Spring Break 2024

    Spring break started for us on Thursday afternoon when I picked Caleb up early from school because he wasn't feeling well. Friday, yesterday, was Good Friday. We slept in a little bit and took the day easy. I was able to slow down and just be. I did manage to go to Food Lion and buy some vegetables after asking Nana for grocery money. While I was there I ran into 2 veterans with veteran hats on. The first man was wearing an Air Force hat. I told him "Thank you for your service" as I walked by him crossing paths at the corner of an aisle. The second man was behind me in the checkout line and was wearing an 82nd Airborne hat. We had a longer conversation as Caleb and I had already put all the groceries on the conveyor belt. I had a good time listening to him. It made me smile to say "Airborne!" and hear him respond "All the way!"

    I had a hard time getting started doing the things I needed to do. I couldn't get into "go mode." Finally I decided to take a half of a delta-8/delta-9/THC-P gummy to help me. I had already used hape' during the day. It was a beautiful and sunny day outside. It would have been a good day for Caleb to take care of the yard had the batteries for the lawnmower been charged. I did finally get the dishwasher loaded and other dishes hand washed before I started making a simple meal of noodles, mushrooms, and Ragu sauce. I have more dishes to wash today though. 

    Today is Saturday and I woke up around 0430. It is now 0541. I have taken my morning meds and supplements. I have used hape' and taken a full gummy. I plan to work all day today. I have to get my living room squared away. It looks like a natural disaster struck the living room floor! I get overwhelmed by looking at it and trying to prepare myself for the work it's going to require to get it straightened up. 

    I got my renewed fitbit in the mail yesterday. I am wearing it now. I might need to use the new band I bought with it. This old one isn't as tight as I need it to be to take my heart rate etc. 

    I watched some of Thursday's video of the Pope with Nana yesterday. He used the word "compuncture" and I swear I have heard this sermon before. It did not strike me as new and never seen. I was feeling like everything is going as it should, like a homey feeling. I am not Catholic. Nana is. I consider myself a spiritual person. When the new Pope was being chosen, I prayed for the current Pope to be chosen to lead the world of the Catholic church. 

    I have studied a few world religions in school and in my personal life. I was an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church back in the early 2000's. I just never kept up with my registration or classes. I went into the Army after getting ordained. 

      I am a mixture of things I have studied. I pass as non-demoninational Christian with practices in Witchcraft, Yoga, Reiki, Sound medicine, Plant medicine, Light medicine, and Quantum Physics. I have more classes to complete that I have already purchased, but lack the time and energy to complete. I am interested in Remote Viewing, wakening the third eye, and psychic abilities. I focus on healing myself first and trying to help as many people as I can along the way. That's why I learned Reiki first and foremost. To heal myself. To give myself a better life by finding a away to remove my physical pain which is likely brought on by my traumatic past. I use Reiki every night to settle down and fall asleep. It can be hard to fall asleep when I feel so much physical pain. Bella also use to be part of helping me relax enough to fall asleep, but she sleeps with Nana most nights now. She use to let me pet her forever until I fell asleep and she would cuddle with me. 

    So, today Caleb and I are going to be cleaning and cooking. I have to start making the pasta salad that I want so badly. I was trying to remember the last time I made this pasta salad and I think it was for church. It's really good. Nana use to make it for us sometimes when Mathew and I were growing up. I might go ahead and make the pork butt in the slow cooker. It's going to be hard working with Caleb. He can get angry quickly, start arguments, and just create more problems because he doesn't want to work. It's bad enough I have to work so hard to get started, but then when I do, there's a problem Caleb caused. 

    Deep breath in. Let it out.

    I've got to get working on the laundry room too. Lots of dirty laundry piled up back there. 

    Today is Saturday. I feel better. The gummy kicked in. 

    

Too early

     It is now 0154 and I have been awake for about 20 minutes. It is so early and I am still tired, but can't sleep. I am too hot and can't rest, even with the portable air conditioner running. I am so thirsty too. I need to rest, but can't. 

    Yesterday I managed to sleep until 0530. That is when my alarm goes off to wake Caleb up for school. Caleb slept in until almost time to go to the bus stop. I got up ok and prepared my morning medications and supplements. I have been trying those 2 new keto supplements for the past 2 or 3 days now. I have not been checking my glucose and ketones though. Wednesday I made corned beef brisket with cabbage, baby carrots, and 2 types of baby potatoes. It turned out good! I'm not supposed to eat carrots or potatoes on the keto diet, so I didn't even bother to check my numbers. 

    Yesterday I moved slowly. I went to Walmart to do some grocery shopping and that took the life out of me. I left with a full cart. I always go through self-checkout. Because I was alone, I had to empty the cart by myself. I had to unload the trunk by myself when I got home too. I had some Swiss cheese for lunch and went to rest. I rested for several hours, and woke up still tired. 

