The latest

     We are safe in my home! We had some trouble with PTS #8, but were saved from Hurricane Helene. I tried to reach all my friends and family, but some are not cooperative. My heart is heavy for they will not let me know whether they are safe are not. I reached out to my brother, Mathew, but got no response. I reached out to my sister-in-law, Nichole and got a hate-filled response back. I did not even try to reach my half-brother, Eric, nor my half-sister, Sherri. I miss Mathew so much. I did a Google search for him to see if I could find his new address to know whether he was in danger or not, and the first thing that posted was something I never wished on him. My heart is heavy knowing that he is struggling. 

    I know I am different. I count that as a blessing. I don't approve of Trump at all. My other family members do. All I can do is shake my head because they can't see what's wrong with Trump. They are completely blind to what is right in front of them. It's sad because I have a big family, but most of my family members want nothing to do with me at all. They won't even tell me that they are ok.

    I hate Trump and I can't be myself safely around his supporters. This is the story of many groups of people. 

    In other news, I am still praying that my VA disability claims are approved for maximum ratings and that I get approved for VA Aid& Attendance. 

    Mallory is looking to close the DSS case. The dumpster was picked up sometime yesterday morning.

    Caleb has been attending school remotely because of the damages done to the roads and bridges by PTS #8.

    I'm not straining myself to stay connected to Christinia. She says she loves me and then hurts me on purpose because she can't get her way. I helped her more than I have ever helped anyone else in my life. I paid for her groceries to be delivered to her home when I had no extra money to spare. I sacrificed myself to provide for her and her daughter, but she treats me like it never happened or doesn't matter. I'm walking away from it. I can't help her like I hoped I could. She will remain in my prayers though.

    I'm still struggling to buy my own needs. I need to get my business operational. The focus has been on these storms lately and their impacts. 

    I am still without air conditioning in my van. I still need to pay to have my plumbing fixed for good. I have a flood insurance policy due soon that I don't know how I will be able to cover. I haven't been able to pay my credit card bills all year long, and my credit score has suffered. I struggle to pay for groceries all month long. I'm addicted to vaping because of the stress I am under.  

    I went to meet some American Legion members last Wednesday to see if I could get some help. They are going to come by the house at some point. 

    I am struggling to take care of myself. I haven't even done my morning routines today other than taking my medications and giving Caleb his medications. My hair is a mess, and I haven't washed up to start the day. I'm struggling to get my work done around the house. I've got so little energy and I'm constantly tired, exhausted, and needing peace and rest. 

    I am just trying to download my thoughts so I can move on with my day. It is not helpful to have all this grief caused by friends and family and all these arguments going on in my head. 

    I have to figure out what to do for dinner. I just got paid, and already have no money left after paying the mortgage and the Spectrum bills and going to Walmart.

    I am grateful for my real friends. My true friends support me and love me as I am.

    I guess it is Bella's birthday month this month. She turns 10 I think.

    I don't know what to eat for lunch.

    I struggled with my printer most of the afternoon on Sunday. It was on but listed as "offline." It took a lot to get it back to functioning so I could print what I needed to print. 

    Thank God for Nana. She is always available to talk to me. I miss my dad. She does too.

    I am grateful for what I have going for me, and ask God humbly to continue to protect me as I move forward. I pray for obstacles to my success to be removed. That my health be restored. That my son keeps safe, and my dogs stay healthy.

    I miss my dad's jokes all the time. I know he watching out for me now. 

    I have to get moving on taking care of my needs.

    Thank you for reading! Keep us in your prayers! Have a blessed day! Much love!

        

This week

     It is now 0628. I just got Caleb on the bus and walked home. It has been a busy week. Thank God it's Friday! Monday came too soon. I had an appointment in Wilmington on Monday morning for my VA disability claim exam. I made it there on time, and the appointment was not stressful, although the doctor did hurt me. He pressed on my lower back and I jumped forward because it hurt. I felt safe with him though. I came home and was so tired of all that driving. It takes me an hour to get to Wilmington, and an hour to get back. Doing that driving without air conditioning in the Mazda sucks! I am heat sensitive and heat intolerant due to my chronic health conditions and prior heat exhaustion. 

    Tuesday I had another appointment in the morning. This time it was in Southport at the hospital. I had to have a follow-up mammogram done. I arrived a little late because there was an accident en route. The imaging that the doctor required took all morning. I was exhausted afterward. Carla met me in the hospital parking lot to see me and bring me a hot coffee. I was so thankful. It made driving home safer for me. 

    The cysts that are located behind my left nipple are not increasing in size. Thank God! I am due for another follow-up mammogram in 6 months.

    The rest of my week is kind of a blur. I don't really remember things well anymore. I know that Katelyn came by to do discharge paperwork from the family therapy she was providing. Mallory came by last night to do what I hope is our discharge paperwork from Social Services. She wants to close the case and had to update our paperwork in order to move things along. 

    One night Carla and Tyrone came over and gutted Caleb's room of all the trash he hoarded in there for us. I was so thankful. I had started picking up the trash in there, but I couldn't finish the job because I ended up hurting my back. 

