5 Year Journal Day 362

      Today's prompt is " Write down a recent transition." Christinia and Harlee moved out.

     Yesterday I took not 1, but 6 different psychological tests that help screen for Autism. I confirmed that I have Autism with each test. I am now trying to deal with what this really means to me. It means that at 39, I have spent my entire life without a diagnosis and without the help that kids these days get. I was treated badly by people who didn't know because I didn't know. It hurts...alot. I missed out on alot of opportunities and received alot of abuse. My first thought was " I wonder how my dad would feel if I told him he hit an Autistic little girl, who was his daughter, with a leather belt multiple times?"

     I've been crying alot. I've reached out to family and friends to help lift myself up. I have some memories, and the ones that stand out are traumatic.

     Christinia and Harlee moved out Tuesday. That was a hard day, full of anxiety from waiting for her ride to arrive. I helped her pack. Caleb helped her move her things out. The house felt empty when they left. It was quiet. 

     Today I had psycho-therapy and it helped me deal with my emotions. I let my therapist know the results of all the tests I took, and she did not argue about the tests or the results. I got the help I needed to get through today. It was full of tears.

     I needed a break shortly after that appointment. I took a long nap, and would have slept longer had Caleb not woken me up to give him his medications. 

     I bought some new clothes today, on sale of course, and a smaller size! I am losing weight and my clothes are fitting differently, so I am planning for the near future. 

      Tomorrow Bubba goes to the vet for his monthly weigh-in and prescription renewal.

     The week is nearly over, and I can't wait for it to be over. I'm exhausted. I don't feel like doing anything right now. I am getting over Covid-19 ok. I only have alot of mucus and phlegm left, which I am still taking the cold and flu medication for. There is just so much work to be done. The dishwasher is broken and needs parts, as we found out yesterday. I have alot of dishes to handwash now. I don't feel like cooking anything, but I have to make food for us to eat. I'm definitely depressed right now. Too much happening in a matter of days. I need rest. I am overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work I have ahead of me. 

     My student loan was certified by the financial aid office at Capella, so that is set in place. I got my Post 9/11 GI bill certificate of eligibility in the email and emailed that directly to my admissions officer. I only found out yesterday that there is another form to fill out, so I did that. I am waiting for the financial aid office and the VA to certify my Post 9/11 GI bill now. I am still hunting down scholarships that I can apply to. I am not having as much luck as I was in the beginning. It has become harder to sit here at the computer and look through the long lists of scholarships, where so many I have already applied to, and others I can't apply to. 

     Yesterday a zulily box of books arrived. Glad Christinia wasn't here to see that. Of course I bought the books weeks ago, but she hates that I buy books when I have so many. She's like "There's no room Jenn!" I feel differently. I will always make room for more books. Besides, I had to update my homeschool plans according to Caleb's end-of-year test, which showed low test scores.

     Today I got my copies of my blog2print books, 3 in total. So I have all but the last few days of blogs in printed books now.  

     I just got off the phone with mom. I love talking to her, and she made my day.

     

     

5 Year Journal Day 361

      Today's prompt is "What's your favorite cereal? My favorite cereal is frosted mini wheats.

     I am almost done with this 5 year journal book. I was not impressed with the questions asked. I guess I was expecting something more revealing in the prompts. In any case, I will not be continuing the journal for another 4 years like I am supposed to. The idea is that the same question gets asked on the same day every year for 5 years, and when done, you have a collection to look back on. You can see where you have grown and things of that nature. I liked the idea, so I bought the journal. I bought other journals too, so I think I will give them a try once I finish this one in a few days. I hope to leave my blog to my son one day. I hope he loves to read as much as I do. As of right now, it's hard to tell if any of these blog entries will mean much to him, but I sure hope so. 

     I was just thinking about how I stayed in the Army for as long as I could to make sure my college education was paid for, at least 4 years of it. I enlisted the first time in August of 2006. I was discharged in November of 2010. Completing my first 4 year enlistment was a challenge, but so worth it. I actually re-enlisted at the end of 2008 I think. Or maybe it was the beginning of 2009. I re-enlisted for another 4 years, thinking I could do both : be a full-time soldier, and a full-time single mom. I was wrong. 

     I wanted to either be a nurse, or a logistics warrant officer. I tried to go to college online while I was serving in Korea. I couldn't keep up with all the reading, plus a baby, and a non-stop 0430-1700 job. 

     The Army gave me a greater purpose, a mission. That is one good thing I can say about serving in the Army as a woman. It wasn't easy. There are alot of old warriors who are still serving who don't agree with women being in uniform. I had to face some of them when I served. 

     I hoped Caleb would be the fourth generation to serve in the armed forces. My Pepere, my mom's dad, served in the Canadian Air Force. My dad served in the Army. I served in the Army. My brother, and half-brother served in the Army too. I was hoping Caleb would go into the Army. I am not so sure anymore about that. He has a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder, and I do not know the regulations on that in trying to enlist. 

     Overall, it was a good experience. I was always being trained for new things. I always had a roof over my head. I always had food and water. I worked hard everyday. I could pay my own bills for once. I was financially independent for a time. I remember I bought my own first laptop computer when I went to the PX in Yongsan. I  had health insurance for the first time ever. It was my first full time job that I didn't quit for petty reasons. I traveled by plane, bus, LMTV, and humvee. I never had to wonder if what I was wearing to work was ok, because everybody wore uniforms. I never had to worry about the next thing coming because of the leadership. I just had to do what I was ordered to do. Things got complicated with my pregnancy. 

     I bought my first car in Korea. I made life-long friends. I want that for my son. I want him to learn leadership skills, learn about a job he is interested in, and have structure and goals.

     Christinia is moving out today. She is going to be living 3.5 hours away. It's a long -ass-drive to get to where she is going. I know it will be worth it for her and Harlee though. I just know it is the right decision for them. My house is just too small for all of us. Harlee does need a room for herself, separate from Christinia. I wish them well, and will send them off with hugs and love. 

     My dad's photo came up in my Facebook newsfeed a few days ago. I miss him. He makes me laugh so much. He also hurts me too. That's why I can't just call him on the phone. Neither he nor Dona Sharon respond to any of my text messages. I am only trying to help where I can. I can't just give them access to all my credit card accounts. I can't. I don't know why that is an acceptable request in their eyes. 

     I talked to my mom yesterday. I was glad she called. It has been awhile since I have heard her voice. We chatted while we both had food on the grill for dinner. LOL Christinia was laughing about us talking about meats. I told Christinia that I could talk about meats for days!

     I still have a runny nose, and yesterday I had a headache. I was tired all day too. I think we have all gotten through the worst of the Covid-19 already. Harlee is much more like herself. Christinia is still awfully tired, much like me. Caleb was feeling funky yesterday. He said he felt like vomiting. He felt better towards the end of the day. 

     Bubba is growing. I hope to see that he has put on some weight since his last vet visit. He is a handsome puppy! 

     Bella has started to play with him recently. It's nice to see them getting along so well.

