Winning

     Yesterday was a good day. Caleb woke me up around 0800, and although I was still tired, I got up. I decided to have a diet Mountain Dew while I waited for my coffee. I drank my coffee with the collagen that my Mom sent me, and took 4 Ketone pills that I am supposed to take 15 minutes prior to a meal. I decided to walk for 10 minutes on the incline trainer. I had Caleb remove the stuff off the incline trainer for me, and plug it in. The warm up is 3 minutes long, and then I walked a timed 10 minutes at 2mph at 0% incline while listening to music. It did not hurt. I was not going too fast. I could breathe. I finished my 10 minutes after the warm up, and then quit. I ate my breakfast which was leftover baked omelet and then took my morning medications and supplements. After letting my pills settle, I began to clean up the kitchen. I began to pre-wash the dishes and load them to the dishwasher. I began to then hand wash the other dishes and load the dish strainer until there was no room to put any more dishes. I waited for Caleb to dry and put away the dishes in the dish strainer so I could continue. I took a break. I was listening to music the entire time. I listened to Godsmack, Jane's Addiction, Jay Z, Katy Perry, and A Perfect Circle, but I also listened to the radio because my portable speaker's battery died and needed recharging. 

    I washed another round of dishes for Caleb to put away. When I was done with that load, I took a break. I decided to go out and get Caleb the pizza he wanted from the grocery store. We stopped at Dollar General on the way to Food Lion and bought Bella's Benadryl there. From there, we went to Amsterdam Life to see if they had replacement coils for my e-cigarette. After we left there, we went to Food Lion. I bought Bella vegetables to add to her dinner, like the vet said. I bought Dona Sharon a California roll from the sushi aisle. We left there with 4 reusable grocery bags full. 

    When we got home, I didn't feel like washing any more dishes. I was supposed to have made a crockpot dinner, but never got that far. I bought frozen dinners for Caleb and Dona Sharon to have. I wanted to walk again on the incline trainer. I walked 20 timed minutes after the 3 minute warm up. 15 minutes were at a 3% incline at 2mph. The other 5 minutes were at a 0% incline at 2 mph. I walked passed the point of hyperventilation and broke into a sweat and stable breathing. That means I totalled 30 minutes of timed walking on the incline trainer!

    I cooled down and cooled off before going to take a shower.

    I could not believe that I was able to exercise, grocery shop, wash dishes, and take a shower all in the same day! It was fantastic!

    I was tired by the end of the day. I text messaged Juan throughout the entire day and he never took the time to message me back. I need to break away from him. I miss my dad is what it is. I am drawn to Juan because we both have lost our fathers, both have diabetes and are overweight, and both are parents of a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder. When we first met, I could flirt with him and make him laugh. Now that is not really the case.

    Today is Sunday. It is only 0341 right now. I am tired, so I am going back to sleep. I am going to try to take it easy today after trying to do so much yesterday and all of last week. Man! That was a busy week! I will be glad when all this house remodeling is done, and the inspection is done too. 

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

Needing rest

     It is now 0244 and I am hot and sweaty again. I had a busy day yesterday. I woke up at 0330 or so and stayed awake until 0900. I finally got my shower and clean clothes on. I went back to sleep when Ashley text me back that she would be here at 1130. I fell asleep almost until 1130. She and Brandon came over to help me with the house. Ashley and Caleb worked on cleaning the backyard while Brandon fixed the screen door on the porch and caulked the exposed wood on the outside of the house. While they were working, I went grocery shopping at Food Lion. I bought a chuck roast to make for dinner. I bought Dona Sharon and Caleb frozen meals to eat. I came home and the backyard looked much better. Brandon and Caleb unloaded the Mazda of groceries. I took a break and eventually started cooking. I took a nap after Ashley and Brandon left. 

    I got back up before dinner was ready, and waited. I text Juan a couple of text messages that reflected how I felt about him not communicating with me. He came over to see me after I finished eating dinner. We talked and I feel better about things. He is having a rough sales month and it's stressful.

    I came back inside to take my night meds and went to bed. My pelvis was hurting. 

    I have to go to CVS and to Lowe's today. I need a new carpet cleaner. I want to make my baked omelet today, but I have to clean the kitchen first. Cleaning is never-ending here. 

    I want to give myself Reiki again this morning, but I might go back to sleep first. I'm stired. I need a day of rest in bed. I have no plans for Sunday yet. 

    Well, I'm not ready to be awake yet. I need more rest. I am still in pain.

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

TGIF

     It is now 0430 and I am hot and sweaty once again. I woke up to use the bathroom and then to cool off. I believe my 6mg nicotine e-juice is the source of my problems. When I am not vaping nicotine, I do not seem to have as many problems. Yesterday I did no physical labor and yet I was in a lot of pain, especially in my back. I was having muscles tightening which I think were from taking the CBD supplement in the morning. It did not allow me to rest when I needed to rest. I am not taking CBD anymore, for as long as I can remember that is how it treats me. I took it to relieve the pain, but it did the opposite and caused more pain. 

