Turning Point

     Monday was supposed to be a turning point for both Caleb and me. I was going to start walking on the incline trainer early Monday morning before my usual wakeup time. I would then do my recovery routine in my far-infrared sauna blanket and take a shower. That would mark my turning point for me. 

    Caleb's turning point would be to start training in IXL, the online curriculum I subscribed to and begin Applied Behavior Analysis therapy in the afternoon with Cross River therapy.

    Well, I successfully walked a mile on my incline trainer at my own pace. I got hot and needed to cool down. After cooling down, though, I was ready to take a shower. I did not want to get hot in the far-infrared sauna, which would have helped my muscles recover. I took a shower and began my day.

    I had Ebony scheduled to come clean the house for us for 4 hours. Unfortunately she had a death in the family. I told her she could reschedule us for the next day if she wanted, so she did. We really needed her to clean for us.

    I don't remember what I did with the rest of the day leading up to 1630 when the therapists arrived. I know I was busy trying to get the things done that I needed to get done. The therapists arrived and the house was a mess. I apologized and explained that our housekeeper had a death in the family, and that the living room would be clean the next time they came over, which would have been Tuesday. Everything seemed to be ok when they completed their first session. We had dinner and I went to bed as I was exhausted.

    Tuesday rolls around and I get a call from Rachel, the BCBA supervising Caleb's therapy, with her boss on the call. The conversation  concluded that Caleb's therapy would be on hold until another location could be found to hold his sessions as there were"safety issues" and things "against policies" at my house. They never explained what those safety issues were, or what policies had been neglected so that it could be fixed. Rachel text me nearly right away after the call, "Hey there! We'll be putting ABA services for Caleb on hold for now & I'll keep you updated when we find a suitable long-term location." I text back, "Please inform me of the policy violations so I can correct them. I have a person to houseclean weekly. Caleb is a tornado. Bella can be put in the room with nana. I can refrain from vaping while a therapist is here. What am I missing?"

    I was so angry! I did not feel like I did not already explain the situation. One of the reasons I sought out ABA services is because Caleb does not clean up after himself! He is the one who created the disaster on the front porch and the living room! I already told her our problems in advance of them arriving. I told them that I am a disabled veteran and can't keep up with Caleb the way he is currently. 

    I wanted Domino's pizza I was so angry. I know pizza is bad for me, but I also know it makes me feel better. I ordered Domino's pizza for us all. My sugar was 273 when I checked it before I went to bed. 

    It took all day to get a response from Rachel, "Sorry for the late response as I have been in meetings. The policy includes having a neat and clean area for services so that staff feel comfortable and are able to easily access materials and run goals as needed. Typically, some of the things that we require are having a place to put our belongings, a clear path to the entrance/exit, accessible bathroom, clutter free space to complete activities. If Caleb needs support keeping areas clean, I'd be happy add a target to work on that by starting at an alternative location and transferring the skill to the home environment. We're willing to try to accommodate to find another location to provide services at consistently."

    Ugh. FML!

    I wanted to tell her "I told you so!" and "Fuck OFF!"

    I let it be and was more settled after having my carbohydrates for lunch and dinner.

    I don't remember Wednesday. Yesterday was Thursday. I woke up at 0700. I eventually took my morning medications and gave Caleb his morning medications. I woke Caleb up because I told him on Wednesday that the porch needed to be cleaned up. I told him that he could do it in the morning when it is not so hot outside. He was supposed to be working on the porch. I began hand washing dishes and loading the dishwasher. I fully loaded the dishwasher nd asked Caleb to put the dishwasher detergent in it and start it. I began to start cooking dinner. I was cooking a chuck roast and a brisket in the crockpot on low for 8 hours. 

    Oh! I remember that I cleaned up the kitchen on Wednesday and made molho and ribeye steaks for dinner. 

    Tuesday I got the call as Ebony and Caleb were cleaning up the living room together, and as I was washing dishes. 

    Back to Thursday. Around noon I began working on my spreadsheets I use to pay the bills. I had to update the information on them. I got a call from VA Community Care about my appointments. I made a call to Dosher Radiology to schedule with them and Novant Health OB/GYN. Dosher Radiology wanted the images from my previous mammogram, but they could not be found. I sent Dr. Kent my glucose readings for the month of July for our appointment today, Friday. 

