Monday was busy

     Normally Monday is the hardest day of the week because we have to get up at 0530 for Caleb to catch the bus after a weekend of getting up at 0700. It is already hard on us , but this Sunday we turned the clocks forward an hour. That made it even harder. 

    Caleb had an appointment with his therapist Monday morning though, so he didn't have to catch the bus. We got up around 0700 and started our day. Sunday was hard adjusting to the new time. I lost an hour so I lost time in the day to get things done that I needed to get done. Ugh!

    Caleb's therapy appointment went well, and I remembered to tell Ms. Carol that we wanted to be referred to Youth Villages intensive in-home program. I also remembered to tell the front desk that on Feb 21st, when we arrived for an appointment and were told we didn't have an appointment in the system, we actually did have an appointment scheduled as proved by the hand-written appointment card made by the front desk lady that I showed her. I wasn't a bitch about it because the anger had subsisded. Ijust informed her that it happened. 

    Caleb is clear to have Youth Villages intensive in-home care. Finally! We are going to get the help we need. I brought Caleb to school after his appointment and then headed to Food Lion. I needed to buy some Fix-a-flat for my tires, and some groceries to cook our healthy meals. I messaged my mom to ask her for some grocery money because I was short on cash. She did not respond, but I think maybe she does not have wifi where she is. I'm pretty sure she is on a cruise doing something special with her husband for her birthday. I hope she takes photos. Anyway, I asked Nigel to help too. He couldn't send money the only way I can receive it instantly, by facebook messenger pay. All my other accounts are in the negative due to a scam I fell to. He was going to Western Union some money for groceries, but I told him don't worry about it. I told him I would beg Nana, and I asked Nana. I hate asking Nana for money. I feel so badly that I have to ask anybody for money. It is what it is I guess. Our budget changed when the mortgage rose $322/month this month. I now only have $24 from the first of the month until the 3rd Wednesday of the month. It's not an easy situation to be in. I am trying my best to save money when I have it to cover when I don't have much. I am still praying for child support to come my way, along with VA Aid & Attendance. I am waiting for the VA to make a decision on my disability compensation claims first, then they will determine if I am eligible for the VA pension and Aid &Attendance. It's a long process. I pray that all my concerns will be approved. 

    Nana was able to give me money to buy the food I wanted to buy. I was dying for almond milk. I have gotten in the habit of having raisin bran crunch in the early mornings with almond milk. I ran out of almond milk and could no longer have my cereal. I get so hungry and thirsty in the middle of the night. I think maybe my sugar drops. I need to start checking my sugar before I have my cereal to confirm or deny that thought. I need to know what is going on. It just recently started. I use to be able to sleep through the night, or at least stay in bed. Now, I am getting up to use the bathroom around midnight, and eating cereal afterwards.

    I am so grateful to have food in the house. Especially when I couldn't afford it on my own.

    I came home after Food Lion. Oh! I was given a present by Donna, a Food Lion worker. She gave me a special bracelet that is made by veterans for veterans and the profits from the company go to provide veterans with PTSD service dogs. It is so awesome! I might need one of those service dogs after my dogs pass away. I even got a hug from her! I felt so loved.

    I brought the groceries in and I think I might have washed some dishes. I was trying to clean up as much as possible, but didn't get very far. 

    I don't remember when I made dinner. It might have been Sunday night. I made ham and greens with rice and black beans. It turned out good too. I made enough to make sure we would have food to eat for days. 

    After I ate dinner, I had a video call with Nigel, my ex-husband. It was a good time. he met Caleb for the first time. I was tired at the end of the day.

    I am using a new audio track called "Wealth Signal." It is audio that brings the brain to an alpha wave. I felt the difference in my brain right away. I used before bed, and it changed the way I sleep. My body was resting, but my brain was totally on. Sooo.... I have to use it in the mornng to wake up and start my day. I also wanted Nana to try it, so I gave her access. 

    Monday I also began the course called "Yoga For Trauma." It is an 8-week course that I believe will help me heal my own trauma, and find better ways to help others with their truamas. I was given a full scholarship because I have my own business and want to help other veterans. I met some awesome women in this cohort. I still haven't started the material yet, but I made it to the intro class.

    Tuesday was a big difference from Monday. Caleb rode the school bus in the morning so we had to wake up at 0530. Man was I tired! After getting Caleb on the bus, I went to lie down for a nap. I planned to take a shower yesterday, but I never made it out of bed. I went to take a nap, and only got up for lunch, and to take the dogs outside. I didn't get good sleep. My body rested, but my mind did not. Thank God for leftovers!

    So, yeah, I got nothing done yesterday. Today I have an appointment in Wilmington to go the dentist again. This time it is just for a cleaning. I woke up around 0230 and have been awake all this time. It is now 0444. I went ahead and took my morning medications and supplements. I have done some hape'. I am feeling better this morning than I have been feeling. I had a big bowl of cereal after using the bathroom when I got up. I drank all the almond milk I wanted too. I feel good for once. 