    Yesterday Caleb had his assessment therapy appointment. It was an hour long, and draining. We went through all the things that Caleb has gone through throughout his life that were traumatizing. He was diagnosed with PTSD finally and something that I cannot remember the name of. He was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder last Summer. He was re-diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. The other thing had the words Adjustment Disorder in them. 

    I was more than tired yesterday. I got up around 0330 and stayed awake until 0700. I went back to bed until 0900. I was supposed to get up at 0700 and start my day. I needed to go to Lowe's to replace my shop vac, vacuum cleaner, and carpet cleaner. Jessica and Toni fixed the vacuum cleaner. The shop vac only needs a new filter. So now I only need to replace the carpet cleaner! 

    I am feeling better this morning so far. I used my red light therapy pad last night and the night before. I hope to get back to using it at least once a day. 

    I bought my first night cream treatment for my face yesterday. I bought it as a set with a day cream treatment too. I'm trying to firm the skin on my face, neck, and chest. 

    I want to start walking on my incline trainer in the mornings. I had Jessica and Toni clear it off for me yesterday so it's ready to use. 

    I was not able to cook dinner again last night due to all the pain I was feeling. I tried giving myself Reiki, but I am out of practice and don't remember what the symbols look like. 

    Yesterday morning I watched Jason and Maura's "Four Pillars of Healing" video. I also bought a lot of 0mg nicotine e-juice to begin the quitting process all over again. 

    I have not been communicating with Christinia in awhile. I was going to give her the Volvo, but I am reconsidering. She only talks to me when she needs money for something. I set her up with a desk and and a chair so she could work from home to earn some money for her family while Harlee is at school. She is way behind in her child support for Aiden. She needs to be working but has her driver's license revoked since falling behind on Aiden's child support some years ago. My relationship with her is toxic, so I am staying away.

    Today Ashley and a friend are coming over. Ashley will clean, and her friend will work on the details that need repair on the house so I can schedule the VA inspection.

    Tomorrow I have nothing on the calendar and might just sleep all day. I'm exhausted from everything that has happened this week. It's been a lot of work non-stop, and pain too. I need to rest.  

    I need to bake my giant omelet today so I can have food that is healthy available. I have baskets of clean, folded laundry in my room that need to be put away. I have a box of hair products I need to store, as well as a box of makep. I'm loving my new haircut and am successfully wearing it down more often without issues. 

    I bought new tea tree oil body wash for Caleb and me. I can't wait to try it. It's cooling. I also bought new tea tree oil body wipes for those in-between shower days for myself. I am trying to get Caleb to shower every day, but it's a losing battle. I am trying to get him to brush his teeth too. He just had cavities filled at his dentist appointment. 

    I haven't been drinking much water. I need to get back on track with that.

    I have gone to Maurice's and Torrid online and walked away from buying more clothes each time. I am proud of myself. I have more clothes than I need right now because I was losing weight and changing sizes. I gained the weight back and wanted to wear winter clothes so I bought clothes recently. 

    Toni was putting together Caleb's desk but was missing a screw. I have to see if I can find one like it when I go to Lowe's. I just went and sent the manufacturer a message to replace the missing screws. 

    Caleb threw up yesterday. Jessica started feeling like she was going to throw up when she was here. I don't know what's causing that. 

    I'm listening to the Erica Rock audio files I purchased last year. I made a playlist of songs she created for healing purposes after my dad died. I use these songs when I give distance Reiki. They are soothing. 

    I need a shower this morning pretty badly. I don't feel like doing anything though. My body is tired. 

    I want to learn the Vocal Resonance Method. I have been singing more often in the car. I need to be able to sit at my computer without distractions for a few hours, and without pain.

    I still have to get Caleb tested on his IXL app. We are having trouble with his computers right now. He broke the screen on one computer, and lost the Pin to the other computer. 

    I bought my mom birthday cards and got so busy that I forgot to send them. Her birthday is today! I'm going to try to call her later. 

    Everything seems to be moving in the right direction. I am getting the house worked on and cleaned up. I am going to need Caleb to start washing dishes for me. It hurts my back too much to stand there and do it, especially without my shapewear on that helps to support my back alignment. 

    My 40th birthday is next month. I feel much older than my true age. My body hurts a lot of the time. I've got to stay on track with diet and exercise to lose this extra weight to feel better. 

    I bought the movie "The Ten Commandments," because I like to watch it every year. We will probably watch it together.

    The Spectrum installer is coming on Monday. I don't even know what else is happening next week. I am still trying to get through this week. We will have streaming cable tv on Monday. We have not had cable tv for some years now because Caleb was addicted to Sponge Bob cartoons. I could not pull him away from the tv to get things done that needed to get done. He was glued to the tv. I can't watch tv anymore. I am too sensitive to the graphics and lights. I usually listen to what is happening and glance up at the screen every once in awhile. 

    I never completed using the ear drops Dr. Fuchs prescribed for me. I began to forget to take them. I never used the cream she gave me for my scalp either, or the shampoo. I tried to keep up with everything I was supposed to do, but failed.