     I got my Post 9/11 GI bill certification letter in the mail yesterday, scanned it, and emailed it straight to my admissions officer! Woop-woop! I have 3 months and 9 days left to use before 2025. It's so close to expiration. 

     I am waiting for the next steps in marketing my book. I have no money, so I can't spend on advertising. I think I will be doing a podcast interview or something.

     Big changes are happening. The environment will be different. I hope that Caleb and I recover from Covid-19 quickly so I can focus on getting him on the schedule for schoolwork. He has a lot of catching up to do based on his end-of-year testing. I want him on a routine before August, when I start school online. I also am finishing up my Reiki Master class in August. I graduate in mid-August I think. I also think that is when the Ignite Your Light program ends. 

     We are still waiting for TEACCH to tell us if they are going to help Caleb with Autism specific therapy. I don't know why it is taking them so long to make that decision.

     I am excited and scared to start school again. I have never succeeded at online school before. I am scared that because it is a Masters level course that it will be sooo much harder to do. I don't know what to expect as I have never done it before. I have high hopes though. 

     I have fallen behind in my Reiki practices. I owe Colleen a few different Reiki sessions. I haven't been taking notes either. That is a requirement for graduating, so I need to be doing that.

     I just haven't been getting much done lately because of Covid-19. I mean it's horrible for me, and I have had a vaccine and 2 boosters! Geez! I don't even want to know what it is like for those who don't have them. I mean, I have seen Christinia and Harlee, and I wouldn't want to put myself in that situation with all my underlying health conditions.

     It is now 0515 and I have been up roughly since 0330. I am getting tired. I don't know that I want to go back to bed only to have to get back up at 0700. Everybody is waking up at 0700 today because the girls are moving and need to pack everything up.

     Yeah, so we cancelled our tattoo appointments we had for July 7th. Neither one of us has any money for that right now. $600-$700 is alot of money. It's alot of money I don't have. LOL

     My anti-tragus is still healing. I don't know why it is taking so long. It hurts though. I try to keep it clean. It's like healed in one ear, but not the other. Makes no sense whatsoever. 

     Caleb and I still have Spring cleaning to do. I got a whole bunch of books delivered before we got sick, and was not able to put them away, so they are in boxes scattered in the living room along with the rest of stuff we have not put away yet. 

     I am considering cancelling my contract for the window installation. I just don't see a future where I will be making enough money to cover it the way I had planned. I can do it at a later date, when I have the extra money to spend on the house. It's not a cheap job. I would still have to hire movers to move the furniture away from the windows on the installation date. So there's that too, and then move the furniture back to the positions they were in. I'm broke. No joke. I need to sell my books to make sure I can put food on the table. For real. Buy my book! LOL

 

     

     

5 Year Journal Day 360

      Today's prompt is "Did you meet someone new recently? If so, who was it?" I recently "met Sheila Farr, the woman who is helping publish my first chapter in a book, online. 

     Today is Sunday and it is 0751. I just finished up most of my morning routines. I am still sick with Covid-19. I have a runny nose, and post-nasal sinus drip. I am taking cold and flu medication so I don't have alot of the other symptoms right now. I am also taking the Covid-19 treatment.                                                                                                                                                               

     Caleb is awake and already hyperactive and talkative. Yesterday I slept alot. I intended to catch up on cleaning the kitchen. The dishwasher is not draining, and so we need a plumber or something. In the meantime, I have to wash all the dishes by hand.

     I don't know what I will do today. I will probably wash more dishes, but other than that I am unsure. I have laundry to wash too. When Harlee was sick, she was vomiting alot, so there are a number of blankets that need washing. Bella needs a bath pretty badly.

    Yesterday we went out to Walmart to buy dog food and some other things. Today we will stay at home. I am trying to stay at home as much as possible to prevent the spread of sickness. It is not easy because I have to buy things from stores. I can't buy everything I need online. 

     So, I think it was Friday that Christinia and Caleb had 2 fall outs. Caleb destroyed the bedroom door in the process of acting out. Christinia decided to move out. She is leaving on Tuesday.

     Yesterday I put together my student planner schedule. I start classes in August. Every day I feel differently about how I will manage going back to school. I pray about it. 

     Everything has been put on hold because of being sick. It's frustrating but necessary. I have to have self-love and self-compassion. I do not want to push through the sickness to get things done and never get better. I think i have only 1 more appointment with Michal left. I am going to miss our meetings.

     I had to reschedule almost all of my appointments last week. I had my psych eval, physical therapy, psych therapy, and Bubba's vet appointment. I had to cancel Caleb's therapy appointment next week already. I do not know what else is coming up yet. 

     I am still trying to finish the Dream Builder online program to complete my business plan. 

     I was supposed to be in Athena's Virtual Retreat this weekend, but I don't feel up to it. I was so tired yesterday. 

     There's not much else to report. It's pretty slow going these days. Christinia and Harlee are in recovery, and Caleb and I are through the worst of Covid-19 too, I think. 

5 Year Journal Day 359

    Today's prompt is " If you could be the best at anything, what would it be?" I would love to to be the best at writing non-fiction books. 

    Today is Thursday. Well, not yet. It is 2350. Yesterday was a challenging day. Both Caleb and I tested positive for Covid-19 on Tuesday morning. Chrisitinia tested positive for Covid-19 on Saturday, so we figured we were going to get it too. Harlee got really sick, but seems to be getting better. Christinia is on the mend. I looked up treatment for Covid-19, and was directed to CVS pharmacy. They have an online clinic where I made an appointment to seek out Covid-19 treatment. After the appointment Tuesday, a medication was called in to the local pharmacy for me to take. It is called "Molnupiravir " and is an anti-viral medication. I was able to pick up the medication yesterday and begin taking it. Within hours of the first dose, I began to feel better than I had been prior only taking cold and flu medication. 

    My first symptom was a major headache. I took aspirin for that, but then the body aches followed really quickly and I knew it was because of Covid-19. I rushed to Food Lion to buy cold and flu medication for myself and Caleb. At that time, I did not realize there was a treatment available for Covid-19, and thought the best we could do was manage the symptoms. I qualify for treatment because I fall into the "high risk" class of people who are more likely to have severe cases due to pre-existing conditions that might lead them to hospitalization or even death. 

     I wanted Caleb to have treatment as well, but was unsure if Medicaid would pay for the e-clinic appointment that is required before getting a prescription, and I am low on money. He falls into the high risk category too. He just does not have as many qualifying conditions as I do. 

     I have been trying to stay on the cold and flu medication on a schedule so that I don't feel as badly as I would without it. I am so tired, but I can only stay in bed for so long before I feel the need to get up for awhile. 

     I have reviewed the first edit of my chapter from Sheila. I approved it with minor modifications. I came up with a title for my chapter, and posted that I am accepting pre-orders for the printed book. I await for the second edit review now. I have been prompted to create an Amazon author page. I had to look up how to do that. I am also supposed to figure out what platforms I want to use to sell my book. I need to figure out how I am going to be able to buy author copies of my book. 