    I am going to take a shower and put on some pretty clothes today. I want to wear a dress again. I have many that are just waiting for me to wear them. 

    Also on Monday, I got an email from Vet Tix about the Cirque de Soleil coming to Greensboro, NC. That is where Nigel lives. I thought it would be a good opportunity to go see him and take our kids out together. I went ahead and requested tickets out of excitement, only to realize later that we can't go. Yeah it's too far to try drive on the weekday, and I can't drive at night. I don't have anyone to watch Nana and the dogs while we are gone. Caleb needs to be in school Friday. Nelani, Nigel's daughter, is in a play that night too. Well, I tried.

    We are still working on trying to get the house cleaned up. I am struggling with my Seasonal Affective Disorder and Major Depression. I am fighting fatigue and chronic pain. Life is hard on me. 

    Thursday Caleb has his IEP meeting in the morning. Later that day, I have my appointment with Dr. Kent, pharm-D. I don't think I have anything going on Friday. I need to rest when I can. I need to remember that I have Autism and am an empath and become tired easily due to overstimulation. I need to have compassion for myself and allow myself to rest as needed. 

    I want to start walking on the incline trainer again. I need Caleb to clear it off again so I canuse it when I feel like the time is right. 

    Christinia wants photos of Caleb, Nana, and me together. I need to find a good way to get that done.

    Taxes are due soon. I have to file my taxes when I get paid. I am trying to find a way to pay for a set of new tires for the Mazda. I need help. I just don't make enough money to be able to afford everything I need to pay for.

    I am praying I will get customers soon. I don't know why I haven't had any. It's a mystery to me. 

    I want to put together a book. I don't know how to get started. I haven't figured out what I want the book to be about yet. Likely a book about having Autism and parenting a child with Autism. 

    I have a long list of things to do. I got organized on either Sunday or Monday and made a new list of things I need to pay attention to. 

    It's almost time for Caleb to wake up. I wonder if I could take a shower really quick before the alarm goes off. No, I'll wait so I can take my time. 

    I forgot that Tuesday was Caleb's picture day at school. I hope he took good pictures. And I also forgot that this afternoon after Caleb comes home, Lakita is coming by. She is a new social worker with a family help organization that we were referred to. She is coming to do the intake appointment.

    I will not have to cook today because I still have ham and greens and rice and beans to eat for dinner. Caleb and Nana might choose to eat something different. That's ok because they have pnatry food that needs to get eaten. 

    I got so happy to go grocery shopping on Monday. I bought stuff to have a Greek night again. I loved it last time. Was yummy to my tummy! We are also going to have a pizza night and a pasta night coming up. I bought the corned beef brisket on sale, and I will cook that in the crockpot one day too. I was just so happy to be able to buy fresh vegetables and fruits on sale, and prepare us for the week with meals to eat. I grew up with lack. I grew up in a single parent home with my younger brother. Times were hard as my dad tried to provide everything with little help from my mom. I just have issues with lack. I fear lack of food in my house all the time. It's such a huge issue to me. I've got to plan better. 

    I only have a few minutes before I have to wake up Caleb. I pray for a good day for all of us. 

    If you or anyone you know is interested in energy healing, let me know! I am looking for clients who are willing and able to make appointments at https://heal.me/healinergy . 

    I'm going to get going. 

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day! Keep us in your prayers!

Wow

     It's been a long week. I don't even remember more than half of it. Did I write after Caleb had an outburst? Well, Caleb was arguing about not being able to do something I was asking him to do and it led to me ending up calling the social worker for help. Thank God for Mallory. She helped me deal with Caleb when I had no resources within myself to know what to do. Caleb said he didn't want to live with us. I told him that no matter where he goes, there will be chores. He didn't seem to agree. There was yelling and arguing. All I wanted was to have him help me get something done. It escalated and I had to call for help. Caleb came around after calming down and crying and apologized. He wanted a hug but I didn't want to be touched. That was last week around Thursday or so. Friday a social worker came by for Mallory who was home sick. She was sweet and her name was Dannah. She provided me with a list of resources and some homework to do. 

    The weekend came and went and practically no cleaning was accomplished. Caleb and I were both feeling sick. I had taken him to his doctor to be tested and he tested negative for flu, strep throat, and covid. 

    I had a mammogram on Wednesday morning. It hurt, but the tech was sweet. I needed 2 ultrasounds done too. I was just glad to be done with it. I am going to need mammograms every 6 months for the rest of my life due to having 3 cysts in my left breast. I got the ok from the doctor this time though and am expecting a report in the mail. I was exhausted after that, but I went to Walmart to buy Nana's drinks afterward. I came home and practically crashed in bed for the rest of the day.

