5 Year Journal Day 351

      Today's prompt is "What is your biggest regret?"  One of my biggest regrets is not becoming a Logistics Warrant Officer in the Army. 

     It is now 0158, and I have only been awake for a few minutes. Yesterday I did not do much. It was Sunday, and I had no motivation to do anything. I did, however, take the kids to get haircuts, and ran to the grocery store to buy a few groceries. I made boneless pork ribs in the crockpot for dinner. I started the day as normal. I woke up around 0630, and took my medications. I gave Caleb his medications, and then I went to take a shower. The shower felt good on my body. The water was super hot and my back felt better. After I struggled to get my bra on completely, though, I was exhausted. I had to lay down and rest. I got back up close to noon. That's when I decided I wanted to go out somewhere. Harlee and Caleb got haircuts and then we walked over to Lowe's Foods so I could buy the meat for dinner. When we came home, I immediately cleaned the crock pot and started cooking. It takes 4 hours on high to cook meats that are already thawed. 

     Once the meat was in the crockpot cooking, I had no reason to stay awake. My back was in tremendous pain, and I wanted to be in bed. I laid down for a little while, until I realized I could not fall asleep in that much pain. I got up and asked Caleb to put a lidocaine patch on my lower back where it was hurting the most. Then I went back to bed to rest. I meditated. I did not really sleep. I asked for reinforcement of my morning prayers, to release pain and release old emotions. I asked Mother Mary, Lady Nada, and Mary Magdalene for help. I asked Jesus and Master Kuthumi for help. My mind went from one prayer to the next. My back finally calmed down, but then the intense inflammation on my entire body started to flare up (fibromyalgia). Everything hurt badly! I stayed in bed until dinner was almost ready. I took my night time medications before dinner, which I never do, because I thought taking my medications would help me with my pain. Dinner turned out good. I only stayed up a little while after dinner, and then went back to lay down and rest.

     Saturday morning I got a message from my veteran friend, Montanna Combs. We met several years ago at a VA class. She is my friend on facebook, and I saw that she was trying to home 4 pitbull mix puppies still. We chatted very early on Saturday morning when she messaged me that she spoke with her husband about waiving the adoption fee for me to adopt a puppy. I was so excited! That , however, was not the reason I did not adopt a puppy. I was concerned about how Bella would react to the puppy. I asked Montanna if it would be ok to bring Bella to see how she acts around a puppy before making a decision. She said "Of course!" So I made plans to go see her around noon. She lives in Jacksonville, NC, which is about 2 hours drive away from where I live. Caleb, Bella, and I hit the road around 0945. Caleb was excited because he saw videos of the puppies before we left the house. He could not stop asking me, "Mom, are you going to get me a puppy?" 

     We drove a long way to get to Montanna's farm, but it was well worth the trip. I had so much fun! I felt at peace around the plants and animals. She has chickens, ducks, goats, a donkey, pigs, and the dogs. Her husband, Robert, grows succulents in a green house. He also raises koi fish in a pond the have. Montanna is growing vegetables and herbs in her new garden. She told me what each was, and I was amazed. I have never seen broccoli or cabbage in the ground. As a matter of fact, I have only seen corn and strawberries growing before. She had basil and oregano, squash and zucchini... and so much more! Bella met the puppy right away and they got along just fine. Bella had never been to a farm before, and she had a time barking at the pigs running, and the goats gathering for food. She even pooped 3 different times there! That's alot for only being there a few hours. Montanna and Robert are Marine veterans with disabilities from service, and boy do they have some interesting stories to tell! I had a blast hanging out with them. We left sometime around 1500, I think. Everything was good between Bella and the puppy, so we adopted him. 

     On the way home, we stopped at Petco in Wilmington to buy supplies for the puppy. I renamed him Bubba. I bought a nice crate to train him in, a carrier to carry him in while he is too small to put a seat belt on, some toys, some bowls, treats and potty training pads and spray. We went home after that. I got home, and was tired, but had to prepare dinner. Christinia met Bubba for the first time. I prepped steaks and veggie kabobs for grilling. We had dinner, fed the dogs, and I went to bed. LOL The day was a long day.

     Today is Memorial Day, and I honor the fallen. I grieve those who never returned home. I give thanks for their collective sacrifices.

     I do not have solid plans for today. I was hoping to go meet a local facebook friend because she just got home from an emergency surgery, and was asking for visitors. I might take the kids to the local splash pad, depending on how well I feel and the weather. I don't plan on working at all, other than maybe washing dishes and laundry. I might make hamburgers for dinner if I feel ok. I am feeling better right now than I was when I went to bed. There is hope. 

5 Year Journal Day 350

      Today's prompt is "What's on your wish list?" I want to go on a cruise to Alaska.

