Trying Times, Day 2

     It is now 0306. I am having a hard time staying asleep. Even though I am wearing shorts and a t-shirt, I am too warm. Yesterday was Monday. I woke up later than my 0700 alarm, at 0900. I took my medications and supplements, let them settle, then took a hot shower. I received an email from Jim Stroud at Pride Restoration late in the day on Sunday. I responded to him when I was awake at 0130. I text messaged him to tell the guys to wait until after lunch to come over so I could take my shower, but I guess he did not get the message. The guys showed up before I was dressed after my shower. I was putting on a new shaper, and was having a hard time getting it on because I was not completely dry. I needed Caleb's help to pull it down. I later found out that I was supposed to step into it and pull it up, not pull it over my head and down. 

    Caleb and I went to the license plate agency after being told that the guys could not work in our house the way it was. I paid to renew my vehicle registration and came home to clean. Caleb started taking trash out, while I started cleaning the kitchen to be able to cook dinner. I made skewers of red, orange, and yellow bell peppers with Vidalia onions. I also made skewers with eggplant, zucchini, yellow squash, and Vidalia onions too. I made hamburger patties and prepped 2 NY strip steaks. Everything was cooked on the grill for dinner.

    I tried to reach Jim Stroud to let him know that we have appointments on Tuesday and Wednesday and not to send the guys back out here until Thursday. I don't know if he got the message. 

    I wanted to start Caleb on Aspire Nutrition for kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I gave him one dose of the multi-vitamin, and one dose of the probiotic. 

    My Cpap isn't turning on, and I don't know why not. Dona Sharon let me use her Cpap. 

    I spent time yesterday morning paying bills. It looks like all but 2 credit cards received their checks I mailed them. 

    I am listening to Erica Rock's Unlimited Abundance audio track #1. It has been awhile since I have listened to any meditation. 

    Today Caleb and I will be cleaning the house as much as we can. We have leftovers from yesterday, so I am not cooking tonight, even though today is Valentine's Day. I was going to cook crab legs and shrimp in a gumbo.

    Caleb has to help me wash the laundry and straighten up the laundry room. He also has to help me straighten up the living room and my bedroom. I wish the girls would come over and help us get the cleaning done. 

    We are trying to make sure everybody has hot water to take a shower too.

    I had a talk with Caleb about it not being ok that we are constantly in a state of cleaning the house because he throws trash on the floor and doesn't clean up after himself.  We talked about how it keeps us from doing more important things like working on his school work. It was a hard discussion for him to hear from both me and Dona Sharon. I told him that no one will hire him without a GED, and that he needs to be learning the basic foundation that is required to know in adulthood. I let him know that I am only legally responsible for him up until the age of 18 to put some pressure on him to take responsibility for his actions. I wouldn't mind keeping him here with me beyond that if he is working towards bettering himself at school. He does not have long to learn what he needs to know to pass the GED test. He also needs to learn to take orders without arguments. I told him that is a requirement in the Army. 

    I'm just exhausted from all the excuses and all the procrastinating and all the arguments that happen with every single thing I tell Caleb to do. More than half of the stuff I tell Caleb to do does not get done at all because he is so distracted by his electronics. I told him I would take away his electronics if they continue to be a problem. We worked out a deal that Caleb would earn either $5 or $10 if he could make it through the week "being good" and following instructions and doing what is asked of him when it is asked. I have to start keeping notes so I can remember how Caleb does every day. 

    I'm getting sleepy and ready to go back to bed. The Erica Rock audio track has ended. It is now  0401. Caleb has a dental appointment today at noon, and his psychiatrist and therapist appointments tomorrow in the afternoon. I've got to get him up early enough to take a shower and get dressed in some clean  clothes before his appointment today. He is going in for a teeth cleaning. 

    I'm supposed to be in the second week of the Trauma Healing Program, but I did not complete the first week yet. I have some catching up to do. I need to schedule time in my schedule to make it to the live videos for that program and the Vocal Resonance Method Facilitator program so I don't miss out on important stuff.

    I need to rest now. It's going to be a long day of cleaning the house and getting things done. 

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

     

Trying Times

     Yesterday I woke up late, but when I did wake up, it was to diarrhea. The rest of my day was staying in bed to be close to the bathroom and going back and forth between bed and the toilet. I'm up at 0124 now because Caleb could not sleep and he woke me up.

