I failed to blog on Thursday because I needed a day of rest. I didn't get much done. My whole body hurt. I spent most of the day in bed resting. It was much needed.
Friday came along and I woke up a few minutes prior to my 0700 alarm. At first the sun looked it was going coming out for a sunny day, but then out of nowhere, there was a thunderstorm. I got up, had my regular breakfast, took my medications, had some hape' and then immediately went to looking up Nana's medication prices through her new health insurance website. I was worried since I ended up paying out of pocket for 2 of her medications on Wednesday when I went to pick them up. It wasn't full retail price, but I wasn't use to paying anything for her medications on her previous health insurance. I was concerned about how much we might be getting charged for her other medications as these were just a topical cream and a nasal spray. I looked the medications up on Thursday, but did not have the right quantities per medication listed until I went back on Friday morning. Thank God that I found that the most expensive medication price she will pay is only $10, and that is for the topical cream. I was so worried about the cost of her pain pills. I called her health insurance company with her on Thursday to have the pharmacy part of her health insurance explained on speaker phone for both of us to hear. I tried looking up an explanation on the website, but there was no explanation of how the program worked there that I could find. The representative was very helpful in explaining the program, while I took notes.
After that, I made Nana's regular breakfast for her. It looked good from the looks of it, but she told me the fresh pineapple had turned, so I had to throw away the brand new pineapple I had just opened to make her breakfast. I hate that! She was able to eat the rest of her breakfast just fine though. She was having tooth pain on Thursday, and had to have her soup for dinner. The breakfast was not hard for her to eat either. I was glad. I worry about her. I know she needs to visit a dentist, but she has white coat syndrome. That is fear of going to the doctor, and even more for the dentist. She has broken a number of teeth due to clenching and grinding her teeth during her sleep. I want to help her, but don't know how other than to make an appointment for her to visit the dentist.
I washed some dishes. I woke Caleb up and told him to let the dogs outside. I went to use the bathroom and washed myself up. Caleb never got up after I woke him up the first time. When I had completed most of morning routines, I went to wake him up again. He was grumpy as always in the morning. He did let the dogs out.
The morning went by fast. My main goal of the day was to cook a picnic bone-in pork butt roast in my new slow cooker. I was running out of time as I noticed it was noon already. Caleb and I had an event. He got angry with me when I went to look at Nana's drink supply and found that her regular Coke was missing. She needed it to help her stomach which was feeling upset. I saw the empty bottles in Caleb's room and got upset when he lied to me about drinking her soda. The situation got heated up to the point where Caleb tried to grab my phone from my hands because I told him I was stopping his wifi connection for lying to me, and for drinking Nana's drinks. I stayed calm for the most part. I warned him that I would defend myself, and that what he was doing was considered assault. He wouldn't let go, and neither would I. I yelled at him. When he wouldn't comply and I tried to move my phone and my hands away from him, he pulled even harder to take the phone away so I wouldn't be able to disconnect his wifi connection. I had to slap his arm and pull away even harder when he got more forceful and more violent. I got away from from Caleb with my phone, and retreated to Nana's room, while Caleb was still trying to argue with me. I paused the wifi on his devices. Eventually he calmed down and apologized. I did not give him the wifi back immediately. We had work to get done.
I told Caleb that I wanted to see his room cleaned up. I said he could start with removing the cans and bottles from his room. At that point, he was only working in the hopes of getting his wifi connection back. He worked for awhile though. I saw him move out 3 whole contractor bags of junk from his room. At the time, I was working on something else. I had a few calls to make. I had to call my bank and ask if they could lift the hold on a deposit I made. They were unable to,but at least I called. I called a walk-in tub company that I had made a deposit to in order to secure a refund. I got no answer, but left a message. Eventually I began to move things on the countertop so that I could clean it before setting up the slow cooker. I was doing ok with the cleaning until I got to the point where I could not reach to the corner to get it cleaned. I asked Caleb for help. He resisted at first, but eventually complied. I then asked Caleb to unpack the slow cooker from its box and put it on the counter for me. He resisted again, but then complied. I washed the slow cooker so I could start making dinner. I lined in with the slow-cooker bag, and then began prepping the pork roast. It didn't take long before I could put the roast in the slow cooker and begin cooking. I set the timer for 4 hours. That part was complete! Caleb told me he got to a point in cleaning his room, where he did not know what to do anymore. He wanted me to go look and tell him what to do next. I looked in his room and saw progress, but there was still alot to get done. I told Caleb he still had some bottles and cans around that needed to be recycled, and that he could bring his dirty dishes to the sink for me to wash them. He resisted at first, and then complied. I asked Caleb to take the kitchen trash out. He resisted and argued, and eventually complied. While I was cleaning the countertop earlier, Caleb decided to help me clear off the kitchen island. He said he couldn't clean his room anymore. I told him he could take a break, but he wanted to argue again. I stayed calm throughout all these instances of him resisting to work. I asked him to put the vegetables and fruits in the fridge for me. When i checked later, he only put a few of them away, not all of them. After I had dinner started, I began to cleaned off the kitchen island. Caleb moved things off the front of the kitchen island, but did not clean anything. I bought this new coconut scented Lysol cleaning spray that I wanted to try. The scent didn't bother me. I'm use to using either the lemon-scented Lysol, or the citrus scented one, so this was new. I don't know when the last I was able to clean the island was, so there was alot of nastiness under the baskets I use to hold bread and fruits, and in between my candles and spiritual tools. I had to carefully move things to the side so I could clean every inch of the island top, and clean off the things that were able to be clean that had been sitting on top of the island. I took quite some time, and the island is not that big. I just have alot of stuff on it that needed to be cleaned. When I completed cleaning the kitchen island, and reorganizing it, I was proud of myself. Dinner was not ready yet, so after I took a break, I washed some dishes. It was starting to smell good though.