      It is now 0541 and I have been up for awhile now. Yesterday I applied to a Masters Degree program with Capella University. I have been thinking about it for the past few days. I don't know where the motivation to go back to school came from, but here I am. I completed my FAFSA, and began looking to see where I might be able to complete my Masters Degree successfully and follow up with a phD. The program I applied for is named " Applied Behavior Analysis with specialty in Autism Spectrum Disorder." I would follow up with a Doctorate in Psychology. I just feel right with this program. It would only take one and a half years to complete the Masters Degree, but would cost about $30,000.00. I do not know how to go about paying for my education. I only have 3 months of the Post 9/11 GI Bill left. I have contacted the VocRehab lady I have been working with to be reconsidered to have my education paid for. I was able to apply with my application fee waived. I will get a referral credit for mentioning Dona Sharon as a student to the enrollment officer. I will get a new student scholarship of about $2,500.00. I will not be eligible for federal grants because they are for undergraduate programs. I will be eligible for federal student loans, I think. I am not sure because I had my loans forgiven in 2015 from attending UNCW. 

     In other news, Billy A. Johnson-Honey, Caleb's distant cousin, called me yesterday. I have asked him to help me get Jamie McCurry's phone number and address. He called me to let me know that grandma is getting involved, and wants to help figure this whole thing out. Billy talked to Caleb. We were in the car, and I was driving to Walmart. Billy said "You look like your daddy!" LOL "Hey cousin!" Caleb didn't really know how to react, but he was happy with what Billy told him about his grandma wanting to meet him. 

     It is Saturday morning, and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone is playing in the living room. I had the hardest time yesterday while I was searching online for the Fantastic Beasts books collection. Amazon did not have what I was searching for, and I find that extremely odd. I had to go to multiple bookstore websites to finally find what I wanted at Books-A-Million. 

     Soooo, yeah. Yesterday I spoke with an enrollment counselor at Capella University, and that led me to apply for admission. Yesterday morning I wrote in my new journal all the things I want for my life in bullet statements. One of them was to complete my phD. Another one was to write books and have them published. I want to write about my experiences in a way that is helpful to other people. I have decided that I should complete the psychological evaluation that I am not yet scheduled for first. I need to have a proper updated diagnosis, which I am sure will include an Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis. 

     I had to order more crystals to be able to complete my crystal grid as prescribed by Melissa Habibi at the Magdalene Rose Temple, who I am taking classes from. That is where I am getting my Rose Priestess certification from. It involves alot of inner work, and so I am taking my time, and not rushing through it. 

     Recently there was an elementary school shooting. It makes me think of the "trench coat mafia" from when I was school, and bomb threats to schools were happening. I am glad Caleb is not going to public school. My heart goes to everyone affected by the tragedy. Laws need to change to prevent this from happening again, but I am not the only one saying this. 

     I don't know what I will do today. Memorial Day is Monday. I need to take a shower for sure. The laundry needs to keep going. I have dishes to wash still. The Splash Pad is now open as of yesterday. It rained yesterday, so I did not take the kids there like I wanted to. I am still thinking about getting a pool membership so I can do my physical therapy.

     Well, I just got news that my friend I met at the VA, who has pitbull mix puppies for adoption, is going to waive my fee! I might be getting a puppy today! I am so excited! Caleb and I are going to bring Bella out to her farm to see how she gets along with the boys. Now, I really have to take a shower! 

5 Year Journal Day 349

      Today's prompt is "Where do you find joy?" Petting Bella and hugging Caleb, Harlee, and Christinia. 

     It is now 0302, and I have been awake since about 0130. Yesterday was a pretty busy day. I woke up around 0600, and took my medications. I gave Caleb his medications. I said my prayers, and got ready for the day. I washed a ton of dishes and loaded the dishwasher and ran it. Then I took a break by laying down in bed. I had a call appointment with Dawn from Beacons of Change to talk about the energies I have been feeling surrounding me. I bought an Earthing mat for my bed and have been using it since I received it in the mail. It really helps me rest at night. I have another Earthing mat that I am using on my chair at the dining table. which is where I spend alot of my time during the day. Anyway, we talked for a few minutes while I was laying in bed with my Quantum Quatro Master Healer crystal and laying on my Earthing mat. 

     When I was ready, I got up and had lunch. These days I am eating 6 thin slices of hickory smoked turkey breast and 1 small avocado for lunch. I am eating only 2 slices of Swiss cheese for breakfast. I save all my carbohydrates, and most of my protein allotment for dinner. Usually Christinia cooks on the grill.

     Caleb and I went to donate more clothes to the Hope Chest Thrift Store, and then went to Food Lion. The goal was to decrease the items in the trunk and re-organize the reusable shopping bags. 

     Time flew by, and before I knew it, it was already time to give Caleb his afternoon medications (1400). Christinia was trying to watch her school videos and Harlee was being loud, so I offered to take Harlee to the park. It was nice at the park. It was not too hot, and I was able to sit in the shade on a bench. Caleb and Harlee had a good time. We came home just as it began to sprinkle rain. Harlee had an ice cream, and took a bath. Meanwhile, Christinia grilled steaks and hotdogs for dinner. All in all, a pretty good day.

     On Monday morning, we had to drive the Volvo to the shop for my appointment to get it fixed. After dropping Christinia and Harlee off at home, Caleb and I went to Walmart to buy some groceries. I had my first video appointment with my new therapist at 1000. I had a video appointment with my speech therapist at 1400. Caleb had his therapy at 1600. It was a busy day of appointments! We had to go pick up the Volvo too.