     I have been trying to figure out where I am in the financial aid process with Capella University. I called the financial aid office yesterday to make sure they have heard from Sallie Mae. I was approved for a student loan with Sallie Mae, so they will be financing my education. I am still trying to apply for scholarships, but it is not easy with everything going on right now. I am still waiting to hear from the VA about my Post 9/11 GI bill certificate of eligibility and statement of benefits. I start classes at the beginning of August, so I want o be sure I have everything I need in advance. 

    I had to reschedule most of my appointments this week. Even the virtual appointments had to be rescheduled because I was too tired to do them. I had a speech therapy appointment yesterday that I could not focus in. I had a telephone appointment with Dr. Kent about my diabetes medications. I made that a short and sweet call because I was exhausted. I called the vet earlier in the week to reschedule Bubba's vet visit. I have a therapy appointment this morning that I don't think will be worth the time right now, and will request to pass. I was supposed to be seen for a psych eval in-person on Friday. That got rescheduled. I am supposed to be in-person for physical therapy too. I have not heard anything from the scheduler about that yet. 

    I made a chuck roast the day before yesterday. I cooked it in the crock pot with whole white mushrooms, whole baby Bella mushrooms, zucchini, and 6 cheese Ragu sauce. I ate mine with ricotta cheese, shaved Parmesan cheese, and shredded mozzarella cheese. It was yummy an dmade me feel more lively having a hot meal.

    Today Christinia will grill the t-bone steaks I bought for Father's Day weekend. I am looking forward to dinner. I have not been able to keep up with the dishes, and have fallen behind on the laundry too. I am too tired and sore. My brain hurts even. I am only able to write this blog because I have taken 2 doses of the anti-viral drugs so far, and have just taken a recent dose of cold and flu medication. I went to bed around 1730. It is now 0025.

    Harry Potter is playing in the background. Caleb woke up too. I gave him his dose of cold and flu medication. Without it we are hurting more and having so many symptoms. Some of the worst are probably the heachache, body aches, and congestion. 

    I am working through the Dream Builder program again to write my business plan and refresh my memory. I have applied for a Sba business loan so that I might be able to afford to create my own website to sell the books I write on. 

    I met the new neighbor the other day, Chris. He is a nice guy and allowed us to view the inside of the house. They did an awesome job gutting the house and remodeling. Everything is so white and new. 

    Ms. Dee, our neighbor on the other side of us gave us an umbrella and stand for our backyard yesterday. That was nice of her. 

    Bella and Bubba are getting along well. Bella is tolerant of the hyperactive puppy. LOL She is an old lady just like me. The dogs really reflect both me and Caleb. It's too funny to think about.

    I thought I might be able to take a trip to visit my mom this Summer, but now I am running out of money. Gas prices are high, and so driving far away is out of the question until I find another source of income. I am still waiting to hear about whether Jamie McCurry has been contacted to take his DNA test yet. So far, no contact has been made. I need child support badly.

    I am struggling more now than before because my food stamps got cancelled. Apparently VA benefits count against my income with the new legislation, so now I make too much money. 

    I was planning on writing a book soon, but I can't focus on anything right now. I am surprised I can get this blog down in order. My brain is fried from Covid-19.

    I called the office that did Caleb's psych eval and diagnosed him with Autism Spectrum Disorder to see if they would be able to test me as well. They can test me, but they do not accept Medicare. The cost to pay out of pocket is $500. I am going to see if I get my VA psych eval done first, if that would reduce the cost of my second psych eval by providing the report of what has already been done. 

    I had the rest of my blog printed as books. It was on sale at blog2print for 45% off, so I decided to get my printing updated to include everything up until yesterday. I will leave behind a legacy of sorts. 

    My Spring cleaning has been put on hold. The house is a cluster-fuck right now. I can't wait to feel better to fix it and have things neatly stored where they belong. 

    I can't believe I spent all my money. Where did it all go? Was gone pretty fast. The refinance on the house closed in April I think, and it's only June. Let me think. 

    I had to do mold remediation on the ceiling after the roof was replaced. 

    I had to buy a new stove.

    I had to repair the Volvo.

    I had to maintain the Mazda.

    I bought new windows for the house that hurricane-grade. 

    I bought clothes for myself and Caleb.

    I bought a propane/charcoal grill/smoker combination in one.

    I paid to have furniture and junk removed twice.

    I bought a new window unit air conditioner and paid for installation.

    I bought a ton of books to help me homeschool Caleb.

    I bought a ton of books for personal growth.

    I bought a ton of crystals to create my healing space.

    I bought candles for rituals.

    I replaced my laptop computer.

    I replaced the DVD player.

    I bought 2 collections of DVDs: Harry Potter and Star Wars.

    I upgraded my cell phone.

    I bought 2 bookcases.

    I paid to have attic fans installed.

    I paid off almost all my credit cards.

    I paid off my car loan.

    I paid off my personal loan.

    

    I feel like I'm missing some things to this list. I guess I didn't do too badly. I thought I could accomplish more with what I had though. I still have to have Jeff come out and set up electricity to the attic fans for them to work. I am still paying on the windows. I am still paying on the cell phone too. Hmm. I need to look at my notes to see what I am missing. 

    I am getting tired and ready for bed. It is now 0114.

     

    

5 Year Journal Day 358

      Today's prompt is "What is your dream vacation?" Either somewhere cold in Canada, or an Alaskan cruise.

     Yesterday Caleb and I took the Covid-19 test, and both of us tested negative. The boxes come with 2 tests each, so that we can test again in 2-3 days. I started feeling badly in the afternoon. It started with a headache. Then my body began to ache. I took some aspirin to help. When it did not help, I took Caleb to Food Lion to get flu medication. I also bought zucchini , squash, vidalia onions, chicken bone broth, and beef bone broth. I am going to make several soups! 

     I did get most of the dishes washed the other day before I cooked the soup I made on Saturday. Thank God because I don't have the energy to clean the kitchen now. 

    Yesterday was a long day. We started by going to Walmart to buy the Covid tests. I bought alot of Gatorades for everybody too. I ate leftover soup during the day. I think I am the only one eating it. I text messaged Dona Sharon and my dad to say Happy Father's Day. I got no response back. I don't know if I have been blocked. It would be a shame if that was true. 

    We did not grill out like I wanted. Nobody was feeling well. Caleb was the last to feel badly. He is so energetic during the day. I was irritable all day. Maybe we can grill out today. I only have one appointment today, and that is with my Reiki buddy Colleen. I am to send her Reiki in a different format than last week and take notes. 

    I feel ok right now. I took the daytime flu medication. It helps alot. I went ahead and secure messaged my providers that I have appointments with in person on Friday to see if we could do a video call. I cant walk in the clinic like this. Everyone will get sick!

     I am just trying to do what I can this week, no pressure. If I don't feel well, I need to take care of myself. I was really wanting carbs yesterday, but I did not eat them. I wanted the dinner rolls I bought to go with the soup. I managed to tell myself no.

     Today... I don't know. I am washing laundry for everybody. That does not take much effort. I might be able to sort through these crystals that arrived last week and put them where I want them. I bought a 300 Hr yoga teacher certification training course as well as a 300 Hr meditation teacher training course yesterday. I really want to learn how to lead yoga and have a good base of knowledge. I want to be able to put together my own routines and lead classes one day. I also want to lead in meditation. Dr. Gellman inspired me with her class for women at the VA clinic that I use to take. 

