Just an update

     It feels like it's been a long time since I last blogged. First let me share with you an interview I recently did:

https://www.mysticmag.com/psychic-reading/interview-jenniferdemello/

    So yesterday I spent most of the day cleaning my room. I had over 5 laundry baskets of clean clothes to fold and put away. Now I only have a couple that are my stuff. I gave Caleb all his stuff to put away in his room. Caleb has been working on cleaning his room for inspection. I am waiting for him to vaccum the floor, so I can shampoo the carpet. We have to show alot of progress on Caleb's room and the living room to the social worker this week. It has been stressful.

    Today is Thursday and I have a re-examination appointment with my physical therapist today. I then have to pick up Caleb's medications from CVS. I then have to go to Walmart because we need to restock toilet paper and paper towels. I might need to put gas in the car too before coming hime.

    Yesterday was Wednesday. I spent alot of time trying to clean out my room. I had a mountain of dirty clothes in a pile that I was able to start washing. I folded clothes and had Caleb put his clothes away. I need to put my clothes away. They are still on my bed. I still have to take the trash out of my room too. 

    Tuesday Caleb was supposed to have both a therapy appointment and a psychiatrist appointment, but for some reason his therapy appointment was cancelled. We met his new psychiatrist, Dr. David Moes. He was helpful.

    I was supposed to have a Reiki appointment yesterday, but my friend did not show up because she was not feeling well. 

    I made corned beef brisket in the slow cooker yesterday. I also made hard boiled eggs for later yesterday.

    I want to say I washed a bunch of dishes on Tuesday. Caleb was hoarding trash and dirty dishes in his room. He got most of the trash out of his room so far. I have almost all of his dirty dishes washed.

    I think it was sometime over the weekend that I cooked the turkey dark meat for Thanksgiving. I was not feeling up to it until then. I undercooked them the first time around, and had to re-cook them the following morning. They turned out right finally. I did not want to cook anymore, so I asked if we could wait for the sides for Christmas. Nana was going to make homemade stuffing and cranberry sauce. I have been struggling to get the kitchen cleaned up and kept cleaned up. Everyday I am washing dishes from who knows where, all of a sudden showing up.

    I don't have anything to cook today. We still have Turkey leftovers to eat though.

    I had my appointment with Dr. Hueholt last week I think. I told her about the xylophone image that pops up and I feel dizzy like I'm going to fall. She questioned all the supplements I take, and said I should stop taking them. I created a list of all the supplements I take. I only take the delta-8 for intense pain. I only take the kratomade in the morning so I can work. Without it, I am in alot of chronic pain. I use the hape' every so often when I feel like it. All the other supplements are herbal supplements for my health from Swanson. They help me keep my sugar low, my energy up, my hot flashes down....etc. I vape e-juice chronically out of habit and stress.

    I tried a new e-juice for my e-cigarette. It mkes me feel sick and so I stopped taking it once I realized that it was the problem. It made me throw up the other morning. I will never buy that brand again!

    I have to run a gofundme donation in order to have fresh vegetables in the house until I got paid. I only get paid twice a month. Thank God for my donors! I had spent my money on preparing Thanksgiving dinner, and ran out of money for fresh vegetables to eat! It's so important for this keto diet. Canned products have sugars in them, and besides I have never seen canned broccoli, cauliflower, or red bell peppers that are good to put on a vegetable platter for snacking.

    It has been busy to say the least. I did that interview, which was awesome. I wish I had done it by video though.

    It's tough. We are all grieving. Dad's date of passing was December 13th. It's so depressing to go through the holidays without him. I wanted to go to his gravesite, but now think I will not be able to go there. It is a long drive from here. I don't want to have to take everybody including both dogs and stay the night somewhere, but I might have too. I miss my dad everyday. These holidays are hitting hard as the first ones without him around making jokes.

    Tomorrow is a free day. It's free of appointments so far. We are still cleaning the house. Caleb needs a haircut. I need to cut my nails and get ready for the day. I am sitting here, just glad I finally got a shower on Tuesday. It's hard for me to take showers because of my chronic pain and the energy drain it causes. It's like I can't do anything else the day I shower, which means I have to schedule my showers carefully.