     On Sunday, Caleb and I cleaned his room from about noon to dinner time at 1730. Actually Caleb cleaned, and I directed his attention by micro-managing. Caleb had an attitude problem at one point and he pushed me beyond my patience, and I began to get loud. He slammed doors, and it sounded like he was throwing things in his room. He cried loudly. Eventually Caleb came out of his room and asked if I could help him clean his room, and I did. We had boneless pork ribs made in the crock pot for dinner. It was tasty. 

     Saturday I began cleaning my room again. Most of the stuff that was cluttering my room, is not anymore. I am still sorting out some things, and have things on the floor that need to be put away, but it looks and feels alot better now. I gave a couple of bags of clothes and old glasses away.   

     Caleb has therapy today at 1630. We are planning to go to the community college pool this afternoon for about an hour, so the kids can play in the water, and I can do my physical therapy. There are no more appointments coming up this week, and so I will have time to catch up on my Spring cleaning projects. 

     I registered for a Virtual Retreat with Athena from Sage Goddess that is happening at the end of June. I am excited about it. I have a few more calls left with Michal for Ignite Your Light program, where she mentors me. I graduate as a Reiki Master in August. I am reading two books now. One is about creating or destroying habits in 30 days, and the other is called "Emotional Inflammation." Emotional inflammation is the name used to describe the burnout and fatigue symptoms from all the media sources we plug into on a regular basis. 

     I am managing projects still. One is the window replacements, and the other is the Volvo maintenance, as of right now. In the future I will have to replace my kitchen cabinets, replace the kitchen floor, install attic fans, and install weather stripping to the front and back doors. 

     I registered Caleb for his end of year testing. This year it will be done online. I can't wait for the that to done with already.

     I registered Caleb for a half-day horse camp coming up in June. At first he did not want to go, but I convinced him to go. 

     I never heard back from Dona Sharon whether or not she received the laptop I mailed to my dad. She never responded to my text messages.

     I am still working on my White Rose Priestess workbook. I will be getting a tattoo in July that represents all 3 Rose Priestess trainings. It will be a shoulder tattoo of three roses: one white, one pink, and one red. I can't wait to see it in the mirror. It will be so pretty when I wear my tank tops this summer.

     I want to get a tattoo in script that says "Warrior" across my chest at some point. I also want a tattoo of a goddess, but I have not decided where yet. 

     We are still in the process of finding Caleb's father. In accordance with North Carolina law, Nigel Johnson (my ex-husband), and Jonathan Rivera (father listed on birth certificate) have had DNA tests done, and tested negative to be Caleb's biological father. I knew neither of them were the father. Now, Jamie Mccurry is going to be notified to get a DNA test done by the child support office. I hope they find him, and make him do it. 

     My hair is growing longer. I can't wait for it to be as long as it was when I was in Korea. I am taking supplements to increase my hair volume, growth, and strength. I am taking supplements for my nails too. They break before they are even a few centimeters long because I wash dishes all the time without gloves and it makes them brittle. I am taking supplements for my teeth because the color is fading at the tips and they are becoming see-through. I started taking hemp oil supplements yesterday to see if they would help with my chronic pain. I am also taking CBD supplements for the same reason. I am taking supplements to keep my brain healthy, and my memory strong. I am taking supplements for my overall health and also digestion issues. I am taking alot of supplements daily! 

     I bought alot of Yankee candles on sale sometime, and I am disappointed in them. They are not strong smelling, even after burning for several hours. I need a new candle provider.

     I burned a candle, sage, and palo santo on Sunday after fighting with Caleb.

     I have lost my Reiki routine, but have been instructed to incorporate it when I am resting on my Earthing mat. 

     My crystal collection is still growing. I am so happy about it. I will be surrounded by crystals and books! I just bought more selenite charging plates for them. 

     Sooo... the Volvo had an oil change on Monday. They also replaced 3 vacuum hoses that were causing the check engine light to come on. I will bring the Volvo back on next Wednesday to have the rest of the work that needs to be done to clear the dash lights. The brake pads and calipers will be replaced. Some kind of brake system part needs replacing. I don't remember which one, but it was expensive. I also have to replace the passenger side seat belt something. That should clear all the lights and make the Volvo safe to drive. I need to ask them to inspect the rear seat belts while they are at it. 

    I am spending alot of money to fix the Volvo, but I think it is important because new cars are so expensive. The Volvo still has less than 200,000 miles, and is a nice ride. It looks banged up due to my dad, and Billy, but it drives nicely. Very smooth ride. 

     I am going to have to save to be able to afford my other home projects. I did not budget to spend so much on getting the Volvo fixed. The kitchen cabinets, kitchen floor, and attic fans are going to have to wait until I have their respective costs saved up.

     I want to save money to take a cruise to Alaska. I want to save money for Caleb's college fund too. I need to save money for my future. I am lacking ability to earn money. I lack the time needed to have my own business right now. I cannot afford to buy real estate right now. I'm doing what I can with what I have available. It would really help me if I could start getting paid child support. I have been raising Caleb on one income as a disabled person for more than 13 years now. I need financial support. Kids are not cheap. 

