Today's prompt is "How do you feel about your body?" I feel like I am way bigger than I want to be. I felt much better about how I looked when I was working out and dieting hard. I also feel like I do what I can do to get things done, pending sleep problems and pain.
It is now 2:13 a.m. on Friday August 20th. On Monday, Caleb and I spent most of the day cleaning up and waiting for the plumber to come over. When the owner of Mr. Rooter came, Mark Gonzalez, things started looking up. On Sunday, a plumber came over , Jeff, and could not get the toilets working again, even though he used "the big guns". I was quoted about $8,000 to dig up the yard and replace the sewage pipes. That's alot of money! Needless to say, I was stressing out.
By the time Mark and the plumber he was working with finished up for the day on Monday, both our toilets were working. Caleb and I stood outside with them for as long as they were working and watched what was happening. I was sure Caleb did something to cause the problems, but it turned out to be roots in the pipes.
The sink drain was not cleared though.
On Tuesday, I woke up exhausted and in pain. It was raining, and I did not sleep well. Kenneth, my stepdad, was scheduled for heart surgery.
I ended up cancelling my physical therapy at the pool, and also withdrawing from the Wounded Warrior Project : Project Odyssey.
I hoped Wednesday would be better, but it wasn't. Caleb had his annual physical at his pediatrician's office in the morning. That went well. He also had an eye doctor appointment in the afternoon, but I ended up cancelling that because I was too tired to drive to Wilmington and back.
Wednesday night I called my dad and started crying. I missed my night time medications dose on Tuesday, and things were just becoming overwhelming. I was crying about things going on in Afghanistan and my brothers and sisters in arms' reaction. My heart hurt for those who feel like they wasted their lives in deployments to Afghanistan. My heart hurt for the families of those who never returned from Afghanistan. My heart hurt for Mathew and his mental problems caused by multiple deployments.
Tuesday, Caleb went and spent the day with his friend from school. They met in first grade and have been friends ever since. I was invited over for a meatloaf dinner by his friend's grandma. Dinner was good. Spending time with my friend was good too. It has been a long time since I have visited because of Covid-19.
So, Mark said they would be back on Tuesday or Wednesday to fix the sink drain, but they never called. I called on Thursday and Mark had forgotten about me.
Mark offered to let me use his trailer to fill it up with our household trash that needs to go to the landfill. He also offered to have Caleb over for a couple days a month at his shop to help him around his work, and teach him geometry in everyday applications. He is from California and very entertaining.
I stayed in bed for most of Tuesday. I was not able to rest well though.
Wednesday I stayed in bed for most of the day too.
Thursday, I was able to get up at regular time, 8:00 a.m. and do my morning routine. I was still tired and Caleb was still sleeping, so I went back to bed. When Caleb woke up, he woke me up. I was able to get the dishwasher loaded, the rest of the dishes handwashed, the countertop cleaned , and the stovetop cleaned. I started to make dinner in the crockpot on time. I made boneless, skinless, chicken breasts and thighs, with okra, onions, ginger root, garlic, and "Slap Ya Mama" seasoning. I also made rice, cooked with one can of black beans, one can of pinto beans, and 2 cans of corn. I mixed them together in my personal bowl, and ate them mixed up. It was good.
I paid the bills on Tuesday night. I talked to my Aunt Lisa on Tuesday night too, I think. The plumber bill ended up being almost $1,000. I do not know if they will charge me for coming out again for the sink or not, but they shouldn't.
I think I went and paid the water bill on Tuesday and followed up on why I haven't gotten a new trash bin delivered yet. I went to Dollar General to replace a Saint candle, and bought 2 cinnamon brooms! I love those things.
I have been going out to eat at Jersey Mike's alot lately. I love the giant number 13 with everything on it , except mayo. I will not be able to eat it once I start my new diet with Virta.
Last night, we ordered Domino's for the first time in a very long time. I will not be able to have pizza either.
I am struggling to get the rest of Caleb's testing done, but it is scheduled to be done today. I need to get it returned so it can be graded, and also because I am late returning the supplies.
Yesterday, I got my notes of everything I have going on together. I have to update them about every week or I get lost in what I need to do. I am still helping my dad with his medical stuff. The only way he can contact his Primary care provider is through myhealthevet secure messaging, which is hard to do when you are legally blind. So I write his emails for him.
I am preparing to start yoga class next month with Breathe4Change for educators. I am excited and anxious at the same time. I hope I am able to keep up. I had to put it on a payment plan, but I think it is worth it, at $1,000 discount. It will help me be a better educator for Caleb and I will be able to register with Yoga Alliance if I want to for my 200 hour certification.
So, I did not have the $1,000.00 to pay the plumber. I had to use 2 different credit cards . I knew I would not have the cash to pay them so I started a Facebook Fundraiser. I told my dad about it, and he got so mad at me. He said I was stupid , and that I was telling the world that I am a failure. I cried. I do not believe this is true. It hurt my feelings that he could lash out at me like he did. All I was doing was asking for help. When I told him that Pastor Rick offered to help me, he had a different attitude. I don't know what the difference is.
I am also PMS-ing. Yes it's that time again. Lab results show that I have low Follicle stimulating hormones, and I am being referred to an endocrinologist. I think I am going through menopause.
Mathew's birthday was August 17th. I sent him a message on LinkedIn to say happy birthday. He hasn't read it yet. He might have blocked me there too.