    Caleb's IXL curriculum is due for annual renewal soon. I don't know that I will have enough money to renew it. It costs $200 a year but has all his school stuff he needs included.

    I have to figure out what we are going to eat for the next week. I just got paid, but after paying my bills, I don't have much leftover. I might resort to eating sandwiches more often. Nana doesn't mind eating progresso soups, and Caleb likes soup too. 

    Last night I got a text message from FedEx that triggered me into having tingling sensations all over that led to burning sensations. It made me feel sick. It wasn't the message itself, but the colors on my phone that triggered me. It was just telling me that we have a package coming.

    Nana had her doctor appointment last Tuesday. I had my pool therapy that afternoon, so it was a busy day. I enjoyed talking to her doctor, and made sure that everything needed was brought up.

    Yeah. I am looking at my Google calendar. Caleb had a therapy appointment last Monday morning, and later that morning is when I had the video appointment with Dr. Hueholt. That Monday afternoon, I had a Reiki session with a friend  of mine. I hope she leaves a good review for me!

    Wednesday and Thursday were appointment free. Friday I spoke with Cheryl Hanson for the first time about what hse offers for healing. I was referred to her by my highschool mentor, Kristen Leatherman from Young Life. I am excited to have the actual appointment with Cheryl. I love her already!

    Finally, the sun is shining. That is what caused even more health problems over the holidays, the lack of sunshine. It was cold and rainy, and really painful for Nana and me. I'm so glad to see the sunshine yesterday and today. I'm glad it's cold too. I wait all year for it to not be hot. I run hot regularly. I wear tank tops or sleeveless dresses with shorts all the time.

    I'm expecting a call from the DSS social worker soon to inspect the house. I hope it is good enough for her to close our case. We have been working hard to get all the trash out of the house and get organized and have a safe way in and out of the house for the wheelchair.

    I had a free energy healing on Saturday with Chris Roberts. I feel better since then. I feel like what he was saying was true for me, and I know I needed his help. I look forward to seeing him in the future. He has programs available for me to learn his techniques that I am interested in.

    One class is this weekend. I hope I make it every night. He is on Pacific time, so it's late for me.

    I almost forgot that Carla and Tyrone came to help clean up for about an hour last week too. Carla is coming back tomorrow afternoon, I think. 

    Caleb is making himself some tea. He made Nana her coffee, but I think she finally fell asleep. She had a rough night last night dealing with her pain. I slept the best I have in years last night, but I woke up around 0330 needing a drink of water. I felt like I slept deeply for once. I think it has alot to do with my room getting better. Environments are so important to our health. I cleared a path to get out, so I will not trip anymore. I had clothes all over the floor because the pile of dirty clothes kept getting spread around with us walking over them. 

    I can't wait to get this house right. 

    I've been praying a lot lately. I've been sleepy through the rainy days. I tried to rest, but I can't sleep when I am on kratomade. I can rest my body by lying down, but I can't stop my brain from working, so I pray and pray some more.

    Caleb is playing music now on his portable speaker from his phone.

    I really upset Nana the other day by playing some hard rap music. It triggered her memory of my dad this one day when they happened to be getting gas at the gas station and he told some guys to respect his wife and turn down the hard rap music. It made her cry, and I feel bad about that. I was just listening because I needed help to get moving and cleaning. It was so hard for me to get anything done while it was raining. She asked that I let her know in advance in the future when I am going to listen to that kind of music on the speaker.

    Well, it's time for me to get Caleb's medications ready for him to take. It was nice catching up. I hope you pray for us to get out of this trouble with DSS.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

    

Why?

     It is now 0220 on Saturday morning. It is the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Caleb and I are working on cleaning the house. Yesterday was a busy day. Caleb removed the box spring and bed frame from his room and started his laundry. I spent my time listening and singing to Chris Cornell, Soundgarden, and Staind on the stereo that Christinia bought me while I cleaned in the kitchen. I loaded the dishwasher and hand washed many dishes. I cleaned the stove top completely, including the drip pans. I cleaned off the island in the kitchen. I still have work to do, but that was alot. Caleb makes messes when he cooks and doesn't clean up after himself. I have to clean the countertop, the microwave, the drawers, organize the cabinets, sweep and mop the floor. Once I get all that done, I can spray the bug killer made of essential oils. I am trying to get done before Monday, when Nana will begin cooking. 