     Last week I got 7 days out of 7 days in nutritional ketosis for the first time ever! Woop woop! Hopefully I will lose weight quicker now as long as I stay on track.

     I am trying to recover money I invested in the Montgomery GI bill program when I was in the Army. I used the Post 9/11 GI bill to pay for my college, but did not use the entire thing. I invested $1200 into the Montgomery GI bill program that I want refunded. I sent the paperwork in last week. Let's see what happens. 

     I am waiting to receive a call from the VA about coming to inspect the bathroom to see what can be done to help me. I am requesting a walk-in tub. Taking a bath would help me relieve my whole body pain that I suffer from having fibromyalgia. The original suggestions was to install a roll-in shower, that is handicap accessible, and removing the tub. I have not heard from the Va in awhile about it. I might need to follow up. 

     My labs showed my A1c went down to 7.1! 6.5 is the number I need to get below to no longer be considered diabetic. I am sooo close!

     It is now 0436, and I am running out of things to write. Many blessings!

     

      

     

5 Year Journal Day 348

      Today's prompt is "What surprised you today?" A guy "found" me on facebook and began trying to recruit me into being a Shapeshifting Reptilian. I belong to a group called "Galactic Council of Lightworkers" and apparently this is a thing. I blocked him. There is no good reason to "shapeshift" into someone else. None. I am empathic enough to be able to sense other people's feelings pretty easily. I have had traumas and disappointments of my own, and can relate to people with the same. 

     It is now 0305, and I have been up for about half an hour. Yesterday was a laid back day. I needed to recover from Tuesday's running around. I went and bought a replacement propane tank from Food Lion, and took Caleb to his psychiatrist appointment. I prepped dinner, which was NY strip steaks and veggie kabobs. I started the day with a shower, so that helped me feel better. 

     Tuesday Caleb and I woke up and took our meds. I paid the bills and updated my spreadsheets accordingly. Caleb and I left the house to run errands. Our first stop was to pay the water bill. The next stop was to get windshield wipers for the Volvo installed. We went to Auto Zone, and a lady I had met before who works there, was there and helped us. She also helped us by installing the replacement mirror on the passenger side, and reading the check engine light code. After that, we went to Walmart to get the Volvo an oil change and have the tires inspected. While that was being done, Caleb and I went grocery shopping. We bought a double bag of charcoal for the grill, and I bought detailing products to clean the Volvo and Mazda. Of course, that wasn't all, as we practically walked around the entire store and picked stuff up as we went along. Walmart Auto Center could not change the oil for me because they did not have the oil filter for the Volvo. The tires were said to be 3 years old, but in brand new condition, with pressure good. The headlights were said to be factory and also new, and tinted, because I wanted to restore the headlights too. I bought a jump starter pack to keep in the Volvo. I had house keys made too. One to put on the Volvo key, and 1 to give Caleb. 

     On the way home from Walmart, I stopped at Inklanation to see Kayla about replacing the balls on my anti-tragus piercings. They came off when I was cleaning the piercings and I could not put them back on. She tightened new balls to my earrings and that shit hurt! My piercings are already swollen from pushing the earrings back in. I was glad to have them fixed though. After that, we went home.

     I wanted to make sure Christinia was awake for her zoom appointment. I was also tired of being out, and hungry. 

     We had leftover hamburgers for dinner. Hmm... trying to remember what happened between noon and sleep. Oh, I had a zoom appointment with Michal for Ignite Your Light and we did some inner child healing. She used a pendulum over a palm stone crystal during the session and told me about what happened. The pendulum was moving in circles rapidly during my healing, and she could feel the energy between us. She even turned hot from the energy, and she does not have hot flashes. When the session was coming to a close, the pendulum slowed down, and that's how she knew it was ok to stop.  

     Before we started with the inner child healing, I opened up to Michal about feeling energy around me when I woke up from my nap. It was not comfortable, and was making me move when I was trying to be still. It was not in sync with my body, and was different in different areas of my body as I laid down to sleep. 

     Oh yeah. We also went back to Walmart to pick up medications, and stopped at the gas station to fill up the Mazda. I was hoping to get the Mazda to the gas station before they changed the price from the morning. It was $4.18/gal when I went to Walmart with the Volvo in the morning. The price jumped to $4.29/gal by the time I brought the Mazda to the gas station.

     So that was Tuesday. Monday was busy too! I walked one mile on the incline trainer while waiting for Christinia to wake up. That makes 21 miles that I have walked so far. I still have 79 miles to go! 

     We went to Wilmington to pick up the Volvo. On the way home, we ran into a rain storm, and Christinia could not see in front of her. She was following me home, and it was raining hard, and the windshield wipers were not working to clear the rain at all. We made it safely out of the storm, but not without some scary times. 

     Simone came over for Caleb's therapy at 4:00 pm. I prepped hamburgers for dinner, and Christinia grilled them on the grill. Then I had a meeting with the Ignite Your Light ladies and Michal at 7:30 pm. It ran until 9:00 pm. I am normally in bed by 7:00 pm, and I was sooo tired throughout the entire meeting. 

