What to Do

     The question is what to do now. I have wasted the last several days. I spent them in bed for the most part. Monday was parent/teacher conference day. I was able to visit with 3 out of 4 of Caleb's teachers and got good reports from them all. The last teacher was on leave. Tuesday I slept until I had to go pick Caleb up for his appointment. I arrived about 1430, and got snapped at by the receptionist for picking FCaleb up so late, right before school lets out. I did not know that I was not allowed to pick Caleb up at the ned of the day before school lets out, but the receptionist was not happy about it. She was adamant that she told me that last time I was there. I have a bad memory, and she may have told me, and I just forgot it. In one ear and out the  other. I don't know. I don't deserve to be snapped at by someone who works at the school. I am a new mom for God's sake! Caleb just started school there at the beginning of January. 

    I picked Caleb up, and we left before all the traffic problems arose. I got Caleb to his 1530 appointment with his psychiatrist on time. It was aa long distance away, and I was worried that I did not leave enough time between picking Caleb up and getting to his appointment. The appointment went well, and actually we removed some of Caleb's prescriptions from his renewal list. He is no longer taking his night medications to help him sleep. He is also no longer taking his afternoon medications. He was having side effects of the afternoon medications that made Caleb feel sick. All is well, and Caleb does not have to be seen again by his psychiatrist for 2 months!

    Wednesday I did not go anywhere. I rested at home. There was no sunlight for the second or third day in a row. There is no sunshine today either. It is dark outside because of the cloud cover. I am struggling with depression and low back pain. I have been using delta-8 products by Mellow Fellow. I used the "Grease Monkey" delta-8 vape with success! It helped with my pain and I was able to relax. 

    Yesterday I tried taking the kratomade in the morning after I take my medications and supplements. I did some hape' too. I was trying to wake up. I was fighting my tiredness in a bad way. I was drinking my diet Mountain Dew like non-stop. Nothing was helping me position myself to be able to work on the house. The kratomade will help with the pain, and it will not let me fall asleep. The hape' helps too. I was just so tired. I am exhausted from even thinking about all this housework I have to do. I am tired from seeing it this way. Caleb came home yesterday and did not work on the house like I needed him to. He was tired from school. 

    Today we have no appointments. I do need to go to CVS to pick up Caleb's meds and a special item for Nana. I must have broken my Wolfnotch Suga Pro. It won't even charge anymore. I can't power it up. So now, I need a new watch. I liked the fitbit versa 2 that was gifted to me. It eventually broke apart, but I had it for several years. 

    Today I have to get things done. I am feeling better, even without the sun shining today. I used hape' as a pick me up. 

    I need to get work done around here. It was nice to be able to relax without the constant pressure to have it done already.

    I am going to check out my vaping supplies and medications first. Then I will get the laundry going. Then I can probably wash some dishes. I need to collect all the dishes from around the house. I don't know where our silverware has gone. It is always disappearing. 

    I still have to go to CVS. I might stop at Amsterdam Life to see about their mods that can replace what I already have. I have killed the batteries on these that I have. 

    I have been approved for the HISA grant to have accommodations made to my house. I need to follow up with that. I need to go to Wilmington to the VA to pick up the saliva sample supplies for my Endocrinology labs. I was sent a free living will and other documents to fill out. I am still working on my VA claim. I am still writing the personal statement to submit with my file. 

    I have so much to do and seemingly like no time to do it all. 

    I lost where I was. I got distracted by a surveyor coming onto the property into the backyard. I had to let the dogs out too. Then it started raining. 

    I have yet to look and see if I need to replace my e-cigarettes. The batteries are not staying charged for as long as they use to. 

    I feel better now. I am going to do more hape' and go take care of myself. I have not even brushed my hair nor washed my face yet and it's almost lunch time. 

    I am glad the dogs are quiet and peaceful now. Bubba was making a fuss to be let outside. 

    It hasn't been easy adjusting to Caleb's new schedule. I did not realize how much assistance he provides, and now he is at school all day. I need help to pick things off the floor. It hurts my back and pelvis to stand up, walk, or bend over.

    I have groceries to put away. I have trash to pick up. I have to vacuum the hallway before I can steam clean it. I need Caleb to plug in the vacuum for me. I then need him to plug in the steam cleaner for me. I need him to hand me the groceries from the bags on the floor. I need him to bring me the dirty dishes from everywhere so I can clean them. I need him to pick up the trash that is thrown everywhere. It is never-ending.

    I managed to take a shower on Monday before going to the parent/teacher conferences. I feel the need for another one since I have been dripping sweat over the last few days. I feel better now. I am not sweating, and do not feel so hot. I feel cooled off and it feels better. 

