Monday, January 23, 2023

Grieving Hurts, Day 3

     It is now 12:20am. I can't fall asleep. I'm too warm. I had a pretty relaxing day today. I overworked yesterday, and couldn't work today. Saturday I washed, dried, and folded at least 5 loads of laundry. I hand-washed dishes, and pre-washed the dishes that go in the dishwasher. I fully loaded the dishwasher and ran it. I cleaned the kitchen a little bit in order to cook a giant meatloaf. I listened to the rest of the playlist I created titled, "Missing Dad." I listened to music the whole day long. I went back and forth between washing laundry, folding laundry, and washing dishes until I had to start cooking dinner. By the end of the day, I was exhausted. 

    Today was dark and rainy all day long. I only got one load of laundry dried and folded. I spent the afternoon in bed, resting, but not sleeping. I had leftovers for dinner. 

    While I was in bed after dinner, I began talking in my head to Yeshua, Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, and Sarah. I asked for forgiveness of my human sins. I told them that I love them. It was a long conversation, but that's the gist of it. 

    I tried to sleep but was having trouble breathing through my nose. 

    I think I'm going to go check on the dryer real quick. BRB. Yeah it needed a little more time in the dryer.

    While I was in the laundry room, I checked out the shelving unit back there. It is cluttered with cleaning products. I need those shelves to be able to put my towels and sheets away. It may be a better option to just order another shelving unit from amazon though. I have nowhere to put all the things currently on the shelves right now. Ugh. 

    Right now I am broke. I am still waiting to close on this mortgage refinance. I have been in a high state of anxiety knowing that I would run out of money soon, and not have any left.  We have food for the next few days. I hope we make it until payday. 

    I started my Yoga Therapy class on Thursday or Friday. I'm excited to learn everything. I also started the Autism Parenting class. 

    I saw that Rachel was online yesterday, and reached out to her to chat. I have been chatting with Nigel too. 

    We went the whole week without cleaning help because I knew I was running out of money. Looks like it's going to be another week of no help. 

    I never heard back from Mathew after leaving him a voicemail. 

    I was going to cook a turkey for Dona Sharon on Valentine's Day, but we can't afford to buy one. They are expensive.

    I wanted to have crab legs in a gumbo that I want to make until I found out how expensive that would be.

    I still have to plan to go back to Lumberton to pick up my dad's flag from the funeral home. I have to set up an estate to close his accounts too. 

    I have that Trauma Healing course and the Vocal Resonance Method course starting in February. I start another mentor program with Jana Carrey in February too. 

    I missed the zoom meeting on Saturday night with Jana Carrey. I was too tired by the time it started. 

    I haven't been practicing Reiki every day like I use to. I'm so tired at night that I just fall right asleep. 

    I bought a library cart for my binders that I use a lot. I'm waiting for Caleb to put it together for me. I bought him a desk and a chair too. I bought Dona Sharon a chair as well. It will make doing school work easier on Caleb to have his own desk to set up at. 

    I'm struggling with the VA to get my consult for Virta renewed. I don't know why everything has to be so complicated. Why can't my primary care provider submit the order and get it approved the first time? Why do I need to see an endocrinologist when my labs have already been done? It's frustrating the shit out of me!

    I have an appointment to create my estate with an attorney on Friday. I don't know if I will have to reschedule because I don't know if I will have money by then. 

    I printed out the workbook for my Mindfulness and Meditation class the other day. It's really long. 

    I'm getting tired. It's 0110. I'm going to get the clothes out of the dryer and fold them. I've got more clothes to wash and dry following that load.

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

    

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