Module 1

     I am completing the "A Year of Writing to Uncover the Authentic Self", by Daily Om. Module 1 for Week 1 is as follows:

1) What is standing in your way right now? 

    Right I have CPS and DSS on me about having an unsafe home. I am using all the energy and time I have to rectify it. I have no time or energy for anything else, and it is still taking longer than I wanted. 

    I am also 2 reviews short of having my heal.me account listed in the search engine.

    I have classes starting this week.

    My health is never predictable.

    My finances are tight.

2) What would happen if you overcame the obstacle? More importantly, what would happen if you didn't (think broadly emotionally, physically, financially, etc.)?

    If I could get my house clean, I would be able to get CPS and DSS of my case. If I can't, they will take Caleb away.

    If I could get 2 more reviews, my business would be listed on the search engine at heal.me. If I can't, I won't get customers.

    I want to actively participate in classes. If I can't, I won't learn what I want to learn.

    I want to manage my health however it comes and goes. If I can't, I won't have as many good days as I could.

    I want to make more money to be able to afford groceries and gas and get things I want and don't just need. If I can't, I will be struggling forever.

3) Can you reframe the most pressing current obstacle as simply a to-do-list? In other words, in order to overcome this, what do you need to learn? What tasks do you need to perform? Who do you need to convince?

    The most pressing obstacle is with CPS and DSS. It can be made into a chore chart. I need to teach Caleb how to clean the house.

4) Have you ever used an "obstacle" as an excuse not to get started? Did you regret it?

    Yes. Probably. 

5)Are obstacles really just fears holding you back?

    Possibly. I have a lot of health problems getting in the way of my cleaning. I have chronic back and pelvis pain. I know if I overdo it, I will spend the next few days in the bed.

6) What is the longest-running obstacle in your life?

    My health.

7) What steps have you used to make progress towards overcoming it? How far have you come with it? What do you wish would happen? How would that be possible?

    I stay in contact with my doctors and specialists. I take my medications as prescribed. I am feeling better, overall, but still dealing with chronic pain, constipation, and depression. I wish I could snap out of this depression. I wish I could get over my grief. It's not possible. It's something I have to live with. I miss my dad. Yesterday was Father's Day and he was not with us.

8) What is the biggest obstacle you faced in your past? Did you overcome it? If so, how? If not, why?

 The biggest obstacle I faced in my past was escaping Greensboro and enlisting in the Army. I did overcome it. I was a cocaine addict, and overcame my addiction to get clean and start a new life. I was not living the life I wanted. everything I did was a struggle. I fought to change. I did what I needed to do to get in the Army, and shipped out to basic training. 

    So, it's now 0238. I have been awake for more than an hour. I can't sleep. I keep waking up. I'm listening to my morning meditations now. I decided to try to write according to the journal prompts from this class. I hope I learn stuff. 

    Last weekend was bad. I woke up early Saturday morning and had a new energy supplement while I was awake. I woke up shaky and wanting doughnuts. Caleb and I went to the grocery store the earliest we have ever gone and bought a lot of candy, doughnuts, and cookies. I straight sugar binged, and had to go back to sleep. I slept for most of the day. I was not able to clean or cook. It was terrible. I was soo tired and exhausted. 

    Sunday was a little better. I slept in until noon, but I got up early to take my medications. I had cookies during the day and night. They are all gone now. Today I start a sugar-free day. 

    Caleb and I have family therapy today. Carla is coming over this morning. I have personal therapy tomorrow with a new therapist. Then Caleb and I have family therapy on Wednesday too. 

    I got paid on Friday and spent the whole day paying bills and grocery shopping. I bought ingredients to make keto chili again. 

    Bella is snoring under the table and dreaming. 

    I wonder if Nana is awake.

    My brain has gone blank. My meditation tracks are done playing.

    Thank you for reading! Keep us in your prayers! Have a blessed day!