Yesterday

     It is now 0614. I woke up earlier than normal. Let me tell you about my yesterday. I woke up when my 0700 alarm went off. I took care of myself by eating my regular breakfast of blueberries and coconut milk and taking my morning medications. I did my morning hape' to set the tone of my day for success. I let Caleb sleep in while I was having a quiet morning to myself. I did not get Caleb up until around 0930. I was able to take a shower and felt better afterwards. I had Caleb take the dogs outside before I hopped in the shower. I made Nana her normal breakfast of fat free cottage cheese, blueberries, strawberries, and fresh pineapple. Everything seemed to be going ok. I had some ham lunchmeat after I got dressed. I was so tired after I showered. I even put on my new diabetic shoes with custom insoles. Oh man! What a difference! No wonder they tell me to change my shoes every 6 months! My feet were in heaven once I put them on. I felt like I could be walking on clouds instead of hard ground. Anyhow, I needed a nap. I tried to get Caleb to take a shower, but he resisted because he claimed he took a "Ranger shower," and had a bad rash in his underwear area that hurt alot. I didn't pursue the argument that he needed to take a real shower because I was too tired, and I let it go. We had to prepare to go to Caleb's psychiatrist appointment in the early afternoon. It was about 1030 when I went to take a nap.

    I was able to rest for a little more than an hour by the time I actually went to lie down. I got back up and told Caleb to let the dogs outside and get ready to go. We left for his appointment. On the way to his appointment, we drove through the storm that was headed towards the house. The rain was a downpour, but no thunder and no lightning. We made it to his appointment a few minutes early. A win! It was not raining in the parking lot, and there was an easy parking space for us to get into right in front of the doorway to the office. Another win! When we got there, the receptionist was not present. I waited for a few minutes for her to arrive, and then finally said "Hello?" The nurse came out and told us the receptionist would be right back. She then told Caleb that she would put his cup in the window to the bathroom for him. She came back with a form for my to sign regarding his urine collection. Let me back up. Before we went into the office, while we were in the car, Caleb asked "Mom, do I have to pee in a cup this time?" And I responded, "Why? Are you taking drugs?" And he gets mad, and responds, " Why would you even say that?" And I tell him, "Because why else would it matter?" And he says, "Because I peed before we left the house, and I don't think I can pee again." Hmmm.... When the time came, he was able to pee.

    The receptionist returns and checks us in. The Nurse Practitioner working under the psychiatrist for training comes and takes us back to where Caleb weighs in and has his height measured. Then we go into the office where Caleb's psychiatrist was waiting for us. The psychiatrist begins with asking Caleb how he is doing, and what he has been up to? The conversation is pretty casual, yet informative to how Caleb is feeling and has been feeling. Then comes the point where I have to say something in response to everything Claeb has said. Caleb gets angry in front of his psychiatrist and the nurse practitioner, proving the point I was trying to make. I started with saying that Caleb has been defiant and oppositional which may be made worse because he is now 16 years old. I say that he has been argumentative with simple things like getting his room clean. He tries to deny everything that I say, and calls me a liar. He raises his voice and shows his true colors right there. I respond with saying "I get nothing out of lying." Meaning that I have no reason to lie.

    We end up with adding melatonin for Caleb to try in order to make sure he is getting a good night's sleep. Caleb gets put back on his afternoon medication which is supposed to help him slow done a little bit, and be able to think clearer (ADHD). I thank the psychiatrist and nurse practitioner, and we are told we should see them in a month. We check out, and by that time, Caleb has settled down. I double-check Caleb's future appointments with his therapist, and schedule his psychiatrist appointment. We drive home with no issues, and I am glad.

