Today's prompt is "Bad news: sugar coated or straight-up?" Straight-up.
It is now 2:22 a.m. here. Yesterday was a productive day. I managed to get less than half, but more than 1/3 of the living room floor cleared and shop vac'd. I continued to wash laundry, and got Caleb's socks dry. Caleb put away the dishes in the dish strainer so I could hand wash more dishes. I did hand wash more dishes. I loaded more dishes in the dishwasher as we found them. I vacuumed the dirt Caleb tracked in the on the kitchen floor with his dirty boots. I put Draino down the bathtub drain to clear the clog. I folded 2 baskets of laundry. I put 2 of the shelves that were out, into one of my bookcases, and moved my new books to their new home, out of the box. Caleb picked up a bag of Gatorade bottles that we were keeping to do a science experiment and recycled them. I gave up on the ever doing the science experiment and Gatorade bottles are everywhere because we needed so many of them to build the life raft. I shop vac'd the chair and put it back together.
We burned candles and a sage rose bundle. We ate leftover taco fajitas. I got the Pandemic EBT deposit.
Today I have to go to Wilmington to get my temporary crown replaced. Other than that, I might need to jump in the shower. I have to submit the travel pay voucher forms to the VA for payment. I have to at some point this week, call Verizon and dispute the charges on my account. I have to mail the NHRMC billing office a copy of the federal law regarding billing veterans for VA pre-authorized appointments. I have to call the VA to figure out what appointment they are referring to in the appointment schedule. I need to go ahead and amend my federal taxes, and mail them in. I need to call Bella's vet and schedule her exam appointment for April. I have the MOVE follow-up appointment call today.
Later this week, I have Yoga with Misty. I do not have other stuff planned this week as far as appointments go, that I am aware of.
My mom's birthday is coming up on March 17th. I would like to send her something, but don't know if I will have the money.
I still have a few pots to clean. I have to clean off the counter tops and stove top, the fridge exterior and the dishwasher front.
I have to get Caleb to clear up the rest of the living room floor so that I can shop vac, and move furniture around to shop vac underneath the sofa and the chair. I want o move the smaller two bookcases. I want Caleb to move his books from the smaller two bookcases to the larger bookcase. Then I can move my crystals, books, incense, essential oils, and house plants around.
Once that is done, I can pet vac the living room floor, and then use the new carpet cleaner to clean the carpet.
I am getting Caleb to pick up his stuff in the hallway once again to clear the hallway so I can shop vac, then pet vac, and then use the carpet cleaner.
I need to clean my room. Caleb has brought stuff into my room that does not belong and it needs to be removed. I need to clean the floor in there, and get the trash out of my bathroom.
Caleb needs to clear his trash from his bathroom, and clear the way for me to clean the bathroom from top to bottom.
Caleb needs to clear his room floor so it too can be shop vac'd , pet vac'd, and have the carpet cleaned.
Then I need to straighten up the guest room. The linen needs to be washed, and the floor cleaned in there too. Caleb has destroyed what was a neat closet of my Army stuff. I have to collect my things and put them neatly together and then make sure I lock them away in the shed.
Then, last, but not least is the laundry room. It needs to be straightened up.
I need to drive the Volvo so the tires don't get ruined.
Caleb just woke up.
I was sweating tonight. And my tooth was hurting more than one time within the 4 hour period of using the orajel. I also ate a whole container of prunes, and know I might be regretting that at some point in the near future.
I write about what I get done during the day, not because it will be interesting to read one day, but because it is a reality check. It was not that long ago when I could not stay awake all day. I had to sleep for hours in the afternoon. Or even before that, I was sleeping all day long. I have made great strides, and every day is a step in the right direction of getting my life back again. I tend to think I do not get much done, but it is an eye opener when I write about it and review what I have done throughout the day. Some days are very, very busy and full of things I have accomplished. Some days are slower, and not so full. Some days, I cannot even function and get out of bed. I rejoice on those days where I feel like I am normal again. I like to get my work done. I don't like feeling behind. I don't like feeling like my work is overwhelming and adding up to heaps of workload to be done.
Once we are able to stabilize the house cleaning, I will be able to add other things to the schedule for Caleb. I cannot work in a dirty environment, I just can't. It's one thing for me to do my own stuff, like I am doing now, in the wee hours of the morning, and by myself. It's another thing to think I am going to sit with Caleb all day long, teaching him and arguing with him over his ODD when the house is a disaster, and chores need to be done. I have to keep cleaning the kitchen to have a clean kitchen to cook in every night. I cannot wash dishes, and sit with Caleb. I need to be able to do both things at the same time. Caleb needs to grow up and do his work without me standing over him. That is just one example of how things go. I cannot teach Caleb and be somewhere else in the house doing something else at the same time. I am only one person. That is the problem. I am one person, and I am doing a job that requires at least two people, but better yet, a village.
I do not want to hear about how I am not living up to other people's expectations, or how I am failing Caleb. Caleb would be failing himself in other circumstances too. This is not all on me. He has to take responsibility for his inability to pay attention, focus, and follow through with schoolwork. That is not my responsibility. I put him in therapy. He graduated occupational therapy. He graduated speech therapy. He takes medications and sees a psychiatrist. I mean I am doing everything I know to do.
At some point in time, Caleb will be at the age of majority and be held to adult standards. His ability to control himself will be his responsibility then too. Why wouldn't it be his responsibility now? I cannot force him against his ADHD and ODD to do things. Life is hard, and sometimes we have to figure out our own ways of making things happen. That's all there is to it. He has to figure it out on his own. How do I sit here and get this learning done? How do I get my work done? It was expected of him in school, and he didn't do it. He found all kinds of ways of getting out of work. If he can do that, he can find ways to get work done too.
I am not going to pretend like this dirty house does not affect me though, because it very much does. I refuse to do any schoolwork until it is rectified. Once things are at a place where they can be maintained, I can focus on the other things that need to be done. Right now, the focus is on how to live in my house with me. In my house, I like it clean. Boundaries. These are part of my personal boundaries. When Caleb is an adult, and lives in his own place, he can choose to live like a pig if he wants to, but not here.
It is now 3:22 a.m. here and I am ready to take my iron pill and orange juice. I am out of water drink too, so I need a refill. I guess I will do those things and go lay down, and maybe read.
No comments:
Post a Comment