Early morning

     It has been awhile since I have been awake at this time. It is now 0232. I just recorded one of Larisa Gosla's Success modules. I do not know how many I have left. I know I want all the videos recorded for my personal library before she decides to take them down.

    Yesterday was Thursday. I did not do any work until it was time to go to the pool for therapy. I wanted to have energy to do the whole routine appointment. I had lots of work I did not feel like doing, so I didn't. It was another gray day outside which automatically makes it harder for me to work to begin with. It was gray outside all day on Wednesday too. I had to miss my appointment with Larisa Gosla because I was so tired that I could not stay awake. My body was hurting everywhere due to fibromyalgia during the ugly weather. I thought I would lose my appointment, but Larisa is allowing me to reschedule.  

    I have been working on deep cleaning the kitchen this week. I caught up on washing the dishes, cleaned the stovetop including drip pans, and washed the walls behind the cooking area. I cleaned part of the countertop and threw away some things that I don't need and can't be given away. I was able to clean out both sinks. I still need to detail around the faucets and behind the sinks, as well as the countertop to the right of the sinks. I need to clean out the fridge and clean off the island. I want to detail the cabinets and sweep and mop the floor. I worked on the pantry last week, so that is ok. I cleaned off the top of the cart and reorganized my spices and herbs. I want to clean out the microwave. It's the change of seasons, and Fall cleaning is calling me.

    After I complete the kitchen, the living room will be next. Caleb will be supervised to clean up his disaster he created. I can't afford energetically to clean up after him. He is able-bodied, and I am not. 

    Once I have the living room cleaned up, I want to help Nana clean up her room. She bought some new furniture for her room, but we have not gotten together to put it to use yet. She is much like me in my work area. I have everything I need surrounding me closeby so I can reach it without having to ask Caleb for help for every little thing. It's a lot of clutter, but it helps me be more independent. 

    Caleb and I are washing laundry at a slow pace. I wish I could have another dryer fit in the laundry room. It takes so long for laundry to dry. I had Caleb try to to clean the dryer vent outside the house, but he said there is a screeen that he can't disconnect to put the dryer vent tool inside.

    I am 23 consecutive days into nutritional ketosis! I am only 7 days away from it being an entire month! My blood sugar is running above 200, so I had to add another medication to control my diabetes. I decided with Dr. Kent, pharm-D, to go with jardience. It should be here later today.

    Caleb was approved for P-EBT. I am waiting for the card to arrive so I can use it to buy groceries.

    Yesterday Caleb and I went to the pool together. I completed my whole appointment and was able to walk out of the pool without pain, without using kratom drink. I came home to drop Caleb off, and went out to Food Lion to buy groceries for dinner. I came home, and took a break, then began cooking chicken tacos for dinner. It was delicious! It's my new favorite meal!

    Today I have to go to Wilmington to see Dr. Oster, neurologist. I have to see him once a year face to face because he prescribes me medication. I want to ask him about "empty sella" as seen on my mRI of my brain. I want to ask him about new fibromyalgia medications for pain.

    I might try to meet someone who lives in Leland on my way back home. It depends on how long I take at the VA today. I met this guy on Facebook dating. I am not going alone. Caleb will be with me.

    Thank God it's Friday!

    I want to get this house cleaned up so I can relax. The work is never-ending. I don't have to make dinner tonight because I made enough for leftovers. 

    I was listening to a playlist made up of "purchased" tracks on iTunes when I was cleaning the other day. I heard some songs later that I haven't heard in what seems like forever. A few songs I sang to. At least one song, I wailed I was singing so loudly. It felt good to move that stagnant energy. I use to listen to music with everything I did. I don't anymore. I use to love to sing in the car. I don't sing in the car anymore. I miss my dad.

    I cried when I saw the 82nd Airborne chorus on "America's Got Talent." I just think that could have been me too had I made it to Airborne school. I see those soldiers and I think of my dad, my brother, and my half-brother, all of whom are Airborne. I miss being a soldier because I was always surrounded by other soldiers. I told Nana I might need to make a trip to Ft. Bragg soon just because I miss being surrounded by soldiers. Even though I was never stationed there when I served in the Army, Ft. Bragg will always be home. It's where I grew up.