    Caleb is cleaning up his room. Man! What a disaster he created in his room! I mean it is straight funky! I can't wait to get in there and disinfect it and deep clean the carpet. 

    Listening to music from my teenage years brought up some emotions that have been repressed. I sang my heart out, loud and clear. I thought it would disturb Nana because the music is hard rock/heavy metal, but it didn't. 

    I was able to buy the turkey pieces from Lowe's Foods like I wanted. It was expensive to buy as much as I wanted though. They are fresh turkey pieces that we had to freeze so they will be good for Thanksgiving.

    The town picked up the mattress already. I called for them to pick up the box spring and frame, and ran into trouble. The woman who answered clearly didn't know what she was talking about when she told me they don't pick that stuff up. I'm like, I saw the town's truck with the crane pick it up! WTF?!

    Caleb and I went to Lowe's Foods to pick up the rest of our order. We picked up alot of my order the day before yesterday. We then went to Food Lion to buy water by the gallon, sweet potatoes, and lettuce.

    I made chicken taco salad for dinner. It was yummy!

    Cleanup was easy too.

    Today I have cleaning to do in the kitchen and I need to go to Walmart. I am running out of Diet Mountain Dew. I need a few other things too. Caleb is continuing his laundry and cleaning his room. Nana needs help getting her room ready for the next stage too. 

    I was able to send the stuff I no longer use to both Christinia and Rachel. I consider them care packages that help me clean my clutter. They included herbal supplements, body spray, soap, toothbrushes, hair care, and even kratomade! Lucky them!

    I have to get this dining table cleared off and cleaned too. There is so much work to be done because I fall behind all the time. Caleb is not doing his share of the cleaning. I use to do so much when I was his age. He resists and defies anytime I tell him to do something. There is always an argument involved. It's frustrating as Hell! Like how hard is it to throw a can when done? Or a bottled water? Or scrape off dishes before you put them in the sink? I use to be in charge of cleaning the whole kitchen every night after dinner. I washed the dishes and cleaned the countertops. Mathew took the trash out. When groceries were brought in, I put them away. Every Friday we had weekly chores to do which included cleaning the bathroom top to bottom, cleaning the kitchen and living room top to bottom, our rooms, the hallway, and the office!  

    I don't know what I have to do to get through to Caleb. I won't hit him. I refuse to hit him. My dad thought I should beat the shit out of him! It's not going to help the situation. He has Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and ODD. It's the nature of the beast.

    I've been ok without Mike, probably even better! He had so many problems that he wasn't dealing with. I feel like I just need to be alone for awhile. The right person will come at the right time. 

    It's now 0254. I've had a few Diet Mountain Dews. I got up because I thought I needed to use the bathroom. I was going to talk to Nana because she is normally awake at this hour, but she fast asleep. We had alot of appointments this last week. We haven't been at home for long. We have got to get it cleaned up in here. I'm looking forward to making more progress today. 

    I've been praying. I've also started using Sage spray to cleanse and clear my space and my body. I am wearing crystals in my bra too. 

    Thursday I had Pool therapy with Nick. I worked long and hard doing physical therapy, and my back hurt before I left the pool. He has a student working with him. All 3 of us talked about Thanksgiving together. Nick knows how to fry a turkey!

    This coming up week we have alot of appointments too. Caleb has an appointment at 0800 on Monday with his therapist. I have my appointment with my psychiatrist by video call later that day. Tuesday Nana has an appointment with her doctor, and later that same day I have pool therapy with Nick again. I don't remember what is happening Wednesday, but Thursday is Thanksgiving! Friday is black friday, but I have no money leftover!

    I'm dealing with my depression that I get in addition to the depression that I constantly live with. It's called Seasonal Affective Disorder. I get really ready to hibernate around this time of the year. It;s hard for me to do anything. I am so fatigued and sleepy all of the time. I am fighting it with caffeine and I tried using my light therapy box. The light therapy box helps, but it is no replacement for the sunlight. I am now taking caffeine supplements to help me get my work done. Otherwise, I would be in bed all day long. 

    I was angry at the social worker for suggesting that I should get rid of my books. Like WTF?! I spent money collecting these books to read, and you want me to have people come in my house and just throw everything I worked hard for away? NO! 

