Thursday, December 7, 2023

After a crazy day

     Yesterday was a crazy day. It was the day the social worker came to the house to inspect. Stephanie came by in the afternoon and talked to us. She saw alot of progress made, but we are not finished cleaning. We had a big conversation with Caleb included. Apparently she does not realize that I clean everyday and it is not enough. She blames me for the way things are, even though I tell her it is Caleb's fault, she blames me. Apparently I am supposed to clean up after Caleb even though I am physically unable to keep up with him. Apparently the fact that Caleb has ODD, ADHD, PTSD, and Autism has no bearing on how I am supposed to parent him. She doesn't get it. She doesn't respect mental health problems, nor my physical health problems. My depression and grieving has no bearing on how I should be behaving according to her. It's all bullshit. I am disabled. There is no getting around that. I do the best I can with my situation. I am being held to the same standards as if I have no health problems. It's not fair. I have so many health problems, and none of them are supposed to keep me from running my home properly apparently. The truth is all of them together do keep me from running my home properly. I need help! I've been begging for help, and not getting it. Caleb has disabilities too. What the fuck? Why aren't we getting any help?

    I am glad she did not take Caleb away. The decision on our case will happen next week, and we will likely be referred to "in home". That means we need to continue to clean up until the case is closed. 

    Stephanie thinks Caleb should go back to public school, and I think it is time for me to give up on the dream that I can homeschool him better. I am going to call the school he should be going to, in order to find out what needs to be done.

    Caleb and I have to continue cleaning the house. We got most of it done, but there are details that need to be completed. Caleb's room has to have the carpet cleaned, as well as the living room. 

    I took Caleb's computers away. This time for good. He does not use them for school work like I intended. He will have to earn time on them. They are staying in Nana's room until he earns time on them.

    Today we have Caleb's therapy appointment in the morning. It is only 0359 now. 

    The day before yesterday I had my appointment with Jana Carrey, and boy was it a big deal! I have not had an appointment with her in months, and I really needed this one. She helped me lay down some grounding cords, work with archangel Michael, and Mother Mary, and let me know they are always around me. She also let me know that my dad is with me too. It gave me great confidence for what was coming up.... Stephanie's arrival. I have felt more grounded than ever, ever since the appointment. It is a wonderful feeling. We recorded our session together, so I can rewatch it anytime. She gave me some pointers 1) watch the Journey to the Isis Temple for 21 days before bed, and 2) read the prayer she sent me for prosperity and abundance. I feel so good!

    I had the phone call with Cheryl Hanson too. We are going to be working together on Sunday I think. She is going to show me how to use the AO scan app.

    I have Cheryl Hanson, Chris Roberts, and Jana Carrey in my life supporting me right now! It's amazing! They are all lifting me up to where I need to be. 

    Today is going to be a calmer day than yesterday, I hope. Now that I am grounded properly, I feel better.

    Dad's day of passing is coming up. I know he is with me, because Jana told me so. I know archangel Michael and Mother Mary are with me too. It's empowering to know that. 

    I am still vaping my e-cigarette. I could not quit with the stress that Stephanie was putting on us. I might be able to quit once Caleb is in school. I really can't afford to keep using the e-cigarette. It's expensive and not helpful.

    I don't know how I am going to get along without Caleb being at home. It was just easier to keep him with me, but it's not working out like I planned it to. 

    I am still trying to do these saliva tests for my endocrinologist. I only got one done, and there are 2 to do and return to the clinic. We are trying to figure out my cortisol levels .

    I am not getting customers for my business and I don't know why. I need my business to be successful. I am praying about it.

    I am praying alot these days. I am struggling to buy groceries ever since I was scammed for $500. I can't even pay my bills like I use to. I'm praying alot.

    Bella is in bed. I need to take a shower. Nana is in the bathroom. Caleb just woke up. I have been drinking alot of water. I need to take my morning meds, and get started for the day. 

    I got my new scale working. I weighed in at 303.8 lbs yesterday. I believe that rather than the 274lbs the old scale was telling me. I knew that wasn't right. I don't know why it is wrong.

    I just ate a whole Panettone loaf for breakfast, It was good sweet bread.

    I just have to say that I really held my own with Stephanie yesterday. I stood up for myself as needed. I was bold and loud. 

    Caleb and I had an argument after she left. That's when I took away his computers. We reconciled after Caleb calmed down. I love my son. He's hard to parent. 

    God bless us all.

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!

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