    I was chatting with a Marine yesterday morning. At least he says he is a Marine. I don't know that I can trust him. He found me on Instagram and we migrated to Facebook to chat. Whoever he is, Josh, he seems nice. Things got questionable when he wanted to know who I bank with. Like yeah... I should block you now.

    I am still very much attached to Juan. I wish things would clear up for us to be able spend more time together. I think about him when I sing. 

    I haven't seen much of Dona Sharon lately. I have had to go to bed before she eats dinner for the past few days. 

    It is now 0536. I am still listening to my playlist. I am not motivated to walk this morning. I need to take a shower. I am tired. This music is peaceful.

    It is now 0625. I just finished self-Reiki. I am still listening to my playlist. I think I am almost done with the playlist though. It seems like forever since I practiced Reiki. I had to search for my manuals to re-familiarize myself with the symbols and mantras. I only have one more after this track. 

    I am ready to hop in the shower and get washed up. 

    Have a blessed day and thank you for reading!

    

Staying Busy

     It is now 0345. I am overheated, sweaty, and thirsty. I haven't been awake at this hour on a regular basis probably since before my dad died. Yesterday was a busy day. The night before last I took a hot shower to feel better. My whole body was hurting. I also took my shower at night because I did not want to have to worry about getting up earlier in the morning to take it before any workers arrived to the house. I did feel better after washing up with tea tree oil shampoo, so much so that I bought tea tree oil bodywash and body wipes. I waited until late at night to see if I could talk to Juan before going to bed, but that did not happen. Anyway, so yesterday I was able to wake up at 0700 when my alarm went off. Caleb made me a cup of coffee and I took my medications. I t was not that long until I called Pride Restoration to see if anyone was coming over, and at what time they were coming over. I found out that someone was on their way, so I did not leave the house to go run errands right away like I wanted. One guy stopped by and worked on the drywall in the hallway where Caleb kicked the wall, making a big hole there. He did not take long to do what he planned to do, and then he left. I had time to run a few errands before Caleb's psychiatrist appointment was scheduled to happen. We went to pay the water bill, and then went to Walmart to restock on groceries. I filled a cart with drinks, and Caleb had to get another cart. We got home in time to only be able to bring in the frozen foods and the eggs and put them away. We left after Caleb did that for his appointment. He did not have therapy like I thought. I missed a virtual appointment with Ms. Carol to do his assessment for in-home-intensive therapy. It was a morning that I felt like shit. I was in a lot of pain and did not want to talk to anyone or do anything. I do not even think I got out of bed. I rescheduled his assessment appointment for an in-person appointment this afternoon. 

    Jessica and Toni are supposed to come by today at 1000. I had to tell them not to come at the originally planned 0900 because I was not able to buy the replacement shop vac, vacuum cleaner, or carpet cleaner yesterday.

    After Caleb's psychiatrist appointment yesterday, we came home. I was tired. I had a late lunch of ham and cheese, and waited for Caleb to bring the rest of the groceries inside before I went to take a nap. I was already exhausted and it was only 1400. I slept until 1630. I text Juan in regards to my cell phone service and expected that he would have responded by the time I woke up, but he didn't, so I followed up with him when I woke up. He gave me some instructions, but I did not follow them. I followed the prompts from the Spectrum email I received. I guess Juan was in training in Hampstead. I asked if I could see him after work; not in person, but through video. I waited for him to call me after work, or at least text me but he never did.

    I was planning to cook dinner, but the kitchen was a mess because had been cooking without cleaning. I had to load the dishwasher and handwash some dishes. I had to stop before I was completely done because my back began to hurt. I did not end up making the ground beef and noodles like I wanted. My back was in too much pain to wash the dishes I needed after clearing what was in the sink. I could not make myself stand up anymore. I had ham and cheese for dinner in order to be able to take my nighttime medications. 

    So, today Jessica and Toni are coming at 1000. I have to get up on time and do my morning routines before I run out to Lowe's to replace my cleaning machines. I should be able to get back in time before the girls arrive. I also need them to sign as witnesses to my will signing. I created a will yesterday that was updated.

    Then in the afternoon, I have to go to Caleb's assessment which will take an hour.

    I called Micheal to see if he could help me fix the tiny details around the house before I set up the VA inspection appointment. I left a voicemail, but he did not return my call. I called to Stacy to see if she had someone who could come by and finish the work. I was leaving a voicemail when she called me back. 

    Ashley is coming over with a friend on Friday. He will be doing the detail work while she cleans for me. 

    I miss my dad. I reposted his ForeverMissed memorial page on Facebook. I don't have anyone to talk to every day anymore. I don't have my dad to call throughout the day as my day occurs. It's sad, but I listen to music to lift my spirit. I got to singing in the car pretty good yesterday. It made me happy. 

    I haven't heard from Mickal again. I wondered if he realized I wasn't in a rush to have sex with anybody. I don't know why adult relationships have to be sex-centered. I mean, I am attracted to Juan, and I want him to know that, but I am not asking for dick pics or anything like that. 

