Today's prompt is " Are you able to tell when you have enough?" The short answer tot hat question is "Yes."
So, since I have last written more than a month ago, alot of things have changed. At the end of September, I went to Lumberton to drive my step-mom and dad to Southern Pines to for Dona Sharon to have eye surgery. She had eye surgery on her cataracts. On the 12th was my dad's 61st birthday. That following week I spent preparing to be gone for a week. I prepared meals in advance to cut down some of the costs associated with 4 people going out of town. I also wanted to stay on my diet as much as possible, even though I would not be able to cook while gone. I even invested in a huge cooler to store food in. I loaded the van up, with little room to spare. We brought Bella with us, of course. The plan was to take my dad' Ford Expedition to Southern Pines. That way, there would be more than enough room for everyone and their belongings. Once I got to Lumberton, we had to run an errand, and I noticed that there were no brakes!!! Come to find out , the brake fluid was leaking. Needless to say, we did not drive the Ford to Southern Pines. We had to make due with driving all 5 of us in my compact minivan. It was congested in the Mazda to be sure. I could not wait for the trip to be over.
We arrived in Lumberton on Saturday, September 18th, drove to Southern Pines on that Sunday, and I took Dona Sharon to her first eye surgery on Monday morning. Tuesday she had to have her eye checked, before they would do surgery on the other eye Wednesday. Then she had to get that eye checked up on Thursday. We checked out on Saturday and returned to Lumberton. Caleb, Bella, and I drove home on Sunday.
I believe it was Monday, in the wee hours that I was chatting with Christinia. She decided that she was ready to leave her current situation with her baby's daddy, and I was willing to go pick her up. She happened to be all the way in Charlotte, and was only 1:30 or so in the morning. It was pitch black outside. I don't normally drive in the dark anymore because I am afraid the lights will cause me a seizure while driving. Anyway, Caleb and I drove 4 hours to get there to pick her and Harlee up. She asked me to call the police when I got there to ensure a peaceful exit because he owned a gun and it was in the room they were staying in.
The exit was not without incident, although we did wait for the police to arrive to begin moving her out. Troy came outside and began taking pictures of my license plate for some reason. He was standing behind me as the door to the trunk was raised overhead for me to load Christinia and Harlee's stuff. I was bent over and moving stuff around to make space, and this fool is right behind me, in my personal space, trying to take photos of my license plate. I blew up. I literally blew up. After trying to stay calm, I got really loud and said something to the effect of "Get in my personal space again and see what happens!" I don't play. I know he was abusive to Christinia. I knew he was dangerous. I did not like feeling threatened in my own space. The police man who was outside, witnessing the incident, tried to threaten me with going to jail. I told him "You're not taking me to jail for being too loud! I fought for this country!" I was pissed and could not wait to get away from there and that situation.
We got the van loaded and headed out safely. 4 hours later, we arrived at my house. It was not cleaned up, as Caleb and I had been gone the week before, and prepping to go the week before that. The house was a disaster area, and I told Christinia that beforehand.
It took me a week to get over the scene with Troy and the police officer.
We are going on week 4 on Christinia and Harlee staying with us. So far, it has been ok. Christinia practically cleaned most of the house. I cleaned the hallway bathroom to the best of my ability, as well as the kitchen. She managed the living room, guest room, and hallway. The guest room was a disaster from Caleb using it and destroying everything in his path. His belongings and trash were all over the floors. I could not get him to pick his crap up and throw it away. I have been having the hardest time trying to get him to pick up after himself for years now.
So there's all that, then, I completed my physical therapy sessions! I am now supposed to be going to the pool 3 times a week and continuing my routine. I did not go last week because I could not manage it.
I have successfully lost 21.4 lbs. so far! Woop! Woop! I am totally off insulin and only on 1/4 the glipizide I was on. It wasn't easy getting back on track after being out of town for so long. I had a few hiccups while away. One instance was me eating a number of cinnamon rolls. The oher instance was eating some kind of corn chips.
I took Bella to the vet last week for her shots. She got her Bordatella and Canine Flu shot.
I took Caleb to have his second HPV shot and his Flu shot too.
I had to reschedule my appointment with NP Miller because I got busy doing something else. I was at the U-haul counter when she called for our phone appointment. I was like "Uh... I am not in a private place right now, can I reschedule?" LOL Yeah, because it was to talk about my sexual dysfunction.
I was getting a truck to pick up what I thought would be free furniture. It did not turn out to be free. The person was moving, and trying to sell her stuff, but would not communicate prices by chat nor on the listing. When I got there, she was 30 minutes late, and only then decided to say that the things were $50 each. I did buy some things, and got a free student desk too, but I did not buy the furniture I was renting the truck for because she wanted over $100 a piece for each.
I quit my Breathe4Change yoga program. I had fallen behind before the day of the first online class, so I decided to drop out and get a refund.
