Getting the Work Done

     It is now 0330 and I am awake for the second time this morning. I have been craving ice cream to cool me down and lots of drinks. I am sooo thirsty! 

    Yesterday was a busy Monday. I woke up after my alarm went off by about an hour. Jessica was due to be at the house by 0900, but then text me that she was running late. Jessica and her friend were coming over to clean the house for me before the guys from Pride Restoration came over at some undetermined time. I never got a call from Jim Stroud, but last week I got an email that I would be on the schedule this week. The guys arrived around 1030. The girls arrived around 1000. Jessica and her friend Toni were cleaning up the laundry room when the guys arrived. They cleared the floor area so the floor could be repaired, and also so the popcorn ceiling could be fixed in there. The lighting buttons were given face plates. The laundry room floor was fixed where it was coming up by the back door. The popcorn ceiling in the laundry room was repaired in some kind of way. The big hole in the wall in the hallway was repaired. The big hole in the kitchen linoleum was covered was peel-n-stick. The half bathroom had the popcorn ceiling repaired too. The frames of the doors and the wood that was exposed was painted over. I am not sure if they were able to put the water spout together outside yesterday. I know there are two smaller holes in the walls in Dona Sharon's room that need to be fixed as well. Caleb's door needs to be replaced, and the exposed wood on the outside of the house needs to be repaired as well. 

    Jessica helped me by getting the laundry moving again. I went ahead and washed the smelly dishes the were making it stink in the house. I loaded the other dishes to the dishwasher. Toni cleaned the hallway bathroom and my bathroom. Jessica was able to vacuum the hallway. Toni began cleaning the living room before I finally had to call the day to an end. I was sooo tired and sleepy. They were able to work until 1600, but I was exhausted before 1500. The guys left around 1330 for the day and said they could return today. 

    It was my first time meeting Jessica's friend Toni. She knows how to do hair too. I asked her is she could do my hair for me. I just want corn rows to the crown with extensions in them. She said she could teach me how to do it. 

    Toni got her new looking hoodie ruined by paint on the door frames, so I offered to pay her to get a new one. I said, "I got you, if you got me," meaning she would help me int he future with my hair. 

    Jessica was in pain while she was trying to get work done. I offered her  a lidocaine back patch. 

    I wanted to be able to take a nap. but just as I laid down, Juan text me. I thought I would never hear from him again. I thought he blocked me. He was just asking how I was doing. I asked, "Who is this?" I had already deleted his phone number from my contacts because I thought I ran him off.  I needed to ask him some Spectrum questions, so I asked if I could call him real quick. He came over so we could talk, and I asked my questions. I wanted to know how much it would cost to add tv service to the internet I already signed up for, and how to switch to Spectrum cell phone service. 

    We spent several hours trying to get my services ordered. His supervisor even stopped by to offer help because we were running into problems with the order. Juan and his supervisor left my house happy as everything got resolved. In all, I ordered internet, cell phone, and tv from Juan at Spectrum. 

    By the time I came back inside, it was after 1830. I wasn't hungry, but knew I should eat something. I took my meds and tried to go to bed. It did not go well because I did not have a full belly. 

    I woke up in the middle of the night to have ice cream because I was hot. I was sooo thirsty too. I did not drink my gallon of water. I do not even know where my gallon of water is right now. 

    Let's talk about how the weekend went. Saturday morning I got a call from my mom that my Pepere was missing. He never made it home from the hospital after leaving his visit with Granny. I was worried right away. When my mom called to tell me, Pepere had been missing for 24 hours already. The police had been notified and were looking for him. Everyone was worried. Pepere has dementia and forgot a lot. In the middle of my conversation with my mom, my Aunt Michele called my mom. My mom called me back and told me that Pepere made it back to hospital where Granny was. He could not remember the day before. He got lost on his way home from Lowe's because there was a detour and he could not find his way home. A nice couple guided him back to the hospital. The doctors kept him at the hospital and took away his keys so he could not leave. They were going to check his glucose and feed him a meal. He likely had not eaten since before he left Granny the day before and he is diabetic. 

    I text Juan that my Pepere was missing and was texting him as I found out he was found. The thing is, I immediately wanted to talk to my dad and let my dad know what was happening, but my dad is dead. I cannot call him like I wanted to. My heart was so troubled. I spent a while crying because of it. 

    Granny has been in the hospital and also in skilled nursing care for both chemo-therapy and physical therapy. Both she and Pepere don't have long to live. I was sad about thinking about that, but even more sad that my dad is already dead and I can't cry to him. 

