Staying Busy

     It is now 0345. I am overheated, sweaty, and thirsty. I haven't been awake at this hour on a regular basis probably since before my dad died. Yesterday was a busy day. The night before last I took a hot shower to feel better. My whole body was hurting. I also took my shower at night because I did not want to have to worry about getting up earlier in the morning to take it before any workers arrived to the house. I did feel better after washing up with tea tree oil shampoo, so much so that I bought tea tree oil bodywash and body wipes. I waited until late at night to see if I could talk to Juan before going to bed, but that did not happen. Anyway, so yesterday I was able to wake up at 0700 when my alarm went off. Caleb made me a cup of coffee and I took my medications. I t was not that long until I called Pride Restoration to see if anyone was coming over, and at what time they were coming over. I found out that someone was on their way, so I did not leave the house to go run errands right away like I wanted. One guy stopped by and worked on the drywall in the hallway where Caleb kicked the wall, making a big hole there. He did not take long to do what he planned to do, and then he left. I had time to run a few errands before Caleb's psychiatrist appointment was scheduled to happen. We went to pay the water bill, and then went to Walmart to restock on groceries. I filled a cart with drinks, and Caleb had to get another cart. We got home in time to only be able to bring in the frozen foods and the eggs and put them away. We left after Caleb did that for his appointment. He did not have therapy like I thought. I missed a virtual appointment with Ms. Carol to do his assessment for in-home-intensive therapy. It was a morning that I felt like shit. I was in a lot of pain and did not want to talk to anyone or do anything. I do not even think I got out of bed. I rescheduled his assessment appointment for an in-person appointment this afternoon. 

    Jessica and Toni are supposed to come by today at 1000. I had to tell them not to come at the originally planned 0900 because I was not able to buy the replacement shop vac, vacuum cleaner, or carpet cleaner yesterday.

    After Caleb's psychiatrist appointment yesterday, we came home. I was tired. I had a late lunch of ham and cheese, and waited for Caleb to bring the rest of the groceries inside before I went to take a nap. I was already exhausted and it was only 1400. I slept until 1630. I text Juan in regards to my cell phone service and expected that he would have responded by the time I woke up, but he didn't, so I followed up with him when I woke up. He gave me some instructions, but I did not follow them. I followed the prompts from the Spectrum email I received. I guess Juan was in training in Hampstead. I asked if I could see him after work; not in person, but through video. I waited for him to call me after work, or at least text me but he never did.

    I was planning to cook dinner, but the kitchen was a mess because had been cooking without cleaning. I had to load the dishwasher and handwash some dishes. I had to stop before I was completely done because my back began to hurt. I did not end up making the ground beef and noodles like I wanted. My back was in too much pain to wash the dishes I needed after clearing what was in the sink. I could not make myself stand up anymore. I had ham and cheese for dinner in order to be able to take my nighttime medications. 

    So, today Jessica and Toni are coming at 1000. I have to get up on time and do my morning routines before I run out to Lowe's to replace my cleaning machines. I should be able to get back in time before the girls arrive. I also need them to sign as witnesses to my will signing. I created a will yesterday that was updated.

    Then in the afternoon, I have to go to Caleb's assessment which will take an hour.

    I called Micheal to see if he could help me fix the tiny details around the house before I set up the VA inspection appointment. I left a voicemail, but he did not return my call. I called to Stacy to see if she had someone who could come by and finish the work. I was leaving a voicemail when she called me back. 

    Ashley is coming over with a friend on Friday. He will be doing the detail work while she cleans for me. 

    I miss my dad. I reposted his ForeverMissed memorial page on Facebook. I don't have anyone to talk to every day anymore. I don't have my dad to call throughout the day as my day occurs. It's sad, but I listen to music to lift my spirit. I got to singing in the car pretty good yesterday. It made me happy. 

    I haven't heard from Mickal again. I wondered if he realized I wasn't in a rush to have sex with anybody. I don't know why adult relationships have to be sex-centered. I mean, I am attracted to Juan, and I want him to know that, but I am not asking for dick pics or anything like that. 

    I got my lab results back from my STD screening. I tested negative for everything, so I am happy about that. 

    I got an update about my child support case in the mail yesterday. The state of Arkansas is in the process of locating Jamie McCurry. 

    I can't wait for Saturday to come and to have nothing to do but rest. I have been working hard this week. 

    Tuesday I went to my eye doctor appointment and got good news. My eyesight has not changed since my last exam. I do not have new diabetic damages to my eyes. I was so happy to hear that. I had my eyes dilated and that made things a little harder to drive. I had to take Caleb to his dental appointment to have cavities filled. 

    About the situation with Juan. It seems like he wakes up to go to work and comes home to sleep and that is his schedule. The only time I really hear from him is when it has to do with Spectrum. I don't know what to make of that. I feel like if he thought of me, he would text me or call me on his break or something. He would take time to catch up with me. I really feel connected to him, so I don't want to lose hope, but at the same time, I don't want to be taken for granted or abused in silence. 

    I need to find time to help Dona Sharon get things done. I am thinking she will save money by moving her cell phone service to my account with Spectrum. I have to help her make some phone calls about her medical situation. I am so wrapped up in getting this house fixed and cleaned, cooking meals, and doctor appointments that I don't even have time to do what I want. There is just more and more work to be done. 

    I need help to get the backyard cleaned up. We need to charge the battery to the weed wacker because plants are starting to grow again. 

    I passed on the opportunity to be listed with Coach Brandi's Veteransville non-profit for Veterans because I don't feel like I am ready to commit to my business right now. There is just too much going on. I don't have rest days like I need. 

    I am going to be administratively withdrawn from Capella University soon because I have not registered for classes since August 2022. I can't afford to pay for a Master's Degree. 

    The way the estimate from Pride Restoration was written, the jobs cost a lot, but the work was not completed the way I planned. Things were patched up where I planned for big parts of the ceiling to be corrected. I don't think all the exposed wood was covered either. I have not checked to see. 

    I haven't heard about Granny and Pepere since the last time I spoke to my mom. 

    I wish Mathew would let me in his damaged heart. I know he C-PTSD like me, but he has also been deployed several times in addition to what we went through growing up. 

    I wore a tan cami tank top under my maroon Hogwarts t-shirt under my green sweater over my black leggings yesterday. I looked in the mirror and thought, "Army beret colors: green for Special Forces, maroon for Airborne, tan for Rangers, and black for everybody else."

    I am feeling sore. I want to go lie down for a little while before I have to get up again.

    The irritation on my scalp is healing up. My ear does not hurt anymore. My arm is hurting less and less with each passing day. I had my feet checked when I was at the VA clinic last week. I am losing sensation in my right big toe. I think that is from skating for all those years though, and not from diabetes. 

    I just bought more 0mg nicotine e-juice. Going to have to quit all over again since Caleb handed me a 6mg nicotine e-juice and I vaped it without looking at the bottle.

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!