    Thank God for leftovers! They kept us fed all week on keto chili. I was finally able to cook a different meal last night. I made a huge Greek salad with stir fry steak strips to eat on pitas.

    I struggled all week. The weather was gloomy and dark. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and the weather plays a big part in how I feel during the day. With rain comes higher levels of pain tooo. Thanks Fibromyalgia. I wanted to get the living room squared away while Caleb was at school, but I never got it done. I could not get started for the life of me. I went to bed guilty every night. 

    I am hoping to work with Claeb on cleaning the house today. It was sunny yesterday but doesn't look sunny today. I had a good day yesterday. I went to Food Lion and bought some groceries. While I was checking out, Caleb called me from school to ask to be picked up because he was hit in the stomach by a soccer ball. I picked him up after telling him he would still have to work if he came home, and there was nothing I could do for him. He just needed to chill out in class and take it easy. I picked him up and we came home with the groceries. I was able to wash dishes, load the dishwasher, and get it running. It doesn't sound like a hard task, but my back hurts alot of times and my feet hurt when standing for too long. It was a good day. I did not have back pain that was keeping me from getting my chores done. I made dinner. Another task that doesn't sound like a big deal to people without disabilities. It's a big deal to me. I have to have the energy to make things happen. If my health is not good enough, I can't get things done.

    I talked to someone from Humana USAA health insurance and got a good deal based on my veteran status and required Medicare payments. I will now be getting about $150/month more than I am currently getting in my Social Security check because of the changes I agreed to. I don't use Medicare at all ever, but I have am required to pay the monthly charge for the coverage because I receive Social Security Disability payments and if I opted out in the beginning, I would have to pay a 10%-20% fee for every year I did not pay when I did choose to use Medicare later! Sooo.... I'm finally getting my money back when these changes take place because I use the VA health system for all of my health needs including my prescriptions. If you are a veteran, and think this might be helpful for you too, please reach out. I have a number for you to call.

    I applied for the VA pension the other day. I think it is required that I am paid the pension in order to get VA Aid & Attendance. Hopefully my claims will be approved sooner than later and I can get some financial relief from the way things currently are. We are struggling to buy groceries. I need to shop around and see if I can get a better homeowner's insurance. My escrow is what is making things harder than they have to be. My total mortgage payment went up $322/month this month due to increases in homeowner's insurance and property taxes. I am still trying to get people interested in my Reiki service so I can pay my bills. I am so far behind on my credit card payments that my credit score is now in the 400's. It's crazy. If I could get a few people to try my service and write reviews, it would really help me out. 

    Thank God for real people around here. They keep me going. The people who work at Walmart, Food Lion, Lowe's Foods, and Amsterdam Life help me just by being themselves. I have no social life. I am too busy during the day when other people are working, haven't partied since my 20's, and when people are not working, I am still working. Plus I'm broke so I can't meet for lunch or anything like that. 

    I went through another doughnut binge recently. I'm over it again. I don't know what it is about those doughnuts. I'm back in ketosis as of yesterday. I had the best kimchi I've ever eaten from the grocery store yesterday. I found it in the produce section. Normally I buy a gallon size of kimchi from the Asian Life Market in Wilmington. I love cabbage. I love kimchi. Blueberries and strawberries are on sale so I got a couple of each. I love blueberries! I am allowed to have berries on the keto diet. I really want to lose weight. I am getting ready to start walking on my incline trainer again. With Spring coming and longer days with more hours of sunlight, I think I can do it just right. I am trying to reverse my diabetes on keto and get to the point where I don't want stuff that is bad for me, and am able to completely get off diabetic medication. It can happen. It just takes time and continuous effort. It's alot of home cooking with fresh foods. It's exhausting but it's healthy the way I do it. 

    I think I found my diet hack. I wake up at midnight every night these last few nights and hungry. I have been eating Raisin Bran crunch with good results! I think I will continue. I woke last night to use the bathroom around midnight. I have 2 bowls of Raisin Bran Crunch and I can sleep for the rest of the morning in peace. It's awesome to be able to sleep again. I have such a hard time getting enough quality sleep. It's just so important to figure out what works for me. I realize I am sooo different from the average woman my age, and that's ok with me. The key is figuring out what works for me. I think this could be my key to getting healthier sweet tasting food without going out of ketosis. It won't work for everyone. I didn't think I could stay in ketosis and have cereal, but I did!