    After feeling ignored most of Saturday during the day by Juan, I decided that I had enough of his games. My feelings were getting hurt and I was texting him like a crazy woman, and I wanted it to stop. I said goodbye to him and deleted his phone number and text messages so I would not try to text him anymore. I felt like such a burden because he was not showing me the time of day. I felt like I was giving all this energy to someone who could not care less. I did not like that feeling. Sunday, I decided that I was going to start fresh with myself. I found the Facebook Dating and created a profile there to see if I could find friends locally to talk to. I figured, just because I was rejected by Juan, doesn't mean everyone will treat me the same way. I could have friends closeby and not even know. Sure enough, there were a lot of interesting people locally to chat with. 

    After seeing Juan when I was super tired and not my energetic happy self, I think he sees more as more of a real human being with feelings. 

    I really like Juan a lot from the first time I met him in person. We just hit it off naturally, and I was so excited. He asked for a hug at the end of a few hour long conversation and gave me his personal phone number. Everything went great and I was so happy for the first time in a long time, as it relates to having relations with men. All of a sudden, I had feelings I could feel inside my body! I could not believe what happened! I have waited 15 years to find that special someone, and it might just be Juan, I don't know. All I know is that I was dying for his attention and to see him again. 

    Wow. Somebody farted out here. Both Caleb and Bubba are sleeping on the living room floor. It stinks to high heaven! Whew!

    So let me tell you about Juan. He is 47 years old and Puerto Rican. He has diabetes, but he also has very light eyes that I could look into forever if I did not have Autism. He works for Spectrum and is working in my area for now. He came to my door to offer a discount in the form of the ACP program where the government pays most of my bill. I have fun talking to him and I find him attractive. We had good times when we met previously. Yesterday was all about business. I asked him if he could meet us out for a meal sometime so my stepmom could meet him. He has a good sense of humor. He has been having some rough days lately and has been hurt in the past, making him distant and frustrated. I want to help him heal and grow. I do not know if he is interested and will let me. 

    Then let me tell you about Mickal. We met online at a different time maybe a few years ago. He found me on Facebook dating and asked if I remembered him. I kind of remembered him. He is not afraid to say I turn him on. He seems to be all about having sex. It's a turn off because I don't need sex to be happy. I am more than a sex object. I have a good mind of my own and want to be treated as such. I have been independent all of my life, and I will not resort to just having sex, when that is not what makes me happy. 

    Back to Juan. Something about him makes me want to love on him so much. I just want to cuddle up to him and listen to his stories and laugh.

    Mickal, on the other hand, had trouble with the fact that I am looking for a husband. Like there's something wrong with wanting a life partner. Mickal knew me when I was "dating" Christinia. I guess I was diagnosed with HPV at that time too. Hell, I don't remember my own history, but that's why it's so important to get tested before going into a sexual relationship. I aim to have an annual physical every year, but they don't do pap smears every year anymore. Now, it's only every 5 years.

    I'm not interested in Mickal in a sexual way. I am interested in Juan. Juan has 4 adult children and lives in Holly Ridge, just north of Wilmington. Juan has studied martial arts and done different kinds of jobs throughout the years. He is looking into going to school to study cyber security. I am excited for him! Juan has 2 dogs at home. He loved his parents as far as I can tell. He loves his children too. He is divorced. I have not gotten to ask about his divorce yet. I have not asked him if he went to college either. I have been lost in his energy that makes me feel so good to be around him. 

    I met Juan's supervisor yesterday. He is from Venezuela and was very nice to be around. 

    Anyway, enough about boys. I was trying to watch Jana Carrey Essence of Channeling workshop yesterday while the girls were working, but it got too loud when the guys started working on the house. I need to be working on getting my 5 level 1 Reiki students. I also have to meet the requirements for becoming a Revelation Breathwork Facilitator. I haven't really started the Vocal Resonance Method Facilitator training yet, but I am excited to learn! I haven't started with the Yoga therapist training yet either. I have fallen so behind with everything I have to just to make ends meet.

    I haven't been keeping up with my daily Reiki practice. I haven't even been able to get out of bed on time recently. I had a vaccine shot on Thursday when I went in the VA clinic for my earache. I also had Dr. Fuchs and the RN look at my scalp for irritation there. I had labs done to be able to have a document saying I am clean of STDs for my next partner to feel safe, and for me to feel safe in having sex. I got ear drops that I keep forgetting to use for my earache and to clean my ear of the wax build that cannot be reached by Q-tip. Dr. Fuchs gave me a cream to use on my scalp irritation, as well as a medicated shampoo. I have not gotten the lab results back yet. Hopefully it is good news since I do not remember the last time I had sex. 

    I still have to go to Lumberton to the county courthouse to set up my dad's estate to handle his accounts. I am not looking forward to that. I hate having to drive so far and back in one day. It is just exhausting. 