    I was supposed to work on clearing a path to the front door by cleaning the living room, but I did not have the energy and I had a fibromyalgia flare up causing me whole body pain. Lakita came over to check on our progress. She saw that progress was made, so I was happy about that. We did some paperwork and that was the end of that meeting. We had leftovers for dinner so I  have to cook. 

    I went to bed early and needed to cool off. 

    I have a lot of cleaning I need to do. I need to get the laundry going. I need to catch up on washing the pots and pans. I need to pet vac the hallway and Caleb's room, then steam clean the carpets. I need to pick up all the things from the living room floor so I can pet vac the floor. Then I need to reorganize how I want things situated so we can store all our drinks inside instead of in the trunk. 

    I don't know how much I will be able to do today. I hope to be able to get the laundry started and start on Caleb's room. 

    I need to be able to rest too. I have to cook dinner tonight. I forgot about that. I need to go to Food Lion and buy the vegetables I need to make my keto chili again. 

    I was able to restock my kratomade! I got the shipment in the mail yesterday. Kratomade is a drink I use to control my chronic pain. It's main ingredient is kratom. It helps me on days I remember to take it, when I know I am going to be doing physical labor. It prevents me from having back pain while it works. I take it around 0700 or so and it lasts until around lunchtime. I can only take half a packet per day. I cannot sleep when it is working on me. My body can relax, but my mind doesn't stop chatting.

    I am waiting on my hape' shipment. It is supposed to arrive on Monday. I am almost out of my favorite type of hape', but I have a sampler pack I bought a long time ago that I am giving a try. 

    I bought myself dried apricots for the first time in a very long time yesterday. I ate the whole bag! And that's why I can't buy them. Same goes for the variety dried fruit bag that had cranberries, cherries, and golden raisins. I ate that whole body too! Just too good and I couldn't stop eating them. Well, it will be a very long time before I buy either of them again. 

    I am wondering if I should make the keto chili tonight or the whole chicken I bought. I am going to cook the whole chicken in the slow cooker with some cream of chicken soup. I want to eat it with rice and black beans. Sounds good. Maybe I will do that today so I can be more productive. 

    I paid for the AAA membership renewal. I am still waiting to hear from the VA community care office about my MRI for my back and the appointment for the pain clinic. I am still praying to find Caleb's biological father so he can pay the child support he owes us. I am still praying that VA approves my disability compensation claims, pension, and aid & attendance. I still have to figure out how I am going to be able to file taxes this year. I don't want to pay TurboTax but that is the only way I know how to file my taxes online.

    It is now 0244. I have had to give all the political emails a break. They are flooding my inbox and it's just too much to deal with. 

    Bella is asleep on her bed under the table. She has my heart. I love her so much. 

    I need to catch up on all the cleaning I have to do because I need to get Nana's room fixed up for her. It has been put off because I can never catch up! 

    I was relieved that I did not have to argue with Lakits when she came over. I felt like she was putting so much pressure on me without any realization of how disabled I truly am. 

    Ugh! Well I crashed in bed after using the bathroom. I was able to fall asleep for a couple of hours before the alarm went off for me to wake Caleb. He is on the bus now. It is 0658. I did not see the colors in the sky that occur when the sun is rising. I wonder if it is supposed to be raining today. The birds are out chirping to each other. 

    I'm tired. I almost didn't make it to the bathroom in time walking from the bus stop. Whew! What a relief! I want to go back to bed now. I'm still tired and sleepy. I took my morning meds and supplements already.

    I guess I should get some rest before I start my busy day.

    Thank you for reading. Have a blessed day! Keep us in your prayers!

It's been tough

     It is now 0248 on Wednesday. I couldn't sleep. It's just not cold enough in my room. Yesterday was a tough day. Caleb and I started the morning a little later than usual because he was not going to ride the bus to school. He had his psychiatrist appointment to go to. We made it there on time and had no issues. We are still in the ADHD medication catastrophe where none of the ADHD medication is available at the pharmacy due to manufacturing issues. We scheduled the next appointment with his psychiatrist for 2 months out. I took Caleb to school and went on my way. I decided to stop at Taco Bell because I was starving and needed food before going to Walmart and buying groceries. I drove to Walmart after I had lunch. On the way to Walmart, I almost got into a 3 car accident! Traffic was backed up and we were driving slowly so I did not leave a lot of space between my vehicle and the vehicle in front of me. The vehicle in front of me slammed on the brakes all of a sudden, and forced me to do the same thing! The person behind me swerved and slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting me. Ugh! I couldn't wait to get out of traffic. I picked up sandwich-making supplies at Walmart and then went to put gas in the car. One entrance to the gas station was blocked by road construction, and everyone had to use the other entrance. It was backed up. I'm lucky I got in and out without an accident there too! After all of that, I drove home because I was supposed to meet Lakita at 1400 at my house. I wanted to get home in time to start making a corned beef brisket too, but I didn't get home early enough. When I got home, I was exhausted. I went and checked the mail, then brought the groceries in. I needed to rest. My body was hurting and I was sooo tired. I went to lie down for about 20 minutes. Lakita arrived and we talked about the progress Caleb and I made over the weekend. 

