Today marks a new beginning. I have completed one year of the 5 Year Journal. I will not continue the next 4 years because I did not enjoy most of the prompts. I have other journals with prompts that I will use coming up.
Yesterday I had a physical therapy appointment at the Wilmington VA. My physical therapist was different from the first 2 times. I worked Jesus Ortega. I found out that he is on Autism Spectrum too. We had a good time, and I learned the importance of my posture habits too. I will go back on Thursday. Today is Wednesday, and Caleb has a therapy appointment with a new therapist. I hope it goes well.
I have been slowly but surely catching up on chores. I was not home for half of the day yesterday because of the long drive to Wilmington. I made chicken breasts in the air fryer for the first time. I liked it enough to try it again soon. I put alot of seasoning on it and sprayed them with olive oil spray before cooking them. I was unsure if the breasts would be fully cooked within the time of the chicken function button, but they were! It was awesome.
Monday I began hand washing dishes. I washed a whole dish strainer full. I was listening to Staind and singing my heart out while I was washing dishes. I had a good time, but I felt emotions I was not feeling before I put the music on. I have memories attached to my music. Some pains are so deep, they are only associated with certain songs. I sing them as a way to release the pressure from things built up within me.
Tomorrow I have psycho-therapy online in the morning. Then I have to leave right away to get to my physical therapy appointment in Wilmington. Later at night, I have a zoom Master Reiki class. It will be a full day for sure. I will be so tired when I am done.
Friday Bubba has a short vet visit for a shot, and then we come home and wait for the dishwasher repairman to show up.
I have been talking to my dad lately. He likes to bring up my past as if I was not there, and I do not have my own observations. "I have a brain of my own!" is what I told him when he questioned why I do not follow his orders all the time. Like look, I'm 39 now, but when I was 17, I wasn't thinking like my dad. He believed the way to success was through the Army. At the time the Afghanistan and Iraq war were in the news everyday. I did not want to die in a war zone at an early age. That's all there is to it. It's not rocket science. For some reason he is not able to see the risks involved in joining the military during times of war.
Look, when my school had a bomb threat, I freaked the fuck out. How was I going to handle that at the age of 17 in a hot foreign country?
When Columbine happened, I freaked the fuck out. I was in middle school.
I'm hyper-sensitive. I'm a highly sensitive person. Some people may refer to me as an empath. I do not belong in the fighting forces of wars. I just don't. I did , however, eventually enlist in the Army. I had no choices left available to me. I was poor and in my early 20's. I could not hold a job long-term. I could not afford to go to college. My parents did not save money for my education. Scholarships were much harder to find in 2003 than they are now , in 2022. I just wasn't loving my life like I should have been. I was depressed. I got into drugs. I got out of drugs, and changed my life around. Getting ready for the Army gave me hope of a better future. I would not likely get fired, and not be able to quit for simple things. I would earn my college education money, I would be trained for my job in advance of being placed at the job. I mean, how could I say no at That point? But at 17? I had hopes to go to college and graduate with a bachelors degree, start my career, and never need to enlist. It did not work out that way. Better for me, better for the Army. Thank God I did not get deployed! Jesus Christ! I went to Korea, and that was bad enough. When I arrived, home-grown terrorists were burning down buildings. I saw it in the news. It was madness!
My dad hates my ex-husband, Nigel. He hates him because my dad thinks he was a stupid-ass African man. What my dad doesn't understand, is alot. We supported eachother when we were down. I could have been with him long-term if he had not thought I was cheating and began accusing me of cheating on him while in basic training. I mean, who does that? in Basic Training?! Like what time do I have to myself? Really? It was frustrating at the time because he would have known better if he had enlisted in the Army like I did, and he said he was, but he never did.
The point is that my dad does not know everything. He is not God. His opinion is still an opinion based on the little bit about me that he knows. He does not ask about my thought processes while things are happening, mostly because he was the cause for bad things happening to me! And I stopped talking to him! So, yeah, there's that!
Anyway, last night I was awarded a coaching scholarship. A scholarship to be coached by Brandi Miles and her partner Nick. It was so exciting! I was so happy! Ignite Your Light ends in August, and my coaching begins with them before that! It lasts 12 weeks, and appointments every week. It will really set me up for my future. I love their energy! It's contagious happiness and coolness. I need more of that in my life.
I called Granny and Pepere yesterday to see if they got the portable air conditioner in the house. Pepere managed to get it in the house by using a rug. That was smart of him! I'm proud that he figured out a solution. Now they need to unbox it and set it up to get it running. They are happy to hear from me. I am happy to hear their voices.
I called my mom yesterday, after realizing I missed her call. She is not terrible with Covid-19, but Kenneth caught it now too.
I need to read this "I Think I Might Be Autistic" guide to be able to put into words what makes me Autistic. I don't know why people can't just read about Autism. I swear getting people to read is hard! I don't get it because I love to read. I just find it hard to find the time sometimes. I have to schedule time if I want to read because I have so many responsibilities. I mean from the time I get up to the time I lay down, I am busy with something that needs to get done. It's exhausting. Parenting is a 2-person job at minimum, but they even say "It takes a village to raise a child." I do not have a village. It's just me trying to take on the world, and I have a shitload of disabilities to boot! Dude. If anybody needs help to keep going and rising up, it's me.
After talking to Jesus from physical therapy, I felt better about myself. He has a Puerto-Rican background, but is from New Jersey. He was very friendly and understanding of me. I did not have to put on "Jennifer Show", I was able to be myself. I was relieved to know that I was not the only one with Autism who served in the Army (recently). He is on the Spectrum and was Airborne! I was so happy to be in the office with another veteran, a person with Autism, and an Airborne soldier, all at the same time! I felt at ease to tell him things maybe I would not have told Scott, the prior physical therapist. He helped me get my thoughts straight about what I need to focus on to keep the pain from occurring as much or as painful.
I am still waiting to get my money back from the USAA investigation. I still can't believe the theft happened.
I had to buy Caleb new shoes in men's size 14!
So one thing to reduce back pain is having a proper chair to work in. I bought a cheap orthopedic office chair that holds up to 400 lbs on amazon.com. It should be here on Saturday. I will use my seat cushion, and I might get something for lumbar support. I hope it helps because I spend alot of time at my computer. I will spend even more time on my computer when I start classes at Capella University.
I still keep in touch with Christinia. My dad loves to talk about her. It's frustrating. Like he repeats himself so much. It can be exhausting. It's draining my brain. So much negativity. Jesus! Help him overcome his own problems and leave other people alone!
I gotta give Caleb his medications and prepare for the day. Be blessed!
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