     I am still working on my chapter in the upcoming book that we are publishing. I am waiting for the edits to come back to me so I can see the changes. I need a chapter title. Hmmm...

    I already took my medications and ate my breakfast. I think I want to do the worksheets from that book and see where that takes me. 

5 Year Journal Day 357

      Today's prompt is "If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?" I am not sure yet.

     Yesterday was Saturday. I woke up around 0430 because I could not sleep. I kept waking up every hour. My back was hurting and I felt like I was going to fall off the bed because Bella was too close and taking up most of the bed. I did my morning routine, but it was out of order. I was awake, but tired. I wanted to stay awake, but wanted to be in bed too. I drank some Diet Mountain Dew to wake up. I could not sit still, but I didn't want to move either. 

     My morning routine looks like this :

     Prepare medications, take medications, eat breakfast, recite Reiki stretch goals, say prayers, do self-Reiki session, oil and brush my hair, apply deodorant and perfume, put on my essential jewelry, brush and rinse teeth, clean ear piercings... Once Caleb is up, I prepare his medications for him.

     That is not how yesterday morning went, but generally speaking that is how it goes. I decided to wash dishes while I waited for Caleb to wake up. I prewashed dishes and loaded them in the dishwasher. I handwashed as many dishes as I could fit in the dish strainer. By then Caleb woke up. I gave him his medications, and told him to let the dogs outside. I reminded him to feed Bubba breakfast. Then we went to Walmart. I had to buy Christinia a Covid-19 home test and some other things. She took the test when we got back home, and tested positive.

      I made a spicy soup to help fight the symptoms of Covid-19. The ingredients are: cabbage, ground beef, beef bone broth, one yellow, red, and orange bell pepper, 2 yellow onions, fresh sliced ginger, fresh sliced garlic, salt, black pepper, garlic powder, garlic salt, onion powder, crushed red pepper, ground cayenne pepper, and paprika. Yummy!

     I really did not do much after cooking the soup. I was tired and tried to go to bed early, but I could not fall asleep because my brain would not stop chattering. 

     Today is Father's Day, and I wish I could call my dad to wish him a happy Father's Day. I can't. I bought a tomahawk steak to celebrate the day. It is one of the things on my bucket list to eat. Normally it would cost upwards of $20/lbs. , but I bought it on sale for less than half that.

     Friday Michael came over and installed 2 new attic fans to remove the heat from the attic. I need Jeff to come over and bring electricity to them. (Michael is a carpenter by trade, and Jeff is an electrician.) 

     This week I have a number of appointments. Bubba goes to the vet on Thursday to weigh-in and get the next month's flea/tick and heart worm medications. I have my psychological evaluation on Friday, followed by a Physical Therapy appointment. I might have to reschedule all of those because of my Covid-19 exposure. 

     We had a heat index of 109 degrees a few days ago. It was super hot. I stayed inside.

     I updated my chapter after getting suggestions from Sheila Farr. I am now working on other aspects of the book writing process with her. I am excited to be a part of this project. 

     So, I cannot be tested for Autism through the VA. I can have other psych eval tests done, but not that one. So, I'm going to take the tests available, and once the results are ready will take them to another provider who will do the Autism assessment. 

     I decided to apply for a student loan to pay for school. I only have a little more than 3 months of my Post 9/11 GI bill left, so I will have a balance due at some point. I just want to earn my Masters degree and then earn my phD. 

     I am getting alot of fake people following me on instagram. These people are a waste of time. 

     Caleb started watching the Star Wars DVDs I bought yesterday. It was a marathon!

     I messaged Nigel on Facebook messenger. I sent him a photo of the soup I made. We had a few good laughs.

    Last week I worked on sorting some of the stuff in the living room out. I got Caleb's new books on the bookcase, and re-organized my books on my new bookcase. I still have alot to do, but I am making progress. That china cabinet held alot of my stuff in it. I think some of that stuff needs to go in the shed. I haven't decided yet though. 

     We are still waiting to hear from TEACCH about resources for Caleb. 

     I am going to learn how to smoke meats! 

     My biomarkers are showing improvement. I am slowly losing weight. My glucose readings are decreasing and my ketones levels are staying in ketosis!

     My virtual retreat with Sage Goddess is coming up. Caleb's half-day of horse camp is next week, I think. Next month he is going to learn to play chess at the local library! 

     I start my Masters degree program in August. I graduate as a Reiki Master in August. I am only one private session away from completing the Ignite Your Light program. I think I might have a couple of zoom group meetings too though. The book with my chapter in it comes out July 7th. I am planning on writing a whole book soon. I am making progress reading "Smart Couples Finish Rich." I stopped reading because there are worksheets I need to work on before I read more. I am still reading the book about changing habits in 30 days too. 

     Caleb and I have both had our Covid-19 vaccinations, plus 2 boosters. I hope that is enough to prevent us from getting Covid-19. 

     It looks like it's time to take my medications. It's late enough, 0428.

5 Year Journal Day 356

      Today's prompt is "What do you like to talk about?" I like to talk about myself. LOL 

     I am up and it is only 0208. I have been up for about 20 minutes or so. I woke up because my CPAP would not keep it's suction and was making noise. Apparently I was super thirsty because I have already had 2 cans of diet Mountain Dew, and almost half a gallon of sugar-free sweet tea. 

     Christinia is thinking about moving out to live with her sister. She wants to be able to have her own room. Right now she is sharing a room with her daughter, Harlee. Ever since she has told me what she was thinking, I have been filled with anxiety. Although I am not the one moving, I feel like I am. My life will be changing if she decides to move. I do not like the idea of not knowing what to expect. I am filled with anxiety. I might have to start taking my anxiety medication again.

     I have been thinking about my dad lately. I was sort of dreaming about what the future might look like if I had extra money. I want to help my dad, but not under his circumstances. I don't want to be made to feel bad about my past. I don't want to be told what to do. I just want to help. Free and clear. If my situation was perfect, I would easily give him money to start a new life somewhere relaxing and safe. I don't really know how much money that equals, but I know it won't be cheap. I am trying to find ways to make money without working. I know it sounds like an oxymoron but I can't hold a job. I'm unable to do what I plan to do most days. It would only look and feel worse in the workforce. I would be more stressed out which would leave me with more fibromyalgia flare-ups. I would be fired relatively quickly. 

     My dad raised me. I honestly think he did the best he could with what he knew. I do not approve of how I was raised, but given the circumstances, I couldn't have expected any better. I don't want him to suffer. I want him to heal and be happy. I want him to enjoy the rest of his life. I pray he gets help. I wish I could help him, but I tend to shut down when I am around him. I have only just gotten to the point where I could tell him "No" by myself, and only by phone. I have a hard time setting boundaries with him. He can be so forceful. He has a violent past, and he scares me. 