    I was angry at Caleb for hiding how disgusting his room is. I yelled at him yesterday to get my point across. Like look. Caleb has been taken away before when he was preschool age. I was hospitalized and had no support system to care for him in the meantime. He was in foster care for a year before I got him back. I'm not going through that again. I told him, "You have to show me you want to be here by following the rules. If you want to stay here, you better get your room clean. If they take you, you aren't coming back. I'm not going to fight for you again. It's that simple." He didn't like that too much, but he was already working on his room. I know he doesn't want to be taken away. He just has to work to show that he can stay because his room is not safe to live in. He created the biggest disaster in the smallest room of the house! And it stinks!

    Meanwhile I have clutter galore in the living room that I have to straighten up. The goals are to have the living room and Caleb's room completed by the end of 3 weeks, because of the holiday. It has been  a full week already and we are making progress. I have to work on the kitchen right now because Nana needs a clean space to cook for Thanksgiving. 

    I feel like I'm ready to take my medications. I'm awake to be sure. I'm thirsty.

    I need to start drafting my book. I need to create videos for my app. I need to spend time on my classes. I need to read these books I have. I pray that I can do these things. I only have December left to learn everything in the Vocal Resonance Method. (Deep sigh) Where does the time go?

    If you are wondering why I struggle so much, let me help you understand. I have chronic hip and lower back pains. I have fibromyalgia which causes whole body pain. I have major depression, C-PTSD, anxiety, and Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have sleep apnea which wakes me up every few hours during the night, and I never get a good night's sleep. It hurts to stand or walk. It's hard for me to shower daily, and so I don't. I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes type 2. I have PCOS. Just because I look like a fat, lazy, woman, doesn't make me one. I deal with alot just dealing with myself, on a daily basis. I am very disabled. Sometimes, I wish people knew just by looking at me so they could have some empathy. 

    I'm ready to get my medications and supplements out. 

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

    

Early morning Tuesday

     It is now 0326, and I have been awake for about an hour or so. I got up to use the bathroom and felt like blogging, so here I am. Yesterday was Monday and busy. I paid the bills online, paid the water bill in person, went grocery shopping at Food Lion, and went to Walmart. I did all this, and missed my psychiatric video appointment! I lost track of time. I came home and rested for about an hour after going to Walmart. Stephanie, the social worker, came over to inspect our progress. She did not recognize the hard work that had been done.

    First of all, there were alot of Thanksgiving prep groceries still in reusable bags when she was here. Now they are out of the bags and in a storage container. Secondly, the space by the island that housed the dresser full of the dogs' stuff, was removed. It was falling apart and had to be taken to the porch. In its' place is a 9-cube organizer. Everything was moved around to vacuum. Third, the drinks were all over the floor. Now they are organized in a storage container. Fourth, packages were everywhere. Now they are all organized in storage containers. Fifth, empty boxes were all over the place. We got rid of those. Sixth, dog kibble was spilled on the floor. The kibble got vacuumed up, and the bags of kibble are now in a storage container. And that's just what I managed to do!

    Caleb picked up trash, moved the office chairs around, and vacuumed a part of his area in the living room. Caleb picked up trash from the hallway and vacuumed there too. 

    Now, I am not saying we are done, but we did not do NOTHING either. 

    Caleb has to clean out the crate for Bubba to be able to use it when we are not watching him. The incline trainer needs to be cleared off. The storage containers need to be labelled and stacked with lids on. The whole living room needs to be vacuumed with the pet vac, after the shop vac, and then shampooed. 

    Not only that, but I also made progress on the kitchen. I fully loaded the dishwasher and ran it, hand washed a bunch of dishes, and began cleaning off the surfaces of the stove and countertops. 

    I didn't get much done this weekend. Both Saturday and Sunday were dark, rainy, and cold with no sunlight. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder which is hard to deal with this time of year anyway. I have Fibromyalgia which rears its' ugly head on days like that. Sunday I decided to try out my light therapy box which was sent to me by my psychiatrist to help with S.A.D. I felt a difference once I turned it on, but it was not as useful as real sunlight. I felt depressed and tired all day. Thank God for the sunlight on Monday! I was able to get alot of stuff done then.