    Caleb put together the 9-cube organizer that Lakita bought us on Friday when we met at Walmart to spend the funds allotted to our family. She also bought us 2 new tires and ingredients to complete the keto chili recipe I wanted to make for dinner but had no grocery money to buy. I was beyond grateful. 

    I took apart the old 9-cube organizer that was not holding together well. I began removing the recycling and trash from the living room and my workspace. I began moving bags of groceries to the pantry area and even began putting some groceries away. I was able to unload the reusable grocery bags and fill a bag with the others folded in it. I picked up most of the unused dog pickup bags that were all unraveled on the floor. I brought the dirty dishes to the sink to be washed. I did a lot, but it doesn't look like I did anything. 

    That was on Monday that Caleb put the organizer together and I did that work. Monday was a teacher workday so Caleb did not have school. Sunday I think it was when I was able to clean up the kitchen and have a Greek night. Sunday was St. Patrick's Day, and my mom's birthday, but I had to cook the carne picada first before the corned beef brisket. 

    I wanted to be able to clean some laundry, but the laundry room is a disaster and I cannot make my way to the washer and dryer safely. 

    I took a shower on Sunday too. I was way overdue. It is hard for me to take showers as often as I want because I don't have a lot of energy most days, and taking a shower is a tough job for me. 

    Carla came over to visit on Sunday too. I was happy to see her and her family. She was sick the week before and we had to cancel our meetup. 

    Yesterday Lakita put a lot of pressure on me and I didn't feel like these social workers don't understand what it means to be me, and just like to bully me into doing what they say to do when they say to do it. I'm like " I can't , I'm disabled for Christ sake! Get it through your head!" It's so frustrating. 

    I do the best I can every day. I can only do so much on the house because I have so many doctor's appointments I have to go to during the week. Plus, Caleb goes to public school now and is not home Monday-Friday. I have trouble bending over to pick things up. If I didn't, we wouldn't be in this mess! I need help. Carla helped me clean Caleb's room. I could not have done it by myself. 

    I got my Celebrex in the mail the other day, which makes a big difference. I have also been using my kratom on days that I know I am going to do physical labor, and that helps a lot too. I have had to use delta-8 at night a few times recently because my pain is too much to sleep. My psychiatrist hates that I use delta-8 and kratom, but no doctor is offering me something else that will work for my pain to be non-existent! If you are looking for brands I trust, go to the affiliates page on my website, www.healinergy.com . 

    Caleb has a regular school day today, so wakeup is at 0530. It is now 0340. I did some hape'. It makes me soo thirsty! 

    I bought some new keto supplements I am going to try today. I've got to do better about my food choices. I have been working to be on keto for so long though, that I want all the food in sight! The struggle is real. 

    Today I am going to work on the living room and maybe get the hallway carpet cleaned. I would like to have the laundry going in the background. I am going to have the corned beef brisket cooking in the slow cooker all day. I really just want to take things slowly and take breaks as needed so I don't hurt myself. 

    I still have filing my taxes on my mind. Renewing my AAA membership too. I got paid on Monday, thank God! I went and paid the water bill. Trying to figure out how to make the most of my paycheck. I have to save a lot to cover the expenses at the beginning of the month, so I don't want to spend it now. After I pay the beginning of the month bills, I only have $24 left to my name until the 3rd Wednesday of the month. That's all I have for groceries, gas, and emergency expenses! It's stressful!

    I got approved for the Humana USAA health insurance through Medicare. That will take effect April 1, 2024. Hopefully that means in April I will get the $150 back on my Social Security Dh

    They are talking about the end of the school year coming up. Caleb's school has an 8 grade formal coming up, and an 8th grade promotion ceremony. I don't know if I will be able to buy him clothes to wear to the formal, but I know I will be at the promotion ceremony!

    My 41st birthday is coming up in April. I don't know what I want to do to celebrate yet. 

    I have been signing a lot of petitions lately. I feel like things can't wait for voting day. My voice needs to be heard NOW. 

    I have been so busy that I have already fallen behind on my Yoga 4 Trauma class. Last week was week 1. I have not done the work yet. I need to get on it. 

    Caleb ran into Michael at the Veterans' Park yesterday and I asked him if he could give me an estimate on getting work done on my bathroom to make it handicap accessible with a walk-in tub big enough for me to sit in. I was approved for the HISA grant which will pay up to $6,000 for work to be done to the house to improve living conditions based on my health conditions. 

    Well, I guess I'm going to start my day. It's now 0401. It takes awhile to get all my morning medications and supplements out. I wonder if these new keto supplements are going to make a difference. I hope they do. I need energy. 

    Thank you for reading. Have a blessed day! Keep us in your prayers!