    I found this supplement that I really want to try called Pineal XT. I don't have the money available yet, but I am praying that we find Caleb's father in order to be able to bring him to justice for what he did to me and enforce child support. I am praying I get rated for ALL of my service-connected disabilities so that my overall rating is finally 100%. It makes a difference. Currently I am only rated 80%, but am paid at the 100% rate because I am "unemployable due to service-connected disabilities." What happens when I turn 65? Well, my pay rate goes down to the 80% rate all of a sudden because I am no longer expected to work. What does that mean? It means I can't pay my bills anymore because the 80% rate is much lower than the 100% rate payment. So, I am busting my ass trying to rectify this future occurrence that is inevitable if I don't work on it now. I need to be rated 100% permanent and total right out to be paid 100% for the rest of my life. I am very disabled and I should be rated 100%. I pray for my claim approval. I pray for my pension approval and my aid & attendance approval. I earned the help, I deserve the help, and I need the help. 

    I was able to buy a ham with bone in to make some collard greens, kale and spinach like I like to do. I got us a corned beef brisket to have in a few days with potatoes, but I need carrots and cabbage too. I'm excited because both meals will have leftovers and both meals I cook in the crockpot. The corned beef brisket was on sale too. You know how I love a good food sale! I love to shop for food. It's one life's little pleasures. Unfortunately, I might have to start going to food banks because I can't keep money in my account to cover all the expenses we have. I even tried to get an expired bone-in picnic pork butt roast for free from Food Lion by bringing to the checkout and asking. They "couldn't" give it to me for free because it has to go to the food bank, where I will have to fight for it. I tried!

    I get alot fo pleasure on my days when I can cook and clean. I love to be able to get laundry cleaned and dried and folded and put away. So many steps that are time consuming. I can't wait to get his living room squared away. Caleb needs to learn to pick things up off the floor and not to leave his stuff all around the house. It's such a disaster area in here! It''s like Hurricane Caleb!

    Well, it's raining already. I feel ok though. I took my meds and supplements. I am taking more supplements than I was taking and it is making a difference. I am not normally able to feel ok on rainy days, but I do feel ok today. I also used a little hape'. Hehehe. 

    Christinia and I had a conversation some days ago. She said, "Talking to you is like talking to a grown-up Harlee!" LOL It's hilarious because I tell people I am Autistic, and they doubt it all the time. Why would I lie? I am very Autistic. I am also capable and functioning. Mensa has been after me. I don't test well, or I would just test for them and join already! Harlee is her Autisitc daughter by the way. I asked her, "Can you see that I am Autistic now?" and she responded a very comical "Yes!" She said to me, " We argue and say the same things. I can say 'The sky is blue', and you respond with 'yeah but it's really blue'" LOL so true! It's my perception of words and my language processing disability that gets in the way and when people are impatient with me, well... we are never going to agree that way. 

    Well, I am running out of things to type. I guess I should be on my way to cleaning already. It is now 0917, and I have been awake since 0630. It's that time to begin my day. I have to care for myself first. A few things that automatically make my day better are in my personal care routine in the morning. Some days I can do them, and other days I just can't. Simple things like brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, and washing my face, or putting on body spray and deodorant. Yeah. It's tough for me. I feel better when I get them done first though. I should do them now, and then figure out a plan to attack the day. I wonder what Caleb is doing. He is awake and in his room with Bubba. Nana and I got up to use the bathroom at the same time this morning. I laugh that we are in sync! 

    I know we are having leftovers tonight. Tomorrow I cook something. Likely the corned beef brisket. I have to go back to Food Lion and get the cabbage and carrots. I bought the potatoes yesterday. So happy I am going to eat potatoes for the first time in maybe more than a year! I tell you. We are blessed when we can celebrate the simple things in life. I may be struggling, but I am truly blessed all around. I pray to figure out my own way. I pray for my business to succeed too. I need to be able to spend more time on it. I want to create some Facebook videos so I can introduce myself and my practice to my followers. I want to find my Canva app so I can create my own things to post on Facebook. I haven't been at my computer alot lately. I have been too busy trying to get myself to clean the house and train Caleb to maintain its cleanliness. Ugh. Such a hard job for a boy with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Autism, ADHD, and PTSD. He argues about everything under the sun. Take the trash out! LOL Argument of how he is too sore to do anything. I swear this boy has excuses for everything I ask. 

    Well, I better get started. Dinner time rolls around fast around here. The days seem shorter as I get older. And speaking of which, I have a birthday coming up in April! 

    Thank you for reading, have a blessed day, and pray for us!

The weekend

     It is now 0345 and I have been up for almost an hour. Last weekend was awesome. Let's go back to last week though. Last Wednesday I have a dental appointment. Caleb was feeling sick, so i kept him home. He also had an appointment that afternoon. Also he worries when I go to Wilmington by myself, so he wanted to go with me. We went to my morning appointment, and then went to Harris Teeter. After we ate lunch, we headed to Caleb's therapy appointment. When we arrived, we were told that Caleb was not on the schedule at all. I was not happy. 