    I got my lab results back from my STD screening. I tested negative for everything, so I am happy about that. 

    I got an update about my child support case in the mail yesterday. The state of Arkansas is in the process of locating Jamie McCurry. 

    I can't wait for Saturday to come and to have nothing to do but rest. I have been working hard this week. 

    Tuesday I went to my eye doctor appointment and got good news. My eyesight has not changed since my last exam. I do not have new diabetic damages to my eyes. I was so happy to hear that. I had my eyes dilated and that made things a little harder to drive. I had to take Caleb to his dental appointment to have cavities filled. 

    About the situation with Juan. It seems like he wakes up to go to work and comes home to sleep and that is his schedule. The only time I really hear from him is when it has to do with Spectrum. I don't know what to make of that. I feel like if he thought of me, he would text me or call me on his break or something. He would take time to catch up with me. I really feel connected to him, so I don't want to lose hope, but at the same time, I don't want to be taken for granted or abused in silence. 

    I need to find time to help Dona Sharon get things done. I am thinking she will save money by moving her cell phone service to my account with Spectrum. I have to help her make some phone calls about her medical situation. I am so wrapped up in getting this house fixed and cleaned, cooking meals, and doctor appointments that I don't even have time to do what I want. There is just more and more work to be done. 

    I need help to get the backyard cleaned up. We need to charge the battery to the weed wacker because plants are starting to grow again. 

    I passed on the opportunity to be listed with Coach Brandi's Veteransville non-profit for Veterans because I don't feel like I am ready to commit to my business right now. There is just too much going on. I don't have rest days like I need. 

    I am going to be administratively withdrawn from Capella University soon because I have not registered for classes since August 2022. I can't afford to pay for a Master's Degree. 

    The way the estimate from Pride Restoration was written, the jobs cost a lot, but the work was not completed the way I planned. Things were patched up where I planned for big parts of the ceiling to be corrected. I don't think all the exposed wood was covered either. I have not checked to see. 

    I haven't heard about Granny and Pepere since the last time I spoke to my mom. 

    I wish Mathew would let me in his damaged heart. I know he C-PTSD like me, but he has also been deployed several times in addition to what we went through growing up. 

    I wore a tan cami tank top under my maroon Hogwarts t-shirt under my green sweater over my black leggings yesterday. I looked in the mirror and thought, "Army beret colors: green for Special Forces, maroon for Airborne, tan for Rangers, and black for everybody else."

    I am feeling sore. I want to go lie down for a little while before I have to get up again.

    The irritation on my scalp is healing up. My ear does not hurt anymore. My arm is hurting less and less with each passing day. I had my feet checked when I was at the VA clinic last week. I am losing sensation in my right big toe. I think that is from skating for all those years though, and not from diabetes. 

    I just bought more 0mg nicotine e-juice. Going to have to quit all over again since Caleb handed me a 6mg nicotine e-juice and I vaped it without looking at the bottle.

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

Getting the Work Done

     It is now 0330 and I am awake for the second time this morning. I have been craving ice cream to cool me down and lots of drinks. I am sooo thirsty! 

    Yesterday was a busy Monday. I woke up after my alarm went off by about an hour. Jessica was due to be at the house by 0900, but then text me that she was running late. Jessica and her friend were coming over to clean the house for me before the guys from Pride Restoration came over at some undetermined time. I never got a call from Jim Stroud, but last week I got an email that I would be on the schedule this week. The guys arrived around 1030. The girls arrived around 1000. Jessica and her friend Toni were cleaning up the laundry room when the guys arrived. They cleared the floor area so the floor could be repaired, and also so the popcorn ceiling could be fixed in there. The lighting buttons were given face plates. The laundry room floor was fixed where it was coming up by the back door. The popcorn ceiling in the laundry room was repaired in some kind of way. The big hole in the wall in the hallway was repaired. The big hole in the kitchen linoleum was covered was peel-n-stick. The half bathroom had the popcorn ceiling repaired too. The frames of the doors and the wood that was exposed was painted over. I am not sure if they were able to put the water spout together outside yesterday. I know there are two smaller holes in the walls in Dona Sharon's room that need to be fixed as well. Caleb's door needs to be replaced, and the exposed wood on the outside of the house needs to be repaired as well. 

    Jessica helped me by getting the laundry moving again. I went ahead and washed the smelly dishes the were making it stink in the house. I loaded the other dishes to the dishwasher. Toni cleaned the hallway bathroom and my bathroom. Jessica was able to vacuum the hallway. Toni began cleaning the living room before I finally had to call the day to an end. I was sooo tired and sleepy. They were able to work until 1600, but I was exhausted before 1500. The guys left around 1330 for the day and said they could return today. 

    It was my first time meeting Jessica's friend Toni. She knows how to do hair too. I asked her is she could do my hair for me. I just want corn rows to the crown with extensions in them. She said she could teach me how to do it. 

    Toni got her new looking hoodie ruined by paint on the door frames, so I offered to pay her to get a new one. I said, "I got you, if you got me," meaning she would help me int he future with my hair. 