    It is 0205 right now. I just can't sleep.  I don't know how today is going to go. I did a lot yesterday. Caleb needs to unload the dishwasher. We need to finish working on the porch because Caleb did not do it himself yesterday morning like he was supposed to. I went out in the afternoon to begin working with him, and it was very hot outside, so we quit before we were done. There are piles of laundry that need to be washed. I want to do some schoolwork with Caleb too. If I can get the laundry going early in the morning and keep it going, I should be able to make good progress throughout the day. If Caleb and I work on the porch in the morning and get it all the way done, we can work on his schoolwork when it is too hot to be outside. I don't need to cook anything because we have lots of leftovers. The kitchen is mostly clean but still needs work. I have a feeling that the Mazda needs to be emptied. Caleb has a bad habit of leaving things in the trunk that belong in the house. 

    I was trying to get myself together to groom Bella and Bubba. I bought a new dog nail grinder that is supposed to be quiet and strong. I have a new dog brush vacuum coming in the mail sometime. I always brush Bella really good before I wash her so her hair does not clog the drain. 

    My music recording supplies came in the mail, but I have not opened the boxes yet. My replacement computer needs to be setup so I can use it. The battery on this computer is staying at the half-charged mark. It's going to die soon. I want to get everything transferred over to the new computer before this one dies. 

    Caleb's school stuff arrived from Zulily today. I bought models that we can use when he is learning science. I thought it was cool. There is a plant cell, an animal cell, a heart, a brain, and some other models to make learning fun. 

    The shiatsu neck and shoulder massager is too small for Dona Sharon. I am so disappointed. I am going to send both of them back for a refund. 

    I have to go through and inventory the essential oils I got. I ordered some just to put in the diffuser, but most are for my health. I have one for Caleb for acne. I have some for Dona Sharon for stress relief and pain. Mine are for weight loss.

    I have had to put everything on hold for now. I have to start up our new routine. Caleb and I will be working together on his schoolwork. I am going to walk 1 mile a week for 4 weeks, then add a day of walking 1 mile for a total of 2 days a week for 4 weeks. That should help.

    I am stepping back from my business right now. I had a lot of projects in the works but I am overwhelmed by the amount of time, energy, and resources it takes to get things done. I am taking a break from business stuff for awhile.

    I start up Spinal Flow Technique training in August. That's another drain on my energy.

    I want my focus to be on Caleb right now. I was focusing on my business because I need to make money to pay the bills. Caleb needs my attention. 

    I'm still doing hape'. It really helps me feel less pain in my body.

    I bought Dona Sharon and me a device called "Vibe." It is a PEMF device with about 50 programs on there to help feel better. I am currently using the one called "Anti-Aging." I use the one for Fibromyalgia, Sleep, Brain balance, and weight loss so far. I think it's a good idea, and it helps Dona Sharon feel less pain in her shoulders where she has been having more pain recently.

    I have to catch up on my Vocal Resonance Method training videos. I will lose access to them soon. I have so many other classes I have not even started yet. They all have to wait. 

    The check engine light went off in the Mazda. It is no longer on. So... that's good!

    I need to get out of debt. I have all this credit card debt that I can't wait to pay off. Food has gotten so expensive that I don't have enough money to cover our regular costs! 

    I am still working the side gig with Cliqly. I am getting my first payment paid today. 

    I don't know. I have worked hard, and made strides yet don't see the payout of my work yet. I guess I need more time. 

    I still have heard nothing from my brother, Mathew. I need his mailing address to establish my dad's estate in order to transfer the title of the Ford Expedition to Dona Sharon. I don't understand why he does this to me. I told him the reason I needed his mailing address. I guess he doesn't care.

    I ordered a Vita Watch, which will monitor my glucose. I am excited to get it in the mail. It will help me be more aware of how I am doing throughout the day. 

    I am going to be looking into hormone replacement therapy with the OB/GYN. As it is, my estrogen is very low for a woman, and my testosterone is very high. I have several hormones that place me in a post-menopausal state according the labs I took. Other labs show that I should be in my cycle. It all shows that my hormones are not what they should be. Hopefully I will lose wight faster once I begin therapy. I have no idea what to expect. 

