Today's prompt is " What do you need to vent about?" Quite a few things, actually. First, I am making a decision, along with the help of mental health professionals to send Caleb to a behavioral health residential facility for therapy. He needs more than one appointment with a therapist a month. That is all that is available with his regular therapist at the time. He is currently in in-home-intensive care, and sees two therapists once each a week. It is helpful, but not enough. As much as I repeat myself, I cannot get through to Caleb the importance of team work and cleanliness. I do not know what else to do, so I am taking the suggestions of his mental health team to go up a level in care. He will be leaving at the end of the month, and I do not know how long it will take for him to cooperate and be able to come back home.
I was supposed to start weekly therapy with the VA Clinic last week, but I overslept and missed my VA video connect appointment online. Last week was my scheduled period week, and I was exhausted for most of it. The appointment was scheduled for 0830 on Thursday. SMDH. Sometimes I can get up when the alarm sounds at 0700, and sometimes I can't. Anyway, I am going to be ok. I am making the best choice for Caleb given the current options.
I don't want to talk to my dad about it, because he has a tendency to make things that are out of my control, my fault. This is not my fault. This is not Caleb's fault entirely. He has mental differences that he needs to learn how to manage. He needs to see what I am trying to show him. I am not here to make his life Hell. I am here to show him how to make his life easier in the long run. I don't want to add to the drama. I will keep my dad out of it for now, until I can figure out how to tell him that Caleb is going away.
My dad is known to fly off the handle in rage. I am not looking forward to sharing this news with him, but I do not want to end up lying to him about Caleb's whereabouts either.
It is now 0328 on Tuesday morning. Yesterday was a good productive day for me. I woke up around 0500, and began watching videos from the Neuro-Linguistic Programming class I bought some time ago. I then decided that I needed to find all the materials that I have purchased in the past few years and review them. I make purchases to learn things... classes and/or certificate programs, but then get lost in everyday activities and never return to actually take the classes. These are investments that I made while Caleb was in public school so that I would have other things to do that I actually want to do to make our futures better.
I would like to be able to spend time catching up on all the classes I purchased and see where I end up. Some of the classes are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy practitioner, Reiki, Real Estate investing, Life Coach certificate, Nutritionist certificate, and Holistic Pain Management. All of these I can use!
I was wondering what I will do with my time when Caleb is gone, and now I know. I am going to learn the things I have put on hold for the last few years.
I was able to get most of the dishes washed yesterday, along with vacuuming the hallway of the baking soda I put down to trap odors. I got the laundry started, and I even began to clean up my bedroom! I organized my papers that I had in piles behind my chair at the dining table. I am moving in the right direction.
I have been listening to Magdalene Rose Temple meditations the past few nights. They are very helpful to me and making me feel better in general. I have a certificate showing that I am a certified Magdalene Rose Priestess! I would also like to be a Reiki Master. I love the thought of healing people from pain, especially myself.
I have not been doing well with the Virta plan lately. As a matter of fact, last night, I did not want to cook dinner because I spent so much time catching up to washing the dishes. I, instead, went and picked up Chinese food.
I started drinking water with fresh lemon in it everyday. It helps to reduce my cravings for Diet Mountain Dew, and is healthy too. Christinia is drinking lemon water with me, so we keep eachother on track.
I walked on the incline trainer the other day. I walked for one hour to bring my glucose down, very slowly so as not to hurt myself in the process, or have a fibromyalgia flare up from pushing myself too hard. It worked! My goal is walk a little bit everyday. I have to slowly make changes to how I run my days to fit it in my schedule. Unfortunately, everyday is different , and I cannot always predict how I will feel. If I am already in pain, I will not likely want to be in even more pain.
I have been trying to fix the house lately. I paid a restoration company to remove the mold in the house. I had alot of black mold on the bathroom ceiling because the bathroom fan broke shortly after I moved in and I never could change it. I bought a new fan, but had no experience on how to remove the old fan and install the new one. The whole ceiling had to be removed and replaced. The new fan was installed, and the central air conditioning ducts were sanitized.
The next project is the kitchen. The cabinets need to be replaced because some of them had to be torn out due to mold from a leak under the sink. The floor has to ripped up because Dona Sharon destroyed the kitchen floor by scraping the linoleum with the bottom of her chairs, instead of lifting them up when she moved them. I am in the process of getting quotes for that work.
I just put in a work order to fix the electrical malfunction in the hallway that prevents the light from working, along with the light in the laundry room, and the light in the dining area.
I have a long list of things that need to repaired or replaced in order to pass the VA appraiser's inspection. I want to get the house refinanced so I can pay off my debts and clear my credit report, making one payment a month at a much lower interest rate, instead of what I am currently doing.
I got up this morning and began to pay the bills. I paid most of them. I have to pay the water bill in person, and the others are automatically paid.
Caleb just woke up. It is now 0402. I make fun that he has a "mom alarm" that makes him wake up when I am awake. He is devouring his leftover Chinese food. I love this kid and I will be sad when he leaves. He does not want to go, but I let him know that it is not a punishment. It is for his own good. He is not happy when he is angry all the time. He is not happy to have his electronics taken away. He is not happy to have yelling in the house, and at him. He is just not happy. He has been happier since starting in-home intensive care. I asked his psychiatrist to increase his mood-stabilizing medications, and she did. He can stay stable more or less as long as he is on his medications. He flies off the handle out of nowhere though. One minute he is ok, and the next minute he is yelling at us. His therapists try to give him tools to change his behavior and regulate his emotions, but I don't think he remembers half of what they tell him.
Last week, I was having bad back pain and went to lay down for awhile. He left the house without asking or telling anybody where he was going. He left the front door open. When Mollie, one of his therapists arrived, Bella opened the door more for her. I was not happy about the situation. Then, when I went to look for him, he was riding his bike alongside a woman walking a dog on our street. I did not recognize the woman. Caleb said that was his friend Chase's mom. Well, where was Chase? He knew that Chase was not at his house when he went to Chase's house. Strange? He said he wanted to show Chase's mom his artwork, even though he knew that Chase was not home. I don't like the sound of it. I grounded him for one week. He lost his privelege to go anywhere without an adult.
He was not home when his in-home intensive care appointment was supposed to start. Mollie helped get through the situation though. Yeah, I just a bit angry. He knows the rules. No leaving the house without permission. No leaving the house while I am in bed. No going out without his phone. What if I couldn't find him? He was not at the neighbor's, Jerry's, where I can usually find him.
Let's see, so today I have to keep the laundry going, wash the rest of the dishes, and shampoo the hallway carpet. I want to work on my NLP course online, and meditate before bed. I want to walk a little on the incline trainer. Bella is going to need a bath soon. I need to go to Walmart to buy some binders for my printouts for my classes and e-books. It might not sound like alot, but believe it will take all day to do these things. I have some important phone calls to make too.
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