Wow

     It's been a long week. I don't even remember more than half of it. Did I write after Caleb had an outburst? Well, Caleb was arguing about not being able to do something I was asking him to do and it led to me ending up calling the social worker for help. Thank God for Mallory. She helped me deal with Caleb when I had no resources within myself to know what to do. Caleb said he didn't want to live with us. I told him that no matter where he goes, there will be chores. He didn't seem to agree. There was yelling and arguing. All I wanted was to have him help me get something done. It escalated and I had to call for help. Caleb came around after calming down and crying and apologized. He wanted a hug but I didn't want to be touched. That was last week around Thursday or so. Friday a social worker came by for Mallory who was home sick. She was sweet and her name was Dannah. She provided me with a list of resources and some homework to do. 

    The weekend came and went and practically no cleaning was accomplished. Caleb and I were both feeling sick. I had taken him to his doctor to be tested and he tested negative for flu, strep throat, and covid. 

    I had a mammogram on Wednesday morning. It hurt, but the tech was sweet. I needed 2 ultrasounds done too. I was just glad to be done with it. I am going to need mammograms every 6 months for the rest of my life due to having 3 cysts in my left breast. I got the ok from the doctor this time though and am expecting a report in the mail. I was exhausted after that, but I went to Walmart to buy Nana's drinks afterward. I came home and practically crashed in bed for the rest of the day.

    Thank God for leftovers! They kept us fed all week on keto chili. I was finally able to cook a different meal last night. I made a huge Greek salad with stir fry steak strips to eat on pitas.

    I struggled all week. The weather was gloomy and dark. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and the weather plays a big part in how I feel during the day. With rain comes higher levels of pain tooo. Thanks Fibromyalgia. I wanted to get the living room squared away while Caleb was at school, but I never got it done. I could not get started for the life of me. I went to bed guilty every night. 

    I am hoping to work with Claeb on cleaning the house today. It was sunny yesterday but doesn't look sunny today. I had a good day yesterday. I went to Food Lion and bought some groceries. While I was checking out, Caleb called me from school to ask to be picked up because he was hit in the stomach by a soccer ball. I picked him up after telling him he would still have to work if he came home, and there was nothing I could do for him. He just needed to chill out in class and take it easy. I picked him up and we came home with the groceries. I was able to wash dishes, load the dishwasher, and get it running. It doesn't sound like a hard task, but my back hurts alot of times and my feet hurt when standing for too long. It was a good day. I did not have back pain that was keeping me from getting my chores done. I made dinner. Another task that doesn't sound like a big deal to people without disabilities. It's a big deal to me. I have to have the energy to make things happen. If my health is not good enough, I can't get things done.

    I talked to someone from Humana USAA health insurance and got a good deal based on my veteran status and required Medicare payments. I will now be getting about $150/month more than I am currently getting in my Social Security check because of the changes I agreed to. I don't use Medicare at all ever, but I have am required to pay the monthly charge for the coverage because I receive Social Security Disability payments and if I opted out in the beginning, I would have to pay a 10%-20% fee for every year I did not pay when I did choose to use Medicare later! Sooo.... I'm finally getting my money back when these changes take place because I use the VA health system for all of my health needs including my prescriptions. If you are a veteran, and think this might be helpful for you too, please reach out. I have a number for you to call.

    I applied for the VA pension the other day. I think it is required that I am paid the pension in order to get VA Aid & Attendance. Hopefully my claims will be approved sooner than later and I can get some financial relief from the way things currently are. We are struggling to buy groceries. I need to shop around and see if I can get a better homeowner's insurance. My escrow is what is making things harder than they have to be. My total mortgage payment went up $322/month this month due to increases in homeowner's insurance and property taxes. I am still trying to get people interested in my Reiki service so I can pay my bills. I am so far behind on my credit card payments that my credit score is now in the 400's. It's crazy. If I could get a few people to try my service and write reviews, it would really help me out. 

    Thank God for real people around here. They keep me going. The people who work at Walmart, Food Lion, Lowe's Foods, and Amsterdam Life help me just by being themselves. I have no social life. I am too busy during the day when other people are working, haven't partied since my 20's, and when people are not working, I am still working. Plus I'm broke so I can't meet for lunch or anything like that. 

    I went through another doughnut binge recently. I'm over it again. I don't know what it is about those doughnuts. I'm back in ketosis as of yesterday. I had the best kimchi I've ever eaten from the grocery store yesterday. I found it in the produce section. Normally I buy a gallon size of kimchi from the Asian Life Market in Wilmington. I love cabbage. I love kimchi. Blueberries and strawberries are on sale so I got a couple of each. I love blueberries! I am allowed to have berries on the keto diet. I really want to lose weight. I am getting ready to start walking on my incline trainer again. With Spring coming and longer days with more hours of sunlight, I think I can do it just right. I am trying to reverse my diabetes on keto and get to the point where I don't want stuff that is bad for me, and am able to completely get off diabetic medication. It can happen. It just takes time and continuous effort. It's alot of home cooking with fresh foods. It's exhausting but it's healthy the way I do it. 