    The summer is winding down and the months when hurricanes are more prevalent in the United States are coming. I am trying to make sure we have emergency funds in case we need it to get out of town. 

    Caleb and I were watching the old videos my mom recorded for Mathew and me when we were little on the refurbished VCR I bought. It really stirred up some emotions. He watched the "My Pet Monster" movie and Mickey Mouse Christmas Carol along with other Disney cartoons that are no longer shown. 

    Today Caleb played a song I use to have on my MySpace profile. That stirred up emotions too. Made me feel weird.

    Well, I have a lot to do later today. It is now 0310. I better be winding down and getting some sleep.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

Checking in with myself

      So alot of things are going on in my mind. I have a lot of appointments coming up. I recently had a pelvic ultrasound and x-rays of my pelvis and lower back. I will be referred to pain management after the reports return. I am being sent to have a mammogram done. I just scheduled an appointment for my physical therapy (aquatic therapy), and am waiting to schedule my annual eye exam that is required due to my psuedo-tumor cerebri and my diabetes. 

    I tried the Factor75 meal program and found that it did not fit my particular needs. I still had to cook to supplement the meals. The meals were too small for me and I was sooo hungry for a multiple of reasons. The first reason is that I quit taking Victoza daily on Saturday, and I started taking Ozempic weekly low-dose on Sunday. So the transition was hard because of my hunger resulting from the change. The other thing was that while trying to be strictly Factor75 keto diet meals, I was consuming too many carbs per my Virta prescription diet and was not able to be in ketosis. I also was not getting protein for my specific personal diet. Virta allows me 30g carbs daily and 13 oz. of protein (more if I am still hungry) daily. 

    Today I went to Walmart and stocked up on the groceries we use regularly. On my way out of the parking lot, a man was sitting with a sign that had the word "homeless" in it. I immediately stopped and told Caleb to hand the man a gallon of water that we just bought. I told the man, "Be blessed!" and went on my way.

    Let's take a step back. On the way to Walmart I noticed a light on in my dashboard. I thought it was the check oil light, but was corrected by the mechanic that it is the check engine light. I was worried that I was driving without oil, and that there was an oil leak. I was trying not to panic. I quickly went to Walmart (the second time) to give the man a whole reusable grocery bag of prepared meals from Factor75 that were going to go bad before I could eat them. They heat in the microwave for 2 minutes, but it was so hot outside, he could just leave one in the sun to warm it up to eat it. The food is fresh and never frozen, and already fully cooked. I was hoping the man found help and that maybe he wouldn't be there still. It had been a couple of hours between when I first saw him and when I came back to deliver food. He was there though, and gladly accepted the bag full  of prepared meals. I hate throwing away food, and told Dona Sharon, "If I have extra, let it go to someone who needs it!" 

    From Walmart, I went to Autozone. In the parking lot I called Boys Under the Hood, an auto repair shop on Oak Island to ask what to do. I was directed to go there and let someone check the oil for me. I told the woman, "I'm on my way. I'll be right there in a few minutes!"

    A mechanic checked the oil. There was no sign of a leak. He corrected me that I saw the check engine light, not the check oil light, and directed me to go to Autozone or Advance and let them read the code to determine why the light was on. If it was something  I wanted to pursue after that to make an appointment because he is 2 weeks out already due to the season. So I went home, tired and worried about not having made dinner.

    I bought a Boston pork butt on sale that I wanted to cook in the crockpot, but I never got around to it because I wanted to cook it on low for 8 hours and had run out of time that I would be awake. I decided it was best to wait until tomorrow morning to start cooking it. 

    I had a lot of words for Caleb this afternoon. He was arguing about getting the groceries out of the car. I got pretty loud, but I didn't get physically violent. I expressed my anger, and simultaneously explained my anger. Caleb is Autisitic and needs me to do that so he can understand. Caleb also has ADHD and ODD, so it takes a lot of patience to be his mother. 

