Thursday, September 21, 2023

Thursday, Almost Friday

     It is now 0726 and I have been awake for about an hour. This week has been interesting to say the least. Yesterday was Wednesday. I had my appointment in Wilmington with Wilmington Orthotics and Prosthetics about my diabetic shoes. I have been going to them for years. They are so friendly there, it's such a blessing. After that appointment, Caleb and I went to Harris Teeter on the way home. I bought some really good looking asparagus and green beans, along with some meats. I wanted to try the different fish they had available, so I bought a few to cook at home. It was exciting for me.

    I have been in nutritional ketosis for 15 days now! I finally made it to the point where this is a reality. I made chicken tacos a few nights ago that were delicious! I just had a chicken taco salad, no shells, but that meant I got the salad I was wanting! I baked the chicken breasts in the oven with alumnimum foil lined pan, and alumininum foil covering the pan. I just put the chicken taco seasoning in a 1 gallon ziploc bag and covered the whole chicken breast in seasoning. I added the chicken breast to the foil lined pan, and added about half a cup of water before covering the pan. I think I cooked it at maybe 375 degrees or 400 degrees. I don't remember. It was low to maintain the tenderness of the chicken breasts. Turned out delicious! 

    Nana and I talked about our diets, and that's what made me want to buy fish. I don't know anything about fish, but here we go! We are going to have fish for dinner once a week, for as long as I can manage it. I love the chicken so much, I want that once a week too. We can't forget my beloved hamburgers either! Planning helps me have foods I need in the house that I am allowed to eat. I am doing so good, that I don't want to mess it up. It took me all year long to get to this point. I have been struggling with my diet even though I was successful last year to the tune of losing 50lbs. The holidays came around and making healthy choices got harder and harder with all the tasty good foods foods around that are not on my diet. My dad passed away in December and that was like the end of me trying to "be good." 

    I have been struggling all year long. My emotional eating did not help me. My inability to cook for myself as I need to on this diet, did not help me either. I was exhausted from trying to manage how I was going to bury my dad. I didn't exactly have alot of support. I had to do a gofundme or whatever it is called just to raise money and I didn't even raise enough money for his casket! 

    Mathew did not help at all. Not financially , and not any other ways that would have been helpful. I was alone. Nana was distraught in her grief. I turned to a grief therapy group at the VA to help me get through things.

    I still miss my dad, but I know he wants better for me. I know he wants me to be healthy too. 

    Anyway, after Harris Teeter, we came home. I started cooking a Boston pork butt in the slow cooker for Caleb's dinner. I was planning on having the leftover chicken taco meat in a salad. I bought salmon steaks that had to be cooked right away (and were half-off) for Nana's dinner. 

    Caleb had his psychiatrist and therapy appointments in the afternoon. I was rushing to put the groceries away to go back out into the world. The office location changed since we last went to them. I had to figure out how to get there. Thank God for GPS! His appointments went well, and we will be getting help through them.

    Did I tell you about the whole conversation with NC TEACCH? Yeah well, here it goes. I finally got in contact with Bonnie Ravo. Apparently Caleb can't use their services directly, even though he is Autistic, and even though they specialize in Autism. Why not? Because Caleb has other things going on with his mental health that they are not qualified to handle directly. Sooo.... they have to work through his therapist by giving her information. I was not happy! We waited 15 months on a waiting list to be told that it was practically for nothing!

    So there is another service who doesn't care enough.

    We came home after those appointments, and I was exhausted. I went to rest until the pork butt was done. I then made the salmon steaks and some asparagus. Everybody got fed something they like! It wasn't as difficult as I thought it might be. Thank God for the slow cooker!

    So, yesterday and the day before I was being messaged by someone who claims to be named, "Bull Houston Herrison," but is "Houston harrison" on Facebook. We met through facebook dating. He claimed to be a Sgt Major in the Marines. I took everything with a grain of salt. I was curious and wanted to see where this would lead. He became demanding and controlling. I didn't like it. I witnessed my own gaslighting and manipulation by him. I called him out every single time too. He didn't like that at all. If you don't like being told the truth, don't bother talking to me. He was adamant about getting a photo of my debit card so he could "add me to his account." What kind of fool do you think I am?! I told him off, reported him, and blocked him. 

    I am trying to remember what else happened on Tuesday. I think I had to get up early to have the fasting labs. I successfully fasted and made it to my appointment early. It took just a few minutes and we were done! I was glad to come home and take my medications and supplements! I felt like it was just too much to deal with without them. 