     I practiced my Reiki before I went to lay down last night. I did Reiki on myself first, then I sent Reiki to both Colleen and the twins in the NICU in New Jersey that were in need. I feel like I have gotten away from doing Reiki, and I don't know why I quit practicing. I want to restart with a daily practice of giving to myself and to others. I would like to include my dad on the list of people I send Reiki to. I think it would help him, even he is not aware.

     I say my prayers nearly every morning from the White Rose Priestess training. I will add Reiki to it and see how it goes. I would also like to add my crystals to the Reiki practice. I have not gotten any further in the White Rose Priestess training because I got caught up in the crystal grid part. I do not have the right crystals yet to do it. I ordered some crystals, but they have not gotten here yet. I have not done the ritual bath because I don't have the crystals for that either. LOL Oh my goodness. I have not gotten passed the part of chiron healing that includes family members either. I am supposed to look up the chiron wounds for both my parents, and if possible, my grandparents. Well, I can't do my grandparents' chiron healing without knowing their birthdays, which I do not know. I know the days of my parents' birthdays, but not the years. 

     I have been focused on my health and well-being this week as I had a really hard time managing my pains. I could not focus on anything else. Later today I have a zoom meeting with Michal and the ladies of the Ignite Your Light group for the whole day. I hope I can manage it. It is hard to sit still for so long. I am wondering if I am expecting too much from myself in trying to go to graduate school. I don't know. That causes me anxiety too. 

     I am on a weight-loss plateau which is frustrating. I'm weighing in at just above 300 lbs. I'm dying to get under 300 lbs.! I want to see the 200's! I want to go to the pool 3 times a week so that I can do what I remember from my previous physical therapy. If I could remember the office name, I would ask for another print-out of my routine.

     I almost got completely caught up on cleaning the kitchen yesterday. I have a few pots and pans to wash and the island surface to clean and I will be done! I am almost caught up on the laundry too. I have towels to wash, but the clothes are mostly done. Caleb put together the bookcase for me yesterday. He got to a point where he needed help, and asked our distant neighbor Jerry to help. Jerry is such a sweet human being! Jerry spends time with Caleb on a regular basis and teaches him things. Jerry is a retired man, married to his wife Patricia, and living with his dog, Charlie. Caleb likes to go on walks with them. They are both retired, older people. They would take Caleb to church when he wanted to go. 

     I was slightly embarrassed to have Jery over with the state of my house being in disarray, but he was kind to us. I know it smelled like sea food when he came over. I had just finished cooking shrimp and roasting zucchini, yellow squash, tri-color bell peppers, white mushrooms, and baby bella mushrooms in the oven. 

     My diabetes is under better control with me adhering to my diet. Sometimes I struggle with overeating because of old habits, but I am trying to be more mindful when I am eating. I have been on a winning streak with my ketones remaining at 0.5 or above, meaning I am in nutritional ketosis. My belly looks smaller. My shirt fits loose. I am wearing my Far infrared compression tank I just bought, and feel like it is not tight enough, so I bought a smaller size.

     Bubba is a handful all of the time, but he gives Caleb a good outlet for his energy. Caleb is hyperactive, and so is the puppy! LOL Adopting Bubba was a blessing. Meanwhile Bella and I are just 2 old ladies together. We like to lay in bed and take naps. 

     I wonder what the results of Caleb's end-of-year testing will be. I emailed the person who sent me the test login info, but have not heard back yet.

     Caleb woke up and I have been side-tracked. He immediately put the tv on. Harry Potter movies run on repeat in my house, and that's how I like it. 

     I worry about the future, but I am trying to let go of my expectations. I just have so much going on. I have school starting in August, maybe. I will only start if I can afford to pay for it. I graduate from Reiki Master training in August. I am supposed to go to get a large tattoo on July 7th, which is also the release date of the book I have contributed to. I do not know if I will be able to afford the tattoo because I might not have the rental income from Christinia in the future. I am waiting from TEACCH to hear about Caleb's Autism plan of care. I am waiting to hear from VA about my GI doctor appointment as well as my psychological evaluation appointment. I am supposed to take Bubba in to the vet every month to be weighed in and get new flea/tick and heart worm medications for his growing size. I am still paying on the windows I bought from Lowe's and will be installed after August 25th. I am planning on paying off my credit card debts as soon as possible. 

     Then there are the everyday effects of the changes happening. I am doing well with a roomate. Christinia makes me laugh, and so does Harlee. I do not know that I will maintain my mental health when they leave. I am trying to stabilize myself so I can let go of my attachments to their presence. It's not easy because of my trauma-filled past. I want Christinia to do what she needs to do to be happy and healthy. I just want to protect myself in the process. Caleb has already said that he will be sad and cry if they leave.  

     I have reached out to other people to try to get support. I need friends and family in my life. Unfortunately my family has toxic relationships that I am avoiding. I already feel the loss even though nothing has changed yet. 

     I have text messaged Dona Sharon multiple times, and she never responds. The last message was a photo of her mail that was delivered here. I have no idea how my dad is doing. I hope he is taking care of his health. 

     I need to call my Granny and Pepere and check up on them. I haven't called my mom in awhile either, nor my Aunt Lisa. I've got some socializing to do! I just haven't been feeling well. 

     I wonder how Mathew, one of my brothers, is doing. I haven't talked to him in years now. I can't believe he holds a grudge against me for writing my own thoughts and feelings in my own blog. It is what it is. 

     It's now 0358. I guess I am staying up for awhile. I'm going to go ahead and take my morning medications.

5 Year Journal Day 355

     Today's prompt is " If you had to move to a new city, where would you move?"

     This week has been challenging to say the least. Tuesday morning at 0300, we left for Wilmington's airport to drop Chrisitinia and Harlee off. We got home around 0430. I had trouble catching up on sleep and my back and pelvis were hurting. I had a zoom appointment on Tuesday afternoon about writing my own book. It went ok, I guess. I don't really trust the person behind the system. I don't know him. 

     Wednesday there were no appointments. Thursday Caleb had his first day of testing for homeschool. It took several hours on the computer to get through it. Thursday night I had a zoom appointment with the Reiki Master Class for Bridge Training. I felt horrible and posted a request to have Reiki sent to me because I was in a lot of physical pain and depressed. During Bridge Training I was partnered with Colleen, from New Jersey. She sent me Reiki, and I sent her Reiki at the same time. I believe this helped me sleep that night.

     I woke up on Friday feeling much better, and able to take a hot shower. I had been wanting to shower all week but was in too much pain to take one. I washed up and put on my new Far Infrared compression tank top and clean clothes. Feeling much better, I was able to pre-wash a lot of dishes, load the dishwasher, hand wash some dishes, and start a load of laundry. I was able to sort out some things that were in boxes on the living and kitchen floor. We received the bookcase I ordered on Thursday. I am waiting for Caleb to put it together for me. It is replacing the china cabinet I had hauled away. I was using it to store books and crystals. When I had it hauled, I had to empty it into storage containers because I had nowhere else to put what was being stored. So now I have storage boxes on the living room floor, and in the way of walking. It looks horrible! I can't stand it and can't wait to fix it. I am still in the process of Spring cleaning.