     Yesterday I had a phone call with Dawn from Beacons of Change (Michal's organization) about the energies I have been feeling lately. She asked me some questions, and we came to the conclusion that I need to ground. One way to do that is stand on the Earth barefoot. Another thing she mentioned was to put a protective bubble of Reiki around me using the Power symbol. She said that I could also tell the Reiki to clear myself of all energies that are not for my greatest and highest good. 

     I remembered that I have an Earthing kit that is a grounding mat, and after trying to ground outside with my bare feet, I asked Caleb to hook it up for me. I moved it from where I was sitting in my chair to my bed, when I was ready to lay down, and fell asleep with it beneath my legs and feet. 

     Today I have an appointment with Dr. Kent, the pharmD at the VA clinic, about my diabetes. That is the only appointment for the day. I have a long list of chores that need to be done at home though.  

     Tomorrow I hope to purchase a family membership to the community college pool, and take everybody swimming. 

     I have been trying to reach Dona Sharon to find out if she received the UPS package I mailed to my dad with the laptop in it, but she has not responded to my 4 or 5 text messages. 

     The house next door is finally for sale. They finished tearing it up and fixing everything. It looks nice now. It is going for $350,000. I wish I could afford to buy it. I need a way to make passive income. I am so busy that I couldn't work even if I wanted to. I can't take on more responsibilities. I will go insane. 

     Last week, I was in nutritional ketosis 5 out of 7 days! Woop woop! This week I have been in nutritional ketosis 3 out of 3 days so far! I might actually be able to make it all 7 days ! 

     My labs came back, and my A1c has dropped to 7.1. My baseline with Virta is an A1c of 9.8, so that's a big difference. My A1c has to be below 6.5 to not be diabetic anymore, and that is where I am headed. I think I am losing weight now too. I can't wait to look good in skinny jeans again. 

     I haven't heard from my dad since I told him I could not add him to my credit card accounts. I use to talk to him multiple times throughout the day, every day. I am not feeling guilty for standing up for myself. 

     The ABS and SRS and check engine lights were still on when we picked the Volvo up from the dealership. I am taking the Volvo to a place closeby to have it fixed. The dealership replaced the blow motor for the air conditioner, and the air conditioner fluid. They reset the radio. They checked the headlights to see if the levelling system was broken, or the headlights needed to be replaced. They charged the battery and replaced the alternator. The tech at Walmart mentioned that I need a mechanic to check the battery cables, and either clean them and/or replace them because even though the battery is good and the alternator is good, the car did not start and she had to jump it. 

     I better get my spreadsheet ready to submit to the doctor. I have a biomarkers spreadsheet that I keep to send her, instead of telling her each number over the phone. Saves time, and is more efficient. 

5 Year Journal Day 347

      Today's prompt is "What is your most recent act of generosity?" I donated 2 bags of clothes yesterday to Hope Chest #3. The proceeds from their thrift store go to help women and children of domestic violence.

     Yesterday was not very busy. I was planning to go pick up the Volvo from the dealership, but Christinia was not feeling well, so we decided to wait until Monday. I collected my jeans that I do not intend to wear, and added some brand new dresses that I also do not intend to wear to the shorts I collected on Friday to donate. It filled two trash bags. I am proud of myself because I could not give away my jeans right away. I was too attached to the possibility of wearing them. In actuality, they are not flattering, nor are they comfortable to me. So, good riddance!

     On Friday I started to put away my clothes that I have in a basket, and in boxes. I had to decide to give away the old , or throw them away, to make room for the new. I bought clothes from Lane Bryant and Torrid active wear collections to prepare for my life change of exercising daily. 

     I replaced my worn out underwear with new underwear, and bras too. I love the Speax brand and the Thinx brand of underwear! Period underwear should not have taken so long to become a thing. I wish I had them sooner. 

     I am slowly cleaning my room. I hurt my back on Friday with the work I did. 

     Yesterday I donated clothes, and went to food Lion to pick up a few groceries. I came home and made a salad for lunch, and needed a nap. When I got up, I began to clean the kitchen. I got the dishwasher fully loaded and started, and handwashed a bunch of dishes to fill the dish strainer. I still have pots and pans to wash. Christinia grilled chicken thighs and drumsticks, along with hot dogs for dinner. Overall, it was a pretty slow day. We spent most of it resting. 

     Friday morning, I woke up at 0400, and began looking through my documents to refresh my memory of what needs to be worked on. I updated my spreadsheets that I use to manage household finances. I also use spreadsheets to track my goals, and my health. I found notes of my personal goals that I created in 2020. It was really something to see how far I have gotten.  

     Friday was May 13th, or Friday the 13th. Christinia and I both had appointments at Inklanation tattoo and piercing shop at 1600. I went first for my tattoo, and got a black unalome symbol on my neck. Christinia got a henna-looking type tattoo on her forearm. I also got 2 piercings of anti-tragus piercing in each ear on sale. They are all healing well.

     Chrsitinia and I have a large tattoo session scheduled for July 7th. I am going to get a shoulder tattoo of 3 roses with greenery symbolizing the work I am doing to fully become a Magdalene Rose Priestess. Christinia will likely get more work on her arm that is henna-like. 