    At one point I told him, "God is watching you and everyone. Everything little thing you do, God is watching. You will have to reconcile with him when your days are done. You might want to think about how you are behaving and change your ways." I'm proud of that moment. I'm also proud that I did some tough yet gentle mothering. Finding the balance is key. I need to be forceful enough to get it across that he affects me negatively with his misbehavior, and at the same time educate him on what is right and what is wrong, because it doesn't come naturally to him. 

    I don't think I wrote about my recent MRI. I had a MRI of my brain done. I showed a "partial empty sella", but no signs of ischemia. Meaning no signs of stroke. So it was a seizure! That's what we were trying to tell the neurologist, but he didn't believe what ER doctor told me after the CT Scan.

    I still don't know the results of my culture labs that were taken in Fayetteville. I have been trying to reach Dr. Rodriguez to no avail. The MRI showing partial empty sella has a lot to do with my lack of estrogen production. I am being referred to an OB/GYN to discuss hormone replacement therapy, I think. My estrogen is really low, but my testosterone is really high.

    In other news, I have a new house cleaner who comes once a week to help us out. I like her a lot. Thank God!

    I went to trim Bella's nails the other day and struggled with it because she kept pulling her paw towards her and away from me. I got the front paws trimmed a little, and only one back paw trimmed. I am trying to find a local groomer who is not booked up to give Bubba and Bella grooming. 

    Things got busy around here with Dona Sharon having home health services. She is now seeing a nurse, a physical therapis, an occupational therapist, and a mental health nurse at home. It's a lot to manage on top of my current schedule. Then, Caleb's ABA therapy got approved by Medicaid so that are starting therapy on Monday. It will be every weekday for 2 hours for a minimum of 6 months. Add to that the dog grooming and vet appointments and my appointments and Caleb and Dona Sharon's other appointments... and I have no time to run my business. I am taking a break for as long as I need to from trying to provide people with Reiki sessions.

    Then in August I start the Spinal Flow Technique training again. And I am still in Yoga Therapy training, Ayurveda training, and so many more! I love learning, but there are only so any hours in a day, and I run out of energy quickly.

    It is now 0014. Caleb just woke up to me blowing my nose. He was sleeping in the living room.

    Caleb and I are starting a new schedule on Monday because that is when his therapy starts. It is also when I will begin getting up earlier and walking on my incline trainer, then doing my recovery in a far-infrared sauna blanket, and then a shower. Then I will wake Caleb and we will begin the rest of our day which will include getting his schoolwork done, and me studying my classes as well. The day will end with his therapy at home and dinner. We will see how it goes, it if will be sustainable. I hope so. I had pain walking through Walmart in my right hip today. I need the time on the incline trainer. 

    I don't know if I wrote about applying for VA Aid & Attendance. I am waiting to receive the return receipt from sending them my application. I am hoping to get it approved for all the needs I have. 

    I had to cancel the spot on the Wounded Warrior Project group I wanted to do about Physical Health and Wellness. I don't have the ability to keep the commitments needed, so I cancelled it. 

    I tried Ryze and Everyday Dose mushroom coffees. I think I prefer Ryze to Everyday Dose. I'm not sure yet. I didn't feel the impact of drinking either one of them. I will try it again eventually. I am not wanting coffee in the morning like I was drinking before because it is so hot here.

    I am still using hape' from Four Visions Market. It helps me a lot. I need to earn money in order to keep buying it and having more good days. I started this side gig with Cliqly. I earned my first paycheck this week. I hope it continues to prove with my time. Here is my link, if you want to see what it's all about. 

 https://turnkeyemailbiz.net/cliqlytrialv1?c=193029 

   August is just around the corner. I will be going to aquatic therapy then, probably once or twice weekly at the pool. I saw some concerts in Wilmington that I wanted to try to go to, but I learned my lesson with the Dave Matthews Band tickets. I just can't manage the stress of it all.

    I need to apply for business grants. Really and truly do.

    I am waiting for the mortgage rates to fall... could be waiting forever.

    Fall will be here soon! 

    Today I am going to stay at home. I am going to try some of the self-help things to try to fix the check engine light. I have an appointment with Googe Ads technical office in the afternoon. I have a call with the BCBA who is supervising Caleb's therapy in the morning. I am going to slow-cook the Boston pork butt in the morning. I need to clean the kitchen (again) and get some laundry done. Busy day. In between, I will record the Vocal Resonance Method live classes for my records and to catch up. I only have 2 more classes of the student modules, all the facilitator modules, and all of the success modules to record. It's a time-consuming process. I put my goal to create video content for my app on hold for now. 