TGIF

     Oh man! What a busy week! I am so glad today is Friday and I can sleep in tomorrow. Yesterday we had Caleb's IEP meeting at 0800 at his school. It went well. Caleb received a lot of praise from his teachers. He unfortunately threw up before we went to the meeting. Apparently, he ate 15 popsicles the night before because he was hot. Sooo... I took him home after the meeting. I was in a lot of pain yesterday and exhausted to the core. I spent most of the day in bed after the meeting. I was having a fibromyalgia flare up which hurts my entire body. Yesterday afternoon I had a call with Dr. Kent, pharm-D at the VA clinic in Wilmington. I admitted to binging on doughnuts and not taking my glucose readings for some of the time. I told her that I am back on track now though. I am no longer stressing about being in ketosis, although I am trying to live a low-carb lifestyle in order to stay on track with my blood glucose levels so that I can reduce my diabetes medications long-term. 

    Wednesday I had my dental appointment in Wilmington. I was moving slower than normal that morning. I was supposed to be able to take a shower, but I didn't. I refreshed myself before I left for Wilmington. Caleb was worried that I was going alone. It was just a dental cleaning appointment. I told the dental hygienist that the cleaning was painful, so she used numbing cream. I let the staff there know that it is painful to eat my Raisin Bran crunch on the left lower side where I had my root canal. They took an x-ray, and the dentist made a referral to see an endodontist. The idea I got it that I might need to have the root canal crown drilled into and filled. I messaged Caleb when I made it back home safely. I had a meeting with Lakita from another program that should be able to help us. We were referred by Mallory, our social worker. The meeting was an intake meeting and it went well. 

    I could not cook or clean either day. I was exhausted both days. I had my leftover ham n greens with rice n black beans. I am hopeful that I might be able to cook keto chili tonight. I have most of the ingredients already. I need a few more cans of fire roasted tomatoes though. 

    I have spent most this morning in bed already. I am not hurting anymore, but I am very tired. Caleb went back to school on the bus this morning. He was feeling ok. I forgot to write him a note for his absence. 

    I am going to meet with Lakita at Walmart to try to see if we can find a 9-cube organizer for the living room. I asked if I could use the money available to replace my rear 2 tires that have slow leaks, and she said yes. So far, looking good. What a relief! I have only $2 in my checking account today. An automatic payment for my life insurance came out, and that's all that's left. I have $20 cash in my wallet. Nigel was able to Western union me $40 so I could put gas in the Mazda to make it to Caleb's appointment on Thursday morning. I had used most of my gas driving to Wilmington , and did not have enough money to add more gas in to make to Caleb's school and back home. Thank God for Nigel's help! I never would have made it there and back without him. I was able to put $20 gas in the Mazda, and kept the other $20 just in case I needed it. 

    It is now 1112. I need to start getting ready to go. It has been sunny the past few days and I am so grateful for the return of Spring. I generally feel better when the sun is out versus when it is not due to my Seasonal Affective Disorder. 

    I drank quite a few Diet Mountain Dews this morning just trying to wake up fully and not feel so tired. I did a little bit of hape' too. 

    This weekend Caleb and I are going to get his house in order. The challenge will be for Caleb to keep it in order once we achieve the progress we need to achieve. It will be a lot easier once we have the 9-cube organizer here and put together. The one I bought from Amazon is not staying together. 

    It seems about time to let the dogs out too. I still have to do my personal care routine that I normally do once I come back from the bus stop. We took Bubba to the bus stop this morning and Bella wanted to go too. He was watching the traffic go by at the road and sniffing everything in sight. 

    It has been such a jam-packed week. I just want to sleep for a few days, but I can't. I have to maximize the time I have with Caleb home over the weekend. I don't have as many appointments next week yet. I'm sure Lakita will be scheduling some with me today when we meet though. I have to see her at least 3 times a week. 

    I'm trying to maximize what I buy at Walmart today but stay within the $300 budget for the day. I need the tires replaced badly. I need the 9-cube organizer, but I can't cook the chili without having more fire-roasted tomatoes and maybe some sweet onions too. I know I need almond milk and cereal to make it through the weekend. I don't get paid until either Monday or Tuesday. I'm just trying to stretch the resources that I currently have available. 

    I have to come up with almost $200 to pay TurboTax to be able to file my federal and state taxes this year. I have to renew my AAA membership before the end of the month. I need the tires purchased and installed. 

    I made calls yesterday about a program called " Healthy Opportunities Pilots" that is awarded through calling Medicaid. It is supposed to be available to Medicaid recipients. I called Trillium, Caleb's Medicaid insurance company and I should be getting a call from a private number that will be the representative who knows more about the resources available. I called Medicaid directly and they told me that neither Caleb nor I was eligible due to the type of Medicaid we had. What kind of bullshit is that?!? 

    I emailed Volunteers of America to ask how I go about applying for help with them. I have not heard anything from them. I called and left a voicemail some weeks ago already. I do not know if they ever called me back because their number is not the same as the one I called, or they never called me back. I hope they get my email and respond soon. 