    Wednesday was 9/11. I felt the heaviness of it all day. I'm sensitive. I remember exactly where I was when I first turned on the tv and the news was on that day. I was a student at UNC-Greensboro in my freshman year. It was my first semester and I was living on campus in the freshman dorm. I remember being in my dorm between my classes, turning the tv on and wondering why the news was on. I watched what was showing and couldn't believe it was really happening. I wanted to call my family and check that were ok, but the phone lines were busy and I couldn't call out. My heart beat was racing and I was scared. I didn't know what to do. How could this happen?

    Thursday was my dad's birthday. I spent the night before going through old photos on my phone and sharing them with Caleb and Nana. Thursday morning I spent time going through the photos on my dad's memorial webpage. I miss him a lot. 

    I struggled a lot on Wednesday. I could not force myself to make dinner, so we went and bought rotisserie chickens and sides from Lowe's Foods. I thought I could make jambalaya that day. It required that I clean the kitchen first. I had gone to Walmart I think and bought some ingredients for the meal. I was really hoping to make it that day, but I was too exhausted. 

    I went to Walmart originally because I needed a yeast infection remedy. I bought the Monistat 1 thinking that was the best choice for me. It wasn't. I needed the Monistat 7. The itching and the burning were so bad that I couldn't get a good night's sleep! I just wanted to tear my hair out.

    I ended up needing to go to Food Lion on Thursday because I just couldn't stand what I was feeling. It was taking over me. I couldn't get comfortable at all. I was sweating even in the air conditioning. I ended up buying a vinegar douche and a 7 day yeast infection treatment. I couldn't wait to get home and use the douche. It helped a lot. I need to remember that in the future. I figured out what caused the yeast infection. It was wearing a pair of shorts that don't breathe over a few days after sweating in them nearly every day. I have to remember not to do that again.

    I didn't manage to clean the kitchen yesterday like I planned. Nana was having digestive issues. I didn't want to make the jambalaya if she wouldn't be able to eat it. We had frozen pizzas I bought on sale instead. I was able to load the dishwasher after pre-cleaning those dishes and hand washing the majority of other dishes, but not all of them. I ran out of space in the dish strainer, so I had to stop washing dishes before I was completely done.

    I am still having diarrhea. It's weird because I am normally constipated with my IBS. I has been about 2 weeks now. 

    Caleb went to school all week. I am happy about that. He seems to be enjoying school, and I couldn't be happier for him. While he is at school, I take care of Bubba and Bella. They have been taking naps with me together in my bed nearly every day. They love to cuddle and be close.

    The other day Bubba jumped the fence every time I let him outside with Bella. Normally when he is outside with Bella he stays in the back yard. He didn't run off after jumping the fence, thank God. I found him near the fence just sniffing around. There is no way I can chase Bubba. He is way too fast for my old and disabled body. 

    We have the dumpster until the 19th. I need to re-organize the shed while we have it. I hope it doesn't rain this weekend so Caleb and I can clear the back yard of trash along with the shed. I still need to vacuum the carpets inside and steam clean them. I don't know what I will do today. I haven't met up with Nana just yet. 

    I have come to the conclusion that I cannot "help" Christinia any more. I was trying to make sure she and Harlee had food to eat and wiFi, but I can't afford to pay her bills. I am struggling to pay my own bills right now, and struggling to buy groceries. I shouldn't be helping someone who treats me like I'm expendable anyway. It's bad for my health to even be involved. 

    I am supposed to meet up with Carla for lunch today. I don't know where we are going to eat yet. I let her know that I did not have money to eat out, and she offered to pay for me. Nana wrote me a check yesterday, and I was hoping to repay her kindness for cleaning Caleb's room by buying her lunch. 

    I have been praying a lot lately. I pray before I fall asleep. I pet Bella as I pray. 

    I restarted the Angel Energy Healing class. I don't remember what I learned before, and I never completed the class so... The first meditation really helped me feel better. I want to repeat that meditation until I memorize it. I could use it to help others. 

    I haven't picked up the Yoga for Trauma book at all this week. I need to catch up on the reading. Class starts in October if I am not mistaken. I need to get as far as I can before class starts because I always fall behind and never complete the class. 

    The Trump/Harris debate was this week. I didn't watch it. I've seen a lot of memes about what was said though. I can't believe there are Americans who want a 34 count convicted felon as their President. And the things he said! The harm he causes! It's unbelievable! I am voting for Kamala Harris. It's time we had a woman President and I trust her to protect marginalized populations.

    I have to figure out how I am going to be able to pay my bills and buy groceries. I need a budget because I have to save money to get the plumbing fixed, have the pest control done on the house, and get the Mazda fixed. I also need to get Bella back to the vet for some shots, and have Bubba's shots updated. I have to find a way to bring money in. I wanted to write a book, but I am never at my computer during the day when Caleb is not home. I am always running around trying to get groceries or going to appointments. My friend Sheila is going to assist me in publishing my book and selling it on Amazon once it is written. I just have to make the time to write it. i don't even know what I want to write about yet. I'm not an expert on anything but me. I thought I would write about my life but I am unsure.