    My toilet doesn't flush. Later, the toilet in the hallway doesn't flush either. Both are backing up. I make a service from American Home Shield. I get in touch with the provider on the phone to schedule an appointment. The appointment is for Friday. Thursday I had an appointment with Caleb's doctor. He tested negative for covid, flu, and strep throat. We got a referral to a GI doctor for his constant complaints about diarrhea and stomach pain. 

    Friday comes around and the plumber comes over and tells us there's nothing he can do after he tried plunging the toilets, and using an auger. He says to call the city, and if they can't fix it, it will cost about $1,000 for him to fix it. My stress levels were already high. We were living in the house with no running toilets with 3 disabled people in it, including me. I immediately call the city. They come out. I was so worried we would be left all weekend without running toilets. The city brings out the pump truck and is able to clear the line on a towel! How did that get there? I was so grateful. You have no idea! I was already broke from paying American Home Shield. I did not have $1,000.

        Friday I felt like I needed doughnuts after the stress. I bought some and enjoyed them.

    Saturday, I needed to work. I bought more doughnuts because of the way they make me feel. I have energy after I eat them. I am not depressed after I eat them. I feel good all over after I eat them. It's a miracle! Saturday I was able to wash laundry, put my 3 baskets of laundry away where they belong, pet vac the hallway, and steam clean the hallway! It was alot of work! I also made keto chili for dinner.

    Sunday, I had leftover doughnuts from Saturday and ate them to be able to work again. I got more laundry done, Caleb's laundry folded, dishes handwashed, dishes prewashed for the dishwasher, the dishwasher ran, and I wanted to pet vac and steam clean Caleb's room, but ran out of juice after having a big sandwich for lunch and socializing with Carla and her friends and family for Bible study time. I needed a nap, so I took one. We had leftover chili for dinner. I managed to start cleaning the kitchen island in the morning too. Caleb got the trash out of  the house, but I could not keep him on task. He is obsessed with video games. I got him to pre-clean his room for me, so I could pet vac the floor. I kept getting ready to clean his floor, but never got to it. I kept going and talking to Nana too. It was just a good time. 

    This is not to mention that I have been texting Jason throughout all this time.He is a man that lives in Florida that I met on Facebook dating. He has been a gentleman to me so far and I really like him. We have agreed that were are a couple now. He is a systems designer for computers. He has remained calm during all the events going on, and been helpful to me. 

    Today is Monday, and Caleb is going back to school. He still has a sore throat, but it's important that he goes back to school. Today, I want to get his carpet clean in his room. Today I am switching from the magical doughnuts to oatmeal. I have decided to try oatmeal for breakfast and see how that helps me or not. I believe that my problem is not eating enough carbs for my own body. In keto, we are supposed to limit our carbs to 30g. I think that may be too little for my body. I mean the difference between how I felt with doughnuts versus is amazing. I felt no pain while I was working. I felt no pain after I worked. I had energy that I haven't felt since before my dad died. I felt a happiness that I haven't felt. I felt like doughnuts could be my new anti-depressant even. I was not fatigued. I was not depressed. I felt alive!

    I am hoping I can bring my doughnut needs to a simple oatmeal breakfast instead. I have binged on doughnuts though. I have a hard time with eating just a couple, and I ate 8. I can't continue to do that and lose weight. I talked to Nana about what was going on too. She witnessed the difference it made. She is a retired nurse, so we decided together on my future steps. She did not shame me. Neither did Jason. 

    I am so happy. I am so hopeful for my new future. Who knew it could be so simple?

    I had a fantastic weekend!

    Thank you for reading! Have a blessed day! Keep me in your prayers!

Embrace Autism

     It is now 0429. I had to wake up to use the bathroom and decided to stay awake. I was thinking about how I can a professional that I am Autistic to get a diagnosis. The reason I know I am Autistic is because I took the Autism screening tests given by Embrace Autism. I scored on the broader spectrum of ASD. I wish I had the questions and answers to compare to someone who is not Autistic, but I only have the results of the screening. I think I did 6 screening tests total. I wish my psychiatrist would read my scores and diagnose me already. She won't. I tried to get a diagnosis by getting a self-paid psychological evaluation, but apparently the U.S. doesn't use those screening tools. 

    I have been different my entire life. It was such a relief to have something I could use to test myself and find out for sure. Now I can at least have something to research and be able to tell people what makes me Autistic. I guess I need a check list. I have to come up with a way to let people know I'm different. It would have helped me alot when I was school age. 

    I'm glad I was able to get Caleb diagnosed. Better late, than never. I am still trying to get him help. 

    Yesterday was a weird day. Caleb stayed home to go to the doctor's office because he thought he might have caught strep throat from a friend. He tested negative for Covid, Flu, and Strep in the office. His stomach was hurting him last night though. I think he might have IBS, like I do. 

