Today

     It is Sunday morning and I have been awake since roughly 0500. It is now 0909. I am struggling with my lower back pain and pelvic pain this morning. Normally I take my Kratomade drink in the morning after I take all my morning meds and supplements, but I forgot to this morning. I took it a few minutes ago. It removes the pain completely for me. I am able to work or do what I want, including walking and standing without pain until roughly a little after lunchtime when I take it at my normal time which is around 0730.

    I use a single dose of Kratomade daily to remove my pain. I sell them too. If you are interested in this plant medicine, let me know by emailing me jennifer.demello@healinergy.com .

    I take alot of supplements that help too. Most  are antioxidants or related to the illnesses I currently have. They don't seem to help much singly, but together make a big difference in how I feel.

    Yesterday was a hard day for me. I am not sure why. I know I was struggling to get moving to get work done around the house. I managed to go grocery shopping for a few things, come home and clean up in the kitchen, and make dinner. That was my goal... to clean the kitchen enough to be able to cook dinner safely.

    I hand washed a bunch of dishes and prewashed a bunch of dishes for the dishwasher. I ran the dishwasher finally before I started cooking the ground beef. I made taco meat for taco salads. 

    The sun did not shine yesterday which is a big problem for me and my depression. The sun is not shining today either.

    Even though I wanted to quit vaping my e-cigarette, I bought another bottle of ejuice. I am too stressed out to quit this month. There is too much going on in my life to quit successfully.

    Caleb is awake but being quiet in his room. 

     I watched a video this morning that led me to purchasing a new supplement. The video was so interesting that I wish I could share it here. Did you know that Hitler used Fluoride in the water in the concentration camps to break down the Jewish people? Did you know that in 1945, after the war ended, the United States began adding Fluoride to the water supply of its citizens? I couldn't believe it when I heard it initially. I wish my dad was alive to talk to me about this. 

    I don't think I was able to watch that video to completion by accident. I normally can't watch videos for a variety of reasons. 

    I have plans for today. I need to clean my living room. I need to assemble my new vacuum cleaner and carpet cleaning machine. I don't know if I have enough leftovers to feed everyone again for dinner, so I might have to cook another dinner tonight. Bella is lying on her new bed under the dinner table. 

    My pain is now gone. The kratomade has set in. I normally try to work as much as I can when the Kratomade is in effect, so I can work without pain.

    My psychiatrist hates that I take Kratomade but the medical profession has left me with no other options. I have been sent to pain clinic only to be told the only thing they could offer me was shots for the pain on a routine basis. I didn't want shots put into my back. The VA has their regulations about pain medication, so I am not going to get pain medication because I suffer chronic pain. 

    I am taking lyrica for my fibromyalgia and seizures. I don't know if it is helping my fibromyalgia pain, but I still feel it on a regular basis. I haven't had a seizure since this past summer. 

    The goal is get off some of these medications by getting healthier. I have been instructed to walk while the Kratomade is working. I will begin walking on my incline trainer soon. Nick, my physical therapist was telling me. I told him I need to stretch more. When I was in the re-examination with him, I was popping every time I moved. I asked to see if their was a pain-informed, trauma-informed stretching video he could refer to me, but he did not have one. I will have to find my own practice that doesn't hurt me in the process of doing it.

    I am supposed to be taking classes to become my own Yoga Therapist, but I have gotten so busy that I don't settle down long enough to take the classes.

    Today is Sunday. I would love to spend the day in bed with some good books, but I have work to do around the house.

    This guy I have never met, sent me pictures of his penis. I gave no indication that I wanted to see his bare penis, at all! Why do men do this? I blocked him. First of all, I am not on Facebook dating to jump into bed with someone. I want to meet and share a meal and since if we click on vibrational level. I want to take things slow and become friends who can talk about anything. Honestly, I don't think I am meant for this world sometimes.

    It was Rachel's birthday yesterday. I hope she had a good one.

    I have been messaging Christinia because we are both struggling right now. I need recurring business, and I don't know what holding me back from building a business. I know I have blockages. I had an energy healing with Chris Roberts the other day and that has made a difference in my life and how I feel. I am trying to learn from him through this workshop he is giving. Once again, I have to be able to sit still and pay attention without interruption. I need to learn this stuff. Not only will it help me right now, but it will help me help others too.

    I have an appointment with Cheryl today at 1300. She was referred to me by Kristen Leatherman Brace, and I have spoken to her in advance of our appointment. I like her already and I want to learn her methods of healing too. 