    I will be unable to buy the kratomade like I wanted to this month. I don't have the funds. I have to pay bills that are past due first before buying anything. Plus Caleb earned a treat by doing the dumpster diving for me on Saturday, so I have to be able to get him that. I'm praying because I don't know how to get out of this loop where I never have enough money around. I am using the Kratomade to reduce my back pain when I intend to work on the house. It can prevent me from feeling the pain for several hours after I take a serving. It helps me get stuff done that Caleb isn't allowed to do. For instance, pet vac-ing the carpets or steam cleaning the carpets. He is not allowed to use the machines because they are expensive and he is not careful. His ADHD prevents him from paying attention to detail when he is working. I can't afford to replace those machines, so I don't let him use them. 

    It's been really humid out lately. It's heavy feeling when I go outside. I sweat a lot. I need to take a shower. Maybe that is what I should do today. It drains my energy to take showers, so I limit it to once a week. It would be nice to wear a dress to meet Carla for lunch though.

    I think Nana is up. I have already taken my morning medications. I have to finish my other morning routines for personal hygiene. I don't know what I want to plan to do today. I am just relieved that it is finally Friday. I'm exhausted from everything this week brought. I kind of just want to try to relax. I have not had a good night's sleep since having this yeast infection. I feel like spending the day in bed, but there is so much I need to work on. 

    I will figure it out after talking to Nana and seeing how she is feeling.

    Thank you for reading! Keep us in your prayers! Have a blessed day! Much love!

Dumpster Diving

     It is now 0237. I have only been up for a few minutes. I needed to use the bathroom and get a grapefruit snack. I am just sitting on my chair thinking about the past few days. Friday specifically. 

    Friday morning I woke up at 0330 to use the bathroom and stayed awake. I was having explosive diarrhea due to eating a can of spicy gumbo the night before for dinner. I took a really good selfie later in the morning, but before Caleb woke up. I woke Caleb up after doing my morning routines of taking my medications and supplements and personal hygiene. Caleb got up and was good in the morning. He got on his bus ok. I came back home from the bus stop with no problem. I talked to Nana when I got home. I decided to go to Lowe's Foods that morning after the sun came up. I did some really good shopping of the sales that morning. I saved $41 or so, but I spent around $130. I bought the sourdough bread we love, the fruits Nana requested, and dinner items for the next few days. I came home and unloaded the van right away and put away the groceries right away. I made Nana breakfast after that. I don't remember exactly what came next. I think I got the laundry going. I wanted to clean the hallway bathroom so when the volunteers came later in the day they would have a clean bathroom to use. I never made it to doing that. I wanted to clean up a bit, but after getting up so early, and staying up, I needed a nap. I took a nap. I was still having explosive diarrhea. When I got up, I was not feeling the best. I text messaged Mallory, the social worker, that I was not feeling well due to diarrhea and having back pain. She responded like it did not matter that I did not feel well, they were coming over regardless. The volunteers were not scheduled to arrive until 2pm, but they arrived at 1pm without my permission. I was tired and not ready to work.

    Mallory, her supervisor, and a church volunteer arrived around 1pm to help me clean out my trash. Mallory's supervisor and the church volunteer began working on the porch where I had a lot of boxes to be put into the dumpster. Mallory and I began cleaning the living room space. We finally got the water bottles put where I wanted them: in a storage container, alongside the incline trainer. The other drinks were put along the incline trainer in a storage container also, next to the water container. I was able to shop vac the floor before Mallory moved the storage containers where I wanted them. I got to the point where I needed a break. I was sweating heavily, and needed to have a seat and cool down. I told Mallory I had reached my breaking point, and that normally when I am sweating so heavily, it's a sign I need to stop. My back was already in pain when everyone had arrived. I was already tired when everyone arrived too. 

    I sat down and had some Gatorade Zero. I had to turn the window unit a/c off in order to run the shop vac. The front door was left open to be able to communicate with the women working on the porch. I began feeling tingling sensations throughout my entire body. It did not occur to me that I should check my glucose reading. They women had arrived before I had a chance to go to Food Lion like I wanted, and before I could eat lunch. I totally forgot that I did not eat lunch. I began feeling worse and worse. I was telling Mallory what was happening as it was happening. I felt like I might have a seizure coming on. Mallory's supervisor and the church volunteer finished working on the porch and both moved inside to help clean up. They both began working on the kitchen area. I got to the point where I did not feel safe sitting in my chair and had to ask the volunteers to leave so I could go lie down. I felt safer being in bed. They left sooner than expected because the original scheduled time was from 2pm-5pm. I think it was around 3:30pm or so when I had to ask them to leave. I was not feeling well at all. 

    I went to lie down in bed, and was text messaging Nana how I was feeling. I began feeling better about 30 minutes after going to rest. I got up only to find that I could not find my fresh fruit I had just bought that morning. I did not feel like cooking, but I made 2 family size lasagnas that I bought that morning for dinner.  I went to bed early.

    Saturday morning came. I woke up a little bit before my 7am alarm went off. I was feeling ok. I was mad that the volunteers had thrown away my brand new food. They threw away a brand new pineapple, fresh peaches, a new bag of grapefruit, and fresh tomatoes. I thought they also had thrown away cans of food too that were in front of the pantry, but I found where they put them.

    Caleb and I went to Food Lion after we took our meds and I took a nap. I bought the things I meant to buy Friday afternoon, but couldn't because the volunteers came over too early. Along the way to food Lion, we passed some highschool band students who were washing cars to raise money to go to Florida. I rolled down the passenger side window and yelled, "You are going to make it!" to the girls holding the signs up. We got to food Lion and there was a table where 3 guys were raising money to fight Veteran homelessness by selling military hats. I told one guy that I am a veteran too, and that if I had more money, I would donate.

