Today's prompt is "Do you want to know how it ends?" I'm not sure I want to know.
Yesterday was a rough day. I woke up around 0900, which is late for me. I was slow and tired when I woke up. I took my meds and gave Caleb his meds. The Lowe's windows contractor came over and measured windows. I had planned to walk and take a shower, but I couldn't get started. I had my last therapy appointment with Mr. Dillon from the VA. He is leaving for a new job elsewhere. I hate that. He was not at the VA for very long. I had only had 5 sessions with him, and we just started on my treatment plan. I spoke with him via video about how I felt about my dad requesting that I "help" him by adding him to my credit accounts. I told him I felt like I was being manipulated and taken advantage of. I told him that I wanted to say no, but I was scared of the consequences. My dad has known to be abusive and to get violent. I do not feel comfortable adding anyone to my credit card accounts for any reason. It makes me anxious and stressed the fuck out. I also told Mr. Dillon that it does not seem like an appropriate request from a father to a daughter. Ever since my birthday, that morning conversation has been running through my head. Where he says "Happy birthday again, don't forget about me, Happy birthday again, I love you." Yeah. Alot of pressure from him to add him to my credit card accounts to raise his credit score so he can move out of the motel. I don't understand why he thinks it is normal to ask me something like that.
Then Caleb had the longest dental appointment ever. He had his teeth cleaned, x-rayed, and 2 fillings put in.
When I got home, Caleb was suppose to clean his room because Christinia checked on it, and it was in bad condition. I opened up some packages that UPS delivered, and my dad called. I knew he was going to ask me again, whether or not I "helped" him. I told him I could not do that, and was silent. I did not explain myself at all. His voice changed and he said something like , "Well I need you to give me my car back then." I was confused, and asked what car? He said his Dodge Ram. His Dodge Ram was towed away due to not being driveable and left in my front yard after he was forced to move out by the police after assaulting my son twice. If that is not enough to walk away from my dad, I don't know what is.
I am planning on going to pick up my Volvo and have it owed to the dealership. I am not going to stay and hang out like I originally planned, because now I do not want to spend time with him. If it meant so much to him, why did he not ask Dona Sharon, whose credit score is over 700, to do it? She is his partner. I am his child.
Just like he keeps asking me to fix his credit karma account so he can log in. I can't. It is not within my power. Dona Sharon has to unlock her email account somehow to reset his credit karma password. He hounds me about stuff that is not within my ability to do. It has been stressing me out. Like I really need any more reasons to stress out.
I decided to call my Granny, my mom's mom, to find out about how Pepere is doing. He was taken to the hospital on Friday. Hopefully he will be coming home soon.
I got a message from Sandra Waters, my mom's cousin, on Facebook. We are linked on Ancestry.com, which is pretty cool.
Christinia made keto peanut butter cookies for me last night.
Tuesday, Pride Restoration came over and began the work on the ceiling where the roof had leaked before it was replaced. I had to take everything out of my closet, and came to the conclusion that I have more stuff than one person needs. I collect clothes for "just in case" scenarios. Just in case I go to church, a wedding, a funeral, a party, court, etc. I already gave most of my shoes away. I gave alot of my clothes away already too, but maybe I need to thin out what I have hanging in my closet. Especially if I am never going to use any of it.
We went to Taco Bell for late lunch/early dinner. I was so happy to be going. It is not on my diet, and I have not been since they changed their menu, over a year ago.
Monday was my 39th birthday! We went out to eat at the Chinese buffet in Wilmington. The food was horrible. I spent the ride to Wilmington getting things about the conversation I had with my dad off my chest. The ride back from Wilmington, Caleb and Christinia napped.
I got most of the dishes washed while the ceiling was being fixed in my closet. I handwashed the pots and pans and loaded the dishwasher to run it. I almost got all the laundry washed before I quit.
This week has been Hell for me so far. I have not been sleeping well, and waking up tired. I have wanted to stay in bed, but I have things I have to do. Tuesday, I had whole body pain and went to bed early, but I woke up every couple of hours. Caleb woke up too, and woke me up several times in the wee morning. I have not been walking since last week when I walked the 3% incline for the whole mile and apparently hurt myself. The after effects were ...you guessed it, pain. So, I needed to recover.
Today is Thursday. I have an appointment with occupational therapy by phone this afternoon, and Caleb has a therapy appointment after that. I have to go to donate Caleb's clothes that are too small, stop by Fedex to return my clothes that I ordered and do not want. Then I have to go put gas in the Mazda and stop by CVS to get Caleb's medication. Later, I have to go to Walmart to get Christinia's medication. We have tickets to see the new Dumbledore movie tonight too.
I thought I had alot more to say about the conflict with my dad, but I guess not. I have verbalized enough. I am in the acceptance phase where I accept whatever happens, and am going to react accordingly. If I am treated badly, I will break ties with my dad. Saying no to him was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My inner child is happy and healing. I cannot fix my dad, and he does not work on himself. I am constantly growing and changing to get better and feel better. I can't carry him on my shoulders anymore.
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