My cousins are getting ready to move into their dorms for the first time. They were freshmen last year, and could not move in because of Covid-19.
Caleb is going to be homeschooled again this year. I bought new books to use and we just have to get setup for a successful year.
I am still struggling to buy groceries. I don't understand why you would take food money away from a disabled veteran and single parent. I don't know what I will do when the $250 a month stops after December. I actually need child support, now, more than ever. I have given all the information I could to the child support enforcement office.
I am ready for cooler temperatures. It was so hot yesterday, I could not stand to run my errands. I came home after going to 2 stores, only halfway done.
There was an earthquake in Haiti, and I wonder if Suzette has any family there still.
It is still hurricane season. Fall seasonal items are coming to stores.
It is now 3:19 a.m. here.
I know this journal entry is scattered. That's what happens when I have so much to say and am trying to remember everything.
Today, a plumber is coming over to fix the sink drain in the hallway bathroom. Also, I asked Stacy to come over and give me a quote to remove the moldy cabinet under the kitchen sink, and replace the kitchen floor with the vinyl plank I bought a few years ago. I need to get things fixed around here before they get worse. I cannot get my house refinanced until the items listed on the last VA appraisal are fixed. My dad is going to help me pay to have the kitchen repaired because Dona Sharon tore up the floor by scraping the chair along on the floor when she was trying to cook.
The mold came from under the kitchen sink because there was a leak that I did not have the money to pay a plumber to fix, so it got worse. One of the cabinet doors is missing now. It fell off the hinges and I guess we threw it out.
I need the bathroom fan replaced with the new one I already bought, and the bathroom ceiling popcorn paint removed and replaced with the new ceiling paint I bought.
I need the lighting in the hallway and the laundry room fixed. I have no idea why they are not working. I need Caleb's light fixture replaced on his bedroom ceiling. I need the face plates to the electrical sockets replaced. I might need to pay the electrician to route the wiring into the house for the window unit that we had to buy last year, I think. Ugh. So many more things that have to be fixed outside too. There are holes on the outside of the house where the water faucets were removed but not filled in. There are places that need to be sanded down and painted over.
Then there is just the major house cleaning that needs to happen before anyone comes over and takes photos. Caleb's room and the guest room have both been taken over by Caleb. We have started on cleaning up the living room, but we are not finished yet. We still have some left under the sofa to shop vac, and other floor spaces too. Then it has to pet vac'd. Then it has to be shampooed, but only after I have pet vac'd until I can't pet vac anymore! There is so much sand in the carpet!
I finally got most of the hallway bathroom cleaned up in preparation for the plumber. That has needed to happen for a long time now. I need to get the laundry started again, and wash the washing machine with cleaner I bought.
I donated 2 trash bags of my clothes that I no longer use. I have one more bag of my stuff, and one bag of Caleb's clothes that are too small to donate.
I need to get the junk off of the incline trainer so I can begin to walk again. I bought a cork yoga mat, and it came in the mail the other day. I have not opened the box yet though. I got my Virta box too, and have not opened it yet either.
Virta has an app with the orientation materials I need to complete. It's alot of stuff, and I am trying to get it all done so I can start the program. I may not be ready to not be able to eat carbs anymore , but I am ready to lose weight and stop taking insulin.
I am on my 4th Diet Mountain Dew this morning so far. Caleb woke up and went back to sleep. It is now 3:46 a.m. here.
I am trying to start therapy, but I decided that EMDR was not right for the situations in my life and how they affected me. I do not have flashbacks. I do not have visualizations or memories that haunt me in a visual form. So, my therapist and I decided to go with another method for trauma, CPT, Cognitive Processing Therapy. She is out of the office for the next week or so, so I will start when she comes back.
I found out that Dona Sharon is NOT having surgery next week, like I thought. She is having a 4 hour eye exam. She still needs a driver, so it doesn't change our plans to go over there.
Pastor Rick came over on Monday to have communion with us. It was very nice, since I have not been in the church for a very long time now.
I don't know, I'm just trying to keep my head up. This week has been rough. I was fatigued and exhausted, depressed and anxious. Overall I was tired beyond the reach of sleep.
Last week R.J. and his family came to Myrtle Beach for their vacation. Dad and Dona Sharon met them there. I tried to not call as frequently for those days, so they could enjoy the grandkids, but I was silently stressing out. I did not know how I would be able to pay for the plumber. My eating got out of control. I was eating entirely too much, and my foods were including carbs. I was not sleeping well at all. I needed to write in my journal, but couldn't stay awake to do it, and get all these things off my chest and off my back.
It is now 4:02 a.m. I woke up because I could not get comfortable. I was too hot. It doesn't help that I got sunburned from being outside so long on Monday.
Last night my dad flew into a rage while we were on the phone. It was not directed at me, but Dona Sharon. It was scary, even though I was not there. It is a very big reminder that I cannot invite them to live with me. They fight like that, and my dad is unstable. That is why he choked Caleb twice, because he flew into a rage. It's not safe for me nor Caleb to live with him. I don't want to live with someone I have to be afraid of, and Caleb deserves better.
My grandpa and grandma de Mello's anniversaries of deaths are approaching. I kept the roses from grandpa's memorial and plan to bury them in the front yard on the anniversary of his death. They died one year and one day apart.
I am running out of things to say right now, and I need to hop in the shower anyway.
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