    I promised myself that I would take Sunday off and stay in bed and read my books. I need the rest before Monday. Monday is going to be challenging.. 

    I haven't been practicing Reiki as much as I want to. I just don't think about it for myself.

    I started using the alpha-stim again. Dona Sharon and I will be using it everyday to see how much better we feel. 

    I want to start using my omnipemf devices too. 

    I created an altar on my kitchen island. It's a matter of constant arguing because I can't get Caleb to keep the area clean. We are trying to declutter the whole house and deep clean. It's a work in progress.

    I made it through half of the Sage Goddess workshop about angels. I am doing it an hour at a time, as I am free. It was a whole day workshop. 

    I will be certified in Vocal Resonance Method as a Facilitator soon. Larisa Gosla sent me a list of equipment to buy to start recording my own music! I am so excited! I am going to record my singing and I am going to create music with my crystal singing bowls, frame medicine drum, tingshas, chakra tuning forks, hand pan drum, and xylophone! Woop woop!

    I got out of the habit of listening to the angel meditations in the morning. I want to get back into it to start my day. 

    I have been using my red light therapy pad regularly every night before I fall asleep. I am proud about that. 

    I am back in ketosis for 3 or 4 days now. I am back to losing weight again too. 

    I want to get into the habit of checking my glucose in the mornings. I got out of that habit too. And I need to check my blood pressure 3 times a week. I am on a yeast control medication from Dr. Rodriguez. I am at the point I take 2 per week now. I have to remember when I take them. The Ozempic is weekly, whereas the Victoza is daily. It's a change I'm getting use to. 

    Bubba is awake. We all need to sleep but are all wide awake. 

    I think I have successfully downloaded my brain to this blog.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

Celebrating the 4th of July

      My day was like any other day. I woke up when my 0700 alarm went off and came to my chair at the dining table. I reviewed my email and facebook accounts before taking my medications and supplements. I took my sweet time. I eventually went and talked to Dona Sharon while she was in the bathroom, and woke Caleb up to let the dogs outside. By that time, I had already listened to a meditation by Melanie Beckler and Ask-Angels.com. I was happy to be alive. I made my way to the bathroom and eventually washed my face, took a Ranger shower, and brushed my hair. I used a hair product I have not used since being in the Army that promotes healthy hair growth. 

    The day before yesterday, Caleb and I got our haircuts. He also had his beard trimmed. I asked for my hair to be shaped into a "V", but I don't think it was. It was cut straight across as I later found out when I was brushing my hair. I was so disappointed. That's why I began to use the hair growth grease.

    I offered Caleb $10/hr to help me clean the house yesterday. I was paying Joanna, Jessica's daughter that much to help her mom clean my house, so I figured that was fair. I was trying to give Caleb a good reason to cooperate in helping me get the house clean. I began by asking him to unload the dishwasher. I then began pre-washing the dishes and loading the dishwasher. When I was done, I ran the dishwasher and began handwashing the other dishes. I got to a point where I needed to stop because my back was hurting. I took breaks as needed. I managed to clear off the island and clean it. I set up my altar like I wanted it, and wanted to burn some sage and light some candles, but could not find a working lighter. I decided we needed to go to Food Lion to get one.

    Caleb and I went to Food Lion. There was a lot of traffic and it was hard just to get from here to there and back. I bought blueberries, celery and cream cheese, gallons of water, and looked to see if they sold sugar-free peanut butter. They did not have any. I bought eggs and almond milk too.We made it home ok.

    I asked Caleb to empty the trunk. I lit a bundle of sage and a scented candle. I took the sage throughout the house to smudge it. We were listening to the radio in the morning, and when we came back, I listened to a UB40 playlist on iTunes. While I was taking a break, the song "Here I am , Take me" came on. I'm not sure if that is the title of the song. Anyhow, it hit my heart, and I began to cry. It was a breakthrough. I have not been able to cry for a long time now. I felt very deeply within myself. I allowed myself to just be. I was still and quiet, and with my feelings. I did not get much work done after that. I was tired.