    Jessica was in pain while she was trying to get work done. I offered her  a lidocaine back patch. 

    I wanted to be able to take a nap. but just as I laid down, Juan text me. I thought I would never hear from him again. I thought he blocked me. He was just asking how I was doing. I asked, "Who is this?" I had already deleted his phone number from my contacts because I thought I ran him off.  I needed to ask him some Spectrum questions, so I asked if I could call him real quick. He came over so we could talk, and I asked my questions. I wanted to know how much it would cost to add tv service to the internet I already signed up for, and how to switch to Spectrum cell phone service. 

    We spent several hours trying to get my services ordered. His supervisor even stopped by to offer help because we were running into problems with the order. Juan and his supervisor left my house happy as everything got resolved. In all, I ordered internet, cell phone, and tv from Juan at Spectrum. 

    By the time I came back inside, it was after 1830. I wasn't hungry, but knew I should eat something. I took my meds and tried to go to bed. It did not go well because I did not have a full belly. 

    I woke up in the middle of the night to have ice cream because I was hot. I was sooo thirsty too. I did not drink my gallon of water. I do not even know where my gallon of water is right now. 

    Let's talk about how the weekend went. Saturday morning I got a call from my mom that my Pepere was missing. He never made it home from the hospital after leaving his visit with Granny. I was worried right away. When my mom called to tell me, Pepere had been missing for 24 hours already. The police had been notified and were looking for him. Everyone was worried. Pepere has dementia and forgot a lot. In the middle of my conversation with my mom, my Aunt Michele called my mom. My mom called me back and told me that Pepere made it back to hospital where Granny was. He could not remember the day before. He got lost on his way home from Lowe's because there was a detour and he could not find his way home. A nice couple guided him back to the hospital. The doctors kept him at the hospital and took away his keys so he could not leave. They were going to check his glucose and feed him a meal. He likely had not eaten since before he left Granny the day before and he is diabetic. 

    I text Juan that my Pepere was missing and was texting him as I found out he was found. The thing is, I immediately wanted to talk to my dad and let my dad know what was happening, but my dad is dead. I cannot call him like I wanted to. My heart was so troubled. I spent a while crying because of it. 

    Granny has been in the hospital and also in skilled nursing care for both chemo-therapy and physical therapy. Both she and Pepere don't have long to live. I was sad about thinking about that, but even more sad that my dad is already dead and I can't cry to him. 

    After feeling ignored most of Saturday during the day by Juan, I decided that I had enough of his games. My feelings were getting hurt and I was texting him like a crazy woman, and I wanted it to stop. I said goodbye to him and deleted his phone number and text messages so I would not try to text him anymore. I felt like such a burden because he was not showing me the time of day. I felt like I was giving all this energy to someone who could not care less. I did not like that feeling. Sunday, I decided that I was going to start fresh with myself. I found the Facebook Dating and created a profile there to see if I could find friends locally to talk to. I figured, just because I was rejected by Juan, doesn't mean everyone will treat me the same way. I could have friends closeby and not even know. Sure enough, there were a lot of interesting people locally to chat with. 

    After seeing Juan when I was super tired and not my energetic happy self, I think he sees more as more of a real human being with feelings. 

    I really like Juan a lot from the first time I met him in person. We just hit it off naturally, and I was so excited. He asked for a hug at the end of a few hour long conversation and gave me his personal phone number. Everything went great and I was so happy for the first time in a long time, as it relates to having relations with men. All of a sudden, I had feelings I could feel inside my body! I could not believe what happened! I have waited 15 years to find that special someone, and it might just be Juan, I don't know. All I know is that I was dying for his attention and to see him again. 

    Wow. Somebody farted out here. Both Caleb and Bubba are sleeping on the living room floor. It stinks to high heaven! Whew!

    So let me tell you about Juan. He is 47 years old and Puerto Rican. He has diabetes, but he also has very light eyes that I could look into forever if I did not have Autism. He works for Spectrum and is working in my area for now. He came to my door to offer a discount in the form of the ACP program where the government pays most of my bill. I have fun talking to him and I find him attractive. We had good times when we met previously. Yesterday was all about business. I asked him if he could meet us out for a meal sometime so my stepmom could meet him. He has a good sense of humor. He has been having some rough days lately and has been hurt in the past, making him distant and frustrated. I want to help him heal and grow. I do not know if he is interested and will let me. 

    Then let me tell you about Mickal. We met online at a different time maybe a few years ago. He found me on Facebook dating and asked if I remembered him. I kind of remembered him. He is not afraid to say I turn him on. He seems to be all about having sex. It's a turn off because I don't need sex to be happy. I am more than a sex object. I have a good mind of my own and want to be treated as such. I have been independent all of my life, and I will not resort to just having sex, when that is not what makes me happy. 

    Back to Juan. Something about him makes me want to love on him so much. I just want to cuddle up to him and listen to his stories and laugh.