    I am still praying that I get a hold of Jamie McCurry and require him by law to submit a DNA test to child support enforcement of Arkansas. I need child support badly and he refuses to take a test voluntarily to prove or disprove he is Caleb's father.

    I called the VA about my compensation claim. It is still in the review phase. I am waiting on a decision letter to be created and mailed to me or an update to be made online at VA.gov. I am praying they decide in my favor for the compensation claims, the  pension, and aid & attendance. I am praying hard too! 

    I am struggling here trying to live off the disability payments I make, and trying to feed and house a family on just that. It's not enough! 

    I am praying that my business takes off and people become more interested in the healing I can offer them with Reiki. I am currently in the Yoga 4 Trauma program. I need to catch up on the training videos and reading that I missed out on this week with all the running around I did. I need to wake up more fully first before I even try.

    I want to put together a book. I need time to sit and take notes and figure it out. 

    I'm running out of time and need to prepare to meet Lakita at Walmart in Southport.

    Thank you for reading. Have a blessed day! Keep us in your prayers!

Monday was busy

     Normally Monday is the hardest day of the week because we have to get up at 0530 for Caleb to catch the bus after a weekend of getting up at 0700. It is already hard on us , but this Sunday we turned the clocks forward an hour. That made it even harder. 

    Caleb had an appointment with his therapist Monday morning though, so he didn't have to catch the bus. We got up around 0700 and started our day. Sunday was hard adjusting to the new time. I lost an hour so I lost time in the day to get things done that I needed to get done. Ugh!

    Caleb's therapy appointment went well, and I remembered to tell Ms. Carol that we wanted to be referred to Youth Villages intensive in-home program. I also remembered to tell the front desk that on Feb 21st, when we arrived for an appointment and were told we didn't have an appointment in the system, we actually did have an appointment scheduled as proved by the hand-written appointment card made by the front desk lady that I showed her. I wasn't a bitch about it because the anger had subsisded. Ijust informed her that it happened. 

    Caleb is clear to have Youth Villages intensive in-home care. Finally! We are going to get the help we need. I brought Caleb to school after his appointment and then headed to Food Lion. I needed to buy some Fix-a-flat for my tires, and some groceries to cook our healthy meals. I messaged my mom to ask her for some grocery money because I was short on cash. She did not respond, but I think maybe she does not have wifi where she is. I'm pretty sure she is on a cruise doing something special with her husband for her birthday. I hope she takes photos. Anyway, I asked Nigel to help too. He couldn't send money the only way I can receive it instantly, by facebook messenger pay. All my other accounts are in the negative due to a scam I fell to. He was going to Western Union some money for groceries, but I told him don't worry about it. I told him I would beg Nana, and I asked Nana. I hate asking Nana for money. I feel so badly that I have to ask anybody for money. It is what it is I guess. Our budget changed when the mortgage rose $322/month this month. I now only have $24 from the first of the month until the 3rd Wednesday of the month. It's not an easy situation to be in. I am trying my best to save money when I have it to cover when I don't have much. I am still praying for child support to come my way, along with VA Aid & Attendance. I am waiting for the VA to make a decision on my disability compensation claims first, then they will determine if I am eligible for the VA pension and Aid &Attendance. It's a long process. I pray that all my concerns will be approved. 

    Nana was able to give me money to buy the food I wanted to buy. I was dying for almond milk. I have gotten in the habit of having raisin bran crunch in the early mornings with almond milk. I ran out of almond milk and could no longer have my cereal. I get so hungry and thirsty in the middle of the night. I think maybe my sugar drops. I need to start checking my sugar before I have my cereal to confirm or deny that thought. I need to know what is going on. It just recently started. I use to be able to sleep through the night, or at least stay in bed. Now, I am getting up to use the bathroom around midnight, and eating cereal afterwards.

    I am so grateful to have food in the house. Especially when I couldn't afford it on my own.

    I came home after Food Lion. Oh! I was given a present by Donna, a Food Lion worker. She gave me a special bracelet that is made by veterans for veterans and the profits from the company go to provide veterans with PTSD service dogs. It is so awesome! I might need one of those service dogs after my dogs pass away. I even got a hug from her! I felt so loved.

    I brought the groceries in and I think I might have washed some dishes. I was trying to clean up as much as possible, but didn't get very far. 

    I don't remember when I made dinner. It might have been Sunday night. I made ham and greens with rice and black beans. It turned out good too. I made enough to make sure we would have food to eat for days. 

    After I ate dinner, I had a video call with Nigel, my ex-husband. It was a good time. he met Caleb for the first time. I was tired at the end of the day.

    I am using a new audio track called "Wealth Signal." It is audio that brings the brain to an alpha wave. I felt the difference in my brain right away. I used before bed, and it changed the way I sleep. My body was resting, but my brain was totally on. Sooo.... I have to use it in the mornng to wake up and start my day. I also wanted Nana to try it, so I gave her access. 

