It is 1019 now and I have been awake since 0650 or so. I took my meds and supplements plus my Kratomade this morning. I am now on a call with my bank to dispute a charge. I am waiting for customer service. I began cleaning up the living room. I got one bag full of trash so far. I am trying to clear off my incline trainer. Alot of stuff got piled on there as we cleaned out Caleb's room. I have actually started my period this morning for the first time in years. I am amazed and attribute it to the healing sessions done yesterday by Cheryl Hanson. I can't believe it! I am so happy and I feel healthier.
Today was a hard day. I got the call from the social worker to make a time for her to inspect the house. I tried to tell her the hardships we are having as a family that is grieving. I gave her my emergency sheets with all my diagnoses listed and my medications listed, as well as the one for Caleb. She still lacks the ability to comprehend what it means to be a disabled veteran with a disabled son as a single woman. She lacks any empathy whatsoever. She doesn't get that I suffer pain everyday, and that makes it harder for me to work, or that Caleb needs to be cleaning up his own messes. According to her, it was my responsibility to clean up his room, not his. He cleaned it up mostly by himself. He made the mess, he should clean it! He turns 15 this month. You can't tell me he shouldn't be able to clean his own room. Today we are working on the living room together. We made good progress, but I want it completed tonight. The incline trainer is mostly cleared off. We took about 7 small trash bags of garbage out so far. Caleb tried to fix the dog crate.
I told the social worker that we are grieving as a family, and it was harder around the holidays to be without my dad. She didn't have empathy for that either. I've been praying hard. I tried to take a nap, but couldn't fall asleep, so I prayed with my eyes closed. I'm dealing with alot of emotions today.
Yesterday I had my first appointment with Cheryl Hanson. We did emotion code and AO Scan. Let me tell you, I know they both helped me because I started my period this morning for the first time in years. Doctors told me I was too young for menopause, but I was having menopause symptoms and lack of a period for extended amounts of time. I was surprised to see bright red blood in my toilet this morning! It has been so long! I could have cried, but I didn't.
I want to buy an AO scan for home use. I think I could get rid of all my diseases with it.
I'm so tired of being held to impossible standards of living. I am neurodivergent with physical and mental/emotional disabilities. I am not neurotypical. I am not without disabilities that make it harder for me to walk or even stand up. I have difficulty walking without pain. I am in physical therapy to help me with that. I have a great many doctors appointments for myself, nana, Caleb, and the dogs. My schedule is not free. I am not home often. I do not have all day to clean up. It takes me a long time to do simple tasks because everything hurts. I need help!
Why is that so hard to understand? Then, my son has Autism, ADHD, ODD, and PTSD. He has alot of difficulties doing things. He argues constantly. He is in therapy and on medications too.
I'm so ready to be done with this social worker in my life. I just want her to mind her own business, and stay out of mine. She doesn't get it. I'm doing the best I can. If I could do better, I would. Nobody wants to live in a trash-filled house, including me! I'm exhausted daily. I'm struggling daily. Nobody helps me. I am a single parent. There is not another parent to rely on for assistance.
I'm so over this bullshit. I want to feel better. I want my house to be clean and stay clean. I need Caleb to cooperate.
I still have work to do, and I better get to it. I am feeling better now that I have hydrated. Caleb is awake now and lively.
I pray for better days ahead. I am grateful for the family and friends who are standing with me through these hardships. I pray that things get better for my family and for me. I am struggling with Seasonal affective disorder through the winter. The dark days make it depressing for me. I suffer depression anyway, and this adds to it.
Thank you for reading, and being a part of my therapeutic release. Have a blessed day!
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