The Present

      I know yesterday I was trying to introduce my life story, but today I want to think about my present situation. Let's talk about my medical problems. To keep this simple, I will just list them:

major depression with schizoaffective disorder
PTSD
diabetes type 2
high blood pressure
pseudo tumor cerebri
fibromyalgia
PCOS
sleep apnea
history of seizures
chronic acid reflux
morbid obesity
vision requires glasses
iron-deficient anemia
anxiety
allergies
chronic constipation

Ok. So there it is. Why do I share this? I share because I know I am not alone, and I want others to know I am here. I am nowhere near perfection. Life is hard. I have been taking the full dosage of my anxiety medication since before the schools closed due to COVID-19. Yesterday I was able to stop taking them at all. It was a decision I made after feeling "better". I thought I would go without a dose and see how I fared. I take 2 doses, one in the morning and one in the evening. I was perfectly fine without the medication. I am not freaking out anymore. I have adjusted to how our lives have changed and I feel like I am ok. I feared death . I feared being hospitalized due to COVID-19, and leaving my son and dog without a guardian. I am considered high risk for complications due to my diabetes. The fear was immobilizing.
     Today, I have decided to stop taking my daily doses of naproxen. I began taking it because I was suffering lower back pain everyday. A few things contributed: my weight and posture, my shoes, and my feet. I have since gotten diabetic shoes, and am waiting on my custom insoles to correct the difference in my stride. One side is longer than the other, so I am getting a lift for the short side! My feet have plantar fasciitis, and I currently wear Dr.Scholl's inserts for that and it has really helped reduce the number of instances I feel pain in my feet. Then there is my weight, which I have tried to manage using the keto diet. I lost about 10 pounds, then started gaining again, eating the very same things that I lost weight with.  My posture is a reflection of my pain level, fatigue, and self-esteem. My self-esteem wasn't very high due to being in recent abusive relationships.
     Tomorrow, I am considering stopping the use of my allergy medication. I use it daily, and I think I might be able to only use it seasonally, as needed.
     I firmly believe that the fewer medications I use, the better off I am. Using all these medications contributes to my digestive problems and chronic constipation. It also contributes to my brain fog, and sleepiness during the day. I had brain fog before, and I still have it with the use of medications. Sleepiness is a direct result of not getting quality sleep every night. I don't understand why, but I wake up throughout the night, sometimes every hour. Lack of R.E.M. sleep has been shown to cause a number of problems, even in healthy people.
     I recently quit the keto diet. It is not suitable or sustainable for me. I am instead doing a low carb, no sugar, moderate vegetable fat, low animal fat, high protein diet. Let's see how that works. This should help me further reduce my A1C, and hopefully will help me lose weight. One of my health goals is to lower my A1C to a healthy, non-diabetic range.
     Everyday I think about walking. Walking is an exercise I can still do. I have an incline trainer at home, and for whatever reason, I cannot get myself to start the habit of using it daily for at least 30 minutes. One day I will. Hopefully soon. I am not pushing myself hard, because I already have a number of stressors in my life right now, and they take priority.
     I see a psychiatrist and a therapist regularly to manage my mental health. I also try to stay in contact with a few people on a regular basis, some daily, some weekly. I am a member of a number of organizations and groups that assist with the processing of trauma and making connections. Recently, I began using essential oils to aid in my conditions and moods during the day. (just FYI I became a doTerra Wellness Advocate, www.my.doTerra.com/demellojennifer ) I have an alpha-stim that I was using on a daily basis at the height of my anxiety issues. I also try guided meditation and music therapy. At one time I was doing seated Yoga with other women veterans, and it was very helpful.           Right now I am enrolled in a course from The Shift Network named " Become Your Own Medical Intuitive: Energy Medicine to Clear & Balance Your Physical & Spiritual Immune Systems" by Mona Delfino. Today we will be on module 3 of 7. I am learning how to self-heal, and that is empowering. I am hoping that one day I may be able to share what I learned. For now, I am just absorbing as much information as my brain can process. I began my interest in Quantum Healing in my early 20's. Everything is energy.
     I am an electronic cigarette user. I vape all day long, and would like to stop completely. I use e-juice that has 6mg/mL nicotine, so I figure it could be much worse. I was a chain smoker back in the day. I would smoke a whole pack of Newport cigarettes in a day. My anxiety, as I now know it, was out of control at the time, and I did not have have mental health support.
     I also drink Diet Mountain Dew all day long. It's an unhealthy habit. One day I will conquer it, but probably not any time soon.
     I have used illegal drugs in my past. I am completely clean of all illegal drugs now.
     I use to drink wine to help me sleep and decrease my body pain. I no longer drink alcohol. There is nothing wrong with drinking alcohol, but I have committed to not drinking while I am taking the medications I am prescribed.
     So that's a snapshot of my current health conditions, and where I stand in trying to decrease medications, increase physical activity, control my diet, and connect to other people. When was the last time you gave thought to your personal snapshot? Are you working on healing? If so, how?