The weekend

     It is now 0345 and I have been up for almost an hour. Last weekend was awesome. Let's go back to last week though. Last Wednesday I have a dental appointment. Caleb was feeling sick, so i kept him home. He also had an appointment that afternoon. Also he worries when I go to Wilmington by myself, so he wanted to go with me. We went to my morning appointment, and then went to Harris Teeter. After we ate lunch, we headed to Caleb's therapy appointment. When we arrived, we were told that Caleb was not on the schedule at all. I was not happy. 

    My toilet doesn't flush. Later, the toilet in the hallway doesn't flush either. Both are backing up. I make a service from American Home Shield. I get in touch with the provider on the phone to schedule an appointment. The appointment is for Friday. Thursday I had an appointment with Caleb's doctor. He tested negative for covid, flu, and strep throat. We got a referral to a GI doctor for his constant complaints about diarrhea and stomach pain. 

    Friday comes around and the plumber comes over and tells us there's nothing he can do after he tried plunging the toilets, and using an auger. He says to call the city, and if they can't fix it, it will cost about $1,000 for him to fix it. My stress levels were already high. We were living in the house with no running toilets with 3 disabled people in it, including me. I immediately call the city. They come out. I was so worried we would be left all weekend without running toilets. The city brings out the pump truck and is able to clear the line on a towel! How did that get there? I was so grateful. You have no idea! I was already broke from paying American Home Shield. I did not have $1,000.

        Friday I felt like I needed doughnuts after the stress. I bought some and enjoyed them.

    Saturday, I needed to work. I bought more doughnuts because of the way they make me feel. I have energy after I eat them. I am not depressed after I eat them. I feel good all over after I eat them. It's a miracle! Saturday I was able to wash laundry, put my 3 baskets of laundry away where they belong, pet vac the hallway, and steam clean the hallway! It was alot of work! I also made keto chili for dinner.

    Sunday, I had leftover doughnuts from Saturday and ate them to be able to work again. I got more laundry done, Caleb's laundry folded, dishes handwashed, dishes prewashed for the dishwasher, the dishwasher ran, and I wanted to pet vac and steam clean Caleb's room, but ran out of juice after having a big sandwich for lunch and socializing with Carla and her friends and family for Bible study time. I needed a nap, so I took one. We had leftover chili for dinner. I managed to start cleaning the kitchen island in the morning too. Caleb got the trash out of  the house, but I could not keep him on task. He is obsessed with video games. I got him to pre-clean his room for me, so I could pet vac the floor. I kept getting ready to clean his floor, but never got to it. I kept going and talking to Nana too. It was just a good time. 

    This is not to mention that I have been texting Jason throughout all this time.He is a man that lives in Florida that I met on Facebook dating. He has been a gentleman to me so far and I really like him. We have agreed that were are a couple now. He is a systems designer for computers. He has remained calm during all the events going on, and been helpful to me. 

    Today is Monday, and Caleb is going back to school. He still has a sore throat, but it's important that he goes back to school. Today, I want to get his carpet clean in his room. Today I am switching from the magical doughnuts to oatmeal. I have decided to try oatmeal for breakfast and see how that helps me or not. I believe that my problem is not eating enough carbs for my own body. In keto, we are supposed to limit our carbs to 30g. I think that may be too little for my body. I mean the difference between how I felt with doughnuts versus is amazing. I felt no pain while I was working. I felt no pain after I worked. I had energy that I haven't felt since before my dad died. I felt a happiness that I haven't felt. I felt like doughnuts could be my new anti-depressant even. I was not fatigued. I was not depressed. I felt alive!

    I am hoping I can bring my doughnut needs to a simple oatmeal breakfast instead. I have binged on doughnuts though. I have a hard time with eating just a couple, and I ate 8. I can't continue to do that and lose weight. I talked to Nana about what was going on too. She witnessed the difference it made. She is a retired nurse, so we decided together on my future steps. She did not shame me. Neither did Jason. 

    I am so happy. I am so hopeful for my new future. Who knew it could be so simple?

    I had a fantastic weekend!

    Thank you for reading! Have a blessed day! Keep me in your prayers!