    We went to McDonald's to pick up a special request for Nana. While I was there, I ordered a large double quarter pounder meal to share with Caleb. I ate the burger without the bun. Caleb ate the fries and had the drink. 

    We then came home to deliver Nana's lunch. I left Caleb at home because he was feeling sick. I went to Food Lion for some vegetables. 

    Earlier in the morning we realized that both toilets were not flushing! The stress of that when you need to use the bathroom, is already alot. Then add Caleb's persistent argumentativeness and that's a whole other game. I craved chocolate covered doughnuts while the arguing was happening. I was so glad to make it through the day without buying them or eating them.

    I got a hold of the plumber and he should be here today. Caleb is staying home again because he feels sick. 

    I made myself a giant salad for dinner last night. I shared it with Nana. She also had salmon leftover and a baked potato. I didn't see Caleb eat dinner. He wasn't feeling well.

    I struggled with my balance walking yesterday all day long. I don't know what was causing it. I fell early in the morning in my room. I tripped over a big box that had fallen to the floor. 

    Today we are getting our toilets fixed. I need to catch up on laundry again. I need to catch up on kitchen cleaning again. I need to steam clean the hallway and Caleb's room again. Ugh! The work never ends. 

    I am still praying for Jamie McCurry to be found and required to do a paternity test so Caleb can get child support. 

    I am still praying that the VA decides in my favor for my disability claims and for aid and attendance. 

    I am still praying to get the energy to really work on my own business. So far, I have been so busy with all this other stuff that I cannot give even a few minutes.    

    I have this other paperwork to do. I have to get the car inspected in order to renew my registration. I need to file taxes for everybody. I have to fill out my living will and other medical documents for end-of-life. I forgot to pick up Caleb's physical form for Special Olympics from his doctor's office. 

    My dental appointment on Wednesday went ok. Thank God it did not last long. Just 2 small fillings. We stopped at Harris Teeter on the way back. Caleb and I shared a rotisserie chicken for lunch. We made it to Caleb's appointment on time, only to find out that he had no appointment on the books. I'm looking at the receptionist in disbelief because I only put an appointment in my calendar when we are making the appointment after the appointment has finished. So explain that! Apparently I'm the crazy one! I was pissed!

    I came home and made Nana a salmon fillet for dinner that I bought from Harris Teeter on special. We had salad too. 

    Thank God it's Friday! This madness needs to end somewhere! I need a break.

    I'm about to get the laundry started. I have alot to do today. I don't know if I will be able to get it all done. It's 0519 now. Caleb's wake up alarm is at 0530 on days he goes to school. I haven't planned out dinner yet,but I bought groceries to make keto chili. I love that stuff so much. 

    I still have to get my morning medications and supplements ready. I guess I will start the laundry first. 

    Thank you for reading! Have a blessed day! Keep us in your prayers!

Yesterday was Monday

     Yesterday was Monday and also President's Day. The kids had school. They were off Friday for a required teacher workday. Caleb had a virtual appointment with his psychiatrist in the morning so he did not ride the bus to school. We had to discuss that Caleb's ADHD medication, Focalin, is out of stock and the pharmacy does not know when it will be available again and Caleb is running out of what he has. There were not many solutions. When i talked to David, he said he gets these same calls everyday. It looks like all the ADHD medication is out of stock, so we cannot just change him to something else. I asked if we could then put Caleb back on his night time meds because at least if he is able to get a full night's sleep, it will help him during the day. He was taking Clonodine and Trazadone until we took him off. When he has Focalin, he can perform at school and comes home tired. Without the Focalin, he will be less likely to perform at school and will have a hard time going to sleep and staying asleep. I suggested that we put him back on the night time meds. People with any mental health problems desparately need a good night's sleep, especially is they have to manage being without their meds. 

    After Caleb's appointment, I took him to school. I then went to Walmart to pick up our sodas that we drink daily. I wasn't going in to buy alot, but I needed to restock on Nana's groceries that she eats everyday. I figured while I was there I could go ahead and prepare for the week. I bought a whole cart load. Most of the space was taken up by our drinks. I drink Diet Mountain Dew throughout the day to stay awake and be able to work on things. Nana drinks Coke to be able to take her meds. I bought half as much Dew as I normally do, trying to reduce our cost. I told Caleb that he is no longer allowed to drink soda anymore. 

    I bought chicken thighs and cooked them for dinner. I also bought stuff to make a salad and served that for dinner too. I am trying to get back into ketosis. I have been knocked out with the daily doughnut eating I have done since last week. I was on a good 13 day ketosis streak and just really needed doughnuts. Once I started eating them, I wanted them every day. Yesterday was the last day of eating doughnuts and pasta. I had both for breakfast. I ate swiss cheese and Vienna sausages for lunch with the rest of the kimchi I had. I had the baked chicken thighs and salad for dinner. I need new batteries for my glucometer. I haven't been checking my sugar or ketones since last week when the batteries died. 