    Caleb and I walked in the Food Lion and got what we could find off the shopping list. I checked out and we walked to the Mazda before I realized I had forgotten to buy the green beans I wanted to make with dinner. There were other things we needed, but could not find at Food Lion, so we drove to Walmart. Along the way, I stopped to put gas in the van. We made it to Walmart ok. We went in and bought Caleb's sewing kit he needed to hem his dress uniform pants. As we were walking to the food section, Carla found us! She was on lunch break. I was happy to see her. We talked for a minutes and then Caleb and I went back to shopping. Walmart is reorganizing the store, so I had to pay attention to where things were now located. We found what we needed and then went to check out. We checked out, and then drove home. 

    After Caleb brought the groceries inside and put the groceries away for me, we went dumpster diving in the dumpster in our front yard to find what was wrongly thrown away. Caleb was looking for his flash drives that he could not find. I was looking for the food that was thrown away. I decided it was important to video us taking apart everything in the dumpster, so I took the video of Caleb going through every trash bag and box the volunteers put in the dumpster the day before. It rained overnight, so there was water in the dumpster.

    Caleb and went through every little thing in the dumpster and found our fresh fruits, canned food, dishes, brand new dog crate still in the box, weed eater, weed eater rechargable batteries and charging stations, bed frame, porch table, tools, thermometer, thermometer coverings, Caleb's razor, family photos, and reusable grocery bags.

    While I appreciate the help I received, I was not happy to find so many things I did not want to throw away, thrown away without having been asked about it first.

    I was tired after that. I made myself a sandwich, took my meds and went to bed after talking with Nana and Caleb for a while. I sent Nana the videos for her to see everything that we found.

    I was planning on posting the videos, but I thought better of the situation as time passed and I calmed down. I want Mallory's supervisor to write me a report to submit to the VA for my disability claims and Aid a& Attendance claim to show that I desperately need help. If she can detail the state of my living conditions, it might make a difference.

    Today is Sunday. It is now 0327. I am somewhat tired now. I just wanted to have documented what happened and what I did as a result. 

    Now, let's think of this. Mallory is telling me she wants to close the case but the house has to be clean first. The case has been open for 9 months, according to her, which is longer than normal. My question is this: Why did it take so long for them to decide to help me clean the house? Why wasn't I offered a cleaning service or volunteer help after the first few weeks, when it was clear that I could not clean the gigantic mess by myself since Caleb was not cooperating? Caleb and I have been in family therapy for some months now. Improvements have been made, but I still have trouble getting Caleb to do things he does not want to do, like cleaning for example. 

    Well, I am ready to go back to bed.

    Thank you for reading! Keep us in your prayers! Have a blessed day! Much love! 

Labor Day weekend

     It is now 0211. I woke up to use the bathroom. Caleb also woke me up. He can't sleep. Yesterday was a busy day. Caleb woke up around 0230 because he was not able to breathe through his nose or sleep. I was up because I was having explosive diarrhea. I got up 2 hours after I went back to bed because of more diarrhea. Caleb wanted to stay home because his throat was hurting and he was congested. He thought he might have strep throat. He told me he threw up in the morning. I kept him home. 

    Nana had to go to her appointment to get her vaccines yesterday morning. I had to take a shower. I managed ok. She made to the van ok. We made it to the appointment and back ok. It wasn't so hot outside. When we came back home, we made frozen pizzas for lunch. I thought I would save time by reapplying for Caleb's Medicaid online instead of trying to call Trillium about why his vaccines were not covered at CVS on Saturday. I did the application online while the pizzas were cooking. I then found a number to call on Caleb's Medicaid card. I called to find out that I should be using Caleb's Trillium card. I called the number I was given from the lady who answered my call to Medicaid. No one answered even though I was waiting for quite some time.

    I decided to look up reasons the Mazda air conditioning might not be working. A video I watched told me to look at the fuse, so I did. I went ahead and recharged the air conditioning with freon. Then I looked at the fuse. I needed to go out to pick up Nana's medications, so I decided to stop by AutoZone too. I went to AutoZone first and bought a new fuse. The air conditioning did not come back on after I replaced it, so I thought maybe the relay needs to be changed. I replaced it, but no change. The guy who sold me the parts told me what might be causing the problem. I had him print out the sheet we were looking at so that I would know what to buy the next time I could afford parts. I only spent about $30 on parts yesterday, but I spent $60 or so on the freon a few days prior. I couldn't afford to replace the next part, which is going to cost about $70.

    I went to CVS after that, and picked up Nana's medication. I updated Caleb's health insurance with CVS too while I was there. We went home after that.

    I tried calling Trillium again, but got no one to answer. I was getting tired. Nana wanted abowl of soup for dinner, so I asked Caleb to wash a bowl and make it for her so I could lie down. He told me he couldn't because he was sick. I told him that he was not sick and he could do it, and to do it. He wanted to argue, and I was already tired. I told him he was losing his phone, computer, and tv. I put my hand to turn the door knob to his room and he smashed my wrist away from the door knob. I ended up calling the police to de-escalate the situation. They came and talked to him. Things calmed down. I forgot to get his phone, computer, and tv while they were here.