Embrace Autism

     It is now 0429. I had to wake up to use the bathroom and decided to stay awake. I was thinking about how I can a professional that I am Autistic to get a diagnosis. The reason I know I am Autistic is because I took the Autism screening tests given by Embrace Autism. I scored on the broader spectrum of ASD. I wish I had the questions and answers to compare to someone who is not Autistic, but I only have the results of the screening. I think I did 6 screening tests total. I wish my psychiatrist would read my scores and diagnose me already. She won't. I tried to get a diagnosis by getting a self-paid psychological evaluation, but apparently the U.S. doesn't use those screening tools. 

    I have been different my entire life. It was such a relief to have something I could use to test myself and find out for sure. Now I can at least have something to research and be able to tell people what makes me Autistic. I guess I need a check list. I have to come up with a way to let people know I'm different. It would have helped me alot when I was school age. 

    I'm glad I was able to get Caleb diagnosed. Better late, than never. I am still trying to get him help. 

    Yesterday was a weird day. Caleb stayed home to go to the doctor's office because he thought he might have caught strep throat from a friend. He tested negative for Covid, Flu, and Strep in the office. His stomach was hurting him last night though. I think he might have IBS, like I do. 

    We went to McDonald's to pick up a special request for Nana. While I was there, I ordered a large double quarter pounder meal to share with Caleb. I ate the burger without the bun. Caleb ate the fries and had the drink. 

    We then came home to deliver Nana's lunch. I left Caleb at home because he was feeling sick. I went to Food Lion for some vegetables. 

    Earlier in the morning we realized that both toilets were not flushing! The stress of that when you need to use the bathroom, is already alot. Then add Caleb's persistent argumentativeness and that's a whole other game. I craved chocolate covered doughnuts while the arguing was happening. I was so glad to make it through the day without buying them or eating them.

    I got a hold of the plumber and he should be here today. Caleb is staying home again because he feels sick. 

    I made myself a giant salad for dinner last night. I shared it with Nana. She also had salmon leftover and a baked potato. I didn't see Caleb eat dinner. He wasn't feeling well.

    I struggled with my balance walking yesterday all day long. I don't know what was causing it. I fell early in the morning in my room. I tripped over a big box that had fallen to the floor. 

    Today we are getting our toilets fixed. I need to catch up on laundry again. I need to catch up on kitchen cleaning again. I need to steam clean the hallway and Caleb's room again. Ugh! The work never ends. 

    I am still praying for Jamie McCurry to be found and required to do a paternity test so Caleb can get child support. 

    I am still praying that the VA decides in my favor for my disability claims and for aid and attendance. 

    I am still praying to get the energy to really work on my own business. So far, I have been so busy with all this other stuff that I cannot give even a few minutes.    

    I have this other paperwork to do. I have to get the car inspected in order to renew my registration. I need to file taxes for everybody. I have to fill out my living will and other medical documents for end-of-life. I forgot to pick up Caleb's physical form for Special Olympics from his doctor's office. 

    My dental appointment on Wednesday went ok. Thank God it did not last long. Just 2 small fillings. We stopped at Harris Teeter on the way back. Caleb and I shared a rotisserie chicken for lunch. We made it to Caleb's appointment on time, only to find out that he had no appointment on the books. I'm looking at the receptionist in disbelief because I only put an appointment in my calendar when we are making the appointment after the appointment has finished. So explain that! Apparently I'm the crazy one! I was pissed!

    I came home and made Nana a salmon fillet for dinner that I bought from Harris Teeter on special. We had salad too. 

    Thank God it's Friday! This madness needs to end somewhere! I need a break.

    I'm about to get the laundry started. I have alot to do today. I don't know if I will be able to get it all done. It's 0519 now. Caleb's wake up alarm is at 0530 on days he goes to school. I haven't planned out dinner yet,but I bought groceries to make keto chili. I love that stuff so much. 

    I still have to get my morning medications and supplements ready. I guess I will start the laundry first. 

    Thank you for reading! Have a blessed day! Keep us in your prayers!