     Friday was day 2 of Caleb's testing. He completed it without issues. Thank God that is done! I had to order pizza from Domino's for Caleb's dinner because I was too tired to finish cleaning the kitchen in order to cook dinner. I just had a few slices of turkey breast deli meat, a couple slices of Swiss cheese, an avocado, and a few spoons of lemon flavored olive medley. I took my medications and went back to bed. 

     I realized I was dealing with irritable bowel syndrome on Wednesday. I contacted Ms. Miller about the chronic pain I was in and suggested in might be a re-occurence of my stress fractures or may be endometriosis. I realized nit was my IBS when the next day I had a bowel movement and most of the pain went away. I let the nurse at the Women's clinic, who I had been messaging, know right away. I told her that I was diagnosed with IBS in basic training and prescribed tramadol. Ms. Miller put in a request for me to be seen by a GI specialist about my digestion issues. I was happy about that. At least she didn't try to prescribe me more Miralax! I swear I have so much trouble with her taking my issues seriously because I am overweight. She automatically blames my problems on being weight. The thing is, the pain led to my gaining weight, not the other way around!

     I feel like I got one problem solved, and that is leading me to see a specialist. Now, if I could get my fibromyalgia pain under control, that would be great! Fibromyalgia leads me to entire body pain. It is excruciating and painful to even walk. Alot of pain is in my pelvis and spinal area. 

     I think we went to Walmart on Thursday after Caleb finished his testing. I bought more sugar-free sweet tea and new door knobs for the house.

      Yesterday was Friday and we went to ship the necklace the had been mistakenly sent to me. It was the wrong necklace and I was returning it to the maker for replacement. We then went to walk around Big Lots for the first time. It was nice and clean in there. I bought some lemon scented multi-purpose cleaner for myself to clean the kitchen with and some Army figurines for Caleb. We went home after that.

     We haven't been driving much lately because gas prices are so high. The cost per gallon for regular gas was $4.68 yesterday. 

     I submitted my second final draft of my chapter on Tuesday to Sheila Farr. She approved with great enthusiasm! I was happy. She was happy. It was all good! I can't wait to see my chapter in a printed book! The release is July 7th of this year!

     I am still waiting to figure out how I am going to pay for college expenses. I have to wait for my summary of benefits letter and certificate of eligibility. They are letters that are supplied by the VA that say what benefits I have remaining in my Post 9/11 GI bill. That will determine when I can start classes. The other piece I am missing is the VocRehab letter that states  I have benefits to use through that program to pay for school. I have not been writing anymore essays for scholarships because I have not been feeling well. Even sitting at my computer was too much for me. I was in so much pain that I could not think clearly.

     I am still waiting to hear from the VA about scheduling my psychological evaluation appointment. I wonder what that will reveal.

     I start physical therapy at the end of the month at the VA clinic in Wilmington. When we went to the pool last week, I purchased a family pool membership so we could go when we wanted. I need to be going at least 3 times a week. It really does help with my pain. I wish I could remember all the exercises I was doing from pool therapy the last time I was in physical therapy. 

     Bubba is doing well and has completed his medications. He took a de-worming powder for 4 days. We were able to obtain a stool sample to check for parasites. He was clean of parasites! Hurray! Then he took a flea and tick medication a day after finishing that medication. A day after the flea and tick medication was administered, I gave him a heart worm medication. Now he is all caught up! He is only about 13 or 14 weeks old. He is skinny so I began feeding him twice as much food as he was getting. He is a growing boy and needs his nutrition to continue to growt into a big boy. 

     Today is Saturday, and it is 0525. I have been awake for about an hour now. Tomorrow I will spend all day in a zoom meeting for the Ignite Your Light program. Monday the guy who is inspecting my bathroom for a VA disability remodel will come over. I also will be sending Reiki to Colleen in the morning. I will be receiving Reiki from Colleen in the evening. Tuesday afternoon Caleb has a dental appointment. Christinia and Harlee will be arriving at the Wilmington airport that evening. Wednesday will be a busy day. The dishwasher repairman will come to fix the dishwasher. I will send Collen Reiki in the morning. Caleb has his psychiatrist appointment in the afternoon. I will receive Reiki in the evening. I have my video appointment with the VA Veteran Readiness and Employment (VR&E) representative to discuss my goals with college. Friday Christinia has a doctor's appointment in the afternoon. It's going to be a busy week!

     I would like to catch up on the laundry and finish cleaning the kitchen today. I want to cook shrimp for dinner. I don't know how much work I will able to do, but I would like to pet vac the hallway, and begin using the carpet cleaner to clean the hallway carpet. I asked Caleb to shop vac the hallway in preparation for me to do just that. I also asked Caleb to put together the bookcase for me so I could put my stuff where I want it. I can't wait to put these storage boxes in the shed where they belong.

     It's time for me to take my medications. I have been thinking about my dad. I wish I could tell him about my chapter, about going back to school... 

     I graduate from Reiki Master class in August. If I do nothing else, even that would be an accomplishment worth celebrating! 

5 Year Journal day 354

      Today's prompt is "What do you find irresistible?" Laughter.

     Yesterday I woke up around 0430. I just could not sleep anymore. I began searching for more scholarships to apply to. I was on my computer for quite some time, just enjoying the quiet house while everyone else was sleeping. I checked my glucose reading, and I took my medications. I used my Apollo neuro device to slowly wake up. I just got it in the mail on Saturday. It is something I wear on my wrist that vibrates different vibrations according to the intention I choose on the synced app. I think there are about 8 different intentions. Each is supposed to help reduce stress on my body, especially my heart. I thought it would be worth the investment to try it out. So far, it does help me fall asleep faster. I'm not sure about the intentions yet. 

     I completed writing the first final draft of the chapter I was writing to be included in Sheila Farr's book, being released on July 7, 2022. I submitted it to her, and she approved happily of it. I am waiting to hear from Sheila if I should add more information, because my word count was already over 2,000 words. I can't believe I wrote a chapter in a matter of days. I thought it would be harder for me to come up with something that would fit into the book. The book is called "Let Go or Be Dragged", and is focusing on the trauma that some of us have gone through, and how we managed to make it through the other side. 

     I read my chapter a day of "Smart Couples Finish Rich", by David Bach, and printed out some of the worksheets to fill out later. I created a folder to store my important notes from the book, so I could stay organized. I take notes on just about everything, because I tend to forget almost everything if I don't. 

     I lit a Money Drawing 7-day candle, along with an Uncrossing candle, and a Success candle. I figured that would cover the general ideas of my intentions.

     I went through my spreadsheets and printed a bunch of the relevant ones out to include in my folder. Organization is one of the most important things mentioned in the book. 

     I reorganized my to-do list and threw away last week's to-do list. I updated my incoming mail list too. I took documents from my notebook that I had just stashed in there temporarily, and put them in document protectors in a 3-ring binder. 

     I said my prayers. I got ready for the day by brushing my hair, putting on my scented oil, putting on all my jewelry, and of course deodorant. I always feel more awake after brushing my hair. I don't know why. Maybe it has to do with the scalp massage from the brush?