    Tonight I am hoping to cook the bacon that is in the fridge for dinner. I would like BLTs. I don't have any appointments today. Yesterday we had Caleb's appointment plus in the afternoon I had an Autism webinar on Defense Mode. I am asking my social worker to buy the program   for me because it is for parents of teenagers with Autism. I can't afford it, but I need it. 

    Today was a regular bus riding morning for Caleb. I took my kratomade this morning and feel pretty good. I've done some hape' too. I'm just getting my thoughts collected so I can figure out how to make the most of today. I need to steam clean the hallway carpet again. Bella is having accidents and I don't know how to help her more than I am. I let her outside plenty. 

    I've got to stay on top of Caleb to keep his room clean. I need to catch up on the dishes and laundry. I am never at a resting point. I always have so much work to do. I am glad the sun is shining today. The sunrise was beautiful at the bus stop. Yesterday was trash and recycling pick up day. Caleb only brought 3 of the 4 trash bins to the road, and none of the 2 recycling bins to the road. This kid just doesn't get that we have to get those bins emptied as frequently as they collect them. Ugh! 

    I'm going to make bacon starting at 1400, so I want to see what else I can get done before then.

    Tomorrow I go to Wilmington to have a dental appointment in the morning. After my dental appointment, I have to pick up Caleb for his therapy appointment in the afternoon. I am going to slow cook a whole chicken tomorrow in the crockpot with some cream of mushroom soup like my mom taught me. That way dinner will be ready when we get home.

    I have alot going on. I am still working with the social worker with CPS. I am still trying to clean up my house. I have to get my Mazda inspected in order to renew registration. I have to start working on filing my taxes, Caleb's taxes, and my business taxes. My mortgage is increasing by $322/month in March. I need to take Bella to the vet, but I cannot afford the vet bill to get her caught up on her shots and exams. I am waiting to hear about my appointment with the pain clinic and regarding my MRI for my back. I don't know what I am forgetting. 

    I will get more kimchi tomorrow while I am in Wilmington. I eat alot of it so I buy the big gallon size from the Asian Life Market. I want to update my business website. I want to begin the classes I have been postponing all this time. I really think the trauma classes would help me immensely. Not only would they help me, but they would help me help others too. 

    I am feeling like dating is too hard right now. I really want a life partner. I don't know if I will ever get married again. I want someone I can rely on. 

    I am feeling like I might need to move away from this house to somewhere more affordable. The only problem is, is that my credit score has sunken because I have not been able to keep up my credit card payments. I have to have a minimum credit score to be able to apply for another VA housing loan. I'm screwed right now. I have to get my business going so I can pay all my bills. I am praying to get approved by VA for disability claims and Aid & Attendance. That would help me stay here. 

    Right now I am looking on how to plan to make the most of food pantries in my area. I have to find ways to cut costs somehow. Everything is so expensive. I am just happy I can still afford chicken. 

    Well, I'm feeling pretty good now, so let's see what I can do today.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

We made it

     It is now 2313 on Friday night. Caleb had the day off from school due to a required teacher workday. I have been waiting in anticipation all week for Mallory to come and inspect Caleb's room. I got a message this morning that she would be in the area at lunchtime today. I was so grateful she did not come sooner. Carla and her husband, Tyrone, came over to help me clean Caleb's room earlier this week. They helped alot. They floor was clear and vacuumed by the time they left. All I needed to do was steam clean the carpet. For some reason I just could not get it done. I was so slow moving and drained. I had Christinia help me this morning to get in the right head space. I joked and text her to "kick my ass" to get working. It was so important and I just struggled to get moving and get started. I got it done this morning though.  Mallory came around lunchtime just like she said. She approved Caleb's room status and told him "this is the standard from now on." Caleb did not help me clean his room at all. I got 2 whole trash bags of trash and all kinds of dirty dishes from his room earlier this week. Carla got 2 contractor bags of trash out of his room. I did most of the vacuuming, while Tyrone did what I couldn't complete. I did all the steam cleaning of the carpet. Carla brought over two sleeping bags for Caleb. He does not have a bed anymore. Mallory brought over 2 pillows and pillowcases for Caleb today and gave me the good news that Caleb would be getting a bed frame and a mattress! Mallory is going to research some resources to get me help. All in all, the appointment went well. 