Yesterday was Monday

     Yesterday was Monday and also President's Day. The kids had school. They were off Friday for a required teacher workday. Caleb had a virtual appointment with his psychiatrist in the morning so he did not ride the bus to school. We had to discuss that Caleb's ADHD medication, Focalin, is out of stock and the pharmacy does not know when it will be available again and Caleb is running out of what he has. There were not many solutions. When i talked to David, he said he gets these same calls everyday. It looks like all the ADHD medication is out of stock, so we cannot just change him to something else. I asked if we could then put Caleb back on his night time meds because at least if he is able to get a full night's sleep, it will help him during the day. He was taking Clonodine and Trazadone until we took him off. When he has Focalin, he can perform at school and comes home tired. Without the Focalin, he will be less likely to perform at school and will have a hard time going to sleep and staying asleep. I suggested that we put him back on the night time meds. People with any mental health problems desparately need a good night's sleep, especially is they have to manage being without their meds. 

    After Caleb's appointment, I took him to school. I then went to Walmart to pick up our sodas that we drink daily. I wasn't going in to buy alot, but I needed to restock on Nana's groceries that she eats everyday. I figured while I was there I could go ahead and prepare for the week. I bought a whole cart load. Most of the space was taken up by our drinks. I drink Diet Mountain Dew throughout the day to stay awake and be able to work on things. Nana drinks Coke to be able to take her meds. I bought half as much Dew as I normally do, trying to reduce our cost. I told Caleb that he is no longer allowed to drink soda anymore. 

    I bought chicken thighs and cooked them for dinner. I also bought stuff to make a salad and served that for dinner too. I am trying to get back into ketosis. I have been knocked out with the daily doughnut eating I have done since last week. I was on a good 13 day ketosis streak and just really needed doughnuts. Once I started eating them, I wanted them every day. Yesterday was the last day of eating doughnuts and pasta. I had both for breakfast. I ate swiss cheese and Vienna sausages for lunch with the rest of the kimchi I had. I had the baked chicken thighs and salad for dinner. I need new batteries for my glucometer. I haven't been checking my sugar or ketones since last week when the batteries died. 

    Tonight I am hoping to cook the bacon that is in the fridge for dinner. I would like BLTs. I don't have any appointments today. Yesterday we had Caleb's appointment plus in the afternoon I had an Autism webinar on Defense Mode. I am asking my social worker to buy the program   for me because it is for parents of teenagers with Autism. I can't afford it, but I need it. 

    Today was a regular bus riding morning for Caleb. I took my kratomade this morning and feel pretty good. I've done some hape' too. I'm just getting my thoughts collected so I can figure out how to make the most of today. I need to steam clean the hallway carpet again. Bella is having accidents and I don't know how to help her more than I am. I let her outside plenty. 

    I've got to stay on top of Caleb to keep his room clean. I need to catch up on the dishes and laundry. I am never at a resting point. I always have so much work to do. I am glad the sun is shining today. The sunrise was beautiful at the bus stop. Yesterday was trash and recycling pick up day. Caleb only brought 3 of the 4 trash bins to the road, and none of the 2 recycling bins to the road. This kid just doesn't get that we have to get those bins emptied as frequently as they collect them. Ugh! 

    I'm going to make bacon starting at 1400, so I want to see what else I can get done before then.

    Tomorrow I go to Wilmington to have a dental appointment in the morning. After my dental appointment, I have to pick up Caleb for his therapy appointment in the afternoon. I am going to slow cook a whole chicken tomorrow in the crockpot with some cream of mushroom soup like my mom taught me. That way dinner will be ready when we get home.

    I have alot going on. I am still working with the social worker with CPS. I am still trying to clean up my house. I have to get my Mazda inspected in order to renew registration. I have to start working on filing my taxes, Caleb's taxes, and my business taxes. My mortgage is increasing by $322/month in March. I need to take Bella to the vet, but I cannot afford the vet bill to get her caught up on her shots and exams. I am waiting to hear about my appointment with the pain clinic and regarding my MRI for my back. I don't know what I am forgetting. 

    I will get more kimchi tomorrow while I am in Wilmington. I eat alot of it so I buy the big gallon size from the Asian Life Market. I want to update my business website. I want to begin the classes I have been postponing all this time. I really think the trauma classes would help me immensely. Not only would they help me, but they would help me help others too. 