I turned the wifi back on for Caleb when I felt like he completed a good day's work, even though I was still working.
I still have so much more work to do, but I am proud of the progress we made. When dinner was done, I was disappointed. It was not falling off the bone like I expected. I thought about cooking it longer, but it was getting late. I started cooking late, and was already hungry. I decided to eat it as it was. By the time I completed everything for the day, my 7pm alarm was ringing. I was tired and sore and ready for bed.
Oh I almost forgot about Caleb's second event. It after I took the pork roast apart from the fat and the bone. I text messaged Caleb that the wifi would be turned off at 8pm, and that had him angry. I needed for him to go to sleep on time and be able to wake up on time and get work done. It wasn't a punishment this time. He told me he wanted to call DSS and have them take him away because I was "overprotective" and he just didn't care anymore. He also said he wanted to call the police because I was holding him against his will. I responded, " I'm not holding you here. You can walk right out of the door anytime." And then he says, something like, "Yeah but then you will call the police on me." He throws another tantrum. I try to get him to take a shower, and he resists. I end up pausing the wifi on his devices earlier than 8pm because of his behavior. I swear I live in a war zone living with Caleb.
When I had enough of Caleb talking to me the way he was, I told him, "Fine I will have you taken to a group home." He broke down, and tells me, "Do you think I bullshitting? Because I was..." and "Are you really going to send me to a group home?" I told him, "You don't want to live here, and you don't listen to me. You have to go somewhere, so..."
So yeah. He went to bed without having wifi, which was part of his argument. He was saying that he couldn't sleep without his music and needed wifi to play it. I have been telling him that he needs to learn to be without wifi. He is on his phone and/or his computer every second of the day and he has the worst behavior and attitude. Something needs to change, and the only thing he cares about is being online. I need help getting this house back in order, and I refuse to be the one who cleans the pig stye his room has become. I have enough other stuff to clean. He is too old to need me to clean his room, and I lack the ability to handle all this cleaning by myself without causing myself serious pain.
It is now 0210. I have been awake since about midnight or so. I woke up because I had to use the bathroom. I want to be able to clean more of the kitchen area later today. I want Caleb to make even more progress on cleaning his room. I want to be able to get the laundry started again. I want to have all the dishes washed for once. I want to get as much trash and recycling out of the house as possible. I have to help Nana find her shoes, and something to wear for when her son, Brian, and his wife, Sarah, come over next week to visit.
Bella is here sleeping on the floor next to me, as I sit in my chair. Caleb just woke up.
Father's Day is coming up. I miss my dad. He use to take Mathew and me roller skating every weekend when we lived in Spring Lake, NC. We had good times. I wish I could remember more of them, but my C-PTSD has a tendency to only flare up the bad ones. Mathew had issues growing up, similar to Caleb now. I wonder how Mathew is doing now. He must not miss us at all. He doesn't talk to any family members that I am aware of. It's kind of sad. He is now my longest shared history family member who is alive. He won't return my calls or messages. All because of an argument about his Trump supporting. I just couldn't believe he would support Trump when we are direct descendants of immigrants. We are both the first generation of American born citizens in our family. I couldn't believe he could side with Trump under any circumstance. We were not raised to be racist or hateful of other people just because they are not identical to us. I blogged about how I felt at the time, and he was livid. So was his wife who apparently agreed with Mathew. I told them both that if they don't like my blog, not to read it. It was as simple as that. I argued that I blog to express my emotions. I was over here, living alone with Caleb at the time, and had no one I could talk to as much as I needed. Nichole claimed that I was attention-seeking. I don't doubt that. If you were a socially isolated social being, you would be too. It's like look. I'm a disabled veteran. I'm also a single parent of a child with special needs. Life is hard. I have to heal from. I have alot that I pick up on during my days. I have no one to talk to regularly. Correction. I had no one to talk to regularly. I now have Nana living with me and can talk to her whenever I need or want to. It was never about them, as they made it out to be. It was about me expressing my own thoughts and emotions about things going on in my life. It's unfortunate that our relationship ended. Even more so that it ended like that. Oh well. I can't live for them. I would have loved to have been able to be in their lives especially since they have kids about Caleb's age. Caleb doesn't know his own family well. I am not in contact with many people anymore. It's hard to stay in contact with people. I get so busy and/or so exhausted all the time.
It is getting late. I better try to get some sleep. It is now 0238. Caleb went right back to bed after getting a drink. Bella is just here sleeping on the floor. I love her so much.
Thank you for reading! Don't be afraid to comment! Have a blessed day!
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