The whole story

     So the day before yesterday was an emotional one. I broke up with Mike. After spending countless days with him on the phone messaging back and forth all day, he "forgot his phone" at home, and caused me major havoc inside. All of a sudden there were no responses. For about 9 hours I got no messages. Naturally with his blood glucose over 400, I was worried out of my mind that something traumatic happened. I was fearful until I got angry. I was texting all day and tried to call and video call, no one answered. It wasn't until almost 7pm when I got an angry message back. Just to be short. I am so done and over this situation. I left Mike, and I don't regret it. 

    I posted screenshots of our communication together after what happened. I just wanted to vent it out. I got some trolls on Facebook inciting the rage in me. I talked to Nana about it and she let my anger out with no problems.

    I am feeling better now. Just can't believe I dealt with all this bullshit in one day. It really triggered me. I have not felt this angry in a long time. Perhaps I needed to feel this angry because it has worked to my good. I now have blocked the troll. I have left Mike. My life is better because I did both.

    Now, yesterday was a good cleaning day. I got a load washed and in the dryer, and another in the wsher. I loaded the dishwasher and ran it. I hand washed some dishes. Dinner was cooked the night before. I made a picnic bone in pork butt in the crockpot. I made green beans for all of us, and made a sweet potato for Nana for her cramps. I was able to clean off the kitchen island to some degree. I was able to clean out the pantry to some degree. I was able to clean my room to some degree. I am going to donate stuff that is just sitting around not being used. 

    Today is going to be another cleaning day. I have more laundry to do. I have more dishes to wash.I have to get the floors shampooed. It might take some prep before I do the living room, hallway, and Caleb's room. I can't wait to have a clean house again! I'm happy about making progress.

    Mallory, the social worker is coming Tuesday so I want it to be super clean by then. I am a natural cleaning freak on my good days. 

    I began typing the above journal entry on December 30, 2023.

    Today is January 4, 2024. Alot has happened since then. Yesterday Caleb handed me the World Translation Bible that I have not read in ages. I flipped to Psalm 119, verse 113 and began reading the page. I liked it, so I began reading Psalm 119 from the beginning all the way to the end. I could almost hear the song in my head. I felt better after reading it. 

    Yesterday was a long day. Mallory, the social worker called on Tuesday and we rescheduled for her to be on Wednesday at 12:15pm. Yesterday was Wednesday. I spent all morning washing dishes that had piled up. I cleaned the stove top and stove front too. I worked on the bills for a little while. I bought Caleb a new coat from American Eagle so when he stands outside waiting for the bus, he won't freeze. I got it on a huge sale because it's the end of the winter season as far as clothes sales go. It's going to be awesome. He is always cold.

    Mallory came over and we had a long discussion where I was doing most of the talking. I cried. I'm glad she witnessed my tears. She heard what I had to say, where I feel Stephanie never really did. It ended well. Mallory saw the mess we have outside from cleaning off the porch. I told her I have a friend coming over to remove the cardboard boxes from the yard today, Thursday. She was amazed how much better it looked on the porch. I was proud of our hard work.

    After Mallory left, Caleb and I went to Walmart to get beginning school supplies. I also stocked up on Nana's and my drinks. Caleb got new shoes that fit him better. I then went to Lowe's Foods because I had to use the bathroom badly. Caleb went over to Great Clips to get his hair cut. I met him there afterward. Then we went to Publix to see if they had a German chocolate cake. It had to be ordered with 24 hours notice, so we ordered one.

    I came home and rested, then made fresh green beans to go with the leftover pork we had. Turned out good. 

    The day before yesterday was Monday, New Year's Day. Caleb and I did not do much. We stayed around the house with the exception of going to Amsterdam Life for an e-juice refill and Food Lion for Nana's egg English muffin from the freezer section. I got it for free! The day before I was there and spent alot of money on fresh produce and earned cashback! I was so happy!

    Sunday I went to Food Lion and bought alot of produce to make my homemade spaghetti sauce to have "all you eat" pasta night with Nana. I make my sauce with zucchini, yellow squash, portabella mushrooms, baby bella mushrooms, sweet onions, minced garlic, fresh basil, fire roasted tomatoes, and a big jar of Ragu with alot of beef added. We ate as much as we wanted, and froze the rest of the sauce. I made enough sauce for 4 dinners!

    New Year's Eve was Caleb's 15th birthday!

    Somewhere along the way, Caleb and I talked about God for the first time in a long time. I told him, when he told me he did not believe in God, that the only reason he was born was because God wanted it. I was 7 months pregnant before I found out I was pregnant. I was working as a non-pregnant soldier does with hazardous materials alot. He could have been born with huge problems like lack of extremities. He could have died before being born, but he was born with a bit of jaundice. They put him under the lamp, and he was a healthy big baby boy. I told this to him in his response that the only reason he was born was because his father raped me. 

    This came up because Caleb wanted to talk over me, and I said "One of the first things God commands it to 'honor your father and your mother'." He said he didn't believe in God at that point. 

    When we were speaking about Jesus, he told me he doesn't like thinking about Jesus because of how he died. I then told him that Jesus was born with a purpose. His whole life and death was pre-planned out. He came to Earth to be the ultimate sacrifice for human kind. He came to give himself up as a sacrifice to God for the cost of our sins. Through faith in Jesus we are forgiven. 

    I then had a conversation with Caleb in front of Nana. I told him how Mother Mary came to me when I was pregnant with him. I also told him he could ask Nana for information if he has questions about God or Jesus.

    It was a breakthrough kind of day. I have had several conversations with Nana about what I am going through and what I have been through. I told her that I special requested Mother Mary's presence when I was pregnant because despite who Jesus is, I did not want to be around a man's presence after I found out I was pregnant. I was scared. I did not know how I became pregnant and as I found out more information, I could not identify the father of my child. It was scary. 

    We talked about how I need to complete my VA Aid &Attendance process by completing my disability supplemental claim. I am still in the process of writing my personal statement. I have been busy trying to get this house cleaned up the way I want it. I have so much stuff I need to throw away, donate, or put away, it's overwhelming. 

    Bella is having accidents in the house now. She did not use to before. She is getting older and may need to wear diapers. We can't keep up. 

    Today is Thursday and Caleb goes back to school this morning. I have to drive him to school and he will ride the bus back home in the afternoon. We found the backpack I bought him. It is a tactical backpack that is very cool. We also found the clothes I bought him! I totally forgot I bought those! I bought him a jacket and 4 shirts. So he has new clothes for school now! I am so happy!

    Carla is coming by today to study. Jonathan is coming by today to pick up trash. I have a cake to pick up this afternoon. I don't know what I will be doing all day today. It is only 0137 now. I had to get up to use the bathroom, and decided to stay up for a little while. Wakeup is at 0530 so I better get some sleep. I have to take a shower at some point before leaving to bring Caleb to school. 

    I pray that Jehovah lights my path, and that Yeshua holds my hand as I walk the path.

    Being a single parent is harder than it looks. Being a disabled veteran on top of that does not help me at all. Having a son with disabilities makes it even harder to teach him how to behave. I pray that light is shining on us from Jehovah. Let these breakthroughs help us grow and heal from our past.

    It's getting late, and I have to get some sleep.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!