    I am feeling like dating is too hard right now. I really want a life partner. I don't know if I will ever get married again. I want someone I can rely on. 

    I am feeling like I might need to move away from this house to somewhere more affordable. The only problem is, is that my credit score has sunken because I have not been able to keep up my credit card payments. I have to have a minimum credit score to be able to apply for another VA housing loan. I'm screwed right now. I have to get my business going so I can pay all my bills. I am praying to get approved by VA for disability claims and Aid & Attendance. That would help me stay here. 

    Right now I am looking on how to plan to make the most of food pantries in my area. I have to find ways to cut costs somehow. Everything is so expensive. I am just happy I can still afford chicken. 

    Well, I'm feeling pretty good now, so let's see what I can do today.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

We made it

     It is now 2313 on Friday night. Caleb had the day off from school due to a required teacher workday. I have been waiting in anticipation all week for Mallory to come and inspect Caleb's room. I got a message this morning that she would be in the area at lunchtime today. I was so grateful she did not come sooner. Carla and her husband, Tyrone, came over to help me clean Caleb's room earlier this week. They helped alot. They floor was clear and vacuumed by the time they left. All I needed to do was steam clean the carpet. For some reason I just could not get it done. I was so slow moving and drained. I had Christinia help me this morning to get in the right head space. I joked and text her to "kick my ass" to get working. It was so important and I just struggled to get moving and get started. I got it done this morning though.  Mallory came around lunchtime just like she said. She approved Caleb's room status and told him "this is the standard from now on." Caleb did not help me clean his room at all. I got 2 whole trash bags of trash and all kinds of dirty dishes from his room earlier this week. Carla got 2 contractor bags of trash out of his room. I did most of the vacuuming, while Tyrone did what I couldn't complete. I did all the steam cleaning of the carpet. Carla brought over two sleeping bags for Caleb. He does not have a bed anymore. Mallory brought over 2 pillows and pillowcases for Caleb today and gave me the good news that Caleb would be getting a bed frame and a mattress! Mallory is going to research some resources to get me help. All in all, the appointment went well. 

    After Mallory left, Caleb and I went to pay the water bill. Then we went to Food Lion to buy a few ingredients for the pasta dinner I wanted to make. We came home to refrigerate the ground turkey and freeze the frozen pizzas. We went back out because I had paperwork from Caleb's school that needed to be filled out by his doctors. We went to Broadstep first. I needed to speak with his psychiatrist about the fact that Caleb's ADHD medication, Focalin, was not available at his pharmacy and they did not know when it would be back in stock. I was able to schedule an appointment sooner than the appointment that was on the books. I was also able to leave the form that needed to be filled out with the secretary. From there I had to go to Seashore Pediatrics to get another form filled out by his pediatrician. I can pick that form up on Monday afternoon. We came home and I took a break. I then filled the dishwasher and got it running. I washed a few dishes by hand and began making dinner. I wanted fettucine with a meat and vegetable red sauce. I took Lowe's foods tomato and basil sauce and added ground turkey, garlic salt, garlic powder, zucchini, yellow squash, sweet onion, and baby bella mushrooms with italian seasoning. It turned out good with 5 italian cheese blend on top of the noodles and sauce. I don't know. I was just craving pasta. Yesterday I was craving doughnuts. I bought more doughnuts today too. I have been off my keto diet since yesterday. Today I even had ramen for lunch. 

    Yesterday I helped Nana get her emergency supply of medications filled. It was such an ordeal. We could not get the right message to the right person. Communication was shit! We were talking to the insurance company, the doctor's office and Walmart pharmacy over and over again. Nothing was right and we had to repeat the calls. It was really frustrating, but I had eaten my doughnuts and was feeling better by the time Nana asked me to start making the calls for her because she was getting frustrated. It ended up with me picking up her meds at the end of the day, just as the sun was setting. I don't like driving at night because I am afraid the passing headlights and street lights will cause a seizure while I am driving. I made it to Walmart before dark, but made it home as it was getting really dark.

    We didn't do anything special for Valentine's day. We had frozen pizzas for dinner. 

    I'm just so grateful this week is over and the appointment with the social worker is over. I can rest easy now. 