    I just did another round of hape'. I think the rain might have stopped so I can run out and check with Amsterdam Life if they have mods anymore, get water gallons from Food Lion, and go to CVS. I then can come home and begin the other work. This stuff happens first while the weather is cooperating.

    Tomorrow is another day of no appointments. I might make it the day that I go to the lab to pick up my supplies. I have to get those labs done. I have been procrastinating so badly because I hate doing them. 

    I need to do my hair before I go anywhere. I can't remember the last time I brushed my teeth either. It's been bad. Depression is awful. If you don't know what I'm going through, count yourself as blessed.

    I haven't been able to cook dinner lately. I finally did it yesterday night. I made a keto chili with ground beef, sweet onion, red, yellow, and orange bell pepper and zucchini and yellow squash. It turned out good. I'm glad I only made a small pot though. I have cabbage and other veggies I need to cook that I will cook the other pack of ground beef with. I also have enough to make hamburgers one night. I bought a chuck roast, but I don't know what I am going to do with it yet. I just know I'm cooking it in the crockpot. 

    I have all this stuff on my mind all the time. I just need a place to put it down so I can refer to it later. My memory problems are bad. I forget what I'm doing because there is always new stuff that needs to be done. I just need to give myself time to get it all out and done. It is never completely done. I am always working on something. 

    Caleb seems to be doing well at school so far. I am happy for him. I am happy he does not have homework and does his work at school. What a relief that is!

    I have some things I need to help Nana with. We still have not unloaded the truck so she can access her clothes. The battery is dead and I do not know where I put the battery charger. I was told not to charge the battery while it is connected to the vehicle. I have to take it out. I need tools for that too. I don't know where my tool kit is. I think it is on the porch or maybe in the shed. It could even be int he laundry room. Everything is so cluttered. I can't wait to get this mess cleaned up. I guess I just needed a few days in bed. I wish the sun was out. I have a sun light to use to combat my Seasonal Affective Disorder. 

    I just lost another nose stud. Ugh! Hape' requires that I clean my  nose and I always seem to lose the nose stud while cleaning my nose. 

    I miss my dad alot. Alot is going on in the world and I wish I had my dad to talk to about is going on the news. 

    I have been signing petitions to things I think are important. I have to get myself ready to file taxes. I already filed my annual report for my business. I didn't think I would be able to afford the fee. I managed it though. Times are tough. I am having trouble paying all my bills. I cannot afford to pay all my bills right now. Alot of my credit card bills are going unpaid just because I have to be able to buy groceries and gas. It's craziness. 

    I need to be able to devote time to my business. Right now, I am so busy doing other things that I cannot schedule anyone to do a Reiki session. I want to teach Nana so she can give herself Reiki whenever she needs. I need to schedule the time to train her though. It's so important. 

    I just realized the time. It is only 1017. I thought it was later. I am doing good on time today. I should go get ready to go out into the world. My hair is a mess. Ugh. I wish my house was already cleaned up. I don't know how I am going to manage cleaning it by myself. I am disabled to the point of needing help in just about everything I do. It sucks. I am only 40 years old, and here I am needing my son to do everything for me because I can't do it myself. Now he is at school 5 days a week, and I only have him around on nights and weekends. It's super hard to mange this all by myself. I wish other people understood how hard it is for me to keep up with everything that needs to be done. I cannot even imagine how other people manage to work full time and keep up with all the things I have going on. I feel so overwhelmed when I think about it. It makes it harder to get started. Hape' seems to help me. I just have to remember to use it. 

    The kratomade was helping my back and pelvis pain. It lasts from when I take it to the early afternoon. I did not take it this morning. I cannot take it in the afternoon because it will not allow me to fall asleep when I want to rest. My mind keeps going and it's impossible to sleep.

    I am still trying to keep up with Christinia. The Volvo needs to be seen by a mechanic and I have no money to spend. I don't know how we are going to get it fixed yet. Christinia is not working, She is looking for a job, but now has no car. She is going through alot with her sister too. I'm praying for her.

    I pray alot. When I try to rest, I ask God to take my troubles and transmute them into something good. I do need to get going though. I have been wasting enough time this morning. I am just taking my time for once. I am not rushing anything. I have got to learn to settle down and relax more often. 

    I still have this thing going on with Child Protective Services regarding the safety of my home. I am still waiting to hear good news about Arkansas getting Jamie McCurry's DNA test done. I don't know what is holding them up. I wish they would just get it done already.

    Caleb goes to high school next year and I am already worried about how that will be for him. I hope he transitions well. 

    I have to be going now. Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!