Yesterday was Hell! I was awake very early and was fine. Caleb and I went to Walmart during sensory friendly hours and it was good. We got gas in the Mazda, and went home. I planned on cleaning until I got a text message from my new therapist that our appointment was at 1030. Previously we agreed to an appointment at 1100, so I did not understand where he got that from. I called him at 1030 to correct him. He did not answer the phone. He called me back and the call dropped before I could say anything. I called him again and he did not answer. I waited a minute to call back. He finally answered the phone and we began talking. He gave me the doxy.me link for our appointment, which he neglected to email me in advance. When we were talking on doxy.me, he neglected to turn his camera on for a long time. Once he realized it was off, he turned it on. This was our first appointment for therapy. I had to fill out a packet of papers before we could have the appointment. I don't remember exactly what was in there, but I'm pretty sure I gave him a release of information form to retrieve my mental health files from the VA.
Throughout the meeting the therapist gave no indication that he had reviewed my files. The questions were as if he knew nothing about me. By the end of the one and half hour meeting, I was enraged! He asked questions like, " What was the source of your PTSD?" and "What about that situation is the cause of your PTSD?" Like am I supposed to be the Doctor here? When he asked about my medications, I only told him the mental health medications. He did not know what Lurasidone was. When he asked about Caleb's medications, I only told him the mental health medications, and he did not know what Focalin was. He asked about my other health problems, like I'm supposed to have that long ass list memorized! I was short with my answers. I rocked back and forth in my chair the entire time we were in the appointment. I had to begin to vape and drink my soda just to get through the meeting.
I felt like my diagnoses meant nothing. I felt like I was not helped in any way at all. The only good thing that came out of that appointment was a suggestion about a plan to manage Caleb's behaviors with using the wifi as a rewards. A point system is what he suggested. Now that may be good and all, but I can't manage a point system. My memory is bad and I have too much going on to worry about adding and subtracting points to see whether Caleb has earned enough points for time on the wifi.
He didn't respect that I suffer ongoing chronic pains from multiple sources that have been diagnosed. He didn't respect the mental health diagnoses that I have at all, and pressed into my PTSD on purpose. He didn't respect my self-diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder, although I was clearly showing signs and symptoms of Autism right in front him for an hour and a half.
During the appointment, which was virtual online, CPS arrived and took photos of the house without me. Caleb took them to his room. They left before I was finished with my therapist, and I was unable to speak to them before they left.
During the appointment construction was going on next door and was loud. It was hard to hear the therapist.
Let's not forget that when he asked "What brings you to me for my services?" and I responded with something like "A CCA to give to DSS," he did not know what that was either! I told him, a CCA is Comprehensive Clinical Assessment. He did not know how to do one. When he asked what that meant, I said they are looking for a paper written by a therapist that says what's wrong with me, what to do about it, and a plan of action. He still did not know what to do, and asked for me to get him an example from DSS.
Also, he told me I am currently an "incompetent parent." He says it's obvious that I can't control my child, and if DSS asks him, that's what he is going to tell them.
Then, less than an hour later, Caleb's therapist came over. She is so kind and gentle, and helped Caleb understand and label emotions.
I was so disturbed and enraged that I went to Nana to vent. I told her I just wanted to be alone in a cave somewhere. She told me she just thinking the same thing for herself. I was able to yell as needed in her room with her there. I had to let it out. I told her I needed hape' to calm my ass down.
How am I incompetent if I have been seeking help for years and have proof of that through all of our records? What exactly makes me incompetent? That I can't physically bend over to pick trash up off the floor, when I live with an able-bodied 15 year old who can, but doesn't? Is it because I lack a therapy or behavioral health degree to counsel my son with Austism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and PTSD? Or is it because I need help that I don't get? Please. Help me understand what makes this disabled veteran, college graduate, and single mother incompetent.
I never want to see this therapist again, but I fear that I would have to go through the same thing with someone new. This can't be right, can it? Why am I walking away from a therapy appointment more traumatized than how I went in? He didn't know how to do his own job and he is a licensed Clinical Psychologist in my health insurance network who is local to me. I feel like reporting him, and maybe I will. He needs to have his licensed revoked.
Today I am making the pork butt. It's in the crockpot as of 1009. I hope to get a lot of the house clean today with Caleb's help. I have no appointments today. TGIF!
Thank you for reading! Feel free to comment. Keep us in your prayers! Have a blessed day!
No comments:
Post a Comment