    After Mallory left, Caleb and I went to pay the water bill. Then we went to Food Lion to buy a few ingredients for the pasta dinner I wanted to make. We came home to refrigerate the ground turkey and freeze the frozen pizzas. We went back out because I had paperwork from Caleb's school that needed to be filled out by his doctors. We went to Broadstep first. I needed to speak with his psychiatrist about the fact that Caleb's ADHD medication, Focalin, was not available at his pharmacy and they did not know when it would be back in stock. I was able to schedule an appointment sooner than the appointment that was on the books. I was also able to leave the form that needed to be filled out with the secretary. From there I had to go to Seashore Pediatrics to get another form filled out by his pediatrician. I can pick that form up on Monday afternoon. We came home and I took a break. I then filled the dishwasher and got it running. I washed a few dishes by hand and began making dinner. I wanted fettucine with a meat and vegetable red sauce. I took Lowe's foods tomato and basil sauce and added ground turkey, garlic salt, garlic powder, zucchini, yellow squash, sweet onion, and baby bella mushrooms with italian seasoning. It turned out good with 5 italian cheese blend on top of the noodles and sauce. I don't know. I was just craving pasta. Yesterday I was craving doughnuts. I bought more doughnuts today too. I have been off my keto diet since yesterday. Today I even had ramen for lunch. 

    Yesterday I helped Nana get her emergency supply of medications filled. It was such an ordeal. We could not get the right message to the right person. Communication was shit! We were talking to the insurance company, the doctor's office and Walmart pharmacy over and over again. Nothing was right and we had to repeat the calls. It was really frustrating, but I had eaten my doughnuts and was feeling better by the time Nana asked me to start making the calls for her because she was getting frustrated. It ended up with me picking up her meds at the end of the day, just as the sun was setting. I don't like driving at night because I am afraid the passing headlights and street lights will cause a seizure while I am driving. I made it to Walmart before dark, but made it home as it was getting really dark.

    We didn't do anything special for Valentine's day. We had frozen pizzas for dinner. 

    I'm just so grateful this week is over and the appointment with the social worker is over. I can rest easy now. 

    I'm worried about how we are going to afford things with my mortgage increasing by $322/month starting in March. Everybody here has the same thing happening due to homeowner's insurance and proaerperty taxes increasing. 

    Caleb's teacher bought him a pair of steel toed boots because his shoes were in bad shape. She bought him a set of clothes too. That was so sweet of her. 

    I'm struggling with Caleb alot these days. He just does not get that he has to do chores, keep clean, and follow my instructions. I have been on him to take showers daily and he just will not do it. I'm at my wit's end with this. The school complains about his smell. I hear it from Mallory that the school social worker reported Caleb to her about his hygiene. Then he lives in a nasty room, and wasn't bothered by it. I gave him all last weekend to start cleaning up his room, and he didn't do one thing! All I said was to start by picking up his dirty clothes so that I could start washing them. He didn't even do that!

    Caleb argues every time I tell him I need something done and he gives excuses to not do it. It's so frustrating to deal with this. I'm so tired. I work so hard. 

    Anyway, it 's getting late. I only got up to use the bathroom and exchange my vape. 

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

    

Sooo

     It is Sunday morning. I woke up early because of my back pain. It is now 0731. Caleb is not awake. Yesterday I took a much needed shower and found rashes under both breasts. I have got to find a way to stay dry. That took alot of energy out of me. I was able to go get gas in the Mazda, and go to Food Lion for the vegetables and water we needed. I was able to cook keto chili for dinner. I made it with ground turkey this time due to it being cheaper than ground beef. I did get the laundry going. I didn't do much cleaning like I hoped. Today Caleb has got to clean his room so I can I can vacuum in there and steam clean the carpet. 

    The sun is coming out today. I am grateful for that. I have a harder time getting work done on days it doesn't show. 

    Mallory came over Thursday and inspected. She will be back this week to inspect Caleb's room. She was happy to see how much progress we made and gave me a high five. I told her the work is not done, but we did make progress. I want the living clear so I can vacuum and steam clean the carpet. I want to be able to do my exercises in the living room. I want to lose weight faster than what I am currently. I want to be able to walk on my incline trainer again and do stretches to help me back. 

    I got some of Caleb's special education paperwork done yesterday. I have to bring the Special Olympics paperwork to his doctor's office. 

    I spent way more than I thought I was spending at Walmart on Friday. I thought I didn't have enough money to get gas. I thought I didn't have enough money to buy our Spring water and veggies for the chili. Thankfully, I had enough. I have no money now though. 

    I got the confirmation letter from the VA that they received my application. I got my copy of my labwork too. I am low in iron. I can't imagine why. I take a supplement that has 222% daily value of iron in it. No wonder I feel so low and tired all of the time! 

    I have been chatting with Lella since her surgery. She had a less invasive gastric bypass done. She is home healing now.

    Chrisitinia is helping me find resources. The resources she is using, she forwards to me. I might be able to get help. 

    I'm tired and want to go back to bed. It's time to be working though. I have to wake Caleb up. We have work to do before the night comes. 

    I miss my dad. We always laughed together, no matter what time of day it was. Life is harder without him.

    I should get moving.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!