     I stayed awake until 1130, when I had to lay down because I so tired. I didn't get out of bed until about 1400. I had my standard lunch for this keto diet I'm on, 6 turkey breast deli meat slices, and 1 avocado. Caleb and I went to Walmart because I ran out of printer paper, and needed a few other things. We came home and played with Bubba. I need to take more pictures of him, preferably with my "good" camera. He is going to grow so fast. 

     I made a big salad with fajita chicken strips for my dinner. I split the bag of fajita chicken strips with Christinia. She had a bag of kale salad. Caleb and Harlee ate their frozen pizzas for dinner. I took my night time medications, and went to lay down pretty early.

     Today I have to go to the vet's office to obtain a new stool collection container for Bubba's poop. We used the one we were given, on Friday, not realizing that there was nowhere to store it until Monday morning , when the office was open again. I did not realize the vet's office was closed on Saturday!  

     Caleb and Bubba are now awake, and it is 0400. Later today, I have a zoom appointment with Michal for Ignite Your Light. After Jonathan gets off work, he will be stopping by to cut the grass for me. 

     Tomorrow Christinia and Harlee have to be driven to the airport to leave for their vacation. We have to leave the house at 0315 to get there in time. I'm going to be tired on Tuesday!

     On Wednesday a dishwasher repairman is supposed to come fix the dishwasher. On Thursday, Caleb has his end-of year testing Day 1. Thursday evening I have my Reiki Master class. On Friday, Caleb has end-of year testing Day 2. Saturday is a free and clear day, but Sunday I will spend all day my computer for an Ignite Your Light Zoom Meeting with the other women who are also participating in the program. It's going to be a busy week!

     I am still working on how I am going to afford to pay for my Master's Degree. I am applying for as many scholarships as I can. I wanted to make sure I met the deadline for the submitting my chapter for the book before writing any more essays. Now I can focus on writing essays again. 

     Chrisitinia might be moving away, as she told me she was considering it a couple days ago. I wasn't expecting the news, but I understand her decision.

     

      

5 Year Journal Day 353

      Today's prompt is "Moderation or excess?" Excess.

     Alot has happened over the past few days. I have been accepted into Capella University for their Masters Degree of Science in Applied Behavior Analysis with concentration in Autism Spectrum Disorder! I confirmed my acceptance, and am now working on getting my finances together. I had already applied for financial aid with the FAFSA, but had to update it to include the school code for Capella University. I filed the application to change schools with the VA for my Post 9/11 GI bill. Yesterday, I spent alot of the day filling out applications for scholarships online. I moved my start date from July to August so that I could make sure I have time to apply for all the financial aid I need. I found out that I cannot apply for federal student loans without a doctor's note about my current condition, so it is unlikely that I will be eligible for federal student loans. 

     I chatted with a veteran Facebook friend, Brandi Miles, who is a veteran coach and mentor. I let her know I wanted to be a published author, and she connected me to Sheila Farr who has been publishing her own books! I am now going to be a published author in her book that is being released July 7th! Woop-woop! I am a contributing author in the anthology called, "Let Go or Be Dragged!" Yesterday I typed up 1,007 words of my 2,000 words allotted, and I'm not done yet!

      Yesterday Christinia and I took the kids to the pool at the community college to swim. They had so much fun! I did my stretching and what I remembered from my pool physical therapy. Afterwards, we went to Jersey Mike's for lunch! Yummy!

     I am having trouble getting in touch with the VA rep who called me about changing my bathroom.

     Thursday we went to pick up the Volvo from the shop. The brake pads and calipers were replaced. Later that morning, we took Bubba to his first vet appointment. Afterwards we took him inside Walmart to do a little grocery shopping. He was such a good boy! He really is a sweet puppy. I had my appointment with my psychiatrist by video call at 1300. It was like one thing after another. I was exhausted by the time the appointment was over, and needed a nap. 

     Wednesday we dropped the Volvo off at the shop in the morning. Then I came home and started preparing for Junkluggers to come over and remove the china cabinet, mattress, and box spring from the property. The china cabinet was located in a corner by where I sit at the dining table. I had tons of stuff in the way that I had to move before I could empty the china cabinet itself. The Junkluggers called to ask if they could arrive earlier than scheduled, because they were already in the area. I hurried up and got done just minutes before they arrived. Everything was moved out without any problems, and Caleb and I cleaned the area that was now clear, for the rest of the afternoon. We removed the rug that was under the dining table, and vacuumed the carpet. Who knows when the last time was that we had seen the carpet under the rug? 

     I want to share my essays that I wrote for one of the scholarships because I am proud of my work. 

     "I served for 4 years in the U.S. Army. During that time I travelled from Greensboro, NC to Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri, to Ft. Sam Houston, TX, to Ft. Lee, VA, and from there to Seoul, South Korea. I went to Basic Training in Ft. Leonard Wood, where I learned that I had inner strength beyond measure. I was injured one week prior to graduation, and put in physical therapy and on crutches for 6 weeks. I had to re-cycle, which meant watching my peers graduate without me, and going through a whole new training cycle until it was time for me to be discharged from physical therapy. I was in a lot of pain, and yet I did not want to quit. I did not want to return home on a medical discharge. I did everything in my power to recover quickly and followed doctor’s orders to the t.

            I completed Basic Training with my second class, and then was transported by bus to Ft. Sam Houston for “Healthcare Specialist” training. That was Army code, which I did not know at the time, for “Combat Medic”. Once again, I was injured in the same way one week prior to graduation, and put in physical therapy and on crutches for 6 weeks. I was given the chance to be discharged from the Army on a medical discharge, or be put on a permanent profile. I chose the permanent profile. Then I was told to choose a job from a list titled, “Top 20 Needs of the Army."

            From there I chose to become a 92Y, a Unit Supply Specialist. I had to fly to Ft. Lee for job training. I successfully graduated from 92Y training and was flown halfway across the globe to Seoul, Korea. I completed the rest of my first enlistment there, at Yongsan.

            Just getting from the point of joining the Army, to the point of actually doing my job was a struggle for me, but I made it! I feel like all the setbacks set me up for future successes because I learned to never quit. As a matter of fact, that is a line in the Soldier’s Creed. “I will never quit. I will never give up.”

            After I graduate, I plan to continue my education at the ph.D. level. Once I graduate from that track, I want to write books, and advocate for people with Autism. My Master’s Degree is going to be in Applied Behavioral Analysis with concentration in Autism Spectrum Disorder."

     "I am a disabled veteran and single mother to a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have mental illness, and am likely on the Autism Spectrum too. I came from a single father family. My father is a disabled veteran. I believe that people who need help should have access to it, and currently there are no professionals who support people on the Autism Spectrum in my county, and few in the whole state. I would like to be a part of the team that is trying to provide for this population. I am currently 39 years old, but I have lived enough and experienced enough to be able to assist with people who are like me. I have developed coping mechanisms and essentially survived what people call “normal” environments as well as “abnormal” environments.

I believe my strength resides within my faith and optimistic outlook. I have empathy for people, and can relate even more to people who struggle as I do. I believe that having Autism myself is a strength in helping other Autistic people. I can more deeply relate to the everyday struggles that people with Autism have, having them myself. I am not on the outside looking in. I am on the inside with them.