    He made Nana her soup, and I went to lie down. I was still trying to find information about why Trillium did not cover Caleb's vaccines at CVS, and why they did not cover his prescription he got from the ER doctor. I was having connectivity issues and I don't know why.

    Labor Day weekend was last weekend. Caleb and I did not get the work done that I was hoping to get done. I was hoping the dumpster would be delivered on Friday, but it was delivered on Monday. Caleb got hit in the groin with a kick ball last week. He was hurting all weekend. Later in the weekend he had some sort of cyst in his mouth pop. I took him to the Emergency room just in case he needed antibiotics. He did not need antibiotics, and while we were there, I had Caleb get seen about his testicles hurting. The doctor prescribed ibuprofen for him to take.

    I think it was Monday that I was trying to make turkey drumsticks and broccoli and cheese for dinner, and made it successfully! We had those with somw sweet potatoes. It turned out good.

    One day I made hamburgers finally. I had been trying to make hambrugers all week long and couldn't due to heat exhaustion.

    Caleb and I watched "Fluppy Dogs" together the other day. It's a Disney movie from my childhood.

    Caleb washed his own laundry. We made sure to take out the trash bin Monday morning. It was nice to have the extra day off. I was struggling with heat exhaustion every day I had to go out, which was every day. 

    I decided to block Christinia after she blocked me again. I'm tired of her bullshit. I don't deserve to be treated the way she treats me.

    Looking to what's coming up... today is already Thursday. Carla is supposed to come over to help ke clean up Caleb's room. Tomorrow a group of volunteers is going to help clean up the trash in the house from 2pm-5pm, and then again on Saturday from 9am-12pm. They will be back next week on Friday and Saturday too. 

    I have not been able to catch up on my Yoga for Trauma reading. I have been struggling too much with heat exhaustion. I need to catch up before classes start again.

    Nana is doing ok so far since her shots. 

    I think I'm going to go ahead and take my morning medications and supplements. 

    Thank you for reading! Keep us in your prayers! Have a blessed day! Much love!

So far, so good

     Well, Monday started at 0430 with a power surge causing the breaker to need to be reset. That did not solve the problems with the outlets. I got Caleb up at 0500. It was his first day of high school. We made it to the bust stop early. He has the same bus number and driver as last year. I like him! 

    I got back inside rushing to the bathroom from having to hold it while waiting for Caleb's bus. I made it in time. Nana and I left to take her to get her labs done right after that. I drove to the wrong clinic, but we got the address to the right clinic. We made it in and out pretty quickly. I was happy about that. I got Nana back home and to her room. We were able to get the wheelchair in and out of the house as we needed to.

    I had to take Bella to the vet for her appointment next. I was trying to find a harness but was running out of time. I found a harness, but it was a weird one that I did not know how to use properly, so I made it up. Bella and I got there early, and I remembered to take her outside to relieve herself before going into the vet's office. It was a good thing too. She really had to go! Thank God I didn't have to pick that up. Bella's vet appointment went well. I could not afford to do everything I wanted to do for her, so we took a couple things off the list so I could do as much as I could afford. We went home after she had her exam and shots done. I took her outside again because she was starting to have an accident in the vet's office. She really had to go again! Man! I felt bad she was holding so much poop inside.

    We got home and I needed to rest. Jonathan was coming over during his lunch break to take care of our lawn. I had a quick lunch and went to lie down in bed.

    Caleb called me from school at 1300. He wanted me to pick him up because his back was hurting. I told him "It's the first day of school! You need to stay there the whole day!" I did not go to pick him up. He told me he was crying at the nurse's office because it hurt so bad. He then told me he fell off his skateboard a few days ago and hurt himself.

    At 1400, I had an appointment with our family therapist virtually. I think Katelyn forgot Caleb started school that day.

    Caleb got home around 1615. I didn't feel like I could cook dinner because I was so exhausted and in pain. That was just too much for one day. 

    Caleb was happy about JROTC and told me as soon as he got on the bus to come home that he would be getting his uniform on Tuesday.

    Caleb came home and was able to reconfigure the way our electronics were set up to get them powered up again. I waws without my CPAP, portable air conditioner, and bidet all day. Nana was without her bidet and the ability to charge her phone. I tried resetting each breaker to see if that made a difference. It didn't. I tried flipping the main breaker to see if that made a difference, and it didn't. I could not remember how we solved the problem the last time we had to deal with it. After Caleb got my portable a/c working, I was so relieved. It was getting too warm in there without it running. Then when I saw what he did, I remembered that the electrician had us change out the old surge protector power strips the last time to see if that made a difference. It did when Caleb did it. Those surge protector power strips have a lifetime of 1 power surge before needing to be replaced. The last time, it didn't help, and we still needed the electrician to test the outlets. I think he ended up replacing an outlet. I don't have money now, so I am glad I did not have to call an electrician to get this fixed. I can't sleep without my a/c on and CPAP on. 

    Yesterday was Tuesday. I got Caleb to the bus stop early again and he caught the bus with no problems. I walked home afterwards, and tried to see if hape' and a Medterra Focus CBD gummy would help me with my whole body pain so that I might be able to work. I was not able to work at all, all day. I needed rest badly.