     I ordered some more books from Zulily in order to prepare Caleb for the ASVAB, the GED, and the SAT. I love books. Do I really need a reason to collect them?

     I used my new hair dryer for curly hair yesterday morning! It is the first one I have ever owned, and I am 39 years old, and had curly hair my entire life. My inner child was ecstatic!

     I am using a new skincare line from Grove. I am slowly integrating new things into my routine. As I am getting older, I need more help to look more youthful.  

     On Thursday night, I had my first "bridge session" to begin my Reiki Master training. It started at 1930, and I was already exhausted by then. I was yawning the whole session. I have more sessions coming up. 

     I am almost complete with the Ignite Your Light workbook. I think I have maybe 2 more questions to answer, and I will be done. It is supposed to be completed by tomorrow night, so I have to work on that. I had trouble answering some of the questions. With this Mercury in Retrograde, Full Blood Moon coming with Lunar Eclipse, and Friday the 13th business happening, it has been harder to think straight. 

     Caleb loves to grill with Christinia and gets so excited when we say we grilling for dinner. Too cute. He is doing better about schoolwork, now that he is earning things for doing the work. So far he has earned a few dragon rings, a couple posters, and a couple Fallout printouts he wanted. Caleb is still in intensive-in-home therapy, but will be discharged from that program within a few weeks. Right now, we are working to figure out where to place him between ending this service, and starting services with TEACCH for Autism. I have already completed the documents to apply for services with TAECCH, and we are waiting to hear whether they will help Caleb. The waiting list is currently 4-5 months for services, but we will hear from them before he is placed on the waiting list whether or not he will be placed on the waiting list. I think Caleb will be in outpatient therapy with his old therapist in between services, but I do not know if she can see him frequently enough to be beneficial. 

     Christinia is still working with TEACCH for Harlee to get her services. Harlee starts school in the Fall. She is such a cute little girl, but boy does she ever have attitude! 

     Bella is happy now that she has plenty of opportunities to get treats, and has toys to play with. 

     Today is Sunday, and it is 0210 now. I got up around 0100. There is not much going today. I will continue to wash laundry, and finish cleaning the kitchen. Just chores for the day. I am going to take a shower at some point, and I hope to maybe get a mile of walking on the incline trainer done. I am going to wear my new clothes after my shower! So excited! I am still working on inventorying the books I bought for Caleb. I need to be sure we received everything they say they shipped out. I am also organizing Caleb's school library in the living room so it makes sense. 

     As I told Caleb's therapist, Caleb is ahead in some subjects, and behind in others. He really likes to learn about the Armed Forces and World War 2. He hates doing math, because he doesn't understand it. I am working with him though. We will get there together. 

     I enrolled in Michal's Color Therapy course, and will try to start that soon. I think it will helpful in understanding why some colors trigger me at times, because right now, I do not understand it. What I mean is, some color combinations make me feel nauseous all of a sudden and dizzy too. It happens out of the blue during everyday life. It happens frequently too. At first I thought it was a sign of perhaps an oncoming seizure. Now, I really don't know.  

     My glucose numbers are looking better, but they are still not low enough to decrease my Metformin nor Victoza. My ketones are getting more stable as I adjust to following the specifications of my diet as prescribed by Virta. My weight seems to be going down too! 

     I just read Bethany Webster's intro booklet to the Mother Wound. I do not know how to accept the things she says. I know they are true, but my mother was absent from most of my life, and I do not know how to feel about the past necessarily. 

     I am still working on the White Rose Priestess course. After that one, is the Pink Rose Priestess and the Red Rose Priestess. It is a lot of inner work, so I can not hurry through the program. I have to take my time and really let the things I am reading and listening to, sink in.  

     I now have a whole library of self-help books in my bedroom. I can't wait to be able to read them! 

     Tomorrow we are going to pick up the Volvo from the dealership. I also have an Ignite Your Light meeting in the evening. Tuesday, Chrsitinia has a zoom appointment, and I also have a zoom appointment. My appointment is with Michal for Ignite Your Light. Wednesday Caleb has an appointment with his psychiatrist. Thursday I have a phone call appointment with Dr. Kent, the PharmD at the VA, about my diabetes medications. Friday is a free day! Woop Woop! 

     It won't be too bad to get through this week. I might even be able to restart my walking routine in the mornings, and get some reading of my new books done!

 

5 Year Journal Day 346

      Today's prompt is "How ambitious do you feel today?" It is 0235, and I guess I feel pretty ambitious because I just completed work on the bills and household finances. 

     Yesterday was Mother's Day and it was like any other day. We went grocery shopping at Walmart together. I washed some laundry and washed some dishes. Christinia grilled steaks for dinner. It was gloomy outside all day. I had a hard time staying awake, but I couldn't fall asleep either. It was hard to get things done. I have a long list of things to do in order to complete my Spring cleaning project. 

     I sent my mom chocolate covered strawberries and Godiva chocolates for Mother's Day from Shari's Berries. She enjoyed them. 

