Today's prompt is "What do you crave?" Salt.
It is now 2:04 a.m. here. Yesterday I started the day with a call to my dad. I had to tell him I needed him to hold my hand, so I could push. LOL I was on the toilet. Toilet humor. There was alot of that when I was growing up. He winded up talking to me for more than an hour, before I had to go because Bella was barking outside. I then proceeded to got to Amsterdam Life for e-juice. Yep. I was on my last bottle the night before last, and I could not give it up just yet. So, here we are, but at least it's zero nicotine.
I went to Lowe's Foods for last minute ingredients for dinner. On the way home, I got a call from Special Agent Herring at the Ft. Bragg CID office. She said they were closing my case because of insufficient evidence. I asked for documentation, and she referred me to the Freedom of Information Act office. I don't know why she couldn't just give what I asked for, when I asked for it. That's stupid.
I spent all afternoon cooking. I made two meals. I made one stove top meal for Caleb, and one crockpot meal for me. My meal was a the pasta-less spaghetti stew, and it consisted of the following: one jar of Ragu chunky garden style sauce, 1 yellow onion, 1 bunch of green onions, 1 large package of whole white mushrooms, 1 large package of baby bella mushrooms, 1 package of sliced portobella mushrooms, 2 eggplants cut into bite-sized chunks, 2 zucchinis cut into bite sized chunks, 2 yellow squash cut into bite sized chunks, 1 red bell pepper, freshly minced garlic, fresh ginger root, Italian seasoning, EVOO, fresh spinach, fresh pre-cut kale, Lowe's Foods "Fiery Italian" Sausage, and extra basil cooked in the crockpot.
Caleb's meal consisted of the following: 2 bunches of green onions, fresh ginger root, 1 red bell pepper, Lowe's Foods "Soprano" sausage, 1 zucchini, 1 yellow squash, a couple of handfuls of fresh pre-cut kale, onion powder, garlic powder, EVOO, black pepper, mung bean sprouts, and snap peas. I also made Caleb white rice to eat.
I am proud of both of my creations. My meal was good, but a little on the bland side. I forgot to add salt.
I was tired by the time our dinners were ready to eat. I ate two servings, and then took my medications. Caleb fed Bella, and took his medication. I went to lay down eventually. My lower back was killing me.
My dad was talking alot about making plans for the future. He wants me to listen to him lecture me about what I should do to prepare. He does not take a breath to let me make responses to anything he says. It's like my thoughts are not important. I have been around my dad for a long time, so I don't get hurt by it, but it is annoying. I don't like having one-sided conversations at all.
He wants me to take the Volvo to get the air conditioning fixed before I bring it to him. He says he will pay for it. I think his money would be better spent fixing his own car. My car is not meant to be a permanent replacement for his car. My car is only meant to be a temporary fix until his car is fixed and driveable again. I will have to tell him that the next time I talk to him.
He wants to buy a house in Myrtle Beach, but I don't think that is the best idea for him. He says he has lost 75% of his vision. He needs to live somewhere where there is someone who can care for him. Sharon is not sufficient to care for an almost blind man. She can't even get out of the bed.
They are currently living in a Motel 6 in Lumberton, NC. I do not know how they are making meals or keeping food. It can't be easy. My dad complained that he had to leave my house with no clothes, but he did not leave his clothes here. He took his clothes with him.
He tried to tell me that Sharon was still mad because they got kicked out of my house a second time. I'm like, uh... it wasn't my fault my dad assaulted my 10 year old son twice by choking him? The first time they got kicked out from my apartment was because they were trying to hit my 5 or 6 year old son with fucking belt. They trapped him in his room with Sharon at the door, and both of them were yelling, and trying to catch him to beat him. Like what is wrong with these people?
They are seriously flawed. Fatally flawed.
I put up some boundaries. For real. Just because I care about my dad, and don't want him to die, doesn't give him the right to try to make me feel like his problems are because of me or my son. I tried to help him in every way that I could manage. I gave him everything I had to give. I drove him when I was able to drive again. I filed paperwork to the VA for him. I made sure he made to his appointments. I tried to ensure he was taking his medications properly. I gave him my own bedroom and only bed! I slept on the couch in the living room. I don't know many people who would have done nearly as much for someone who has a history of being mentally and physically abusive.
I saw his true colors over and over again. He said some things about me to the police that I did not know he thought. It was really craziness. Things like "She is a bad mother. She is crazy. " and other things were said. I'm like you are the one assaulting people, not me! What have I done wrong? He blamed my "bad parenting" for him assaulting my son. I did not raise John de Mello. I am still raising Caleb. I heard these things with my own ears.
There were things he said that I was not around for, that Christinia told me about.
Then there was the time he was talking about blowing up the government complex where social services is, and killing people as they were trying to escape.
I am not even making this stuff up. He is fuckin' crazy dude! I will never forget this shit!
And Sharon was right along with him, saying similar things. She said something to the effect of "Caleb deserved it."
So when my dad now talks about how he wants me to live close to him, so he can be there for us if something happens... I am confused. He will never, ever be left to care for Caleb ever again. Besides, he is practically blind! What the Hell can he do for us? And Sharon? She was useless most days when she lived with us. I'm sure she only got worse.
Changing the subject real quick. I let Terri and Michelle of the WoVen group know what was said on the call with the CID special agent.
Here is the conversation between me and Terri:
Me: "Got a call from CID"
"They are closing the case already as there is not enough... evidence"
Terri: "That is BS"
Me: " Yes it is. Just another way the Army CID leadership says women in the Army are whores who get what they deserve- rape and fatherless children."