    After Caleb came home, Mallory arrived. I'm glad that appointment is over for the week. I did not feel like talking to anyone because I was still exhausted. When we were done talking, I ended up going out to Lowe's Foods to grab a rotisserie chicken for dinner. I splurged and got Nana and me salads from the salad bar. I'm really loving their freshly made sourdough bread from the bakery, so I stocked up on that too. I then came home and delivered Nana her dinner. I had to run back out to Food Lion to get some other things we needed. It was so hot outside, and my Mazda a/c is not currently working. I have no money to get it fixed either. I was sweating up a storm. I came home after all that and had my dinner though. It was very satisfying, and I was glad I did not have to cook. All thanks to Nana being able to write me a check so I had money in my account. I woke up that morning to find my balance was negative. I had $85 when I went to bed, and I knew I had written Jonathan a check for mowing the grass. Yesterday morning I woke up with - $35 in my checking account. What happened? Well, apparently I made a charge that was taken out on a hold, then released back to my account, and then the charge cleared. So I thought I had more money than I actually did. Ugh! Thank Heavens for Nana saving me!

    Caleb tried on his JROTC dress uniform when he came home. The pants were too tight, but everything else fit him. I was trying to get him to take a shower, but he never did. He fell asleep multiple times because he was tired, and I kept waking him up to go shower. He woke up, but never made it to taking a shower. I'm going to tell him as soon as he comes home today to take a shower. Oops! I forgot the Katelyn will be here when he gets home today. We have an appointment with her. 

    Later on tonight we are going to meet the Resource Officer at the American Legion close to home. I am hoping he can direct me to how I can get my plumbing, electrical, and car fixed since I don't have any money. 

    I still haven't received my debit card from my bank yet. I don't know how I will be able to pay my bills without one. I hope it gets here sooner than later.

    I'm kinda tired this morning. I have alot of house work that needs to be done. I don't really feel like working. I just want to rest in bed. 

    I am trying to figure out what I can get done without causing myself to have another fibromyalgia flare up like I did yesterday. I bought ground beef on sale yesterday with the thought that I would make hamburgers tonight, but I completely forgot about Katelyn coming at 1600 and having to show up at the American Legion at 1830. So, if I want to make the burgers to have for dinner, I have to make them before Caleb gets home.

    I'm feeling a little better since blogging. I feel like I need to go check in with Nana and get my Nana time. I know I've been wanting to take a shower, so that's on my list of things I must do today. I have to let the dogs outside and make sure they have water. I guess I will start with those things and see how I feel afterwards.

    Thanks for reading! Keep us in your prayers! Have a blessed day! Much love!

Monday morning

     It is now 0013 on Monday morning. Caleb starts school today. I cannot sleep due to being too warm. I had to get up to cool off and get something to drink. I have been up since 2330. I was clearing out junk emails from my business email account. Then I went to my dad's memorial website and viewed all the photos I posted. I wish Mathew would have posted some photos. Nobody else posted photos. I had good times with my dad when Caleb was younger. We took him to the pool, the aquarium, the battleship, the beach, and the park just to name a few places. I wanted to give Caleb experiences he would remember. I wonder if he remembers them though. One day I will ask him.

    We are supposed to wake up at 0500 today. Caleb's bus is supposed to be here at 0624. We are supposed to go out to the bus stop at 0614. We have to get up so early because we are both slow to wake up. I have to get Caleb's medications ready for him, and I have to take my own medications and supplements. Today will be a little bit different from what will be a normal school day because I am taking Nana to have her labs taken around 0700. Normally I wouldn't be going out so soon after Caleb gets on the bus. Bella has her vet appointment at 1000. I should be hearing from  our therapist. Normally she would come over at 1300, but since Caleb starts school, she will have to come when he is home. 

    Caleb and I spent the whole afternoon cleaning yesterday. He unloaded the dishwasher and the dish strainer for me. I washed dishes and began loading the dishwasher. I cleaned the stovetop and stove front off. I began cooking a rack of ribs and marinading a London broil. Caleb made a path so the wheelchair could get out of the house. I cleaned and organized my workspace by throwing away old receipts and putting away supplements I am not currently using. I put a trash bag together for Caleb to take out. Caleb took out the trash from Nana's bathroom and the kitchen. He took my trash from my workspace out too. Caleb went to clean out the Mazda of trash. I don't know how deeply he went through the Mazda to clean it out though. I asked him to pile the junk in the backyard so Jonathan could mow the grass for us. He was stopped by a snake that struck at him, but did not bite him. It almost bit him. It scared him into feeling like he was having a heart attack. I cooked sweet potatoes to have with dinner. I began to sweep the kitchen floor and move the cart around to get underneath it. I got alot of trash up and sprayed to kill bugs and put up a bug-free border that is supposed to last 12 months. I don't know how true that is, but I certainly hope so. Caleb was also working on his room at times. I did not see him bring out any trash bags, so I don't know that he was actually cleaning anything while in his room. 

    It was a productive day overall. I was feeling better because I did my hape' and had 2 pre-workout drinks in addition to my medications and supplements in the morning. Caleb woke me up at 0800 telling me he needed his medications. I wasn't ready to get out of bed. I was still tired. I got up though. I was slow moving all morning. 