    We get home, and the rain has already passed. I tell Caleb he needs to let the dogs outside. Later, I text Caleb to empty the car. He never does. I spend time with Nana. We are talking about the day, about what to make for dinner, etc. At some point, I find a way to pause the wiFi by device connected. I use it to pause Caleb's phone wiFi, and computer, and Nana's wiFi. I reversed Nana's wiFi as soon as I realized that device was her tv. I go and tell Nana what I've done, and within minutes Caleb comes knocking on her door telling me that the wifi has been hacked. I explain to him that it hasn't been hacked, and what I did. He starts complaining right away that he was on the phone with Microsoft trying to recover his account and that he needs the wifi. I tell him no a bunch of times to the same argument over and over. I tell him to do what I asked him to do do, and he would have the wifi back for a few hours. Eventually he gets the message and does what I asked him to. I asked him to bring in all the groceries from the car, by asking him to empty the car. He argues the entire time. He goes to Nana to complain about what I did. he goes to the neighbor to complain too. He tries to tell me that everybody thinks what I did was fucked up. I remain calm in my own power and I don't let anything he says rattle me. I hold myself to getting the work done. I have asked him many times over the last few days, since we picked up the groceries, to empty the trunk. He only did it partially. I wanted the whole trunk emptied for more than a week now. he never completes the job. He always leaves the drinks in the trunk. It makes it difficult for me to keep getting the groceries we need with stuff in the way. 

    It took more than an hour of Caleb's complaining and arguing for him to do what might have only taken him maybe 15-20 minutes to do. When it's done, and I check his work, I tell him the stuff from the back seats need to be emptied. I explain that we are in hurricane season and there is no way to get everybody in the car, plus the dogs, in order to evacuate if the need arises. He doesn't care. He is obsessed with his account recovery and very angry he is not getting what he wants. After everything is settled, I put on my headphones and play some music on iTunes so I can work. I get myself moving and end up breaking down shipping boxes, and organizing everything we either received in the mail or bought from the grocery stores. The drinks were finally put where they belong, and not cluttering the front doorway. When Caleb brings things inside, he does not automatically put them where they belong. I put the dog food where it belongs. I put the cleaning products away. I moved all the paper products to a pile to be put away later. All in all, I was satisfied with our work. 

    After all that, I went and told Nana about my progress made. I told her how important it is to have things stocked and able to be inventoried, especially since we are in hurricane season. I told her that if we have to evacuate, it make life alot easier to pack what we have and go, rather than leave with nothing and have to shop for everything as soon as we get to a safe place. I told her I was happy that the dog food arrived before we ran out. I restocked her zero sugar cherry Coke because they were on sale at Food Lion for 3/$12, which is cheaper than Walmart's regular price. I was satisfied, and I was able to put together a simple dinner of hotdogs and baked beans. I worked until I couldn't bend over anymore. I even was able to organize some of the pantry along the way. The pantry is an eye-sore. It is not big at all, and we have stuff in reusable grocery bags on the floor that there is no room for. I am considering donating some of it, and trashing some it, just to make space. 

    I went to bed ready to rest after having worked my body. What a busy day it was! Normally I can't do much on days that I take a shower. That's just one reason I can't take showers daily. I went to bed happy though. My living is better than it was, and set me up for today's work. I hope to be able to get alot of cleaning done today. I do so much better with regular hape' use. It's like it was meant for me. My dad was Brazilian, as was his whole family. I just feel more connected to it than any other tool. Hape' comes from the indigenous tribes of the Amazon rainforest. It is made with tobacco that grows there, and other herbs that the tribespeople use. It is crafted by the medicine men and women of the Amazonian tribes. I have always wondered how much of my heritage would come from the indigenous people of Brazil. I even had DNA tests done by ancestry.com and MyHeritageDNA some years ago. I know one thing's for sure, grieving the loss of my dad is hard, and the Bobinsana hape' used for grief makes it easier on me. 

    I can't use delta 8, delta 9, or anything with thc during the day. I have to be able to drive safely all day long. I've tried them, and nearly caused accidents. I passed out at the wheel. I was just using a small amount to help with my pain levels. Caleb saved our lives. He was sitting in the passenger seat, and got the car off the road. He got us safe. So I will never do that again. I can use hape' without those worries. It doesn't have that kind of impact on me. 

    It's time to take my morning medications and start my day. Pray for my family!

    Thank you for reading! Have a blessed day!