    Tuesday afternoon Caleb had a dental appointment. We got bad news. He has 16 cavities since the last time he was seen! I can't get Caleb to make it a habit to brush his teeth. Personal hygiene is an issue all-around with him. I came home and cried because I felt responsible for his cavities, at least in part. I felt like such a failure as his mom. I am doing the best I can do everyday. It's more than one person can do, that's why I need a partner.

    While I was making dinner, Caleb and I had a loud discussion that made him cry. He said he felt like a failure too. It was heartbreaking. 

    Monday we did not have any appointments. Carla was supposed to come over for coffee in the morning, but she forgot she had an appointment, so we rescheduled for Sunday morning. She is going to go over all the resources she has used for her son who is in his early 20's and has Autism. She and her husband are so sweet! 

    No, but back to Bull Herrison. I felt like I was battling demons when I was going off with him. I won the battle, but the devil is always around. I'm alot stronger now than I use to be. I can be thankful for that. 

    Today is Thursday and I have a telehealth appointment this afternoon with my pharm-D, Dr. Kent. I already sent her my glucose numbers. She is going to have to put me on more medication because my glucose does not fall below 200 anymore. 

    I also have aquatic therapy today. I need to remember to take a kratom drink before I drive there. It really helped me last week. I was so happy! I could walk out of the pool with no pain. I could walk to to van with no pain. The fibromyalgia flare up was alot easier to deal with in the days after pool therpay last week. I just have to remember to bring some dry clothes to change into afterwards. It should be another good day.

    We are having leftovers for dinner, so no worries there. 

    I am just enjoying my hape' this morning with some diet moutain dew. I already started washing laundry. I'm just taking it slow today. Yesterday I was rushed to get places and get things done. I'm trying to not rush today. I just want to get laundry done, and be in peace. I might even take the time to do one of the angel meditations by Melanie Beckler. I love those. I have a few videos left from the Facilitator calls to record, and then I have to rush to get the Success Modules recorded before the 27th. One thing at a time, and deep breathing. 

    If it seems like I have not been reaching out as often, it's because I haven't. I have been overloaded with work to get done. I go to bed exhausted and in pain. 

    I recently went to the Autistic women's group and posted to connect with any other women with ASD who might be single moms with children with ASD. I got some replies! I was able to reply back to them yesterday. I was even given a link to a neurodivergent mothers group which I think would help me.

    It is now 0832. The sun is not showing. It is gray outside. 

    I have not woken Caleb up yet. I am enjoying my slow awakening in the quiet. He has so much energy. If I had his energy, there would be nothing I couldn't do! 

    Tomorrow there are no appointments. I will likely be working on cleaning the house for most of the day. Without someone else coming to clean, it's gotten out of hand. I can't manage it by myself. I've said it once, and I'll say it again, Caleb is like a hurricane in the house. Debris everywhere!

    I really need a rest day. We will see how I feel tomorrow. After all, I do have physical therapy today. I don't know if I will be in pain from that tomorrow. 

    I did not walk on my incline trainer this week. I don't remember why. I just didn't have it in me, I guess. It's alot harder on me than it sounds. I am only walking a mile at 2mph, 0 incline. I have to work back up to it. 

    I never unpacked my brand new acoustic guitar.

    I got denied for foodstamps.

    I haven't worked on my VA claim.

    It has been on my mind to sell my dad's car. We did go out and buy some transmission fluid for it though. 

    I'm just each moment as it comes. I'm trying to stay calm and relaxed. It's hurricane season. I don't know whatever happened to Hurricane Lee. I lost track of it. 

    I have another appointment with Larisa Gosla next week. I want to be sure I get all the videos recorded before then. I don't have alot of time to myself where I am not doing work. I need to schedule some practice time on the frame drum, and doing vocal lessons. 

    I haven't felt well enough to make video content for business facebook page.

    There is just so much to do all the time! It's overwhelming!

    One day I will be noticed just for making it through single parenthood of a disabled child as a disabled veteran. 

    I still miss my dad. I think I will miss him for the rest of my life. 

    I think I'm ready to take my medications and supplements now. Then relax and get Caleb up to start getting things done around here. 

    I struggle so much with him. I ask him to empty the trunk of the Mazda and he does the bare minimum, and leaves stuff behind. I don't know what to do to make this change. I'm going to have to check his work frequently and give consequences. 

    Sounds like the washer is draining. It should be done soon.

    I better get going.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

    

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