    I think I found my diet hack. I wake up at midnight every night these last few nights and hungry. I have been eating Raisin Bran crunch with good results! I think I will continue. I woke last night to use the bathroom around midnight. I have 2 bowls of Raisin Bran Crunch and I can sleep for the rest of the morning in peace. It's awesome to be able to sleep again. I have such a hard time getting enough quality sleep. It's just so important to figure out what works for me. I realize I am sooo different from the average woman my age, and that's ok with me. The key is figuring out what works for me. I think this could be my key to getting healthier sweet tasting food without going out of ketosis. It won't work for everyone. I didn't think I could stay in ketosis and have cereal, but I did!

    I found this supplement that I really want to try called Pineal XT. I don't have the money available yet, but I am praying that we find Caleb's father in order to be able to bring him to justice for what he did to me and enforce child support. I am praying I get rated for ALL of my service-connected disabilities so that my overall rating is finally 100%. It makes a difference. Currently I am only rated 80%, but am paid at the 100% rate because I am "unemployable due to service-connected disabilities." What happens when I turn 65? Well, my pay rate goes down to the 80% rate all of a sudden because I am no longer expected to work. What does that mean? It means I can't pay my bills anymore because the 80% rate is much lower than the 100% rate payment. So, I am busting my ass trying to rectify this future occurrence that is inevitable if I don't work on it now. I need to be rated 100% permanent and total right out to be paid 100% for the rest of my life. I am very disabled and I should be rated 100%. I pray for my claim approval. I pray for my pension approval and my aid & attendance approval. I earned the help, I deserve the help, and I need the help. 

    I was able to buy a ham with bone in to make some collard greens, kale and spinach like I like to do. I got us a corned beef brisket to have in a few days with potatoes, but I need carrots and cabbage too. I'm excited because both meals will have leftovers and both meals I cook in the crockpot. The corned beef brisket was on sale too. You know how I love a good food sale! I love to shop for food. It's one life's little pleasures. Unfortunately, I might have to start going to food banks because I can't keep money in my account to cover all the expenses we have. I even tried to get an expired bone-in picnic pork butt roast for free from Food Lion by bringing to the checkout and asking. They "couldn't" give it to me for free because it has to go to the food bank, where I will have to fight for it. I tried!

    I get alot fo pleasure on my days when I can cook and clean. I love to be able to get laundry cleaned and dried and folded and put away. So many steps that are time consuming. I can't wait to get his living room squared away. Caleb needs to learn to pick things up off the floor and not to leave his stuff all around the house. It's such a disaster area in here! It''s like Hurricane Caleb!

    Well, it's raining already. I feel ok though. I took my meds and supplements. I am taking more supplements than I was taking and it is making a difference. I am not normally able to feel ok on rainy days, but I do feel ok today. I also used a little hape'. Hehehe. 

    Christinia and I had a conversation some days ago. She said, "Talking to you is like talking to a grown-up Harlee!" LOL It's hilarious because I tell people I am Autistic, and they doubt it all the time. Why would I lie? I am very Autistic. I am also capable and functioning. Mensa has been after me. I don't test well, or I would just test for them and join already! Harlee is her Autisitc daughter by the way. I asked her, "Can you see that I am Autistic now?" and she responded a very comical "Yes!" She said to me, " We argue and say the same things. I can say 'The sky is blue', and you respond with 'yeah but it's really blue'" LOL so true! It's my perception of words and my language processing disability that gets in the way and when people are impatient with me, well... we are never going to agree that way. 

    Well, I am running out of things to type. I guess I should be on my way to cleaning already. It is now 0917, and I have been awake since 0630. It's that time to begin my day. I have to care for myself first. A few things that automatically make my day better are in my personal care routine in the morning. Some days I can do them, and other days I just can't. Simple things like brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, and washing my face, or putting on body spray and deodorant. Yeah. It's tough for me. I feel better when I get them done first though. I should do them now, and then figure out a plan to attack the day. I wonder what Caleb is doing. He is awake and in his room with Bubba. Nana and I got up to use the bathroom at the same time this morning. I laugh that we are in sync! 

    I know we are having leftovers tonight. Tomorrow I cook something. Likely the corned beef brisket. I have to go back to Food Lion and get the cabbage and carrots. I bought the potatoes yesterday. So happy I am going to eat potatoes for the first time in maybe more than a year! I tell you. We are blessed when we can celebrate the simple things in life. I may be struggling, but I am truly blessed all around. I pray to figure out my own way. I pray for my business to succeed too. I need to be able to spend more time on it. I want to create some Facebook videos so I can introduce myself and my practice to my followers. I want to find my Canva app so I can create my own things to post on Facebook. I haven't been at my computer alot lately. I have been too busy trying to get myself to clean the house and train Caleb to maintain its cleanliness. Ugh. Such a hard job for a boy with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Autism, ADHD, and PTSD. He argues about everything under the sun. Take the trash out! LOL Argument of how he is too sore to do anything. I swear this boy has excuses for everything I ask. 

    Well, I better get started. Dinner time rolls around fast around here. The days seem shorter as I get older. And speaking of which, I have a birthday coming up in April! 

    Thank you for reading, have a blessed day, and pray for us!