     Actually, the day before yesterday, as it is now 0156, is when Caleb and I got our haircuts. Yesterday, I had an appointment with my primary care doctor at the VA in Wilmington. It went well. This new doctor is kind and informative. I had labs taken and an x-ray done. I met a sister veteran while we were waiting to get my labs done. She overheard me talking to Caleb about when I was in Korea, and asked about it. In the conversation, I told her that I was raped. I said it matter of factly, without emotion. She cried tears for me. Before I left to go to get my x-ray done, we exchanged phone numbers.

    Monday night was a Super full moon. The buck moon. I feel like the energy shift it caused, is very real in how my days have been going. I never talk about being raped, or mention it to anybody. I mentioned it to the lady who did my hair too.

    Yesterday was the 4th of July. We were all in bed before the neighbors started with their fireworks, even though fireworks are prohibited on the entire island. Bella was scared and hid under the bed in Dona Sharon's room.

    I opened the box I received a while back from Sage Goddess and set up my crystal grid on my kitchen island.

    Before I went to sleep, I asked Caleb to help me find my Earthing mat, and my red-light therapy pad so I could use both while lying down. I now have new crystals by my bed too. One is bloodstone pyramid. 

    I am using hape' everyday now. It really does help to calm my nervous system down. I found that I cannot use the tinctures because they make my sugar go up due to having some type of alcohol to preserve them in them.

    Caleb brought out the steel tongue drum and the hand pan drum to play on yesterday. I was happy he was making beautiful music without any music education at all. He was having a good time.

    Today I have to complete cleaning the kitchen. I have dishes to wash by hand and I need to mop the floor. Caleb needs to put his clean laundry away and clear up the living room floor to be vacuumed. The hallway needs to be vacuumed too. I am still working on getting the laundry caught up. Caleb and I got the trash out of my room yesterday, so that's done.

    Before I went to sleep, I began reading a book I began reading a long time ago and never finished. I forgot what I read, so I started over. It has been a very long time since I have read a book. It was nice to lie in bed and read until I was ready to fall asleep.

    Dona Sharon has her first occupational therapy appointment today. She is getting help to regain her mobility. I don't have any other appointments this week. I plan on cleaning the house until it is done. I like to listen to the radio while I clean. I also like to light candles and sage.

    I've got food to cook on the grill but the kitchen has to be clean before I can prepare it.

    We are going to try Factor75 meals next week. I hope they are as good as they look! It could save us a lot of money in the long run if it works out.

    I purchased a spot in a local magazine yesterday. I only purchased a quarter page, and they are going to help me figure out an ad based on my webpage for free!

    I earned a $500 google ads credit that I am so happy about. I am not getting customers like I thought I would and advertising is getting expensive. I need more customers!

    I am losing my followers on my facebook business page. I don't know why. (shakes shoulders)

    I purchased some new types of coffee. Mushroom coffee! Let's see if it tastes good. I hope it works for my inflammation. 

    I need to make grooming appointments for Bella and Bubba. I have too much on my plate right now, but they both need grooming.

     I have some financial planning to do. 

    We didn't really celebrate the 4th of July. I have social anxiety and stay away from large crowds. We saw a military plane flying overhead as we came home from Food Lion. 

    I've fallen behind in my Vocal Resonance Method training. I need to catch up so I can certify and give classes. I started the Yoga Therapy program again. I just need to stick with it. I bought the Ayurveda 1,000 Hr training on sale. I am excited to learn that. I start the Spinal flow Technique training back in August, so I need to get as much done before then as I can so I can give it my full attention. I am actually trying to slow down so I can read my books and not be stressed out all of the time. I want to start walking again, and I need to be taking more showers. I have a few rashes that I have to heal. 

    I am waiting to schedule my MRI to figure out what is going on with my brain that caused that episode a while back. We still don't know if it was a seizure or a stroke. I am going to see JD to have all my metal jewelry taken out and replaced with plastic jewelry. I might do that today. We will see.  

    I am headed back to bed now. It is 0247. I have a lot of housework to do tomorrow. I need my rest.

    Thank you for reading and have a blessed day!