Today's prompt is "How do you feel about your body?" I feel like my body needs work. I have been accepted to Virta diabetes reversal program , paid for by the VA, so I will be doing the keto diet with them. It will help me lower my insulin usage, as well as lose weight. I am also in the process of being considered for bariatric surgery. Later today I will have my mental health evaluated for surgery. I need to lose about 180 pounds to be my normal weight.
Today is Wednesday, and it is now 1:03 a.m. I cannot sleep. I am soo thirsty that I cannot stay in bed. I keep getting up for something to drink, and chug it down. I started with almond milk and now I am drinking Diet Mountain Dew while I sit at my computer and contemplate what needs to be done today.
Virta has an app that I have downloaded on my iPhone to keep up with everything in one place. I have alot of beginner's information that I have to go through before I have my first telephone meeting with my team. Right now, I am on 15 units of Lantus insulin, as well as taking Glipizide, Metformin, and Victoza. I have been relatively successful at reducing my carb intake up until the last week.
Virta is sending me a package in the mail to be able to monitor my ketone levels as well as my sugar levels. I will also be checking my blood pressure and weight.
Yesterday, I had physical therapy in the pool with Dr. Nick (first name). He is very athletic and is a coach to his children. He pushes me to do what everything I can to get better. I am there for my lower back pain, but other pains have started. I have pain in pubic symphysis and in my right elbow. I don't know why. Anyway, working in the pool is alot easier than in the office. Caleb likes going to the pool with me too. I ended up buying him a pool membership yesterday. It should save us some money because otherwise it's $10 a day.
Jonathan came to mow the lawn yesterday, and while he was here I spoke to him about possibly teaching Caleb how to use the lawn mower. He might give us his lawn mower to use! He is such a nice guy. I wanted Caleb to participate in the "Raising Men Lawn Care" challenge that young men mow the lawns of the elderly, disabled, veterans, and needy for free (50 yards). Once the challenge is complete, the person running the challenge brings the young man a new set of lawn care equipment! I really want Caleb to participate.
Yesterday I was sooo tired that I slept in and woke up only to have breakfast and take my morning medications and go back to sleep. You see, Sunday night and early Monday morning Caleb was awake and kept waking me up. He told me he took his night time medication Sunday Night, but clearly he did not. When he takes his medication, he falls asleep within about 30 minutes and stays asleep all night. When he does not take his medication, he cannot stay asleep at all and wakes me up every hour and bothers the shit out of me so that I cannot sleep either. So Sunday night and Monday morning I did not sleep well. I stayed awake for most of the day Monday, and worked my ass off getting the things done that I wrote about in my blog that morning. I got almost everything done during the day, plus some. I took a short nap in the afternoon, but got up to make dinner of rice and ground beef. AS simple as it was, it was delicious. I went to sleep relatively early, but it was soo hot outside that before I went to bed I drank a ton of sugar-free sweet tea. I ended up waking up every couple of hours to use the bathroom through the night because of it. Once the fluids were processed and released, I was finally able to stay in bed and rest, until Caleb woke me up around 10:30 a.m. to give him screen time on his phone.
Yesterday we ended up having leftovers for dinner, and I tried to go to bed early. I have an appointment online this morning at 9:00 a.m. with the mental health specialist who is going to evaluate me for pre-bariatric surgery . That looks like the only thing that I have appointment for today. I have to watch the introductory videos for Virta and prepare for the first phone call with their provider. I also have to work on the Breathe 4 Change program introductory videos. The first Live online session is in October and I do not want to wait until then to do the work that I need to finish before that.
I ordered a new yoga mat, yoga block, and yoga wheel. I also ordered 2 Stand Up Paddle Boards that are able to be taken apart to fit inside the Mazda trunk. I wasn't planning on buying them, but when I saw them, I could not resist. I also bought a Reiki program that I want to learn, as well as a Chakra Meditation course. I guess I just kind of went and did my heart's desires because none of this stuff was in the plans.
I will use what I learn to teach Caleb as well. We are almost prepared for the new school year. He has about half of his testing that needs to be completed to wrap up last year. He should be able to complete that today, and then I will be able to mail the test supplies back to the company that grades them. I found where Caleb can use as a desk space from now on. Well, it has to be cleared before he can use it, but... it's the lateral filing cabinet top that he can use as his student desk. That way he is not in my work space mess , nor my medication or food mess on the dining table.
I have to clean the hallway floor again because Bella has had accidents, but that has to wait until Caleb has finished his testing. I had to call the plumber back to come and fix the sink. He did not even touch it when he was here even though it part of the work order. The toilets have since gone back to normal, which is good, because American Home Shield would not cover the work that the senior plumber said was necessary that required the removal of the toilet to access the main line. The private quote was $350-$650. Like where would I even get that kind of money? Thank God I could cancel that work order, but the sink is still clogged. I think there is a bottle cap in there because I used Draino to unclog it and it did nothing.