    Dona Sharon got a letter from the IRS yesterday that she owes more than $12,000 in taxes. I do not know how she plans on handling that. I do not understand why she owes so much. I will have to ask her when I am in better shape. I was not in good shape yesterday when we were going through the mail together. I was exhausted and needed rest. 

    I have been craving ice cream a lot lately. It is freezing cold and helps me bring my sweaty body back to room temperature. 

    I finally got the mattress protector replaced on my bed, and put on clean sheets. It may not sound like a big deal,  but I can't change the sheets on the bed by myself, and I certainly cannot change the mattress protector by myself. I had Caleb help me with both of those things yesterday after we found the sheets. I was able to put away some of the towels because Jessica and Toni put together the shelving unit for me. I still have 2 baskets of towels and blankets that need to be put away. I have baskets of my own laundry that I need to put away too. My room is a disaster area, but it is full of clean clothes, makeup, and hair products, with my crystals on the walls opposite the Harry Potter stuff I have hanging up. 

    Did I tell you that I was able to clip Bella's nails for the first time in forever? She is such a good girl for me. I need to give her a bath, but have a hard time getting onto my knees to bathe her in the tub. 

    Bubba has healed well since his surgery. He is still highly active. LOL

    I bought a program to help me train Bubba and every dog I ever have. I just need to be able to sit in front of the computer and watch the videos to learn everything I need to know.

    I decide to get tv service because I want Caleb to have access to the History channel and the Science channel. I also want Dona Sharon to be able to direct her attention to something other than her grief. 

    I was nicotine free for a few weeks before Caleb accidentally handed me an e-juice that has nicotine in it. So I will have to quit again. I'm not buying more e-juice. I have other things I can use instead that will help me quit. I bought sugar-free gum recently. Man, I haven't had gum since high school!

    I haven't gotten any feedback about the books I sent everyone for Christmas. I wonder what people think of my stories. I can't wait to get my notes together and write my own book by myself. 

    I want to write my own songs too, and learn to play guitar. One step at a time. I need to balance my personal growth with Caleb's parenting and homeschooling. Somehow both things get pushed out of the way because of other work that is required just to live. 

    I was able to stop buying crystals. I was able to stop buying e-juice. I was able to fill a cart at Maurice's online and Torrid online, and leave them without buying anything. I have not bought fast food in a while. I am starting to be in ketosis more often and to lose weight again. I want to start walking on my incline trainer in the mornings to get my blood going.

    I found that it's easier to stay on my diet when I meal prep. I made a 36 egg baked omelet with spinach, red bell peppers, sweet onions, and mushrooms that went a long way to helping me get back on track. I have to find a way to bake that meal without it sticking to the pan. I scratched my favorite non-stick pan when I was trying to scrub the baked on eggs off. 

    I'm back to being ok with not eating carbs for the most part. I don't crave fresh bread or pasta anymore. I had a hard time with sugar-free chocolates the other day. They taste too good to just have one!

    I almost completely healed from my skin picking on my chin/neck area and then I picked again. When will this bad habit stop?

    I requested grieving help from both my Primary Care team and my mental health team. I also requested help for my skin picking from Dr. Hueholt. 

    Did I mention that I finally got my Virta subscription renewed through the VA? Yeah that was a pain in the ass! I had to get VA patient advocate to talk to my Virta VA patient advocate to get things done right. It's done now! And I'm good for a complete year!

    The hole in the kitchen linoleum was fixed for free. If that isn't the greatest news of yesterday! All this time I worried about that damn floor and now it's fixed. It was so easy for the guy who fixed it too. He was so kind. 

    Did I mention that I got my hair trimmed, thinned, layered, and textured? It dries a lot faster now! It's easier to manage and I can wear it down without feeling so much heat stored on my heat! Curls be released!

    Caleb has been behaving better since Dona Sharon moved in. I am glad she is here. I wish she felt better more often because she has a good sense of humor. She feels a lot of physical pain throughout her body. If I could ever get caught up on things I need to do, I could use my training to help her feel better. I need to help her make phone calls, but she has to be awake during business hours to guide me with what she needs help with. I am super busy and only one person. That's why I pay to have the house cleaned. I simply don't have the time or energy. 

    My fibromyalgia has been more in check with Dona Sharon here with me. I don't stress as much because she is only one room away and I can talk to her whenever I want. 

    I've been on a cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, bill paying routine cycle lately. It's time to switch some things up so I can teach Caleb what he needs to know, and do what I'm interested in too. 

    I should probably go take a shower. It doesn't look like I'm going back to sleep this morning. It's been a long time since I've been up this early. 

    I have an eye doctor appointment today and Caleb has a dental appointment later. I need to go to Walmart for some things and put gas in the car too. Maybe I will get a carwash too. 

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!