    Today is Tuesday. This week is a busy week. I have appointments everyday except Friday. Yesterday I was supposed to have a video appointment with my psychiatrist. Today Caleb has a therapy appointment. Tomorrow I have VA phone call appointment and a workshop to attend. Thursday I have a VA phone call with my pharm-D and pool therapy.

    It's going to be tough to try to work on the house with all these appointments I have to go to. 

    In other news, Mike and I broke up. Well, he broke up. He blocked me on Facebook. Quite frankly I don't care. He did me a favor. He found argument in everything I messaged him, balled it up inside until it was convenient for him to lash out. Fuck that! Grow the fuck up dude!

    I'm meeting new people already online. 

    I have to figure out how else to organize the house. I am likely going to have to give some stuff away. I don't know what yet. I have a very small house, and I have collected alot of stuff.

    Caleb has to clean his room out. Apparently Bubba has created a disaster area in there. I am getting help to find Caleb a new bed. His frame broke and Bubb tore up his mattress. I have a feeling I am going to have to get in there to clean today. I am not looking forward to it. Throughout the years I have cleaned Caleb's room alot. He is old enough now to clean up after himself. Ugh! Teenagers with disabilities! He has the mind of a 10 year old, but turns 15 this December. 

    I am trying to keep myself going. I work so hard to get everybody where they need to go, keep food in the house, keep the bills paid, etc. It's hard for me to deal with my own disabilities because I am expected to act like I don't have any. I get no help! I have not completed my VA claim yet for assistance, but I need to get to work on that. 

    Brian had a heart attack, but he did not message me back to tell me if he was ok. It really upset nana, his mother. 

    I don't hear from Brian, Jeanette, or RJ regularly so, I guess I shouldn't expect any different now. I don't hear from Mathew, Sherri, or Eric either. Veterans Day just passed on Saturday, and none of them wished me a Happy Veterans Day. NONE. These are my step-brothers and step-sister. These are my brother, half-brother, and half-sister. Noone cares!

    More holidays are coming up, and I will see just how alone I am. While everybody is gathering with their families, I will be alone with Caleb and nana. Thank God for Bella and Bubba! They are always in a good mood and ready to cuddle!

    I talked to my mom recently. I told her I would like to come visit her, but I have to figure out how to manage it. I don't have the money to travel right now, but maybe I could save up. 

    I lost touch with Granny and Pepere. I need to call them later this morning. 

    I lost touch with my Aunt Lisa too.

    I recently weighed in at just barely less than 300 lbs. It took me a long time to get my weight down. I hope it gets easier as I go along. It's about consistency. I have to remain in ketosis consistently to lose weight. That's the hard part! Who doesn't want a pizza every so often? I love pizza. It's what caused most of my weight gain. I was depressed and unable to cook for myself and Caleb, so I would order Domino's because they deliver. 

    I want to visit my dad's gravesite in December. I just want to sit there and cry for as long as I need to. This December marks 1 year since my dad passed away. Life just hasn't been the same without him. He always had something funny to say. I miss seeing him happy to see me. We had some rough times and we fought, but we never stopped loving eachother. 

    I think I'm going to get my medications and supplements ready. I'll then take them, and let them digest for a few minutes before going to tidy up my bedroom. It is only 0434 now. I can take my time. 

    I hear nana snoring. I hope she gets her rest. 

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

     

Almost there

     It is now 0415 on Thursday morning, so let's catch up. Yesterday was a busy day. We delivered nana's urine sample to the lab, went to Walmart to buy drinks, then to the gas station to fill up the tank, then to CVS to return something, and finally back home. It took all morning to do all of that. I came home, ate some Swiss cheese for lunch, and went to take a nap. I could not work anymore throughout the day. I was sleepy for the rest of the day. I did not even cook dinner. I made myself a sandwich, took my meds, and went to bed.

    Tuesday morning we took nana to have her labs done. On the way back home, we went to look at the ocean and the intracoastal waterway at the Veterans' Park. Once home I needed a nap. When I got back up, I wanted to go to Food Lion, so Caleb and I went. I bought some chicken thighs and a bone-in picnic pork roast on sale. I only went to buy lettuce, tomatoes, and sweet potatoes. I came home and made bacon in the oven to make blt's. That's what we had for dinner. 