Today, Mark Gonzalez, the owner of the Mr. Rooter franchise around here, brought over his trailer for me to load my trash into. I will now be able to completely clean off the porch! It is stacked with junk including empty boxes and broken furniture. I am so grateful for his kindness. I could not afford to rent a trailer, and even if I did, I could move the trailer because I don't have a hitch on the van.
I woke up at 6:30 yesterday morning, but did not really start moving until about 9:30. I forgot I made plans for Caleb to go to Gage's house for the night. Gage wanted Caleb to come over to help him dig a giant hole in his backyard. Apparently they did nothing but dig and eat all day yesterday.
After talking to Mark, when he brought the trailer over, I was energized. I began the laundry in the washer machine, I began folding clothes in my room, I began to pick up trash from Caleb's room and sort things out. I also began loading the trailer with stuff not only from Caleb's room, but also from the porch. I finally put my new clothes away in my closet where they belong. I finally got my clothes washed, dried, and mostly put away. I hung up all of Caleb's shirts, jackets, and sweaters for him. I took out everything in his chest of drawers to be washed and sorted out. We have a collection of clothes that no longer fit him that are going to the local thrift store that benefits the local shelter for women and children of domestic abuse.
The other thing that happened was that the dishwasher broke. I was without the dishwasher for a week while the part was being ordered. I had to hand wash dishes for 4 people everyday. It sucked. I fell behind on the pots and pans, but tried to keep up with the other dishes. The dishwasher got fixed on Friday, so hopefully we will back on track soon.
The window unit air conditioner will not turn on either. I don't know what happened. I hired someone to come over and fix it on Friday, but they cancelled at the last minute, and rescheduled for Tuesday.
It is now 4:33 am here. I have been up since about 3 am.
I need to get Caleb back on the schedule with his therapist, Mallory. I cannot seem to get through to Caleb the importance of school and keeping the house clean. For some reason, he thinks he can make decisions to not be helpful around the house. It's taxing to deal with and I don't have the answers on how to make it stop.
I am trying to make progress in the house, but find myself running in circles since the dishwasher broke, and Caleb was put in charge of doing the laundry by Christinia- bad idea. Caleb is delayed and immature for his age. He is not ready to be put in charge of washing the laundry. There are rules to washing laundry that must be followed to get the most out of the washer and dryer. I think she just assumed he would magically know these things, but he doesn't. For instance, you cannot wash more than 2 towels at once. Why? Because more than two towels will not dry in the dryer within 2 cycles. You cannot wash blankets together for the same reason. There are jus things that need to be taught in order to be successful, and he is not ready. Why? Because he has trouble paying attention and following directions. The only time he pays attention to anything, is with video games.
I have taken back over of the laundry. I am going to help direct Caleb through cleaning the parts of his room that I left for him to clean up. For example, he will be in charge of shop vac-ing the carpet in his room, and clearing the rest of the trash away from his room. I removed almost all of the laundry from his room, so I could wash them without issues.
Caleb so far has a general chore routine throughout the day. Give Bella water. Let Bella outside in the morning. Take the trash out to the trash bin. Take the recycling to the recycling bin, but do not leave the recycling in the bag. Instead bring the bag back inside to be used again to collect the recyclables. Feed Bella dinner. Let Bella outside in the afternoon.
Then he has chores like: putting the clean dishes away from the dish strainer, and unloading the dishwasher, bringing the clean laundry from the dryer to my room to be folded, bringing the dirty laundry to the laundry room to be washed, and sometimes, even giving Bella a bath.
We have built up to this much. I do not expect him to magically know how to do other things without proper instructions and supervision.
Homeschooling is more than just the public school curriculum in my house. Yes, he needs to know the public school curriculum to prepare him for college, however, if he can't learn to live ... what good does it do? He has to learn to control his anger. He has been working on it with me. I let him say what's on his mind, and I do not hit him. I don't know where people get the idea that violence is the answer to me parenting my child. He is not 2, and getting a "spanking." He is almost 13!
I get people trying to tell me about myself and Caleb, and it's like "What the Fuck do you know about me? Or Caleb?" It can be hard to deal with. I try to transmute my anger into positive actions though. I hope today will be another good day. A good day is one in which I very little pain, am not exhausted physically or mentally, and can work for more than a few minutes at a time to get things done.
That being said, there is a very good reason for my "unemployable" VA status. It's because I cannot hold a job in my current condition, and am not expected to get any better. I try explaining this to people. but I am not being heard. Look! I am doing the best I can do! I am limited by my disabilities! Lord help me with these people who do not seem to grasp the concepts I try to put forth.
My son has ADHD and ODD. He is going to behave just like he behaves, and that is because he has diagnosed behavioral issues along with mental health issues stemming from PTSD. Look it up! What he does is not only common for the tween, but extremely common for the tween with these issues. AGAIN, I am doing the best I can!
I am so frustrated! I don't hide these facts of our lives. I am quite open about my disabilities and Caleb's problems. So why are people acting surprised when he talks back to me? Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Look it up.
Anyway, my back is beginning to hurt, so I am on my way to lay down for a bit.
No comments:
Post a Comment