    Mickal, on the other hand, had trouble with the fact that I am looking for a husband. Like there's something wrong with wanting a life partner. Mickal knew me when I was "dating" Christinia. I guess I was diagnosed with HPV at that time too. Hell, I don't remember my own history, but that's why it's so important to get tested before going into a sexual relationship. I aim to have an annual physical every year, but they don't do pap smears every year anymore. Now, it's only every 5 years.

    I'm not interested in Mickal in a sexual way. I am interested in Juan. Juan has 4 adult children and lives in Holly Ridge, just north of Wilmington. Juan has studied martial arts and done different kinds of jobs throughout the years. He is looking into going to school to study cyber security. I am excited for him! Juan has 2 dogs at home. He loved his parents as far as I can tell. He loves his children too. He is divorced. I have not gotten to ask about his divorce yet. I have not asked him if he went to college either. I have been lost in his energy that makes me feel so good to be around him. 

    I met Juan's supervisor yesterday. He is from Venezuela and was very nice to be around. 

    Anyway, enough about boys. I was trying to watch Jana Carrey Essence of Channeling workshop yesterday while the girls were working, but it got too loud when the guys started working on the house. I need to be working on getting my 5 level 1 Reiki students. I also have to meet the requirements for becoming a Revelation Breathwork Facilitator. I haven't really started the Vocal Resonance Method Facilitator training yet, but I am excited to learn! I haven't started with the Yoga therapist training yet either. I have fallen so behind with everything I have to just to make ends meet.

    I haven't been keeping up with my daily Reiki practice. I haven't even been able to get out of bed on time recently. I had a vaccine shot on Thursday when I went in the VA clinic for my earache. I also had Dr. Fuchs and the RN look at my scalp for irritation there. I had labs done to be able to have a document saying I am clean of STDs for my next partner to feel safe, and for me to feel safe in having sex. I got ear drops that I keep forgetting to use for my earache and to clean my ear of the wax build that cannot be reached by Q-tip. Dr. Fuchs gave me a cream to use on my scalp irritation, as well as a medicated shampoo. I have not gotten the lab results back yet. Hopefully it is good news since I do not remember the last time I had sex. 

    I still have to go to Lumberton to the county courthouse to set up my dad's estate to handle his accounts. I am not looking forward to that. I hate having to drive so far and back in one day. It is just exhausting. 

    Dona Sharon got a letter from the IRS yesterday that she owes more than $12,000 in taxes. I do not know how she plans on handling that. I do not understand why she owes so much. I will have to ask her when I am in better shape. I was not in good shape yesterday when we were going through the mail together. I was exhausted and needed rest. 

    I have been craving ice cream a lot lately. It is freezing cold and helps me bring my sweaty body back to room temperature. 

    I finally got the mattress protector replaced on my bed, and put on clean sheets. It may not sound like a big deal,  but I can't change the sheets on the bed by myself, and I certainly cannot change the mattress protector by myself. I had Caleb help me with both of those things yesterday after we found the sheets. I was able to put away some of the towels because Jessica and Toni put together the shelving unit for me. I still have 2 baskets of towels and blankets that need to be put away. I have baskets of my own laundry that I need to put away too. My room is a disaster area, but it is full of clean clothes, makeup, and hair products, with my crystals on the walls opposite the Harry Potter stuff I have hanging up. 

    Did I tell you that I was able to clip Bella's nails for the first time in forever? She is such a good girl for me. I need to give her a bath, but have a hard time getting onto my knees to bathe her in the tub. 

    Bubba has healed well since his surgery. He is still highly active. LOL

    I bought a program to help me train Bubba and every dog I ever have. I just need to be able to sit in front of the computer and watch the videos to learn everything I need to know.

    I decide to get tv service because I want Caleb to have access to the History channel and the Science channel. I also want Dona Sharon to be able to direct her attention to something other than her grief. 

    I was nicotine free for a few weeks before Caleb accidentally handed me an e-juice that has nicotine in it. So I will have to quit again. I'm not buying more e-juice. I have other things I can use instead that will help me quit. I bought sugar-free gum recently. Man, I haven't had gum since high school!

    I haven't gotten any feedback about the books I sent everyone for Christmas. I wonder what people think of my stories. I can't wait to get my notes together and write my own book by myself. 

    I want to write my own songs too, and learn to play guitar. One step at a time. I need to balance my personal growth with Caleb's parenting and homeschooling. Somehow both things get pushed out of the way because of other work that is required just to live. 

    I was able to stop buying crystals. I was able to stop buying e-juice. I was able to fill a cart at Maurice's online and Torrid online, and leave them without buying anything. I have not bought fast food in a while. I am starting to be in ketosis more often and to lose weight again. I want to start walking on my incline trainer in the mornings to get my blood going.

    I found that it's easier to stay on my diet when I meal prep. I made a 36 egg baked omelet with spinach, red bell peppers, sweet onions, and mushrooms that went a long way to helping me get back on track. I have to find a way to bake that meal without it sticking to the pan. I scratched my favorite non-stick pan when I was trying to scrub the baked on eggs off. 

    I'm back to being ok with not eating carbs for the most part. I don't crave fresh bread or pasta anymore. I had a hard time with sugar-free chocolates the other day. They taste too good to just have one!

