Today's prompt is "What song could be your self-portrait?" I would have to give that some thought.
It is now 5:51 am here on Tuesday. Yesterday was a busy day. I was up at 2 am and only went to lay down at 6 am. I stayed up working on my computer because I could not sleep. I needed to do my spreadsheet that contains my credit card balance information on it. I update it frequently so I know where I stand even when I am out in public. It is especially for emergency situations when I might need money right away to fix the car or something. I also worked on my Aid and Attendance VA form, along with the form for getting the money I invested in the Montgomery GI Bill add-on back. I was trying to prepare to go to my Wilmington VA appointment and get those forms filled out and signed. I want to say there was something else I did while I was up, but now I don't remember.
I laid down around 6, but had to get up at 7 to start the day. I was not ready to get up when my alarm went off. I got up though, and Caleb woke up shortly after I did. I took my medications, and gave Caleb his medications. I woke Christinia up at 7:30 because I did not hear her nor Harlee. We had to leave to go to Wilmington at 8 to be there at 9. Harlee was scheduled to be picked up by her dad for a few days.
The original plan was to stay in Wilmington, but because Christinia was starting her first day of classes, I did not want to keep her busy doing absolutely nothing productive towards her classes the whole day. I had alot of appointments that I had to go to during the afternoon, so Caleb and I brought Christinia back home and chilled out for a short while before going back to Wilmington. My first appointment was to pick up my new diabetic shoes. That was easy. In and out, and the ladies at the front desk were nice. The next thing we did was stop at Hardee's for lunch. I wanted to get something to eat before going to my other appointments, knowing that I would not eat again until dinner at home.
Then we went to have my Virta labs done. I knew that would hopefully not take long, as it should have been just a blood draw. It took 3 different needle sticks to finally get a good vein and begin to take the blood out.
My next appointment was at the VA clinic with my primary care at the women's clinic. I got there early and Caleb and I just sat in the Mazda for a while. I had to go inside to use the restroom, and told Caleb to wait for me in the car. I would just go to my appointment after I used the bathroom. It was easily 44 degrees outside and I was wearing shorts and a spaghetti string tank top with compression socks and diabetic shoes. My hair was in a messy bun, and I was not in the best of moods because of an incident that occurred earlier.
Once in my appointment, my vitals were taken. I weighed 317.4 lbs. That means that all the weight I lost during the 3 good months of Virta prior to Thanksgiving was gained back. I really gave up during December. I ate Italian cookies, and when the holidays came around, I totally had my share of ham, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, and corn. I had birthday cakes all the birthdays. Harlee's was first in succession, then Christinia's, and then Caleb's .
I went to see Ms. Miller on a mission, but I did not fill it. I wanted to get my forms signed, but I did not even bring them up. I talked about the things I wrote down on my list that I wanted to talk about, but did not get the support I needed. I have trouble sleeping at night through the whole night, but my doctor did not give me medication to keep me asleep. I talked about my lack of sexual desire, and she not prescribe medication for that either. Instead of confirming that I am going through menopause, she denied it. Apparently my ovaries are working fine. I am just not having a period anymore, and apparently that is because I am overweight. I have not been without a period prior, so why now? I am having hot flashes, and they were minimized to being overweight and flushed. Everything I brought up was denied or minimized. According to Ms. Miller, I need to exercise and lose weight and that will solve all my problems. That's great, but in the meantime, I am not supposed to have a period, want sex, or sleep through the night?
I cried in Ms. Miller's office. I could not take the shaming. I was having too much of a day, and did not want to sit there and argue with a medical professional who is supposed to care. According to her, it sounds like I do not want to change. That's right, I got my A1c down to 6.6 without her help at all, but I am the one who does not want to change.
So, let's talk about why I was having such a horrible day. When we came home from Wilmington the first time, I asked for Caleb's phone. Christinia quickly said, "Let's check it!" loudly, so I did. I found porn on Caleb's phone. Now I had just reset the phone and both of us told him not to go doing things like that again. I was sorely disappointed in him. I was angry and upset. Not only that, but he lied to our faces about who put the porn on his phone, as he kept denying that it was him. Ridiculous. The files had timestamps on them so we could see right there when he last opened them. Some of them were from a few days ago. One was from August. Upon looking further into it, Christinia found out how he was getting the porn without apps, without search engines, and without wiFi access. He subscribed to some email lists. Not only that, but he was contacting perfect strangers on a sex site. Caleb just turned 13. Looking at porn in not abnormal for his age. What bothers me is the lying about and being deceitful. My Aunt Lisa told me to watch out for this sort of thing when she bought Caleb the phone.
Caleb is currently in intensive-in-home therapy and awaiting a bed at a residential treatment facility. I do not know what else to do, I really don't. I can't possibly watch Caleb every second of the day to prevent him from getting into trouble. I pray that the professionals can figure him out and help him with his issues.
After my appointment with Ms. Miller, I was sent to the VA lab and to mental health to schedule some therapy appointments. Ms. Miller wanted to check my hormone levels, and also whether I have HepC or HIV (because those are more likely to cause hot flashes than menopause?).
I saw my veteran friend, Brenda at the VA Clinic, on my way to the lab. She was so happy to see me, it was impossible not to be happy to see her too. We hugged and and went on our ways.
I went to VA lab and had more blood drawn. I could not wait to get back home and just crash in my bed. Meanwhile, the guys from Pride Restoration were working on the bathroom at home. When I got home, the bathroom was complete with new bathroom fan installed and ceiling painted.
I went and gave Christinia a summary of events, as is usual for me at the end of the day. I was overstuffed from eating a double cheeseburger from Hardee's for lunch and did not want dinner, so I just took my night time medications without food. I went to bed early, but as is usual, woke up shortly later to have to use the bathroom. When I went to update Christinia on things I had forgotten to tell her, we discussed the possibility that there might be a spirit in the house. It creeps us both out. We will be saging the whole house today when everyone is up.
Caleb woke up and told me that there were three marks on legs that hurt this morning. He also thinks there is an entity here. He does not know where the marks came from, as he was sleeping.
Today I got up early because my e-cigarette was malfunctioning and I wanted to vape. I decided to stay up for awhile, and just began writing my blog.
There are no appointments today. I do not know what I will do today, but the hallway carpet needs to be cleaned again because Bella had an accident. She will not go outside in the rain. I finally cleared my gut this this morning and am feeling better since. I weighed in after I used the toilet, and weighed 5 lbs less than yesterday's weight!
Christinia will be doing schoolwork today, and Caleb needs to get some schoolwork done too. I would like to read a little bit, but do not know if I can. I have been unsuccessful with every attempt to read as I get tired really quickly. I do want to walk on the incline trainer for a little while, if I do nothing else today. I want to move the boxes of Christmas stuff to the shed too. I have to figure out dinner too. It should be a substantially easier day today.
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