    Monday morning is not clear in my memory. I know at some point we changed nana's mattress protector and sheet. I know at some point I began organizing the living room. I bought storage containers with lids to be able to store things like drinks and dog food out of sight. I made good progress, but I am nowhere near done. Caleb has to clean up his area. I have all our Thanksgiving ingredients in one storage container. I was able to get most of the groceries put away and the empty reusable bags in one bag. 

    At some point I checked the 9 cube storage unit and cleared a way for me to put it where I wanted it. I then put the foldable boxes in the unit, organized how I wanted it. 

    I think over the weekend I washed some dishes, and fully loaded the dishwasher and ran it. I know I was trying to clean the kitchen as much as possible so I could spray for bugs using this new spray I just bought, bugMD. I haven't gotten that far yet. I still have cleaning to do. 

    I only have another week before the social worker comes back to take progress photos. I have been doing alot of running around and have not been home long enough for me to make the progress I want. 

    I've also been dealing with my bank about the fraud that occurred that ended with me getting scammed. 

    I am hoping that today I am full of energy to clean because I also have pool therapy with Nick this afternoon. It's going to be a long day. I think I will cook the pork picnic in the slow cooker so I do not have to worry about making dinner tonight. 

    Tuesday was municipal election day. I did not vote like I wanted to. I was too tired.

    Friday is Veterans' Day observed. Saturday is Veterans' Day. I don't have plans as of yet, because I expect I will be too tired to go anywhere.

    I miss my dad. I want to visit his grave and sit with him. I just want to cry it all out. I think I will in December.

    Mike has not been well lately. He was sick all last week, and got worse over the weekend. He went to the ER in the middle of the night Sunday night. All they could tell him was he has a virus. Looks like Mike and I will be leaving eachother soon. He has to move to Denver to take care of his dad. The way he talks, he does not want to continue dating me. 

    Here I was hoping that he would spend Thanksgiving with us. Nana and I made all these preparations to have a guest over. 

    I guess that's the way life goes sometimes. 

    I had an appointment with Larisa Gosla last week. It went well. I have been given an additional 2 months to thoroughly go through the material because I will be tested before I am certified in Vocal Resonance Method.

    I am just trying to find my way out of the mess I created. I got scammed and lost $500 that I could not afford to lose. Some of my bills are unpaid because of it. I am praying fervently for help from Jehovah. 

    There is just so much pressure to do so many things all at once. I need everything done to completion right away. I can't move as fast as I need to in order to make that happen. I am slow moving. Time is moving faster it seems. The day ends before I get my list of things done. I'm always exhausted by the end of the day.

    I found a full scholarship for veterans who study in STEM degrees. I thought I could go back to school one day that way. I can never go back to school because I will never be able to work again. I feel so defeated. I know I can do it. 

    I just ordered my second batch of Kratomade. I can't work without it. It takes all my pains away in the morning and lasts until about lunch time. It's the only way I can clean my house. I can't do anything with all this chronic pain. I am selling Kratomade now. If you are interested, email me at jennifer_demello@healinergy.com

    I am sleeping better when I take a hit of delta-8 before trying to sleep. I wake up fewer times in the night, and have better chances of waking up feeling like I had a good night's sleep. Without it, I wake up every 2 hours. I'm tired when I wake up because I have not had sufficient sleep. I am an affiliate to Mellow Fellow now. If you are interested, see my affiliate page on my website, www.healinergy.com

    During my day I am using hape'. I use it to become more grounded and able to think more clearly. I use the strongest one that Four Visions Market has. I am an affiliate with them too because I use their products. Check out my affiliate page on my website.

     So, I am proud that nana and I made it to taking her to get her labs done. We both have such problems going places, it can be hard to sync up. We finally did it, and I made her follow up appointment yesterday. 

    I need to keep the laundry going in the background. I tend to forget about it. 

    Caleb was vomiting his medications for 2 days in a row. He said it was his multi-vitamin causing him to vomit, so I had to stop giving it to him. It's unfortunate because this was not always the case. He use to be able to take them as long as they were separate from his other medications. I have to find a gummy for men, because he is growing so fast and is not a little boy anymore.