    I'm worried about how we are going to afford things with my mortgage increasing by $322/month starting in March. Everybody here has the same thing happening due to homeowner's insurance and proaerperty taxes increasing. 

    Caleb's teacher bought him a pair of steel toed boots because his shoes were in bad shape. She bought him a set of clothes too. That was so sweet of her. 

    I'm struggling with Caleb alot these days. He just does not get that he has to do chores, keep clean, and follow my instructions. I have been on him to take showers daily and he just will not do it. I'm at my wit's end with this. The school complains about his smell. I hear it from Mallory that the school social worker reported Caleb to her about his hygiene. Then he lives in a nasty room, and wasn't bothered by it. I gave him all last weekend to start cleaning up his room, and he didn't do one thing! All I said was to start by picking up his dirty clothes so that I could start washing them. He didn't even do that!

    Caleb argues every time I tell him I need something done and he gives excuses to not do it. It's so frustrating to deal with this. I'm so tired. I work so hard. 

    Anyway, it 's getting late. I only got up to use the bathroom and exchange my vape. 

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

    

Sooo

     It is Sunday morning. I woke up early because of my back pain. It is now 0731. Caleb is not awake. Yesterday I took a much needed shower and found rashes under both breasts. I have got to find a way to stay dry. That took alot of energy out of me. I was able to go get gas in the Mazda, and go to Food Lion for the vegetables and water we needed. I was able to cook keto chili for dinner. I made it with ground turkey this time due to it being cheaper than ground beef. I did get the laundry going. I didn't do much cleaning like I hoped. Today Caleb has got to clean his room so I can I can vacuum in there and steam clean the carpet. 

    The sun is coming out today. I am grateful for that. I have a harder time getting work done on days it doesn't show. 

    Mallory came over Thursday and inspected. She will be back this week to inspect Caleb's room. She was happy to see how much progress we made and gave me a high five. I told her the work is not done, but we did make progress. I want the living clear so I can vacuum and steam clean the carpet. I want to be able to do my exercises in the living room. I want to lose weight faster than what I am currently. I want to be able to walk on my incline trainer again and do stretches to help me back. 

    I got some of Caleb's special education paperwork done yesterday. I have to bring the Special Olympics paperwork to his doctor's office. 

    I spent way more than I thought I was spending at Walmart on Friday. I thought I didn't have enough money to get gas. I thought I didn't have enough money to buy our Spring water and veggies for the chili. Thankfully, I had enough. I have no money now though. 

    I got the confirmation letter from the VA that they received my application. I got my copy of my labwork too. I am low in iron. I can't imagine why. I take a supplement that has 222% daily value of iron in it. No wonder I feel so low and tired all of the time! 

    I have been chatting with Lella since her surgery. She had a less invasive gastric bypass done. She is home healing now.

    Chrisitinia is helping me find resources. The resources she is using, she forwards to me. I might be able to get help. 

    I'm tired and want to go back to bed. It's time to be working though. I have to wake Caleb up. We have work to do before the night comes. 

    I miss my dad. We always laughed together, no matter what time of day it was. Life is harder without him.

    I should get moving.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

Another day

     Yesterday I kept Caleb home to help me clean the house. We have an inspection today by the social worker. I could not clean up by myself. We got some work done, but more needs to be done so he is staying home today too. We have to be able to pass inspection. I needed help with getting the living room clean and getting Caleb's room clean. I got the laundry started. I vacuumed the hallway and steam-cleaned the carpet. I began picking up in the living room Caleb's disaster area. Caleb began cleaning his room. He needs to clean it to the point where nothing is on the floor so I can vacuum and steam clean the carpet in there too.

    I am feeling more grounded by using hape'. I am definitely calmer. I got my Celebrex in the mail yesterday. I used a dose with my night time meds. I woke up early. It's now 0450. 

    I worked slowly yesterday so I would not hurt myself. I have chronic back and pelvis pain. It is hard to clean the house. 

    I am focused on getting this house clean. Dealing with CPS is no joke. Caleb is taking it seriously too. He has so much stuff cluttering the living room. I need the floor cleared so I can vacuum and steam clean the carpet. 

    I just want to stay in bed all day. It's hard to get moving. I'm coughing alot of mucus up. I might be sick. 