     I am planning to save money for the future, and was just going over my bills to see how I might be able to manage it. My finances have changed alot recently and I just feel disconnected. I have not completely realized the changes yet. I am still in survival mode, and panicking about bills. Now, I don't have to panic, but my body stays in high alert. 

     It's a miracle really. I have most of my credit cards paid off, and don't intend to use them again. I have projects budgeted for the future to include fixing the Volvo, replacing all windows, replacing the kitchen cabinets, and replacing the kitchen floor. Right now the window project and the Volvo project are being worked on. The windows will not arrive until August 26th or something like that. The Volvo has multiple problems and the parts are on backorder, so it will take at least one week. I am holding off on doing the cabinets because I am currently so overwhelmed. I just need some time to not have workers in my home. I need my space. 

     I bought myself some black dresses for Mother's Day. They were on sale from Torrid and I could not let the deals pass me by. 

     I got the refunds for the items were not received from Zulily, and applied the refund to another order of maxi dresses for Christinia. That's what was missing, after all. 

     My dad has not contacted me. Dona Sharon responded with "Thnx" to the photos of a D.O.T. letter I received in the mail for my dad.

     I am behind in my Ignite Your Light program workbook. Reiki masterclass starts Thursday, so I am running out of time. 

     My head is somewhere else this morning. I'm thinking about my list of things to do, and wondering when it will all be done so I can relax. 

5 Year Journal Day 345

      Today's prompt is "Where do you see yourself next year?"  I see myself being healthier and better off financially.

     It is now 0252 and I have been awake for about an hour or so. I was working on some paperwork to get pre-approved to buy a house. I just wanted to see if it was even possible. Yesterday I woke up around 0500, but did not stay awake. I went back to sleep until Caleb woke me up around 0830. We then went to Wilmington so I could have my labs drawn at the VA clinic. Driving there and back is exhausting, and I was so tired when I got back home that I slept for several hours. I really did not do much else yesterday. I was just tired all day long. The day before yesterday, all of us drove to Lumberton to have the Volvo towed. It takes about an hour and a half to get there, and another hour and a half to get back. We were only there for maybe 20 minutes. When we got back, I was exhausted then too. 

     I was afraid of how things would go once I arrived to Lumberton. I needed to get the Volvo key from him. I had been texting Dona Sharon, and she was not responding to my texts, so I assumed she blocked me. I did not want to argue, fight, or have anything happen that would lead to someone calling the police. I wanted peace and civility. When we got there, I went with Caleb and Harlee to knock on my dad's door at the Motel 6. My dad opened the door, and he was clearly sleeping beforehand. He looked like he lost weight too. I said "Hey. I need the Volvo keys." He did not say anything, but turned around to get the Volvo keys. He came back and handed it to me, and then closed the door. My prayers were answered! 

     I was worried that the Volvo had been moved, towed away somewhere. It was right where my dad parked it all that time ago. I was worried the license plate would be missing. It was where it should be. I was worried about violence and fighting. There was peace. I was able to get the Volvo towed to the dealership in Wilmington with no problems. Once the tow truck left, we left to come back home. Having Chrisitnia ride with me, helped with my anxiety. She originally was not going to go, but I asked her to go with me. 

     We came home and after having quiet time/nap time, I prepped hamburgers, steaks, and zucchini/yellow squash/vidalia onion kabobs to cook on the new grill I bought. Everything came out delicious!

     Tuesday I had my annual physical appointment with Nurse Practitioner Miller. I said my prayers before going into the VA. Caleb rode with me, and waited in the car. The appointment went well! My prayers were answered, and I did not have any problems with this appointment at all. As a matter of fact, I actually LOST WEIGHT since my last visit! Woop woop!

     Monday I went to my annual eye exam appointment. Photos were taken of my retina, and one small pin point area was found to have the beginning of diabetic stress. The blood vessels were swollen. I was informed that it would go away in a few weeks as long as I continued to stay on track with managing my diabetes. My eye sight actually got BETTER from the last visit. I did not understand it, but it was explained to me that if I am managing my diabetes, and it is getting better, my eyesight will reflect that. 

     I also went to Walmart, put gas in the car, and to CVS before going home. I forgot that Caleb had therapy at 4:00pm , and we were late coming home. I apologized to Mollie for being late. 

     I have been working on an inventory of all the things I purchased and received from Zulily. We are missing some packages, but I want to be sure I have everything inventoried before filing a claim. 

     I had my period this week. It was the first in a long time. 

     Mother's Day is Sunday. I bought myself a bundle of tri-color roses in white, pink, and red to symbolize my Magdalene Rose Priestess work I am doing. I bought Sunflowers for Christinia , as they are her favorite flowers. 

     Cinco de Mayo was yesterday and we did not celebrate. 

     I feel like I am doing better at my diet, but I made the mistake of drinking a little bit of low-sugar wine yesterday, and that threw me out of ketosis. I won't be doing that again. 

     Christinia started a new semester of school this week. 

     Caleb has been helping me get our books and bookcases together so I can continue to inventory everything that has arrived. I can't really focus on teaching him right now because I am too focused on making sure we got everything we ordered. It was ALOT! 