    If I can afford to, I will send Christinia and Rachel care packages of the excess stuff I have around the house. I am trying to declutter the house, and they need some of this stuff I have. 

    I finally got rid of the bag of canned goods by giving it away to Jessica. I was clearing out the pantry to remove food we don't eat. I did not want to throw away good food.

    My business was mentioned by the UNCW Alumni Association for Veterans' Day!

    Bella was throwing up too. I think it was because she was drinking out of the toilet.

    I've got to find a single bottled water to take my Kratomade this morning. It's getting late. It's already 0512. 

    I got my Kratomade down. Now I need to get a gallon of water to be able to make my Gatorade zero so I can take my medications and supplements.

    I don't know how today is going to go. I got up around 0300 or so and have been awake all this time. I guess I could go ahead and start the pork picnic in the slow cooker. I'm going to cook it for 8 hours on low.

    I need to get this house cleaned up. I can only do so much in a day though. I need Caleb's help. He is resistant to anything I have to say. His ODD is getting him into trouble. I wish there was an easy around it, but he has to learn the hard way. It can be as simple as cleaning the kitchen trash can, and well, look what happened. I had to call the police and EMS. 

    What sucks is that the excitement of Mike spending the holidays with us was taking away the pain of not having my dad here. 

    I am just going to have to rewatch the Vocal Resonance Method classes and take notes. There is just no way for me to remember everything. 

    Once I get out of this situation with DSS, I will have time to devote to my other classes. I am going to study to become a Yoga therapist. I have even more than that that I want to do.

    I have to get Caleb to study. I don't know why he struggles so much with simple instructions. I know he is delayed, but how do I get through to him? He has Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and ODD. Being the mom, is like being a villain to him. There is always an argument. I am always wrong in his eyes. It's like, I'm mom! I'm not always wrong! I have 40 years of life experience behind me! What more does this kid need?

    I am getting support from his therapist to take away his computers that he is always on. He likes to watch youtube videos of gamers. I don't get why. It's such a waste of time. I can't get him to read a book if his life depended on it. I have all these books that I have collected, just gathering dust on the shelves. 

    I'm starting to feel like I should wake Caleb up to get my gallon of water so I can take my meds. It's still kinda early, but I'm up and I want to take them already.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day! 

    

    

This is Crazy

     It is now 0537 on Thursday. Alot has happened since the last time I blogged. Sunday I had to call the police and EMS to my house. I asked Caleb to wash out the kitchen trash can. He wanted to argue and got me arguing back. The situation escalated when I told him to give me his computer. He refused over and over. I told him I would "make the call" to DSS to have him taken from my custody because he doesn't obey me, and I refuse to become violent to get him to. I picked up the phone and called. The call was on speakerphone. Then Caleb started saying "I don't want to live anymore!" He was banging his head on the rear outside wall of the house, and then on the bookcase in front of me. When he threw something across the kitchen is when I decided I needed help right away. No one answered at DSS because the office was closed. I called 911 not knowing what else to do. 

    The police came first and de-escalated the situation. I was taken outside to talk and Caleb was inside talking. I noticed that Caleb had not taken his morning medications. I made it clear that Caleb did not take his medications, and that he is a different person when taking them. I asked if EMS was coming to check Caleb out. The police called in EMS. I knew Caleb caused injury to his head with how hard he was hitting his head on the bookcase. I made it clear that Caleb has special needs because of Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and ODD. 

    When EMS arrived, I walked up to the medics and let them know that Caleb did not take his medications and his diagnoses. I told them what happened, and what I wanted to happen. I wanted Caleb to take his medications, and I wanted EMS to check his head for injuries. 

    I knew I was taking a risk by calling for help. The house was a disaster and unsafe. Well things calmed Sunday before the police and EMS left. 

    Yesterday, Wednesday, I got a text message from a DSS social worker that hse was trying to reach me. I called her from the Lowe's Home Improvement parking lot. She told me there were accusations of a child living in unsafe conditions, and that she needed to see the house. I made arrangements to meet her. 

    I was at Lowe's to get some holiday storage containers for the stuff Nana bought for the holidays.

    I came home when done, and within about 15 minutes Stephanie was here to talk. Overall the meeting went well. I am guessing the police reported me when they saw the house to talk to Caleb. 

