Planning

     Yesterday was a productive day. Caleb and I went to the post office, Food Lion,  and to pay the water bill. I cried in Food Lion while shopping. I went down the cookie aisle looking for the sugar-free cookies for some oatmeal raisin sugar-free cookies for Nana, and just started crying. I use to buy this kind of stuff for my dad, and it really hit my heart. I was alone. Caleb was not with me in the store. He waited in the van. I didn't even try to collect myself. I just kept shopping with tears running down my cheeks. 

    I didn't do much after that. The day before yesterday is when I read the decision letter from the VA about my aid & attendance application. It was denied. I had alot of emotions in response from helplessness to anger and rage. I am going to collect the evidence I need to prove my need for aid & attendance and resubmit it as a supplemental claim, adding to what they already have. 

    I was in ketosis Monday and Tuesday, but not Wednesday and I can't figure out what was different. I hope I get back to ketosis today. 

    I start aquatic therapy this afternoon. It's physical therapy in the pool. 

    Things seem a little bit easier without so many appointments this week, but I do have my follow-up mammogram and ultrasound on Friday morning that I am not looking forward to.

    It is now 0540. I have been awake for about an hour. Caleb is up too. 

    I received my school transcript in the mail. I was sad to see the test results because I could have done so much better if I had the help I needed. I was not talking much in my early years, throughout elementary school. I did not know I needed help, but looking back, I can see I would have done much better with help. I am almost certain that I have a language processing disorder. I received my psychological evaluation report from the testing I had last year. 

    I started trying to collect evidence for my VA aid & attendance claim. Going through my information they already have and all this other stuff I have going on, really makes me feel sad and angry. I'm sad because I was just a kid when I needed direction and help communicating. I developed PTSD at an early age. I'm angry because now that I can see how I need help, and am actively asking for it, am not getting it!

    I am almost done recording the videos for the student modules for the Vocal Resonance Method classes. I watch them as I record them, so it's a double win! I need to record the facilitator videos next. 

    I want to write a book once I have all this training behind me. I have Sheila to help me through the book writing process.

    I am still waiting to hear from Dr. Carli about my refund for the Spinal Flow Technique training. I don't know how much longer I will have to wait for an answer.

    I am just trying to stay afloat these days. I am trying to pay down my credit cards and not use them anymore.

    I have alot of work to do to appeal the VA decision. I am not looking forward to it, but I am looking forward to completing the process.

    I told my friend Brenda my exercise end goals are to be able to walk 2 miles a day, 5 days a week, at variable incline, at 2.5-3mph. Right now I am only walking on Monday mornings for 1 mile at 2mph at 0 incline. It's a good start.

    Caleb decided to cook some spam.

    I am trying to figure out what I need to do today. I need to get laundry going. Caleb needs to empty the dishwasher. I need to clean the kitchen. If I can manage it, I need to groom Bella. I like to do an angel meditation to Melanie Beckler's audio in the mornings. I want to record at least one video from my Vocal Resonance Method class. I don't want to be exhausted by the time I get to aquatic therapy. 

    I haven't heard anything about child support this month. I might check in with the social worker.

    I've got to get my meds ready and start the day.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!