Last fall, I had to deal with something horrific. My dad and his partner were living in my house along with my son, my dog, and me. My dad has mental health issues and so does his partner, but I never thought it would come to this. He choked my son on two separate occasions in my house while living with us. I saw him the first time. The second time, I cam eon the scene a few seconds late, but my son told me what he had done. My son was in therapy and we reported the situation to his therapist.
Then one Friday afternoon, Child Protective Services arrives at my house wanting to discuss what was going on. The end result of the visit was that I had the police show up to protect the social worker from my dad, who I know to get violent when he is angry, and oh boy did he get angry! He told the police that he acted in self-defense from my then 10 year old son. Now keep in mind my dad stands at 6 feet tall and weighs about 260lbs or so.
The social worker states that he must leave the house for it to be a safe place for my son. She tells him this, but he refuses. I try to work out a deal with him, but he still refuses to leave. My friend, her daughter, my son, and I end up going to a local hotel for the weekend. The next day, my dad is taken to jail for having an outstanding warrant for his arrest for failure to appear to his prior court dates. He calls me to have me bail him out. I should have left him in there. It would have saved me from what the future held. Having a big heart is a curse. I couldn't leave him in jail. I managed to find a way to bail him out and get him to the house. He became more cooperative after that.
We returned to the house on Monday. He, having no money, decided to live in his car, in the neighbor's yard. He wanted to come in and shower. He wanted us to bring him drinks. He wanted us to bring him his medicine. He wanted to use my car for the air conditioning, which by the way, emptied my fuel tank. He wanted to come inside to use the bathroom. He wasn't supposed to be on the property at all! I tried to get him to go to a shelter. He wouldn't go. I tried to find him housing. He didn't take it. For two and a half weeks he was a terrorist to us. He stayed until the first of the month when they would get paid. Everyday there was some dad-related drama. I didn't want to be around him. My friend was bringing him his drinks and meals. My anxiety was through the roof. My dad's partner stayed in her room most of the time, sleeping. They both had to go.
On the first, we called the police once again, to ensure they had a peaceful exit. It was suggested we do this by the social worker. It was not peaceful. Both of them lost control and yelled out every bad thing about me to the police and my friend, some true, others false. My heart was already broken. I just wanted them gone. They moved out with as much as they could fit in their car. They left with their car on a tow truck.
I went and filed for a protective order against my dad. He was obviously more unstable than I had imagined. It was not safe. He threatened to burn the house down with us in it. He threatened to blow up the social services office with everybody in it, and then killing those who ran out. He bragged that no one would even know it was him. A court date was set, and that was the next time I saw my dad.
I hired a domestic violence lawyer to help me get through the hearing. We waited practically all day for our turn. Finally she negotiated with my dad to sign the protective order, pending he be able to get his Dodge Ram Charger from the property. He said he didn't care if he never saw me again, all he wanted was his truck.
30 days passed and he had not come to pick up his stuff. The truck was titled in my name so I had a junk yard come and pick it up. My porch now holds their belongings they left behind. I am slowly throwing them in the trash, as there is space every week. I don't feel bad about it. They had a month after they were escorted off the property to arrange for a time to pick up their stuff with a police escort.
I also had filed criminal charges against my dad at the lawyer's suggestion. Two counts of assault on a child under 12 are the charges. A court date was made. I showed up with my son, but he did not. So now, there is a warrant for his arrest for those charges.
As any narcissist would, he blamed me for every problem he could think of. It was my fault for him choking my son because I was a bad parent. His partner believed the same. She is codependent on him so I don't value her opinion at this point. Not that I value his any more either.
It's such a shame. I invited them to live with me because I had suffered another seizure, and was not supposed to drive for 6 months. They were living in an extended stay hotel. Their room was so full of junk, you could barely make it to the bed. I was suffering depression too. I spend most days sleeping while my son went to school. I was calling my dad everyday for some months before we decided it would be good for them to move in. They could help me with the bills and have more space, and more time with us. It was good all around.
I was devastated at the way they behaved and quickly tried to make appointments with my VA mental health team. My son had already been seeing his mental health team, so we increased the number of appointment she had to make sure he knew that behavior was not ok.
After the protective order was in place, my dad tried to reach me through my friend, who was living with me at the time. He wanted me to send him $300 to his account. Can I say "What the what?" First of all, it is illegal for him to contact me through a third party. Secondly, he had just thrown me under the bus! Thirdly, he honestly believed he was right for choking my son. Can you say "He has some serious mental issues"?
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