I have been a single parent since my son’s birth. His story is a long one, and so I will just touch on his struggles and how I parent him. He has BIG emotional outbursts, and I don’t react like a “normal” parent, because I am not one. I let him express his emotions without reacting to them. I let him calm down until he can “use his words” to talk to me in a normal tone of voice. This has made our relationship stronger. He trusts me not to hurt him, because I never have, but others have.

I have had my son in psychological programs since he was about 2 years old, trying to put a finger on what was causing his speech delays, toileting delays, and tantrums that were extreme. He is now 13, and only within the past few months diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Mind you, I went to NC TEACH when he was beginning school-age to be tested, and they replied that he “did not present as someone with Autism.”

I have advocated for him to get the same education as his peers, where he is actually learning within his abilities. I have argued and fought the “good fight.”

I will advocate for others in the same manner. Everyone should be respected and educated."

Those are 2 essay submissions I wrote yesterday. I wish I would have kept the prompts so it would make more sense, but essentially one of the questions was about how did the military change your life? How did the military prepare you for college? The other prompt was asking what makes me different, and how will that improve the community at large? 

5 Year Journal Day 352

      Today's prompt is "Why are you impressive?" I have overcome challenges and made a life for myself. I have had depression, PTSD, and I think Autism Spectrum Disorder since my early years. I have also had fibromyalgia since childhood. I suffered domestic violence and abuse as a child, which did not end until last month. I was an A/B student throughout elementary, middle, and high school. I got into college without any help whatsoever. I had no therapy growing up. I had no doctor appointments either. I had no support system, and very few friends. I successfully completed 4 years of U.S. Army service, which was due to my tenacity and hard work. I came home from South Korea, and I went straight to college until I graduated in 2015. There were many ups and downs, and I even failed classes several times due to social anxiety. While I was in Korea, I became pregnant, and did not who the father was. I was raped while intoxicated. I did not know I was pregnant until I went to the E.R. for kidney stones and pain associated with it, and the lab came back positive. I was already 7 months pregnant. I am still in search of my son's father today. I have a good idea who he is now, after having done multiple DNA test kits, like ancestry.com. 

     During my "secondary" attempt at college (after Korea), I was hospitalized for my mental health, and my son was put into foster care. It would be a year before I could regain custody of my own child. After graduation, I had no income and no insight as to what to do about my living situation. Long story short, I bought a house from a friend of mine. It was a rental property up until I bought it. It was made in 1986, and had not been maintained very well. Since moving in, I have been updating the house as I can afford to. All along, I had my parents treating me badly. My dad is abusive, and I only parted ways with him a month or so ago. My mom is absent from alot of my life. Mathew (the brother I grew up with) has disowned me and blocked me due to political differences. The same goes for Eric and Sherri who have a different dad than we do.  

     I am a single mother and disabled veteran. I am a college graduate, and homeschool teacher. I have hope and faith in my future. I have come a long way from where I began. 

     I am studying to become a Reiki Master. I am currently a level 2 practitioner. I am also in progress on the Rose Priestess certificate. I like to do different things at different times, so I also have other classes going on at the same time. I have a Holistic and Wellness Coach certification program I am working on. I am also reading multiple books from the new collection I have just acquired. I am reading Smart Couples Finish Rich, by David Bach, How To Be Yourself, by Ellen Hendrickson, Ph.D., a book on changing habits, and a book an emotional inflammation. I am still enrolled in the Ignite Your Light Program, and am taking a virtual retreat with Athena from Sage Goddess at the end of June.  

     I applied for admission to a Masters Degree program with Capella, in the hopes that I could complete my doctorate at the same school, but I have not gotten a decision letter yet. 

     Yesterday was a productive day. The two days before yesterday were full of physical pain in my back and hips. I woke up around 0630, and paid my bills. I took my medications. I gave Caleb his medications. I had to wait for businesses to open up before I could make phone calls to schedule things I need to have done. The first one was to get a vet appointment for Bubba, the puppy. The second appointment was to have junk removed from the house. I have a china cabinet that is taking alot of space, and an eyesore. I have a queen size mattress and box spring that I was going to give to my dad when he moved to his own place, but I need the space in the shed, so I have to get rid of it. Not to mention,  we are no longer on speaking terms. 

     At 1000, I had my appointment with Michal for Ignite Your Light. It was an awesome time on zoom with her. I really felt heard, and inspired. 

     I loaded the dishwasher, and handwashed some dishes, in an attempt to clean the kitchen. I placed an order for puppy supplies too. I repackaged the meats I bought on sale from Lowe's Foods and put them in the freezer. I cleared some old food from the fridge. 

     Caleb and I went to CVS to pick up some of his medications in the early afternoon, with hopes of making it back home before Simone came over. Caleb had his discharge appointment with Simone at 1500. After Caleb's appointment, we all went for a ride back to CVS to pick up another of Caleb's medications that was ready. When I came home, I began preparing hamburgers to be grilled. I used a new seasoning that was labelled for burgers. I think they turned out pretty good!

     That was about the end of my day yesterday. The day before yesterday was Memorial Day Monday. Because I was still in pain, I did not do much. 

     One of the things Michal said in the Ignite Your Light zoom meeting we had, was that I should also write to disabled veterans in my blog. It's a good idea, but I have to work on it, because I am still learning. For instance, the message behind this blog could be, "Keep moving forward," and I could expand on a few of my trials and tribulations I have managed to get through. 

     It is now 0432, and I have been awake for more than an hour. I went ahead and checked my glucose, and took my medications. Caleb woke up, and told me he would stay awake, so I gave him his medications as well. We are going to take the Volvo to the auto shop this morning around 0800. The junkluggers will be here between 1330 and 1530 to pick up the junk, so I have to clear a path for them to move the china cabinet without bumping into anything. That will likely take me all day until they arrive. 

     Tomorrow, Bubba has his first veterinary appointment. I have to bring in a stool sample, which I am not too thrilled about. I also have my psychiatrist appointment by video in the afternoon. 

     I plan on coming up with a new system for Caleb to get his schoolwork done. I haven't gotten it figured out just yet, but I will. Right now, all of his energy is being spent on taking care of and playing with Bubba. His ADHD is finally getting it's vent. LOL

     I am waiting for an estimate on attic fans and the labor to replace the weather stripping on my house doors from Stacy.

     The windows are not going to be ready until august 25th, 2022. 

     I have to find a new way to save money to cover expenses, while allowing myself to spend sometimes on things that are not needs. I hope that book helps me figure things out. I did not know there were other books by the same author that are targeted for different people. I would have bought the book for women if I had seen it. 

     One of the things I told Michal in our meeting was that a part of me in still in shock at how much my life has changed without my dad being present. I use to call him multiple times a day, everyday. The negativity was overwhelming. I thought I could help him with the VA claim he has submitted, but he is working with a lawyer. I thought I could help him get mental health treatment for his PTSD, but he bullshits during his appointments, when he makes them. I thought I could guide him "into the light", but he obviously does not want to change, or he would.