    I need to go ahead and check the laundry. I haven't taken my morning meds yet. Bella just came out to have water.

    I have taken my morning meds including the Celebrex. I hope today goes well. 

    I can't tell you how much I hate having to deal with CPS. I feel discriminated against because I am disabled and a single parent trying to run this house with a teenager with special needs. For whatever reason I cannot get him to clean up after himself. Whether it's the ADHD or the ODD or both. It's a big deal to get him to clean. I don't think Autism has anything to do with this. I can't clean up after him like I did when he was little. My body can't handle it. I'm in too much pain all of the time. If Caleb would just pick up after himself, we wouldn't have to clean up this mess. 

    I refuse to hit my son. I have never hit him. I will never hit him. I have understood from the time he was young that he needs help. I have known all this time that he just doesn't get it. I belong to parenting groups, but I have not been paying attention lately. Parenting a child with special needs is not the same as parenting a child without special needs. I am just trying to work through our problems to the best of my ability. Caleb is so different from me. I always cleaned up. I hated having a dirty room. I think Caleb could live in a landfill and wouldn't care. That's what the inside of our house looks like. If I could just get him to follow instructions. When I tell him to do something, he does not complete the task. If I tell him to take the trash out, he will take it to the door and leave it. How hard can it be to take the trash outside to the trash bin? When I say take the boxes out and break them down, he leaves them on the porch. When I say to get Nana's dishes, he leaves them on the kitchen island. He does not empty the dishes and put them in the sink where they belong. I don't have Caleb clean the dishes. I don't trust him to not get us sick. Caleb puts away the clean dishes from the dishwasher and the dish strainer. I wash the dishes and prewash the dishes for the dishwasher. Caleb leaves his clothes everywhere. There are brand new clothes on my incline trainer. There are dirty clothes all over the floor in his room. How hard could it be to put clean clothes where they belong? Or dirty clothes in a basket? 

    Normally I have alot of doctor appointments that keep me from being at home during the day. If that's not where I am, I am likely grocery shopping or running errands. The point is I'm not home alot during the week. Neither is Caleb. Normally he is in school now. I got him back in public school so Monday through Friday he is gone from 0630 to 1600. When he comes home, we are both tired from working all day. If we are lucky I will have energy to make dinner. We are only home on the weekends. Last weekend I got nothing done. I don't know what was wrong with me. I was just exhausted feeling. I just wanted to rest all day. Pain doesn't help me. 

    I don't like that I had to keep Caleb home to fix these cleaning problems we have, but I had no choice. I could not let the inspection be of what it was in here. I had to get the hallway cleaned up for sure. Bella had accidents but my back pain wouldn't allow me to clean it up right away. I hated that. I finally got it cleaned up yesterday. I hate having a messy house. It's depressing and overwhelming all at once. I have to fight to get it cleaned up. Fight myself. Fight Caleb. Not physically, but before I used hape' there were alot of arguments. 

    If I could have cleaned it by myself , I would have. I can't manage to get it done alone. I tried on Tuesday. I got nowhere. I have major depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder, and chronic pain in several areas. It's hard for me to do anything. I am not able to work a job, and this is a job in itself. I'm doing the best I can with what I have available to me. 

    I use to be able to pay someone to help. I don't have the money anymore. I have applied with VA so they can consider me for Aid & Attendance. I need help with alot of things. I hope they don't take forever to make a decision in my favor. 

    I have been using hape' to calm myself down and be grounded. It is helping alot. I feel more in my own body. I can't explain it to someone who has never felt out of body. I just don't feel grounded usually. I am not centered either. Pain and CPTSD keep me from wanting to feel my body. I am taking the kratomade in the morning too. It helps reduce the pain significantly. 

    I asked to be referred to talk therapy by my psychiatrist. I don't know if that is happening or not. I need someone to talk to about Caleb's conception. I am waiting for Arkansas to find Jamie McCurry and get a paternity test done. I don't understand what is taking so long. I could avoid alot of problems if I had child support payments coming in. 

    I wish I was better at promoting my business. I don't have alot of time devoted to running it. I hope things will get better. Hape' helps me slow down and not be so filled with anxiety. I can only do what I can do. If I do my best, how can I do better? 