    I almost completely healed from my skin picking on my chin/neck area and then I picked again. When will this bad habit stop?

    I requested grieving help from both my Primary Care team and my mental health team. I also requested help for my skin picking from Dr. Hueholt. 

    Did I mention that I finally got my Virta subscription renewed through the VA? Yeah that was a pain in the ass! I had to get VA patient advocate to talk to my Virta VA patient advocate to get things done right. It's done now! And I'm good for a complete year!

    The hole in the kitchen linoleum was fixed for free. If that isn't the greatest news of yesterday! All this time I worried about that damn floor and now it's fixed. It was so easy for the guy who fixed it too. He was so kind. 

    Did I mention that I got my hair trimmed, thinned, layered, and textured? It dries a lot faster now! It's easier to manage and I can wear it down without feeling so much heat stored on my heat! Curls be released!

    Caleb has been behaving better since Dona Sharon moved in. I am glad she is here. I wish she felt better more often because she has a good sense of humor. She feels a lot of physical pain throughout her body. If I could ever get caught up on things I need to do, I could use my training to help her feel better. I need to help her make phone calls, but she has to be awake during business hours to guide me with what she needs help with. I am super busy and only one person. That's why I pay to have the house cleaned. I simply don't have the time or energy. 

    My fibromyalgia has been more in check with Dona Sharon here with me. I don't stress as much because she is only one room away and I can talk to her whenever I want. 

    I've been on a cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, bill paying routine cycle lately. It's time to switch some things up so I can teach Caleb what he needs to know, and do what I'm interested in too. 

    I should probably go take a shower. It doesn't look like I'm going back to sleep this morning. It's been a long time since I've been up this early. 

    I have an eye doctor appointment today and Caleb has a dental appointment later. I need to go to Walmart for some things and put gas in the car too. Maybe I will get a carwash too. 

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

Update

     Today is Wednesday and it is 0944. I have been awake since 0700 this morning when my alarm rang. I haven't been keeping up with my blog lately. My sugar went super high after picking at my scalp (pain response, not diet related). I had to start taking more Metformin again. Now I am taking 1,000 mg Metformin in the morning and 1,000 mg Metformin in the evening. I have a bad habit of picking at my skin when I feel a bump or other abnormality. I started using medicated shampoo I bought from Walmart to help heal the build up on my scalp, which I think is sebhoreic dermatitis. 

    Anyway, I had a busy day yesterday. Caleb and I started the day by drinking a cup of coffee. I had my leftover omelet I baked in the oven for breakfast to fuel my body for the day. I then took my morning medications and supplements. I gave Caleb his morning medications. I sat and talked with Dona Sharon for awhile. She woke up to the smell of the beef from the steak 'n' cheese kit Caleb was cooking for his breakfast. He made her the same meat too. We sat and talked for what may have been hours. I decided that I wanted to go to Walmart and pick up some things since Spring has started. I contacted Jessica to let her know I wanted to go out, so we needed to schedule for her to come over for house cleaning. Caleb and I went to Walmart and bought some houseplants. LOL I do not have a green thumb! I was bale to buy a hose and nozzle like I wanted. We filled the cart up and went through the self-checkout. I began to feel hot all of a sudden. I was worried that my sugar had plummeted. I told Caleb we needed to hurry up so I could drink some of the sugar-free sweet tea I was buying. As soon as we made it to the Mazda, I opened a gallon of tea and began to drink it. Caleb unloaded the carts for me into the Mazda and put the carts away. I started the Mazda and put the air conditioner on high. We were planning to go home, but then I remembered that the car wash was giving away free car washes for their Grand Opening. I turned around to get the pollen washed off the Mazda. I had already checked in online for Great Clips. I wanted to get a hair cut. I had to be careful inside the car wash because the color and lights can be triggering. I went ahead and paid for the subscription which the first month is only $0.99 for unlimited car washes. With pollen everywhere everyday, that is a steal!

    After getting the van washed, we went to Great Clips. Caleb wanted to stay in the Mazda, rather than come inside with me. He did not want a hair cut. Joswh cut my hair, and I found out that Jasmine was no longer working there. I gave Josh the request to thin, trim, texture, and create a dramatic V to way my hair hangs. He did and took away soooo much hair! I did not even know I had that much! 

    I went home afterwards and asked Caleb to bring in the stuff we bought at Walmart. Not long after getting home, someone knocked on the door. My ring security camera did not notify me someone was on the porch. I opened the door and a man was standing there. He was wearing a Spectrum shirt. I stepped outside thinking it would not be long before I went back inside. I was wrong. The man's name was Juan and he was here to tell me that I am pre-qualified for a government funded program to provide internet service. It was a really good deal considering how much I am currently paying is $69.99/month. He also informed me that I could switch over my cell phone service too and save money. Somehow, some way, we diverted and talked about a lot of non-Spectrum deal related stuff before our conversation was over. It's kind of funny because I feel so much like my dad. I really like Juan. He is good looking and fun to be around as far as I can tell. He left when I told him I had to begin making dinner, and he asked if it would be ok to hug. I said yes! I was a little worried about my presence because I have not been around a single man I was interested in , in quite some time. Also yesterday, was not a shower day for me, so I was not "fresh." I did not want to turn him off. We seemed to get along really well. He did not seem fake and anxious for a sale. He was real and I really liked that. He gave me his personal cell phone number before he left. I hope, if nothing else, we can be good friends. 