    I didn't get much else done yesterday. It was a stressful day. I did manage to get quite a few dishes washed or loaded into the dishwasher. 

    I am trying to remember how Tuesday went. I wasn't feeling the greatest. Since about Saturday I was having a bad reaction to a new medication. My birth control dosage changed and I had negative side effects. My legs and face were lobster red and hot to the touch. I was dizzy alot and scared to walk without holding onto the furniture. 

    I managed to have the last video call with Larisa Gosla though. I also managed to get us to and from Caleb's therapy appointment. I was exhausted by the end of the day.

    Monday I met with Carla for a little while. She brought over homemade cookies that were delicious!

    Sunday we had the police event.

    Saturday Mike was here and spent the day with us. I cooked 3 different meals during the day. I made 2 pots of chili. One was keto friendly and the other one was regular. I made boneless pork ribs in the crockpot. I also made a London broil on the grill with grilled vegetables. Oh! I almost forgot! I made homemade molho, and that took a lot of time. 

    I realized the chili wasn't seasoned as well as I wanted it. So the next day I went and bought more seasoning to recook both chili pots with.

    Mike was going to stay the night with me, but his step-daughter messaged him that she needed him for a medical emergency and he had to leave in the middle of the night.

    I had a really good time with Mike. I really enjoy his company. Bella loves him too.

    I had a seizure-like incident while we were resting in bed together Saturday afternoon. I just was having involuntary muscle spasms, but I did not lose consciousness.   

    Today is Thursday. I have pool therapy this afternoon. I will be cleaning outside of that time. I have laundry to do in the background. I want to get the dishwasher loaded and running. I want all the clean dishes in the dish strainer put away. Nana and I are going to unpack her packages and inventory her orders and then put the items away in the storage boxes we bought yesterday. That already sounds like alot to do. I bought a different 9 cube organizer from Amazon that I was able to put together. Caleb broke the one I bought from Walmart when he was putting it together. He had it put together somewhat, then it fell and broke the holes the pieces were meant to go in. 

    Caleb's room has to be cleaned up. He is going to need help. The dog crates need to be cleaned out so we can use them. 

    I bought the 9 cube organizer to replace the broken dresser we were using to store dog supplies. I have the collaspible boxes to organize things in. Once we get that where it belongs, it will look much better in the living room than it currently does. We have groceries to put away. The list is never-ending.

    I am a Mellow Fellow affiliate now! I use their delta-8 and cbd products to help me with my pains. Here is my link!

https://mellowfellow.fun/?rfsn=7704683.e671102 

    I am a Four Visions Marketplace affiliate too! I use hape' on a regular basis.

https://fourvisions.com?sca_ref=4517937.yWmJCk4rMX

    I am now selling Kratomade too. I sell directly though. Currently I only have the berry blend flavor available. 

    I bought a really cool looking hoodie from Grunt Style that I decided to try on just now. It is so comfortable! I love it! And it is cold enough in here to keep it on while I blog. 

    I did make some changes to my website. I am not finished with it. I am just getting started. Check it out.

www.HealiNergy.com

    I don't think I have any appointments tomorrow so I will be able to work on the house without interruptions. Mike has been feeling badly all week, so he is likely going to stay at home this weekend. We are already preparing things for Thanksgiving here. I need to make space in the fridge and the freezer. 

    I think I may have fallen victim to a scam. I applied for a Dr. Pepper car wrap job. I just get the car wrapped and drive around doing my normal things and get paid weekly. Well, a check and instructions were mailed to me. I almost didn't deposit the check, but I was desparate and depositted it into my account. I don't trust the check has any value now that I have had interactions with the person who is in charge of the process that is supposed to take place. I made the mistake of sending $500 to "the person doing the car wrap." I don't believe any of this is legit. I believe they took my $500 knowing that their check has no value, and now I'm out of $500. I can't believe this happened. The check is on partial hold until November 7th. I hope the check is real and fully deposits and doesn't leave me in the negative.

    Anyway, I don't know what to do about that situation yet. I might have to call my bank.

    I already took my meds, but I haven't taken my kratom yet. I need a bottled water. I guess I should get going. It's getting late. It's already 0648 now. 

    Thank you for reading and have a blessed day!