    The birds are chirping outside. I am waiting for Caleb to wake up. It is now 0638. I guess I should get started over here. 

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

What's the plan?

     So yesterday I spent the day going to Wilmington. I had to turn in my saliva labs, do other labwork, and was supposed to get my Celebrex. I didn't want to wait forever for the Celebrex, so I didn't. I was offered coffee on the way out. I had half a cup with one vanilla creamer and some Splenda. While I was chatting with the veteran volunteers, another veteran came from behind me and says "Madam.... you are looking good today!" I thanked him and had a big smile. He was an older veteran wearing a veteran hat. Before I left I stopped to renew my VA health card. After that, I left and went to Fresh Market to look for Portuguese rolls. I got frustrated with the GPS, and decided not to go to Apple Annie's to see if they had sold Portuguese rolls. Fresh Market did not have them, but they did sell the mozarella burrata that Nana was looking for, sold I bought her some of that. I then went to the Asian Life Market to buy a big container of kimchi. After that I went to Harris Teeter in Leland to buy the shrimp they had on sale. I went home finally, and just in time to let the dogs out. My back was hurting and so was my left hip area. I don't know why. 

    Today I might go to Walmart. I haven't decided. I need a few things. Carla is coming over at 1300 to have a bible study. I need to get cleaning this house. I was away all day yesterday. I figured that I had to go for labs, so why not make the most of the trip? I kind of just want to stay home today. My pelvis hurts in the front. Like it's tight. I need to start a stretching routine. I was planning on taking a shower today, but it's so cold. It is 40 degrees outside, and my hand was freezing from holding the flashlight. Glad to be back inside. 

    I am thawing out the shrimp I bought to be able to cook it soon. The social worker is coming on Thursday afternoon to check the house out. I gotta make some progress. I've been so lazy. It's part of my major depression and seasonal affective disorder. I just want to spend all day in bed. It doesn't help that I am always feeling pain in my body. 

    Caleb has got to help me when he comes home. I already let him know, so there's no surprise. I'm tired even now. It's 0706 now. I got Caleb on the bus and now trying to figure out how to maximize my day. I need to get the hallway pet vac'd and steam cleaned. 

    I'm going to chat with Nana. Talking with her always helps me. I miss my dad. We always laughed. 

    I want to work on my books. I am going to try to self-publish some of my writing. I probably can't do it this week though. 

    Hape' has been helping me. I hate that it is expensive. I am so much more grounded when I use hape'. 

    I have to remember to take my kratomade in the mornings to get rid of my pain. 

    The problem with having so much work to do right now is that I have to work through my pain to get it done. I finally submitted my VA claim. Only God knows how long it will take to get a decision. I know they are always behind and trying to catch up. I wish they would hire more workers to be more efficient. 

    It looks like the sun is coming out today. I can be glad for that. It really didn't show much yesterday. 

    I reached out to Lella Stevens, one of my battle buddies from Korea. We caught up a little bit. It was nice. I am still in contact with Christinia Ellis. She was the one who made sure I made it to the hospital to give birth to Caleb. Lella brought me clothes to wear to wear while I was at the hospital. I reached out to Tyler Dreisow too. He was a friend of mine who would come over and share dinner with me. We would have steaks on Friday nights. I invited them all to the website, "Together We Served."

    I didn't get much accomplished over the weekend like I wanted to. I just couldn't get moving. I was trying to direct Caleb on what to do. It seemed like a complete waste. I did get hard boiled eggs made. I did at some point cook the pork bone-in picnic roast. I did get some dishes washed and others loaded into the dishwasher. I did try to keep on Caleb about getting the laundry done. I did try to make sure all the trash and recycling went out on Sunday to be picked up on Monday. I just want to go to bed. 

    I have the appointment with the social worker on Thursday afternoon. That means I need to prepare for inspection. I have a phone call appointment with Dr. Kent on Friday afternoon. That means I need to update my biomarkers spreadsheet. Carla is coming over at 1300 today. I just want to make the most of the time and energy I have. 

    I wish I could afford to advertise my business. I wish I could market it better. One thing at a time. I've got alot on my plate. 

    I feel like I am ready to get started on something. 