I think I want to break Bella's crate down. She never goes in there, and it takes alot of floor space in my room. It is sitting in front of my chest of drawers so I cannot open the drawers. That makes it hard to put my clothes away where they belong, so I end up leaving the clean clothes in laundry baskets which take up even more space on my floor.
Bella just woke up and begged me to go outside, so I let her go. She is a good girl because she did have to go. The backyard looks good. Jonathan does a good job. It was wild out there before he cut the grass. I don't want snakes around, so it's important to keep the grass cut.
There is alot that needs to be cleaned up around here. I still have not cleared out the porch. There is a mattress topper out there that I need to figure out how to get it to the landfill. It is covering other stuff that I need to go through and determine what is trash and what is not trash.
Caleb still has not cleaned the living room, where he spends most of his time. He takes apart the sofa and the cushions are covering the whole floor. He leaves his dirty dishes everywhere, as well as his trash. It's really ridiculous. How many times do I have to say "Throw your trash in the trash can?" or "Put the cushions on the sofa and don't take them off again"? I don't understand what the problem is, and I am frustrated as Hell because I want a clean house. His bedroom is a disaster area as well as the guest room. Both are due to his lack of caring and laziness.
We took everything out of the bathroom so the plumber could work without our stuff in the way. Our stuff is now in laundry baskets in the hallway. I can't wait to be able to put things where they belong.
I updated the credit payoff spreadsheet on Monday. I have been able to pay off some accounts, only to have to have to use other accounts for other reasons. Being disabled sucks so badly. I really feel I could earn more money if I could work using my college degree. I am attempting to find ways to bring more money into our budget. It's hard. I have lost $400/month of grocery money from the food stamps being cancelled.
I am working on getting child support for Caleb, but I think that is going to be a long process. First Nigel has to be proven to not be Caleb's biological father by a paternity test, because I was legally still married to him when Caleb was born. He has not been on Facebook since 2019, so I do not know what happened to him. Then, once he is proven to not be the father, Jonathan has to be proven to not be Caleb's biological father, because he is on the birth certificate as Caleb's father. We already have a paternity test with the results for Jonathan, so hopefully we don't have to contact him. Then, Jamie has to be contacted and must take a paternity test. It's crazy and is going to take time because things must go through court and the system to be fully processed.
I am going to start the Breathe 4 Change program which will allow me to register as a Yoga Teacher once I have completed the program. That may be a way into making some extra money. I might be able to make videos with Caleb as part of our school days. I can include my Reiki knowledge that I will have also learned in the videos, and help spread Love and Healing to those who watch the videos.
I wish my dad and Dona Sharon could live with us. I need the rent money and I don't want to let a stranger live with us. Besides, it would make things so much easier when it comes to taking them to their appointments. Dona Sharon is scheduled for cataract surgery later in the month. The doctor says she might come out with 20/20 vision after the surgery! I am scheduled to go there the day before her surgery to Lumberton and stay the night so I can drive her to Southern Pines where her surgery will be. She will not be able to drive herself back to where she lives after her surgery, so I will drive her. I will then stay the night there again, and return home the next day.
Kenneth, my stepdad, is due for heart surgery on Tuesday. He has prepared his family for his death, just in case he does not survive. It is scary. They will be doing surgery on his heart, where they will need to stop his heart to work on it. He has an aneurysm in his aorta. I worry about my mom. She will be sitting in the waiting room by herself during the surgery. I cannot be there. She lives too far away for me to drive, and I cannot bring Bella there because she has a small dog (Pete) and I do not know how they will react to eachother. I cannot afford to leave Bella at the Pet Camp. I do not have gas money to get back and forth, and the drive is too long for me to try to drive. I worry about my driving one and half hours away to Lumberton, so I cannot see me driving almost 8 hours to my mom's.
I have alot going on. I am also scheduled to do a Wounded Warrior Project , Project Odyssey, which is about 8 weeks I think. It is for veterans. I am also taking a class on Boundaries this Thursday. I also have to catch up on the Holistic Pain Management class I signed up for through them. I am constantly trying to make my situation better in the best ways I can manage.
This school year I am pretty sure that Caleb will continue swimming about twice a week or so. We might be able to start Stand Up Paddle Boarding once we get our equipment in. We might be able to do Yoga once I learn what to do. We have books for the core classes: math, English, science, and history. I would like to schedule some field trips. I would like to take him the Airborne and Special Forces museum in Ft. Bragg. At some point, probably not this year, I would like to take him to Washington, D.C. I would also like to take him to Philadelphia, and New York City. I sincerely hope this school year is more productive than last school year. I need his cooperation. I hate arguing about every little thing I ask him to do. I hate Oppositional Defiant Disorder!
My friend, Lisa, who use to work at the CVS we go to, is now in Kentucky. She moved when her boyfriend of several years broke up with her. I still text message her. I miss her.