    I came inside and immediately had to tell Dona Sharon about my experience! I was so happy and excited! I could not believe my luck.

    Caleb baked pizza for Dona Sharon's dinner. I had leftover pork ribs for my dinner. Caleb ate the macaroni and cheese I bought for him from Walmart for his dinner. 

    I felt more in tune with the universe when I was hanging out with Juan. It was an amazing time. It felt good to hug him too. 

    That was the story of Tuesday. Monday was different. I had my video call appointment with my psychiatrist on Monday. The appointment went well. I am being prescribed melatonin to try to see if it will help keep me alseep through the night. I asked for help in my skin picking habit while I was with her. 

    Dona Sharon was supposed to have an in-person appointment regarding her mammogram, but she had to cancel because she was not feeling well enough to go to it. 

    I cooked the pork ribs for us to have for dinner. I think I spent a few hours washing dishes and trying to clean up the kitchen prior to cooking.

    I think it was Sunday that I made the chuck roast in the crockpot. I wanted to make rice, and could not easily find it, so I decided to make sense of the pantry. I got rid of a lot of expired cans, and set aside good cans to give to Jessica. It was a lot of work. I also cleared the counter where the water tanks and keurig are to be able to clean the countertop. I was moving things off the island too. It was a working day for me for sure. I enjoyed doing it though. I was proud of my work when I was done. It looked so much better when I was done.

    I spent some time one of these past days to try to see what I needed to do with my Vocal Resonance Method class and the Healing Trauma class. I have fallen behind because I am still trying to keep the house clean for Pride Restoration to come over and fix my house up as planned with New American Funding (the company I refinanced with). I still have to get the work done on the house, and then have it inspected by the VA appraisers again. 

    I am sitting here listening to the root chakra Solfeggio frequency audio track on my phone while I am typing. 

    My mom is in Florida trying to help her parents right now. Hopefully she can come back home this weekend. Granny's last chemo treatment is tomorrow. I wonder if Mathew is aware or cares.

    I don't know what it is but I want to get married. I want to have a wedding and wear a dress and feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I want to be loved by my partner for the rest of our lives. I want to commit to someone who shows he/she loves me. I don't think that is too much to ask for. 

    Anyway, Jessica is coming over to help clean the house. I need the living room tidied up and Caleb's room cleaned. I will be working in the kitchen like is usual these days. I need to take time and do my classes and get Caleb working on his classes. Trying to keep the house liveable is harder than it seems. I have been in ketosis for 4 days straight! I have also been eating my own home cooking to stay on my diet. Speaking of which, I need to start cooking the bone;less, skinless chicken breasts in the crockpot once I clean it. With all this eating from home, the kitchen is always needing to be cleaned and dishes always need to be washed. 

    I have a shelving unit that needs to be put together in the shed. I think I want to move all these cleaning products out there so I have room to put my towels away on shelves instead of leaving them in baskets after I wash them. 

    I text messaged Juan this morning. I wonder if he got my message. I wonder if he is awake. I got up today and had a cup of coffee and leftover baked omelet for breakfast. Same as yesterday except today I woke up at 0700. Lately I have needed to sleep in more often than not. I took my medications and supplements and let them digest before moving on to washing my hair. I got it cut yesterday and wanted to wash it to see the  impact the cut made. I am letting my hair dry with styling products in it now. The curls are nice and my hair is not heavy anymore. I do not feel hot with my hair down today. I wanted it that way. Not too hot to wear down. It's chilly outside here and sunny. I love it today. 

    I am going to spend the day washing laundry, washing dishes, loading the dishwasher, cleaning the kitchen, and catching up on my classes. I want to get Caleb busy emptying the car, hooking up the brand new hose for me, and helping me re-pot the houseplants into fresh Miracle Grow indoor potting mix.

    Bubba got his new bed yesterday. He loves it so far and has not torn it up. He is an active pup and needs help to calm down and relax in his crate. This bed may be another solution. He is currently taking calming supplements too.    

    I have been drinking fewer Diet Mountain Dews lately, now that I am having 1 cup of Starbucks Mocha coffee in the morning. I am also trying to drink water again. I need 1 gallon a day. I also want to begin walking 15 minutes a day on the incline trainer and begin to build up my distance walked.

    I miss chatting with Jana Carrey, my mentor. I can't afford her services, nor do i have the time right now to meet with her since I have all this other stuff going on. 

    My mom's birthday is St. Patrick's Day. I have to remember to at least send a card to her so she gets it on time. 

    It's now 1057. I have to get working. The laundry won't be hard to start. Gotta take a bio-break and get started kitchen cleaning and cooking if I want dinner tonight. 

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!