Today's prompt is "What five words describe your mood?" I am ready for the weekend today.
Today is Friday and it is 0822. I have taken my medications, and given Caleb his. Bella has been let outside. I have balanced my checkbook, and checked my emails.
Yesterday Caleb had his appointment for his psych eval report. His new diagnosis includes Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and learning disability in writing. He is no longer diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
Now, I can get the help he needs, because of his new and more accurate diagnosis. I tried to get him diagnosed when he was five, but because "he did not present with Autism" during the 20 minute observation, he was not diagnosed. He managed to get through all of elementary school without the assistance he really needed. I am proud of my son.
From a young age, Caleb has been in different types of treatments. He was in occupational therapy when he was in preschool, and throughout elementary school. He was in speech therapy when he was in preschool, and throughout elementary school. He was in mental health counselling, and psychiatric care for as long as I can remember. I attempted to change his reactions and behaviors through diet and nutrition. We went gluten free for awhile, and stayed away from red dye.
With this diagnosis on record, he will have more productive and effective therapy sessions that will help him learn to handle his big emotions.
With this diagnosis on record, and along with the IQ test, I am no longer guessing at what my son knows, and where to start him on his schoolwork. I am attempting to home school him, and it has been difficult from the start. He is so far behind because the public school system would not hold him back, even though he was scoring low on his tests. He was not able to understand what the teaches were teaching the group of 30 students at a time. He was not able to keep up with his peers. This I have known for some time. I did not know what to do about it. Now, I can create a system that is more in-tune to Caleb.
Christinia would say things like "Caleb is really smart... he is manipulating you." Or even, "This is Caleb's way to control you." Let me preface this by saying I never believed those things. Now I can show her in black and white, signed by a professional, that she is wrong in her perspective of Caleb. She has said things that I don't agree with. I don't argue, because arguing with her is futile. Her own traumatic past has led her to believe that he is like the people she is drawn to. Her words are a reflection of her own wounds that are left unhealed. Her words are a reflection of her.
Recently a conversation came up between Christinia and me about my homeschooling. She asked what my plans are. I did not answer, considering I owe her no plans. She continued on saying that "Truancy is illegal." Well, yes it is, however, Caleb is not being truant. She continued on saying things that revealed what she though homeschooling should be like. I told her straight up, "It's not up to you what MY homeschool looks like. MY homeschool does not have to mirror public school at all." And it's the truth. I also told her that I am aware of what my legal responsibilities are, being a little perturbed that she feels the need to tell me like I don't. She said that "You are not doing enough. You are not doing anything." Well, again, I owe her no explanation of how I conduct my affairs, so I didn't argue. Arguing with her is futile. She packed up her belongings and went to her room in anger.
Caleb heard that we were kind of loud while talking, and came out of his room. He wanted to know why Christinia thought it was her business to tell me what to do. I shrugged my shoulders and said "I don't know."
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't angry. It triggered me. Christinia has no responsibilities other than an online school program and monitoring Harlee while she plays on her tablet. She was supposed to be washing the laundry for the household, but that lasted only a few loads. She sleeps until after noon everyday, and blames it on the same trazodone that both Caleb and I take for sleep every night. However, Caleb and I wake up around 0700 most mornings, if not earlier, and tend to stay awake throughout the day. She spends the majority of her time in her bedroom, in her bed. I don't need advice from someone who has no concept to what I do throughout the day. My days are long and I start early. I stay busy every day, and really look forward to when I can rest. If we want to compare notes, we can, but let's do it from when I was in college full time going to traditional college in-person as a single parent, no other known parent, by myself taking care of ALL my affairs alone.
In other news, my VA home loan closed on last Friday, and funded Wednesday. As soon as it funded, I paid off my credit cards. What a relief! I anticipated my dad asking for "favors", and he did not surprise me by asking for me to add him as an authorized user to my high limit credit cards. While he did say, that he is not asking for the cards, I am still concerned. My dad is not the most stable person. While I would like to help him with his situation, I don't feel like it's my place to do some of things he asks. I worked hard to get to where I am. We made our respective choices. I am where I am and he is where he is for good reasons.
Then, yesterday, Christinia brings up the new clutter in my house. First of all, I ordered clothes for everybody and it gets delivered through the mail, but I also ordered some plants and books. She tells me "My anxiety. I can't take this. It's too much." Well, this is my house. It's not my job to recreate situations in my house for her to be comfortable. She is paying rent for what it is. I don't feel like her "anxiety" means I have to work harder, faster, and at her will. Now, I feel like I'm being manipulated. Why? Because I ask her "Is the Hydroxyzine helping your anxiety, because that's what I take for it." She responds, "I'm not taking that! I don't want to sleep all day!" Well, then I say, maybe you need a different option. See? I am trying to work with her, but she resists help. I can't make her anxiety go away. It's chronic, but her doctors can help, therapy can help. Is she in therapy? NOPE! Am I in therapy? YEP! Do I take my prescribed meds as prescribed? YEP! Does she? NOPE! So it is what it is and I will get to things as I can, and no sooner. I will not be pushed.
Not only that, but she tells me I need to stop buying stuff. Like what?! I just got paid, and I want books, so I buy books. WTF? There is no room she says. Yes there is! Why are we having this discussion? Why do I feel like she is trying to control me? I don't appreciate it. I don't like it. SO, it's ok to buy Harlee stuff, Caleb stuff, and her stuff, but it's not ok for me to buy stuff for myself? What sense does that make?
Then she says "We can't get the kitchen floor done because there is no room to move stuff." First of all, I am not worried about what the laborers have to do to get the jobs done. Secondly, why is she? Third, the kitchen floor is not going to get done until 1) the range is replaced, and 2) the cabinets are removed and installled. She would know that if we talked about what is important more often. Unfortunately, she stays in her bedroom, usually asleep most of the day!
We are in this VA Caregiver Assistance Program right now. We going through the process of being considered for her to take on the paying job while she is here. I don't know how things will go about that, because right now, I don't feel supported by Christinia. I am constantly cleaning the dishes both by hand and dishwasher, and cleaning the countertops, and stove top. Caleb takes the trash and recycling out. Caleb puts the dishes away. She was supposed to help me clean up my room, but it has been weeks, and it is still filthy. I need help cleaning up my bathroom too, and that hasn't been done. My bathroom is just a toilet, and a sink. She could have cleared out my bathroom in a matter of minutes, but hasn't.
Christinia told me yesterday that Bella peed in the hallway again, and she is not stepping on pee to get to the laundry room, and that is the reason for not getting the laundry done. Am I being manipulated? I feel like it.
There's just alot going on in my head these days. There's alot on my schedule. I need a break.
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