     I've got to take as shower today. I can't take a shower everyday, like most people do because it wears me out. I feel so tired and can't get things done after I take a shower. I typically use tea tree oil body wipes to stay refreshed between showers. The tea tree oil wipes help me combat yeast infections on my sweaty areas. 

    I might wear a new dress today and might wear my new shoes too. We shall see. It's too early to tell.

    I'm trying to grow my hair out. It looks like it is growing, but it is growing so slowly. I want to have long hair.

    I keep breaking my nails. One broke off and took some skin away too, leaving a bloody mess. I don't wear my nails long because I like to feel the buttons as I type.

    Caleb's birthday is New Year's Eve. He will be 15 years old this year! He has grown so quickly. I feel like I can't keep up. A video came up in my memories on Facebook when he was about 5 years old. he was so little, and so cute. I miss those days.

    Believe it or not, I woke up to use the bathroom, but I felt so good that I wanted to stay awake. I wanted to take advantage of the quiet time uninterrupted. 

    I am trying to get Bella to let me cut her nails. I have to do a few toes at a time per day and give treats. She doesn't like having her nails trimmed. 

    I am worried about how I am going to be able to pay my bills. Everything is so expensive, and I haven't made any sales. I have not worked on my VA claim, but I talked to Nana about getting it filed yesterday. 

    We were denied regular foodstamps due to making too much money.

     I am still waiting for Arkansas to get my child support that is due to me.

    This weekend will give me a chance to clean up like I want. It's the only time I don't have to go any appointments. I am hoping to see the sun out today. I need to retrieve my light box for my Seasonal Affective Disorder. The change of seasons is already affecting me. I get really slow when the darkness prevails. I start getting depressed and sleeping more. 

    I am hoping that the worst of hurricane season is over already. Caleb wanted to go treat-or-treating but I can't manage the walk with him. I also can't afford the costume he wants.

    I am saying more prayers and affirmations daily than I have been. I had to use delta-8 vape to get to sleep last night. I couldn't relax because of my pains. 

    Looks like my Cortisol is out of range on the high end. I am waiting to be referred to the endocrinologist at the VA. I am not sure if they received my lab results yet. I need to check up on that.

    I have been taking each moment as it comes. I have been so stressed out about my bill situation and have nowhere to turn. I finally just gave up. Worrying is not helping me. It will be what it will be. If I can pay the bills, great. If I can't pay the bills, okay, I won't. What choice do I have?

    I was thinking that one day my blogs will be studied for their use in Autism studies and/or veteran studies. One day, my words will carry weight. I just have to keep on writing. 

    I am wondering what my blood glucose would be like if I stopped eating this keto bread in the morning. I only eat one slice before I take all my medications and supplements. I wonder if that is what is making my blood glucose high. 

    I am getting tired. It is now 0333. 

    I spent a little time on the CNN app last night to catch up in the news. I just read the headlines. I don't feel any better about our future as a country. I typically stay away from the news because only bad things are reported and it impacts me negatively.

    I am trying to wrap my classes in Vocal Resonance Method training so I can get my certification and begin teaching lessons. I still want to create videos for my app that I am creating. There is just so much to do, and I feel like so little time to get it done. When I work at my own pace, it is really slow. I can only do so much in a day or I will have a fibromyalgia flare-up.

    I still smell the chicken taco meat seasoning from last night. It smells good.

    I haven't unpacked my guitar yet. I still want to learn, but it has to take a back seat to the things I have to do around the house. I haven't been practicing my frame drum playing. I am supposed to put 15 minutes a week into it. I chose to do it on Sunday, but now I have Carla and Tyrone coming on Sunday mornings so I get tired.

    I wish I could just get all this housework done! Ugh! I can't move fast enough. Once I get it cleaned, another area has to be cleaned. It's frustrating as Hell!

    I feel like I could fall asleep now.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!