It's just a Tuesday morning. This morning went well with Caleb. I got paid today so I was able to pay the bills. It's not easy with things being so expensive these days. I worry all the time about how I am going to be able to buy groceries. My mortgage payment is going up due to not having enough money to pay the taxes and insurance. I am afraid of what that is going to do. It's not like I'm able to make money on the side. I'm trying but failing.
The woman I thought I was working with left me in alot of debt. She screwed me over. I'm now sure she is a scammer. I have debt in my paypal and venmo accounts.
Thank God the sun is shining today. I really need to see the sun everyday to have good days. I have been suffering with depression for the last week or so pretty badly. Yesterday I was able to get some laundry done. I was able to make dinner too. Those are big improvements. Sounds small, but if you only the changes that took effect for me to get them done, you would understand.
I have chronic lower back pain and pelvis pain. I am trying to work on a solution that is long lasting so that I can get my house cleaned up. I take kratom in the morning and that helps until about 1300 or so. I can't take more than one dose a day I found out by experimenting. So... at least I can work in the mornings without pain.
Nana uses belladonna for her pain. I might give it a try.
I can't use the delta-8 products like I wanted because they make me want to sleep.
Reiki helps me sometimes. I haven't been practicing daily like I once was.
Caleb brought home a good grade in science yesterday! Yay Caleb!
Carla is coming over today so I am trying to plan my day around that. I still have laundry to do. I have dishes to wash. I need to take a shower. I have alot of cleaning that needs to be done but don't know about my energy and pain levels.
I am just trying to figure out my new schedule now that Caleb is going to public school. It's a big shift for both of us. He is liking going to school.
Well, it is now 0855. I have taken my shower. I was able to get dressed by myself, which I can't always do. I have Caleb help me put on my compression tank top. It gets stuck on my shoulder blades. I was able to put it on by myself today!
I am going to get the laundry going and then figure out what to do next. I have alot to get done. It is so beautiful outside today. I am so incredibly grateful.
Hape' is keeping me on a high note. I'm not high. I'm just not low either. With this depression I've been battling, I've been really low. Feels better when I use hape'.
I don't feel like working, but if I don't do it, it won't get done. I might need to stand in the sun for a few minutes and recharge.
I use to be able to call my dad any time of the day or night, and I would too. We would talk about all sorts of things. We would talk about what is going in the news, what is going with Caleb, how I am feeling and on and on. He was my source of comedic relief. He always had something funny to say that would make me laugh. I miss that the most about him. Now I am without my dad and it's not easy. He would coach me and give me motivation to get the things done that I need to get done. I still need my dad.
I do talk with Nana on a regular basis. I check in with her frequently throughout the day to get my head straight. I am glad she is here. I need someone to help me, even if it is only to talk through things.
I need to ask my psychiatrist for a therapy referral. I don't know if talk therapy will help me much, but I won't know until I try it.
I guess I will get going on the house cleaning.
Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!
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