    I have to remember to tell Caleb to bring the trash bins out to the road when he gets up. 

    I did not get the whole kitchen floor cleaned. I only got the part that is around the cart and in front of the stove. I still have to get under the sink and in front of the refrigerator. Caleb did not pick up all the trash off the living room floor. There is still some left that needs to be picked up and taken out. 

    It was during the morning that I was going through my papers on my workspace. I went through the papers we got from the open house at Caleb's school. He put his schedule and map away along with the syllabi we got. We did not make it to all of his teachers because he was complaining from having to stand so long, and we ended up leaving. His backpack is packed. I told him the rule about not using his phone during school hours, and he understood. He is really excited to get to wear the JROTC uniforms. He wants to know everything in advance. He doesn't want to wait to learn! LOL Like, that is why there is a class! LOL

    I'm getting tired again. I hope today goes well with all that is going on. I will likely crash out after taking Bella to the vet and coming home. I will just take a long nap until Caleb comes home. I think I'm ready to go back to bed now. I have to get back up in a few hours. I better get my sleep while I can.

    Thank you for reading! Keep us in your prayers! Have a blessed day! Much love!

Saturday morning

    It is now 0107 on Saturday morning. I woke up about 20 minutes ago or so from being too warm to sleep. I fell asleep easily with a full belly of fettucine with spaghetti sauce I made with ground beef, zucchini, and yellow squash, topped with parmesan cheese. It was delicious and oh so satisfying after a stressful day. I woke up at 0330 Friday morning and read the text message that Nana was not feeling ok. I got out of bed and went to check on her. She has white coat syndrome and was due to have her labs taken later that morning. She was feeling like she was going to pass out and wanted to reschedule her labs. I took CBD gummies to put me back to sleep, but I could not fall asleep right away. It took several hours before I crashed in bed. I slept a good portion of the morning until Caleb woke me up. He woke me up just in time to get ready for my telehealth appointment I had for my VA disability claim. I got myself ready except I did not do my hair. 

    The appointment began at 1100. It was with a psychiatrist and I had to answer questions about my PTSD. It was not an easy appointment. When I was done with the appointment, I went back to bed for several hours. When I got up I was chatting with Christinia. We were chatting about the things going on. I recently had someone steal my debit card information and make fraudulent charges on my account. I had to report it and have my debit card reissued. I was supposed to bring the Mazda to the auto shop yesterday morning, but did not have enough money to pay for service, so I didn't. I really wanted to make pasta after having what felt like a hard day. 

    It is now 0203. I was hanging out with Nana. She is watching tv. 

    Today I hope to get the whole living room vacuumed and reorganized. I need to get it done. I need to wash the rest of the laundry too. I also have to clean the kitchen, but I can manage that on my own if I have to. 

    Bella has her vet appointment on Monday morning. I had to cancel Bubba's appointment because I no longer have enough money to cover all his shots. I need to find a way to make money. I don't make enough to cover all my expenses. I still have to get the a/c fixed on the Mazda and have the plumbing fixed so we don't have the same problem again with it getting clogged.

    I don't feel like I can fall asleep again. I want to go lie down, but I need to cool off after being in Nana's room. 

    I am so thirsty all the time. I got up and had a grapefruit that was not juicy. Then I had some orange juice. Not much later I drank a diet ginger ale. Here I am drinking another diet ginger ale. Diabetes sucks!

    I checked my numbers for the first time in awhile last night after I ate dinner. My glucose was 199 and my ketones were 0.4. Not bad considering all the carbs I ate during the day and for dinner! I couldn't believe that my ketones were so high! I was almost in ketosis! Ketosis is when ketones are at 0.5 or higher. 

    I am excited at the prospect of starting to walk on my incline trainer again. After I get the living room cleaned and organized, I will be able to use it again. I want to be able to practice the Yoga for Trauma routines on the floor too. I want to start healing myself again. I felt so good when I was working out consistently back in 2014. I got to be in the best shape of my life! I love looking back at how I looked back then. I was so fit. I want to look like that again. I am scared to have sagging skin after losing so much weight though. It won't stop me from trying to get fit though. I will have the skin removal surgery if I have to. I have already thought about it.

    I am vaping a different brand of e-juice. I don't like it as much as my regular brand. This one makes my lips and tongue burn. There is no menthol cooling feeling when I vape it. 

    I don't know why I feel so warm. I am in the living room at the dining table in direct opposition to the window a/c unit that is on. I feel the cold air, but I am warm. 

    Caleb starts school on Monday. He got his shipment of 5 subject notebooks from amazon yesterday. He needs at least one we know of for sure for his English class. He already packed his backpack. We got him a short haircut, he shaved his beard, and he cut his fingernails and toe nails! I've been on him about cutting his nails for a long time, and he finally got it done. I'm proud of him and I am happy he now has a good reason to keep up his appearance. He is ready to wear the JROTC uniform now. I had to buy him new socks because I don't know what happened to all the other socks he had. Caleb was asking me questions about shaving his face. I told him that I don't know anything about face shaving and he needs to ask a man. I got some advice from Zach at Amsterdam Life when I went on Thursday. He says it pays to use after shave, and to try Shave Magic to help prevent the ingrown hairs Caleb gets.