    Monday I also began the course called "Yoga For Trauma." It is an 8-week course that I believe will help me heal my own trauma, and find better ways to help others with their truamas. I was given a full scholarship because I have my own business and want to help other veterans. I met some awesome women in this cohort. I still haven't started the material yet, but I made it to the intro class.

    Tuesday was a big difference from Monday. Caleb rode the school bus in the morning so we had to wake up at 0530. Man was I tired! After getting Caleb on the bus, I went to lie down for a nap. I planned to take a shower yesterday, but I never made it out of bed. I went to take a nap, and only got up for lunch, and to take the dogs outside. I didn't get good sleep. My body rested, but my mind did not. Thank God for leftovers!

    So, yeah, I got nothing done yesterday. Today I have an appointment in Wilmington to go the dentist again. This time it is just for a cleaning. I woke up around 0230 and have been awake all this time. It is now 0444. I went ahead and took my morning medications and supplements. I have done some hape'. I am feeling better this morning than I have been feeling. I had a big bowl of cereal after using the bathroom when I got up. I drank all the almond milk I wanted too. I feel good for once. 

    I am going to take a shower and put on some pretty clothes today. I want to wear a dress again. I have many that are just waiting for me to wear them. 

    Also on Monday, I got an email from Vet Tix about the Cirque de Soleil coming to Greensboro, NC. That is where Nigel lives. I thought it would be a good opportunity to go see him and take our kids out together. I went ahead and requested tickets out of excitement, only to realize later that we can't go. Yeah it's too far to try drive on the weekday, and I can't drive at night. I don't have anyone to watch Nana and the dogs while we are gone. Caleb needs to be in school Friday. Nelani, Nigel's daughter, is in a play that night too. Well, I tried.

    We are still working on trying to get the house cleaned up. I am struggling with my Seasonal Affective Disorder and Major Depression. I am fighting fatigue and chronic pain. Life is hard on me. 

    Thursday Caleb has his IEP meeting in the morning. Later that day, I have my appointment with Dr. Kent, pharm-D. I don't think I have anything going on Friday. I need to rest when I can. I need to remember that I have Autism and am an empath and become tired easily due to overstimulation. I need to have compassion for myself and allow myself to rest as needed. 

    I want to start walking on the incline trainer again. I need Caleb to clear it off again so I canuse it when I feel like the time is right. 

    Christinia wants photos of Caleb, Nana, and me together. I need to find a good way to get that done.

    Taxes are due soon. I have to file my taxes when I get paid. I am trying to find a way to pay for a set of new tires for the Mazda. I need help. I just don't make enough money to be able to afford everything I need to pay for.

    I am praying I will get customers soon. I don't know why I haven't had any. It's a mystery to me. 

    I want to put together a book. I don't know how to get started. I haven't figured out what I want the book to be about yet. Likely a book about having Autism and parenting a child with Autism. 

    I have a long list of things to do. I got organized on either Sunday or Monday and made a new list of things I need to pay attention to. 

    It's almost time for Caleb to wake up. I wonder if I could take a shower really quick before the alarm goes off. No, I'll wait so I can take my time. 

    I forgot that Tuesday was Caleb's picture day at school. I hope he took good pictures. And I also forgot that this afternoon after Caleb comes home, Lakita is coming by. She is a new social worker with a family help organization that we were referred to. She is coming to do the intake appointment.

    I will not have to cook today because I still have ham and greens and rice and beans to eat for dinner. Caleb and Nana might choose to eat something different. That's ok because they have pnatry food that needs to get eaten. 

    I got so happy to go grocery shopping on Monday. I bought stuff to have a Greek night again. I loved it last time. Was yummy to my tummy! We are also going to have a pizza night and a pasta night coming up. I bought the corned beef brisket on sale, and I will cook that in the crockpot one day too. I was just so happy to be able to buy fresh vegetables and fruits on sale, and prepare us for the week with meals to eat. I grew up with lack. I grew up in a single parent home with my younger brother. Times were hard as my dad tried to provide everything with little help from my mom. I just have issues with lack. I fear lack of food in my house all the time. It's such a huge issue to me. I've got to plan better. 

    I only have a few minutes before I have to wake up Caleb. I pray for a good day for all of us. 

    If you or anyone you know is interested in energy healing, let me know! I am looking for clients who are willing and able to make appointments at https://heal.me/healinergy . 

    I'm going to get going. 

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day! Keep us in your prayers!

Wow

     It's been a long week. I don't even remember more than half of it. Did I write after Caleb had an outburst? Well, Caleb was arguing about not being able to do something I was asking him to do and it led to me ending up calling the social worker for help. Thank God for Mallory. She helped me deal with Caleb when I had no resources within myself to know what to do. Caleb said he didn't want to live with us. I told him that no matter where he goes, there will be chores. He didn't seem to agree. There was yelling and arguing. All I wanted was to have him help me get something done. It escalated and I had to call for help. Caleb came around after calming down and crying and apologized. He wanted a hug but I didn't want to be touched. That was last week around Thursday or so. Friday a social worker came by for Mallory who was home sick. She was sweet and her name was Dannah. She provided me with a list of resources and some homework to do. 