So yeah, I shared that on a few Women veteran group pages I belong to. It's not over yet though. I have support from women in the same or similar boats. I have not given up yet. I am just getting started. It has been suggested that I get a letter officially stating why there is not enough evidence. I am supposed to file a civil lawsuit against my rapist. I am also told to file a congressional inquiry, which I was planning on doing anyway. I actually love doing that, because everybody gets involved all of a sudden when the spotlight gets put on someone for doing the wrong things. I am not in service anymore, and they can't make my life Hell anymore. I filed a congressional inquiry for a finance office dispute while I was in Korea and everybody from the USFK commander on down was notified of the problem at hand. "Shit falls downhill."
Meanwhile, I have lost track of what I am supposed to be working on, other than that. I got all my travel pay forms to the VA, so that is done. I got an update from the IRS that my refund has been updated to zero. So that's one less thing I have to worry about. I still have to deal with sending the NHRMC billing office the copy of the letters I got from the VA regarding the charges they are charging me for. So stupid. How the fuck are you going to charge me for an appointment that was pre-approved by the VA, when the law says you can't do that? What the Fuck?
I get my permanent crown next week. So far, this temporary crown is holding up alot better than the first one.
I was supposed to have a yoga class today, but my instructor has tested positive for Covid-19.
I got an email that I need to schedule Bella an appointment for April with the vet. I called on Monday, but they were closed for cleaning because one of the girls there tested positive for Covid-19 too. I have not called back to make the appointment yet.
Caleb was supposed to be referred for braces at a nearby location. We never got a call from them, so I need to call his dentist office and find out if the paperwork was ever forwarded to the orthodontist office.
I invited that guy I have been chatting with on Facebook messenger for while, over to my house tomorrow afternoon. I tried to prepare him for what he might see and feel when he comes over. He says he doesn't care about the mess. I tried to tell him I keep it cold in here, and it's likely to smell like sage. I don't know how this will go, but we shall see. I've been putting it off for months now. I just didn't want to have anybody over. I wanted to meet him somewhere, but there is nowhere I would feel comfortable meeting a stranger. Besides, eating in a restaurant is expensive these days, and I don't want to do that.
I talked to my mom today. She sounded good. She told me she is getting her vaccine tomorrow, and that she went and visited my Granny and Pepere over the weekend.
I called my Granny and Pepere to let them know about what I cooked for dinner. They are always interested in hearing the latest creations. They sent me cooking utensils for Christmas, so I think about them when I use them. I also think about Pepere any time I use ginger root.
I need to schedule some reading time. I am collecting books left and right, and not being able to keep up with reading them.
I need to continue doing the laundry. Caleb needs to empty the clean dishes from the dishwasher, and the strainer. I need to make a salad before the vegetables go bad. I need to clean the stove top, counter tops, and the inside of the microwave. I gotta clean the full bathroom. Ugh. I don't wanna, but I need to badly. I am still working on getting the living room squared away. I need Caleb to move his stuff to his room, and pick up the bigger items that can't be shop vac'd.
I want to clear the porch off before it gets too hot to work outside for me. That means I have to go through my dad's stuff that he left out there a few years ago, and figure out what to toss in trash bags for the dump and what to store for him to give him back.
I forgot to mention that Special Agent Herring said that "Mr. McCurry" said he would be willing to take a DNA test. So, I messaged Jamie McCurry, the suspected father of my child, on Facebook messenger. I confronted him once again and told him , "Got a call from CID saying you were willing to take a DNA test." and " Are you willing to take a DNA test if I pay for one?"
The message window shows that he has not "seen" the messages yet, but I know he has been online several times since I sent the messages because Facebook messenger shows when a person is active.
Just thinking about something my Aunt Lisa told me... "You are not responsible for fixing him."- in regards to my dad. She is right. I wish I could fix him though. I wish I could give him a good life, where he can be taken care of. I still might be able to do that making sure he gets his VA claim paperwork in properly. I think Sharon makes less than $2,000 a month, and I think my dad makes less than $1,000 a month, if I remember correctly. My dad was talking about how housing was expensive at $1,200 a month. I'm like, uh... yeah. That's why I busted my ass to buy a house when I did. I was living in an apartment while I went to college because it is what made sense for me at the time. I was walking distance away from the campus. When I graduated, I knew I needed to move somewhere where I could afford the monthly payments, because the rent was going up more than a hundred dollars a month every year where I was. I could not afford that without the Post 9-11 GI Bill housing payments coming in that I was receiving for college. I needed to buy a house so that hopefully my payments would not increase like that every year.
My dad reminded me how horrible it was for him being left with his grandparents to grow up without his father. He told me that his father paid for the best schools for his half-siblings, and let him go to the cheapest schools. He told me that he did not have any support when he was being abused inside his childhood home. He was talking about how my grandfather went through extraordinary means to bury his dog, but threw my father's mother's body in the trash can, not giving her a proper burial. He talks alot about the differences in how he was treated versus how my aunt and uncle were treated. My father is the product of a sexual encounter between my grandfather and one the maids in the house. My aunt and uncle are products of the marriage to my grandmother. My dad talks about how Brazilian family members only came around when they wanted money from my grandfather, and he would give it to them - no questions asked, but when it came to my dad, nothing. My grandfather apparently did not send any kind of child support to provide clothes, food, school supplies, etc. for my dad when my grandfather came to the United States.
This is stating things simply and without much detail, but these things anger him and create conflicts within the family. My grandpa died last Fall. I am supposed to tell my Aunt Lisa his contact information for future communications. I forgot to do that. She is settling the estate.
I got side tracked. I already took my iron pill and orange juice when I got up earlier this morning. It is now 4:53 a.m. and I need to go back to bed!
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