    It is now 0235 and Caleb just woke up. I guess we are all having trouble sleeping. Well, Nana is a night owl.  She doesn't normally sleep at night. She sounds alot better now than she did yesterday morning when she wasn't feeling well. I think I might do some hape'.

    Ahhh! That feels better!

    I am using the Four Visions Market Bobinsana Limited Edition hape'. It is what has helped me through my grief. I am finally pulling out of the major depression I was suffering. I had no energy and just wanted to hibernate, but life was telling me I had to function. I had so many responsibilities and could not handle them all. I am still struggling with the amount of work I have to do, but at least now I am making progress.

    I miss my dad all the time. I remember the good times and the bad times we had together and still miss him. He liked to joke around alot. I will never meet another man like my dad. 

    The only thing about doing hape' is that it makes me more thirsty! LOL

    I thought about catching up on my reading now that I have the Yoga for Trauma book. I received it in the mail yesterday. I have to read the first 5 chapters to catch up to where I am in the class. I thought I bought it before, but I couldn't find it. I have it now though, so I better start catching up on the reading in my free time. 

    I took a selfie the other morning and am really happy about how it turned out. I am smiling and showing my teeth! My hair is freshly greased and I was feeling good. I have not taken a selfie like that in a long time. I haven't been feeling up to smiling much. 

    I was thinking about starting to go to church again. I want to meet more Jehovah's Witnesses because I love Carla and Tyrone so much. I already know I am not a Jehovah's Witness. I love my holiday celebrations and won't give them up. Life is too short. They had a convention last weekend that I wanted to try to watch virtually but never did. I can't wait to see Carla again so she can tell me all about it.

    I pray that I have a productive day today. I am so close to having the living room the way I want it. I just want to be done with it already.

    I am hoping the hottest days of the Summer are over now. It hasn't been easy driving around without air conditioning in the Mazda. I had to cancel several appointments because it was too hot to drive to Wilmington and back without air conditioning. Once I get the air conditioning fixed, I need to reschedule those appointments. 

    I have been using a pre-workout drink powder. Turns out it is safe for me to have 700mg of caffeine a day based on what the FDA says based on my weight. Each scoop added to 8 oz. of water is 250mg of caffeine. The other day I had 2 drinks and was ok. No bad side effects. No shaking or seizures or anything like that. I don't consume caffeine from any other sources. I use to drink Diet Mountain Dew all day long. I quit drinking it after Christinia told me how bad it is for me. 

    It is now 0309. 

    Well, I just killed time reading Facebook posts. It is now 0325. I got my SkinnyFit box yesterday in the mail. I am hoping it doesn't taste bad and actually works. I will give it a try later today and see what I think.

    A big part of my problem losing weight without exercising is that I am always hungry and thirsty. I always want to eat something and drink something. I feel like when I try to quit vaping it will only get worse. I use to always have a water bottle in my hand everywhere I went when I was in college. I was taking diet supplements back then too. I took Metamucil daily in a protein shake that I had for lunch. I had oatmeal for breakfast. I had either chicken breast or tilapia fillet with vegetables and rice for dinner. I used a Far-infrared sauna to help me recover from working out and help with my pain. I ended up just using the treadmill for my workouts and would walk at varying levels of inclination for specific periods of time all while listening to my favorite music at the time. I hope to get back into that lifestyle. I won't eat tilapia though. I have heard it is not good because it is a bottom-feeder. I am trying new weight loss supplements. Right now I am trying something called "ThermoDyne" that I bought from GNC on sale. I am not having bad side effects. I don't think I am losing weight either though. I have noticed that I am feeling better, but I attribute that to another supplement I began at the same time called "Primal Queen." Maybe it has to do with both of them working together. I bought 2 other weight loss supplements to give a try and see if they help me during the Buy 2, Get 1 Free sale at GNC. 

    I don't really want to read the Yoga For Trauma book right now, but that is what I should be doing. I just kind of want to sit here. Actually, I would like to go to bed. I want to get up when my alarm goes off and start my day with good energy. I don't feel like I can sleep though. 

    Caleb had to take all the drawers out of the freezer yesterday because ice was everywhere and he had to clean it out. I guess the freezer was not fully closing. I hope he rectified the situation.

    I think I am going to make a rack of ribs today and a London broil. I still have molho leftover. I want to eat as much of it as I can. LOL I don't think Nana wants any more London broil, so I am making her the ribs to share with Caleb while I eat the beef. Caleb can have whatever he chooses. I've got to cook the broccoli today too. The London broil has to be set in a marinade. Otherwise it is tough to chew. 

    It is now 0348. I don't know what to do with myself. I am thinking about going ahead and getting my morning medications and supplements together and taking them. I don't know if I will try to stay up after that though. If I do, I will likely go ahead and take care of my morning routines, and start my day. I never brushed my hair or reapplied hair care products to it yesterday, so I definitely need to do that this morning. I guess I could get the laundry started. I still have a basket of Caleb's clean clothes in my room that I need to fold so he can put them away. I want to be sure he has most of clothes already cleaned and put away  before Monday comes. Well, one step at a time. I guess I will just wait and see how it goes. I may just end up lying in bed until the sun comes up. Who knows what the future holds? LOL

    Thank you for reading! Keep us in your prayers! Have a blessed day! Much love!