    Last night I ordered Domino's pizza for us. I wasn't really in the mood to cook. I had just handwashed a a bunch of dishes in an effort to clean up the kitchen. I had already cheated on my keto diet earlier in the day by eating 1.5 of Caleb's oatmeal creme cookies and his Gardetto chips. I made huge order to Domino's. It cost me over $100 to feed us. I wanted multiple things that I won't have in a very long time. I ordered the penne pasta dish, the loaded tater tots, the stuffed cheesy bread, a medium custom extravaganza pizza, and brownies for myself. None of the foods I ordered had enough cheese on them. It was a huge disappointment. Caleb had half of my cheesy bread, chocolate lava cakes, and a medium pizza. Dona Sharon had a medium pizza and wings. When you can only have such items every once in a blue moon, you kind of expect to get the results of the past, which were good and deliciously cheesy. 

    Lately, I have been experimenting with CBD 25 mg, CBD 50 mg, CBD 250 mg vape juice, and hemp oil 9,000 mg. I tried the CBD 25 mg during the day. It made me sleepy and I had to try to drink more diet Mountain Dew to compensate to stay out of bed and get my work done. I used 2 CBD 25 mg pills for bedtime and ended up sleeping in passed my alarm. I vaped CBD 250 mg vape juice during the day and it was not too strong at all. I can't take the 25 mg pill and vape though. It makes me sleepy. I gave Dona Sharon a hemp oil 9,000 mg to try for inflammation. I am using it too. I gave it to Caleb as well. It does not make me sleepy. 

    I ended up ordering an office desk and office chair for Christinia. She needed one to be able to work from home, and it was not too expensive. I have offered to let her use the Volvo too. The Volvo has just been sitting there for more than a year. It needs a new battery. 

    I sent the puffy vape pen to Rachel to help with her pain. I can't have anything with THC.

    I spent the other day trying to get my thoughts back together. Things have been so different since my experience with the Puffy vape pen. I have been experimenting with the other stuff to see what works for me best to handle my chronic anxiety.     

    I went and checked to see what checks have been received and applied to my accounts. The mortgage company I am refinancing with sent me checks to forward to my credit card companies to pay them off. Some of them have been received, others have not. I do not know why all of them have not been received yet. 

    I got an email from Jim Stroud at Pride Restoration yesterday about scheduling work, so I am happy about that. Unfortunately, I was not feeling good and did not get his message until late.  

    I bought Caleb some supplements from Aspire Nutrition that are supposed to help kids with Autism reach their full potential. He has not tried them yet. 

    I went and ran errands on Friday. We went to get the Mazda inspected so I could renew my vehicle registration. We then went to Walmart to restock on drinks. I ended up buying some beautiful flowers for Valentine's Day. After that, we went to put gas in the car. Then we went to the vet's office to pick up Bubba's medications and shot record. After all that we went home. No wonder I did not feel like cooking anything. 

    Thursday, was when I sat at my computer and went to look at my accounts to see what accounts had been paid off. I also loaded the dishwasher from zero, and ran it. I handwashed a lot of dishes too, until I ran out of hot water and had to stop. 

    Thursday night I cooked 2 chuck roasts in the crockpot on low so they would be ready in the morning. So I did not have to cook anything Friday. 

    The weather has been so gloomy. Sure, I can enjoy a rainy day in bed when I don't have a million things to do! 

    I had to reschedule Bubba's neuter appointment because Dona Sharon has her mammogram appointment on the 23rd. 

    Last week I had my diabetic shoes appointment in Wilmington on Monday, and Dona Sharon had her doctor's appointment on Tuesday. 

    I think I am better off taking the supplements that don't make me feel sleepy during the day. 

    Well, I am tired and Caleb has gone to bed. That's essentially what I have been up to lately. I am struggling with my emotions though. I am depressed and it's hard to get out of. I need to be using my light box for therapy. I forgot all about that thing. 

    I am struggling to keep the  house cleaned up. Caleb us delayed in his understanding that he needs to pick up after himself. It's a constant thing that I have to b after him for. It;s like he doesn't understand how important it is to me and other people who live with us. 

