Yesterday Crystal, the CPS social worker, had to stop by to talk about the new report that was made by Caleb's therapist. I believe it was Sunday that Caleb and I got into a fight. I was simply asking him to pick up the trash off the living room floor, and he told me no several times. I told him I was going to change the wifi password, and that's when he came over to my workspace where I was sitting, and began to push the screen on my laptop. He stood there, even after I told him to walk away and go to his room. He refused to get out of my space. Then he pressed his 2 fingers into my arm. After telling him to stop several times, and him refusing, I folded my fingers to only use 3 and hit him on the arm. It left no marks. I wanted him to realize I was serious about him not touching me. I didn't want to go too far, but I had to find a way to make him stop his behavior. I then did change the wifi password. There was loud arguing during the whole scenario.
Anyway, I told Katelyn, Caleb's therapist that that's what happened over the weekend, and she said she had to report it to DSS. Crystal came over yesterday and really pushed my buttons. I got loud with her as I was standing up for myself. Everything I said to Crystal, she argued with. Nothing I said of my experiences were right according to her. My health doesn't matter according to her. It doesn't matter that I live with chronic pains from multiple sources. It doesn't matter that I am stuck in bed several days a week. Or that I spend so much time going to appointments, and am not home to clean. She even told me that she spends $400/month on groceries and that I make more than enough to feed my family. Here I am struggling to buy groceries throughout the month, but I am wrong about that too! Everything I said was wrong to her. I was so angry and frustrated!
So now we have a new care plan. I am supposed to call the police if Caleb puts me in a similar situation to what he did on Sunday.
I was in tears. I did not want to keep living when Crystal went out to her vehicle to call her supervisor. I actually thought, maybe I would be better off dead. I'm so tired of fighting. I'm just tired period. I can't get enough sleep.
I messaged Nigel, Rachel, and my mom about it. They told me suicide is not the answer.
According to Crystal, the house is the way it is because of me. She says I have a hoarding problem. She asks why I have so many books, like they are a problem? Why is my personal library that is properly bookcases and shelved a hoarding problem? She says Caleb didn't make the messes, although he did. She doesn't think he should be cleaning up his own messes. I do. I absolutely think he should be cleaning up his own messes. I can't clean up after Caleb anymore. My health won't allow it. I can't pick his stuff off the floor for him. I can't bend over without back pain and pelvis pain.
She took more photos. She complained that the house was worse than when she was here a few days ago. Caleb just started Summer break! We have only just begun!
I tried telling her that I can't move as fast as I use to, and I hate it. Caleb and I both have mental health problems, that's why we are in therapy. She told me she talked to my therapist, and he feels like I withheld information from him. I don't know what to do about him. I don't want to work with him. I don't feel supported by him.
Today is a different day. I am feeling better. I am hoping for a better day. Caleb's therapist comes back over at 1pm, and Carla comes over at 2pm. It is now 0733. Caleb and I have been awake since about 0430.
I have been working on the kitchen area. I made progress, but it doesn't look like it. I still have more work to do. I am hoping Jessica makes it over today. I have been waiting for her to come help us.
I still have laundry to clean. I need Caleb to clean his room.
I still have to do my personal hygiene routines this morning. I need a shower too.
I guess I will get going.
Thank you for reading! Keep us in your prayers! Have a blessed day!
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