    The weekend came and went and practically no cleaning was accomplished. Caleb and I were both feeling sick. I had taken him to his doctor to be tested and he tested negative for flu, strep throat, and covid. 

    I had a mammogram on Wednesday morning. It hurt, but the tech was sweet. I needed 2 ultrasounds done too. I was just glad to be done with it. I am going to need mammograms every 6 months for the rest of my life due to having 3 cysts in my left breast. I got the ok from the doctor this time though and am expecting a report in the mail. I was exhausted after that, but I went to Walmart to buy Nana's drinks afterward. I came home and practically crashed in bed for the rest of the day.

    Thank God for leftovers! They kept us fed all week on keto chili. I was finally able to cook a different meal last night. I made a huge Greek salad with stir fry steak strips to eat on pitas.

    I struggled all week. The weather was gloomy and dark. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and the weather plays a big part in how I feel during the day. With rain comes higher levels of pain tooo. Thanks Fibromyalgia. I wanted to get the living room squared away while Caleb was at school, but I never got it done. I could not get started for the life of me. I went to bed guilty every night. 

    I am hoping to work with Claeb on cleaning the house today. It was sunny yesterday but doesn't look sunny today. I had a good day yesterday. I went to Food Lion and bought some groceries. While I was checking out, Caleb called me from school to ask to be picked up because he was hit in the stomach by a soccer ball. I picked him up after telling him he would still have to work if he came home, and there was nothing I could do for him. He just needed to chill out in class and take it easy. I picked him up and we came home with the groceries. I was able to wash dishes, load the dishwasher, and get it running. It doesn't sound like a hard task, but my back hurts alot of times and my feet hurt when standing for too long. It was a good day. I did not have back pain that was keeping me from getting my chores done. I made dinner. Another task that doesn't sound like a big deal to people without disabilities. It's a big deal to me. I have to have the energy to make things happen. If my health is not good enough, I can't get things done.

    I talked to someone from Humana USAA health insurance and got a good deal based on my veteran status and required Medicare payments. I will now be getting about $150/month more than I am currently getting in my Social Security check because of the changes I agreed to. I don't use Medicare at all ever, but I have am required to pay the monthly charge for the coverage because I receive Social Security Disability payments and if I opted out in the beginning, I would have to pay a 10%-20% fee for every year I did not pay when I did choose to use Medicare later! Sooo.... I'm finally getting my money back when these changes take place because I use the VA health system for all of my health needs including my prescriptions. If you are a veteran, and think this might be helpful for you too, please reach out. I have a number for you to call.

    I applied for the VA pension the other day. I think it is required that I am paid the pension in order to get VA Aid & Attendance. Hopefully my claims will be approved sooner than later and I can get some financial relief from the way things currently are. We are struggling to buy groceries. I need to shop around and see if I can get a better homeowner's insurance. My escrow is what is making things harder than they have to be. My total mortgage payment went up $322/month this month due to increases in homeowner's insurance and property taxes. I am still trying to get people interested in my Reiki service so I can pay my bills. I am so far behind on my credit card payments that my credit score is now in the 400's. It's crazy. If I could get a few people to try my service and write reviews, it would really help me out. 

    Thank God for real people around here. They keep me going. The people who work at Walmart, Food Lion, Lowe's Foods, and Amsterdam Life help me just by being themselves. I have no social life. I am too busy during the day when other people are working, haven't partied since my 20's, and when people are not working, I am still working. Plus I'm broke so I can't meet for lunch or anything like that. 

    I went through another doughnut binge recently. I'm over it again. I don't know what it is about those doughnuts. I'm back in ketosis as of yesterday. I had the best kimchi I've ever eaten from the grocery store yesterday. I found it in the produce section. Normally I buy a gallon size of kimchi from the Asian Life Market in Wilmington. I love cabbage. I love kimchi. Blueberries and strawberries are on sale so I got a couple of each. I love blueberries! I am allowed to have berries on the keto diet. I really want to lose weight. I am getting ready to start walking on my incline trainer again. With Spring coming and longer days with more hours of sunlight, I think I can do it just right. I am trying to reverse my diabetes on keto and get to the point where I don't want stuff that is bad for me, and am able to completely get off diabetic medication. It can happen. It just takes time and continuous effort. It's alot of home cooking with fresh foods. It's exhausting but it's healthy the way I do it. 

