take a Reiki refresher course coming up on a Sunday soon. I like working with the women from Michal's organization, Beacons of Change. Recently on one of my one-on-one video calls with Michal, she suggested that I try Qi-Gong with my Reiki practice, since I mentioned to her that I was looking for a gentle yoga practice to increase my mobility and flexibility. I have not tried it yet, but need to schedule some time to do that.   

     I helped Christinia complete her statistics class. It's finally over! Man what a headache! As much as I could use the extra money from the remainder of my GI bill, I know I can not go back to school. I just can't do it right now, or anytime soon. It requires alot of concentration and scheduling would not be fun considering everything I already have to do. Now, Christinia is on her second "semester" (8 weeks) of classes, and she does not need my help for those classes. 

     Harlee has an appointment soon with TEACH to evaluate her for Autism. I remember when I was having Caleb evaluated at that age or so. I had so many appointments to get him evaluated by so many professionals it was ridiculous. He ended up in speech therapy, occupational therapy, and eventually in special education, talk therapy, and psychiatry. Now Caleb is going to get another psychological evaluation because it is required by Timber Ridge, but also because we need to know if he is bipolar or what is going on in his head exactly. He doesn't like talking in therapy about the things that he needs to be talking about. He avoids conversations about the things that trigger him and bother him, and how he feels about things. 

     Last week I took Caleb to the emergency room because his right big toe was hurting him so much he was bawling and moaning. After a few hours of waiting, we left with a new prescription and a referral to the podiatrist. When I got home, it occurred to me to try something. I made a foot soak of hot water and apple cider vinegar for him to put his feet, but especially his toes in. Guess what? It helped! I made a second foot soak for him the following day to follow up. The color of his toe nails changed from to dark almost black looking, to more gray , almost white looking. I think we may have killed the fungus. I am still going to use the medication prescribed, and call the podiatrist for an appointment. Caleb needs helps safely cutting his toe nails as they are growing curved into his toes now. They are not piercing the skin, but if left, probably will. 

     I am still trying to get Christinia's medical records to the VA so they can continue her claim with them rather than without them. We found out that her doctor's office did not have release form from her to be able to give the VA a copy of her records directly when they requested them. They never contacted her about that. She had to find out what the problem was when she got a letter from the VA stating they were unable to retrieve her records from the office, twice! 

     I am trying to get Christinia to get seen by a doctor for her digestive issues. She hates doctors and so it is not easy to persuade her to make an appointment and go get evaluated. 

     It is now 0600 and the birds outside are singing. 

     Raven did such a good job on the paint outside the house. I am so happy that is finally done. It looks like a new house! I gave her a gift bag to show my appreciation. I collected excess items around the house that I have collected and need to purge , and were new, and gifted them to her. She really liked it, as it was alot of witchy stuff like sage, a candle, incense, rose water... that type of stuff. We are going to stay in contact with eachother. We are both single moms. She has a 15 year old and an 8 year old, if I am not mistaken. I asked her if we could get the kids together sometime. I think they would have fun together at the beach or something like that. 

     Travis text messaged me the other day with an update. He is still homeless and looking for a place to live that he can afford. I guess he is still living out of his truck or a motel in Whiteville. He is 100% disabled by the VA. The only reason he "can't find a place to live" is because he does not want to spend the money it takes to rent a place or buy a place. He has prioritized his bills and debts over a place to live. I think this is really stupid, and I told him so. A safe place to live is a necessity, not a want. I don't understand his decision-making and I get frustrated by him so I don't have long conversations with him. I wish I could help him, but he doesn't listen to me. He is hard-headed. All I can do is pray about it. 

     I reorganized the pantry the other day, and took out the foods that no one here will eat (I'm assuming since the foods have been here all this time and they have not been eaten yet). I have to check the expiration dates on the them, but I am intending to hand bags out to the homeless in Wilmington. They are everywhere in Wilmington. Alot of people with signs at the street intersections asking for help. I don't have much to give, as I am a stone's throw from being homeless myself, but I am willing to give them our excess. I usually hand them a can of soda from my stash in the car as I drive by. It's a small act of kindness. Who knows how long they have been standing there?

     I went to the orthotics and prothestics appointment last week too to order my custom insoles and lift. When the person I had the appointment with checked my right shoe, there was no lift in there! I had no idea! No wonder my back pain is back everyday! When I came home, I found a new pair of my diabetic shoes, custom insoles, and lift, and exchanged them for the old, tread-less, pair I had been wearing for God only knows how long. My feet are happier, and I experience less pain throughout the day. 

     I had my appointment with a therapist last week too. It was my first appointment with Mr.Dillon, and was by video call. I told him all about how Ms. Miller made me feel back in January, and how I pursued a change of provider through the patient advocate. I still have not heard anything about that, and I wonder what exactly is going on. How much time and effort does it take to schedule me a new female provider? It shouldn't take but a minute. Now, I know they are going to do some investigating as to why I want to change my provider, but that shouldn't stop them for changing my provider in the meantime.  

     I had my diabetic medication changed on Thursday. Instead of taking 10 mg Glipizide in the morning, and 5 mg Glipizide at night, I will now be only taking 5 mg Glipizide in the morning and 5 mg Glipizide at night. It's a small but motivating start. I still have to take 2000 mg Metformin at night, and 1.8 Victoza shot in the morning too. I can't wait to be able to stop these medications.  I can't wait to be able to see my toes when I stand up. I am so ready to get rid of this huge belly of mine. It's time for it to go! I will likely start my walking on Monday morning. I am going out of town today, and will be back tomorrow, so I am not ready to start just yet. 

     My dad likely is going to have to exchange the battery in the Volvo for a new one. I am sure he let it drain by not driving it, and it can not be recharged. I think we will go to the Mexican restaurant while we are there too. 

     Caleb just woke up. It's now 0637. I guess I should start getting my morning routines done. We have to leave by 1130, and I have not showered nor packed yet.