    I only have until the end of December to record the rest of the Success Modules from Larisa Gosla. I am running out of time and with so much to get done, I might lose out. She wants me to embody the practices taught in the Vocal Resonance Method, but I struggle with my memory. I don't know if I will pass her interview I will have to complete certification even thought I have watched all the Vocal Resonance Method Student and Facilitator calls. I can only try and see.

    I have a Trauma Healing Course that I was supposed to be doing earlier this year that I never really started. That would benefit my alot if I could give it the time it requires.

    I've been using the Spiritual Purification hape' from my hape' collection. I wanted to slow down on using the strongest hape' and see how this might help me. I do feel changes happening, but because there might be other causes, I can't say for sure if the hape' is having an effect on me. It feels better when I use it. I feel it making stimulations in my brain. Helps me feel ok when I don't right now.

    My dad died in a motel room he was living in on December 13, 2022. I lost him forever that night. I've been struggling all year long without him. The holidays are no different. I don't feel in the holiday spirit.

    I am struggling with my Seasonal Affective Disorder and Depression alot right now. Add to that the chronic pains and it just seems impossible to get anything done. It doesn't help that I have a social worker from Child Protective Services on my back about my home being unsafe, and threatening to take Caleb away.

    I am stressed beyond stressed out. I am overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to do in the time frame I have to do it. 

    At least Caleb's room has been cleaned up mostly. Man was his room trashed! I never go in there. It was always a source of arguments with Caleb. I hate arguing with Caleb. It gets me nowhere. I try to explain to him that these things are important, and that what is happening now could have happened all along. It was just a matter of time. We were struggling all year long about the living room. I was able to pay others to help us, but now I am broke and we have to figure it out ourselves. Looks like there is more light shining through the fog.

    Caleb is in a happy mood right now because he is making himself a fried sweet potato. I still have to give him his medications. I don't want to forget. His days are better when he takes his medications in the morning as prescribed. Sometimes it can be difficult to get him to take his medications. He gives excuses after excuses to not take them. Sometimes I feel like having a teenager with Autism, PTSD, ADHD, and ODD is like having a constant battle in my house. Everything has to be argued. Every little thing. He has gotten better. At least now he can take the kitchen trash out on a regular basis without too much fighting. I mean, where am I supposed to get the energy for this? I tried to get help through the Autism ABA therapy program in Wilmington, but they said they couldn't work from our home because of unsafe work conditions. Caleb needs the ABA therapy to overcome his challenges in everyday life, such as throwing away his own trash in the trash cans. Without ABA therapy, how I am I supposed to help him? 

    I'm doing the best I can. I know that having him a t home is safer than sending him to school. He has had a knife and a gun pulled out on him, and he is not yet 15 years old. I'm running the homeschool in between our appointments to the best of my ability. I offered the IXL curriculum online to simplify the learning  process. The annual subscription is due and I don't have the money for it right now. I don't know what I'm going to do. 

    My scale registered me at 300.00lbs yesterday. It's been a long time coming. I've been trying to lose weight all year long unsuccessfully. Now I have about 30lbs. on this doctor prescribed keto diet. I can't wait to take fewer diabetic medications. We are just now getting my blood sugars down, but we had to add more medications recently. I have to lose more weight and get healthier. I want to be fit. I want to be active again. I am so tired all of the time. Some of my medications have side effects I am fighting with Diet Mountain Dew. I'm doing the best I know how to do. I can't wait to start walking again though. I know I will feel more in control in my head. I won't feel so much stress in my body. I can't wait to be able to wear smaller clothes again. I was smaller before last year's holidays came around...and then my dad died, and I gave up on keeping to the diet altogether. 

    Caleb made some fried sweet potato.

    I have to get his meds ready.

    I think that's all I have to update on. I haven't heard from Mathew, my brother; Eric, my half-brother; Sherri, my half-sister; or any of my step-bothers or step-sister, so I don't know what's going on in their worlds. I pray that Mathew stays safe because he is still serving in the Army to my knowledge.

    I hope I have a better day today than yesterday. I am really wanting to get this living room to my standard. It's going to take all day. There are alot of boxes of things that we need to decide to keep, give away, sell, or throw away. I've been resisting the urge to clean it up by myself. I need Caleb to help me. It gets complicated when Caleb has to work with me. He gets moody and lazy.

    Just know that I offer gift certificates through email request to jennifer.demello@healinergy.com for Reiki appointments. 

    Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day!