    I think I found my diet hack. I wake up at midnight every night these last few nights and hungry. I have been eating Raisin Bran crunch with good results! I think I will continue. I woke last night to use the bathroom around midnight. I have 2 bowls of Raisin Bran Crunch and I can sleep for the rest of the morning in peace. It's awesome to be able to sleep again. I have such a hard time getting enough quality sleep. It's just so important to figure out what works for me. I realize I am sooo different from the average woman my age, and that's ok with me. The key is figuring out what works for me. I think this could be my key to getting healthier sweet tasting food without going out of ketosis. It won't work for everyone. I didn't think I could stay in ketosis and have cereal, but I did!

    I found this supplement that I really want to try called Pineal XT. I don't have the money available yet, but I am praying that we find Caleb's father in order to be able to bring him to justice for what he did to me and enforce child support. I am praying I get rated for ALL of my service-connected disabilities so that my overall rating is finally 100%. It makes a difference. Currently I am only rated 80%, but am paid at the 100% rate because I am "unemployable due to service-connected disabilities." What happens when I turn 65? Well, my pay rate goes down to the 80% rate all of a sudden because I am no longer expected to work. What does that mean? It means I can't pay my bills anymore because the 80% rate is much lower than the 100% rate payment. So, I am busting my ass trying to rectify this future occurrence that is inevitable if I don't work on it now. I need to be rated 100% permanent and total right out to be paid 100% for the rest of my life. I am very disabled and I should be rated 100%. I pray for my claim approval. I pray for my pension approval and my aid & attendance approval. I earned the help, I deserve the help, and I need the help. 

    I was able to buy a ham with bone in to make some collard greens, kale and spinach like I like to do. I got us a corned beef brisket to have in a few days with potatoes, but I need carrots and cabbage too. I'm excited because both meals will have leftovers and both meals I cook in the crockpot. The corned beef brisket was on sale too. You know how I love a good food sale! I love to shop for food. It's one life's little pleasures. Unfortunately, I might have to start going to food banks because I can't keep money in my account to cover all the expenses we have. I even tried to get an expired bone-in picnic pork butt roast for free from Food Lion by bringing to the checkout and asking. They "couldn't" give it to me for free because it has to go to the food bank, where I will have to fight for it. I tried!

    I get alot fo pleasure on my days when I can cook and clean. I love to be able to get laundry cleaned and dried and folded and put away. So many steps that are time consuming. I can't wait to get his living room squared away. Caleb needs to learn to pick things up off the floor and not to leave his stuff all around the house. It's such a disaster area in here! It''s like Hurricane Caleb!

    Well, it's raining already. I feel ok though. I took my meds and supplements. I am taking more supplements than I was taking and it is making a difference. I am not normally able to feel ok on rainy days, but I do feel ok today. I also used a little hape'. Hehehe. 

    Christinia and I had a conversation some days ago. She said, "Talking to you is like talking to a grown-up Harlee!" LOL It's hilarious because I tell people I am Autistic, and they doubt it all the time. Why would I lie? I am very Autistic. I am also capable and functioning. Mensa has been after me. I don't test well, or I would just test for them and join already! Harlee is her Autisitc daughter by the way. I asked her, "Can you see that I am Autistic now?" and she responded a very comical "Yes!" She said to me, " We argue and say the same things. I can say 'The sky is blue', and you respond with 'yeah but it's really blue'" LOL so true! It's my perception of words and my language processing disability that gets in the way and when people are impatient with me, well... we are never going to agree that way. 

    Well, I am running out of things to type. I guess I should be on my way to cleaning already. It is now 0917, and I have been awake since 0630. It's that time to begin my day. I have to care for myself first. A few things that automatically make my day better are in my personal care routine in the morning. Some days I can do them, and other days I just can't. Simple things like brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, and washing my face, or putting on body spray and deodorant. Yeah. It's tough for me. I feel better when I get them done first though. I should do them now, and then figure out a plan to attack the day. I wonder what Caleb is doing. He is awake and in his room with Bubba. Nana and I got up to use the bathroom at the same time this morning. I laugh that we are in sync! 

    I know we are having leftovers tonight. Tomorrow I cook something. Likely the corned beef brisket. I have to go back to Food Lion and get the cabbage and carrots. I bought the potatoes yesterday. So happy I am going to eat potatoes for the first time in maybe more than a year! I tell you. We are blessed when we can celebrate the simple things in life. I may be struggling, but I am truly blessed all around. I pray to figure out my own way. I pray for my business to succeed too. I need to be able to spend more time on it. I want to create some Facebook videos so I can introduce myself and my practice to my followers. I want to find my Canva app so I can create my own things to post on Facebook. I haven't been at my computer alot lately. I have been too busy trying to get myself to clean the house and train Caleb to maintain its cleanliness. Ugh. Such a hard job for a boy with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Autism, ADHD, and PTSD. He argues about everything under the sun. Take the trash out! LOL Argument of how he is too sore to do anything. I swear this boy has excuses for everything I ask. 

    Well, I better get started. Dinner time rolls around fast around here. The days seem shorter as I get older. And speaking of which, I have a birthday coming up in April! 

    Thank you for reading, have a blessed day, and pray for us!