    I am starting the Vocal Resonance Method Facilitator training soon. I am starting the Trauma Healing Program once I can sit still and listen and watch the videos. I have to get my schedule together so I don't miss any live classes.

    The toilet calls me again.

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

Recovery from Puffy vape pen

     I made the mistake of vaping a cannabis blend of delta-8, delta-9, HHC, THC-O and some other minors the other night. I was simply looking for something to ease my anxiety, calm my nerves, and help me think. I went to Amsterdam Life and that is what I left the store with. I waited to get home to try it. It was a Sativa and Indica blend. I felt like going to bed right away. I asked for something that wouldn't put me to sleep, and would help me during the day. I had to go to bed because my brain and nervous system were over-reacting to sights and sounds. I was not able to cook dinner that night. I did not even get up from bed to take my night-time medications. I felt really dizzy and couldn't relax. I slept in the next morning, still intoxicated from the couple of puffs I took the night before. I thought to myself, that there was no way I could drive to Wilmington in that condition. Eventually I called to reschedule my appointment with Wilmington Orthotics for my diabetic shoes. I was intoxicated by the vape puffs all morning. I was able to get some work done in the afternoon. I had to bring my bills to the post office to send them off because the bank sent me checks to mail to my credit card companies. After that, I went to Amsterdam Life and found one of the guys who was there that sold me the Puffy vape pen. In short, I told him that was waaay too strong for me, that I couldn't function on it and didn't feel good on it. He told me that I should stay away from all the products he offers in his store. I went home and couldn't cook again, because I didn't feel safe. I ate meatloaf leftovers and took my night-time medications. Even before I went to Amsterdam Life, I talked to Dona Sharon and let her know what I was about to do. I told her how I was feeling during the "high" and as I recovered from it. It seemed to take a really long time. It took more than 24 hours to clear my head from a couple of puffs of what Zach said was the "weak" stuff.

    So I was going to swear off all cannabis-based products until this morning. I went to Element Vape and bought some CBD vape juice. I bought the 250mg bottle. The Puffy vape pen was 2000mg. There should be a huge difference in how it makes me feel. Not only that, but I bought Zero-nicotine e-juice to blend with it to make it even weaker. 

    Then I was shopping on Amazon. I bought a hemp supplement pill to try. No THC should be in the hemp supplement. I also bought hemp drops to try out. I am not giving up. I just don't want to be "high". I want to be calm and without pain, and able to think clearly. 

    Last night I wasn't going to cook, but I changed my mind after listening to the radio. I heard one of my favorite songs. I think it is by One Republic, "Counting Stars." I cleaned out the crockpot and put the chuck roast I bought from Food Lion in there to cook overnight with all the exotic and some common mushrooms that I bought from Harris Teeter the other day. It smells good. It is now 0504. I have been awake since 0315 or so. 

    I already took my morning medications and supplements. I paid a couple of bills this morning too. 

    This last couple of days has been hard because I wasn't functioning like my normal self. I am feeling better now. 

    I'm trying to stay on top of all my responsibilities, but it has been difficult. The mortgage company wired some money to my bank, but did not wire the funds to my other accounts that they were going to pay off for me. They sent me checks written to the credit card companies instead. 

    I am waiting for Pride Restoration to call to get this job done. I need the girls to come over and straighten things up for me. I need the carpet, and floors cleaned. I need to hop in the shower today and wash up. I don't want to forget to water my plants. 

    It's already February. I need to check my training schedule to see what is happening this month. I know I have to complete Next Steps Reiki with Michal and Revelation Breathwork Facilitator training with Jason and Maura. I also have new training like the Yoga Therapy class and the Vocal Resonance Method training this month. I don't remember much else.

    I know that Bubba is getting neutered this month. I need to get both dogs in to have their nails trimmed. Both dogs need baths too. I have to make sure they both take their meds too. 

    I need to get one of the vehicles inspected and renew the registration on it. I need to replace the battery on the Volvo. Dona Sharon needs to be taken for her driver's license at the DMV office. 

    Caleb needs help setting up the library cart, 2 chairs, and desk. 1 chair and the desk is for to study at. 1 chair is for Dona Sharon, and the library cart is for me.

     I'm getting tired again. I'm going to go rest for a few hours before I start my day.

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!