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

      

Yesterday

     Yesterday was exhausting. I took Caleb to school because he had his IEP appointment that we both had to attend. The meeting went well. I then went searching for Cherry Skoal pouches. I couldn't find them anywhere on the way home. I came home and applied for food stamps again. I have a feeling they will deny me again, but I felt called to apply just in case. My mortgage has gone up by more than $300 a month because of the escrow payments needed to pay the insurance and the taxes. I need help from somewhere. Then I drove to Wilmington and had my appointment with my primary care provider. That appointment went well too. I ended up drifting to sleep while I waited for the nurse to give me a Covid shot. By the time I was done there, I felt like going home. I did not have enough time before closing to do the labs or go to the pharmacy like I wanted. I am going to go back on Monday to deliver my saliva labs. Then I will do my other labs while I am there and stop by the pharmacy. I came home so tired that I could not even heat my dinner up. I ate only a slice of keto bread to take my night medications. I went to bed as early as I could. I totally used delta-8 to try to relieve the pain in my back and pelvis and sleep through the night. I woke up wanting to eat something and found pistachios to eat. I ended up waking every couple of hours last night and snacking on them. 

    TGIF!

    I am so glad this week is over. I just want to rest and recover from yesterday. I got Caleb on the bus this morning. I don't have appointments today. Well, I am supposed to meet Lisa at the Lowe's Foods and we are going to have lunch and go to the beach. That's only if I feel up to it. We have been trying to meet on her days off for a long time now. We never make it. I always look for her when I shop at Lowe's Foods because she works in the meat department. 

    It looks like the sun is coming out this morning. The birds are chirping. I still haven't finished my morning routines. I still have to freshen up.

    Christinia got the Volvo back from the auto shop. I am happy about that. It got fixed. It was the fule pump relay that needed to be replaced. I'm glad she had help paying for the work done  because I don't have any savings. 

    I don't know how things are going to go this month. I am broke but I was able to pay the bills. I have no money for gas or groceries for another 2 weeks. I wish I could get my business running to where I have a consistent income. Nana is going to do 2 Reiki appointments with me next week and write reviews that I need to complete my heal.me profile. 

    I am waiting to hear about what is going on with the child support case I filed. I haven't gotten any news lately. Jamie McCurry owes me 15 years worth of child support so far. I don't know why it is so hard for Arkansas to get him to take the paternity test. I'm struggling over here trying to raise a child on my disability payments. 

    I reviewed my personal statement for my VA claim. I am adding more information. I want to submit it as soon as I can. I want Nana to help me so that I don't leave anything out. I don't want to forget anything. This case is so important.

    I am going to call up the organization that is helping Christinia these days to see if they can help me too. 

    I still gotta get the Mazda inspected and renew the registration on it. I finally got my driver's license in the mail. I am waiting on my Hatch heating/massage/light therapy belt to be shipped. 

    I don't know. I have to find a way to get more income. I can't hold a job. I am disabled to the point of not being able to work. I thought I could provide Reiki if the schedule allowed me to blend with all my appointments. The way I have it set up is that my personal calendar determines which appointments are available. That way I am not double booked. I still need to get up with Dawn because I owe her an appointment for a review. 

    Caleb and I are going to house cleaning this weekend. I can't manage to clean by myself. I have been going out almost every day this week. I had to do grocery shopping for several days. We had appointments too. I just haven't been home long enough to make progress. I have been so tired too. It has been a struggle all week. I need to get the laundry going again. I need to clean the kitchen too. Those are things that I can do today. We have leftovers so I am not worried about cooking dinner tonight. I need Caleb to clean his room. I need Caleb's help to vacuum the hallway and living room and then steam clean the carpet. I don't know why it is such a struggle to just get it done already. 

    It was my Granny's birthday the other day. I gave her a happy birthday call. It was good to talk with Granny and Pepere. It has been a long time since I last spoke with them. They are recovering from having Covid over Christmas. Granny turned 84 this year.

    I've got so much work to do. I just can't seem to get started. I need to finish my morning routines. That sets the tone for the whole day. I feel better after I do them. I am using hape' this morning. Gives me a boost. 

    I guess I better go get started.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day.