The manager at Jersey Mike's is named Kate. She always has a smile when I see her, and I am happy to support the business she runs, not to mention that Jersey Mike's has awesome sandwiches!
I try to communicate with Rachel on a regular basis, but she goes through times where she doesn't want to be bothered, or is busy. I understand both.
I can feel isolated here by myself. Being a disabled adult is not an experience that I was prepared for. I do not see other adults that I know on a regular basis, like most adults do when they either go to work or school. I am alone with Caleb, who is almost 13 now. It has been this way for a long time. I have, in the past, tried to bring other people into our daily lives. There was Billy, Travis, my dad and stepmom (twice)... It is hard to find the right fit. My house is not big. It is only about 1200 sq.ft. The rooms are very small.
In any case, the new school year is about to begin. Fall is approaching and I hope we get cooler weather sooner than later. It is too damn hot outside. I am not looking forward to the rest of hurricane season. I have already attempted to have drinking water for us in the house. Walmart has been out of the gallon sized drinking waters for most of the times that I go shopping. I do not understand why they don't increase the frequency of deliveries. Caleb and I have not been to the beach this summer because I cannot stand the heat and I do not want to go into the water. I do not like letting Caleb go into the water without me close by because I fear for his safety. I feel much safer at the pool where there is a life guard on duty the whole time we are there. We are only in 4 ft. of water too, at the pool. I am not being burned by the sun at the pool either. I wouldn't mind walking on the beach in the Fall and Winter, and maybe even in the early Spring.
I haven't been having conversations with my Aunt Lisa . We use to catch up on the weekends or when my Aunt Lisa was out driving running errands or something. I do not know why I don't hear from her as much, but I suspect it is because she is back working at the office throughout the week, instead of working from home.
My dad still needs eye surgery to restore some of his eyesight. Right now he is legally blind. He is working with a lawyer to reach 100% VA disability, which may be the best option he has. He wants to buy a house, and I am trying to convince him to move close to me so I can help them easier. I don't want to move. He has said in the past that I should move to be closer to them, but I hate moving and the requirements needed to purchase a house are not easy to meet with all this debt I have. I am comfortable living where I live. I am not scared, like I was when I was living in Wilmington. I swear between the airplanes flying low overhead, and the sirens from the ambulances, police, and firetrucks, there were just too many loud noises that got my heart racing. I did not like being a single mother there. I did not feel safe, especially at night. Of course, Caleb was much younger then, so I had to be able to defend myself and him as well in the case of an incident. I hated driving through all the constant traffic. I never felt like I was able to calm down. It was too fast-paced for me. I enjoy living away from the city, but close enough to drive to it as needed. Besides, the biggest thing I don't want to change is my medical care team. I am invested in my team, and have relationships with them spanning over the years. I do not want to have to start over again. I do not like the feeling of new primary care doctors or psychiatrists.
I am almost finished paying off the Mazda. I have about 17 more months of financing payments to make and I will be finished! I can't wait! In the mean time I have to take care of the maintenance costs. I need a 75,000 mile tune up. The Mazda is at almost 94,000 miles so I am already late for that. I also need to have some belts replaced, which have begun to crack, and the coolant replaced. So, I have 3 different appointments I have to make in the near future to take care of the Mazda properly. I don't know where I will come up with the money to pay for the services that need to be done. It will be much easier to pay for expenses once I no longer have to make monthly payments for financing the Mazda.
I have to remember to get the Volvo inspected while I am there in Lumberton. My dad still has my Volvo, and my stepmom prefers driving it to the Suburban my dad bought recently. Anyway, I gotta get that taken care of.
I wonder if anyone reads my blog anymore. I do not write as often as I used to because I have been sleeping through the night, and busy during the day. If you read my blog, text me, and let me know.
Mathew's birthday is coming up. He will be turning 37 this year. It's hard to believe we are so old already. I swear just yesterday we were in high school. I wish I could celebrate with him, but he is not talking to me. I am blocked from his Facebook account as well as Nichole's Facebook account. I have no idea how my nieces and nephews are doing. I have no idea if they have moved recently, are moving soon, if Mathew is currently deployed or what. In any case, I wish him a Happy birthday , regardless of his willingness to accept my messages.
Eric has blocked me on Facebook too. He did not give me a reason why. We did not have an argument. I simply asked him for pictures of his daughter.
Sherri still has me blocked on Facebook. We did not have an argument either. Just one day I noticed I was blocked.
That is all of my brothers and sisters right there. They hate me, and they support Trump from what I understand. I HATE Trump. So be it.
It is now 3:06 a.m. I should go lay back down. I am not so thirsty anymore. Well, I am kind of. I am running out of things to talk about though. It's hard to keep material flowing when I am journaling because it's alot like talking to a wall. There is no response no matter what I type.
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