     Turns out the Volvo needs a new alternator. I also ordered a front door key, and have to replace the battery. We shall see what else, if anything needs to be done to bring it up to driving safely. I know that the headlights needs to be fixed, the air conditioner needs to be working, as well as the radio. 

     I still have plants to plant in the yard. I have to catch up on my kitchen cleaning. I have almost caught up on the laundry. I have not been walking this week at all, and I want to start walking again. 

     Caleb had a therapy session with Hayley yesterday, and we had to discuss some things about growing up, and changes happening to Caleb's body. 

     I got my hair cut on Monday! It looks so good that I have worn it down everyday since. 

     That's about it for now. 

5 Year Journal Day 344

      Today's prompt is "Today you gained ____." Today I gained a healthier inner child. It is now 0337, and I just completed an inner child healing meditation. I am working on my Magdalene Rose Priestess course. I completed the course once before (because I earned the certificate) but I have forgotten most of what I was doing, so I am doing it again. 

     This particular part is a part of the White Rose Priestess subsection. I am supposed to write down 3 of the painful childhood memories that I have. The first one, I worked on a few weeks ago. That memory was of when I was about 7 years old or so, and I was living in Spring Lake with my mom and my brother. I believe my dad was in the Army and in Korea at the time. I was asleep in my bed, and woke up to loud yelling and crashing noises. I had no idea what was going on. The image of my younger self, on the mattress on the floor crying , next to my mom, in the dark with a night light on is very prominent. I was scared. I did not understand. I still don't understand. I think Dennis was drunk and/or high. He came to our house and flipped over the sofa, and tore things apart in the living room. I remember later finding out that he was mad because my mom did not pick him up from jail? Something like that. 

     I think I woke up and came out of my room to see what was going on. I was scared. I was little. My mom took me back to my room, and tried to put me to bed. Dennis followed us, and took my toy baby stroller, with baby doll inside, and slammed it against my closet door, leaving a big hole. 

     My mom was cheating on my dad with Dennis. I did not understand what any of this meant at the time.

     Anyway, that was the first memory I worked on, and today, I worked on the second memory. The second memory was of when my dad found out that I stole cigarettes from my best friend's parents and was smoking. He was furious. I was maybe about 10 years old, and Mathew was 9. It was right before Christmas break. My friend's mother walked over to our house to tell my dad. He immediately said "Go get my belt!" He hit me with the belt on my forearms and hands many times. Even a week later, when we drove to New Jersey to see my grandparents for the holidays, I still had marks from being hit, and it hurt. I was ashamed and embarrassed by the marks, and tried to hide them. I believe my Aunt Lisa noticed them in the vehicle at one point, because I told her my arms were hurting and began to cry. 

     I do not know what memory will be next. I guess we will see.

     Last week was annoying. I had no medical appointments, and was waiting all week for my closet ceiling and laundry room ceiling to be finished. It was not until Friday afternoon that the job was complete. I easily could have lost my cool, but I didn't. 

     My new stove was delivered from Lowe's on Monday, so that was a success. The central air conditioner got an inspection on Thursday, so we are now ready for the Summer.

     I have heard nothing more from my dad, even though I have text messaged Dona Sharon. I asked what to do with my dad's tv? What to do with this laptop I am planning on getting rid of? What to do with the queen mattress set and frame I was saving for them? I also let them know that I was removing their vehicles from my car insurance. I do not know if they blocked me or what, but it is their loss. 

     I find it hard to accept that my dad has not called me. I refuse to call him. I am not chasing him. I still have to go retrieve my Volvo from over there. 

     Caleb is working on his schoolwork, even though he is struggling, now that he is being rewarded for doing work. He has already earned a poster and 2 new dragon rings. 

     I am still Spring cleaning the house. I have given away most of the things I do not plan to use. I have cleared out 1/2 of my closet! I am resetting my wardrobe to reflect my new goals of getting healthy. The shelves have finally been hung up, and my crystals are at home in my room. I have a new bookcase that I am going to make room for, in order to put my new books away. I will be surrounded by crystals and books in my room! So exciting!

     Caleb is getting a new bed on Friday, so he is also Spring Cleaning. He has given away the clothes that no longer fit him. 

     Tomorrow I have an eye doctor appointment, for my annual vision screening. I have pseudo-tumor-cerebri, so they check every year. I have my annual well-woman's check up on Tuesday. 

     I am missing some stuff I ordered from Zulily, so now I have to inventory everything I have received in order to report what is missing. What a pain in the ass!

     Bella received new toys a few days ago, and she loves them. Her Bravecto should arrive any day now.

     Christinia had a week break between semesters of school, so she had time to really relax for once. 

     My plants are dying because I cannot plant them in the ground fast enough. I just don't have the energy. I am working on it though.

     I have fallen off the wagon of walking every day, but I plan to get back on. I have about 80 miles to go to complete my virtual challenge. 

     I am trying my best to stay on the keto diet to bring my A1c down. 

     I start my Reiki Master class this month. I am excited about that. I will be working on my Magdalene Rose Priestess course too. I have other courses and books that I want to read, but I do not want to overwhelm myself.  I am going back and writing my journal from the Ignite Your Light program I am doing with Michal. Lots of Spiritual self-work being done.