New Start Day 107

     It is now 0513 and I have been awake for only a few minutes. I slept better than I have in a long time. If I didn't have to get up to use the bathroom, I probably would have stayed in bed. I needed to get a drink too. 

    Yesterday was a productive day. Caleb and I went to Food Lion to buy some groceries in the morning. Ashley had a flat tire and needed it replaced, so she was running late. She arrived around 1130. She was able to help us for about 2 hours. In that time, at least 9 bags of trash were removed from the living room! It looks so much better now! It was really a mess that was overwhelming and hard to manage alone. I can't bend over very much without hurting my back. I was so grateful for her help. We sent her home with some Pokemon cards Caleb use to collect, along with some hotwheels cars Caleb use to collect too. We sent her home with some Golden Snitch chocolates for her kids and some greenies dogs treats for her dogs. I was able to clean up the kitchen while she and Caleb worked together on the living room. I was able to get it clean enough to be able to make a dinner on the stovetop last night. I made fettuccine noodles with a meatsauce. 

    I was able to get ready to go out in public yesterday morning. I actually brushed my hair and did my routines. I changed my shirt and felt better about my appearance. 

    Today Ashley is coming over again to help more with the cleaning of the house. I have an appointment with Jason from Revelation Breathwork around 1030 this morning. We should be able to make a lot of progress on getting the floors cleared in the common areas like the living room, hallway, and laundry room. I need to be able to access the laundry room safely so I can do the laundry. So far I have fallen so behind because I can't get Caleb to help me. He has been scared to go back to the laundry room to do the laundry because that is where the back door is. 

    Yesterday the police came to the house. One of our neighbors down the street was scared of Caleb because he was wearing ACUs and the airsoft gun vest walking down the street and into the neighbor's yard. The police asked if Caleb had taken his medication. They believe he was hallucinating the man with the mask because "there was no evidence" of a man being here trying to break in. If Caleb was hallucinating, why did I hear the knocking on the door Friday night at 2100? I'm not saying he wasn't hallucinating what he saw, but I heard the noises. 

    In any case, I have to bring up the possibility of medication changes needed to Ms. Kathy on Wednesday.

    I feel safer in my house with the security cameras on. I have been catching up on sleep the last few days. We have had no more problems with the man. 

    Anyway, I got almost all the dishes washed. I have only a few dishes left to wash today. I hope to be able to wash some laundry today.

    I am likely going to go to the UPS store later to ship my dad and Dona Sharon's Christmas gifts. I will also likely be grilling hamburgers for dinner.

    I'm ready to take my medications and supplements. BRB.

    I got almost all my meds down. Just have the Victoza shot left. Caleb is awake now. 

    I need a shower this morning. I have avoided taking showers lately because I did not want to be in the shower if something happened. Now I have a rash under my left breast. Yeast. I used the Bravo Sierra antibacterial body wipes yesterday, but I need a good shower and to dry completely off. 

    I bought underwear a while ago and I have no idea where it went. I need to find the box it shipped in. 

    We never ate any turkey and I have a feeling by now it might be bad. I might have to throw all the meat away. What a waste. SMDH.

    I might make bacon today. It just depends on how much energy I have left after my shower. I still need to call a plumber to fix the hallway bathroom toilet from running. 

    I am so far behind on my courses that I am currently taking. I have not been doing breathwork. I do Reiki every night on myself. I have not caught up on the seminars from Revelation Breathwork and the Prosperous Healer. I have too much to do. Breathe. 

    One of my rings caused a blister on my finger from rubbing it. I had to fix the problem so it doesn't get worse.

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

New Start Day 106

     It is now 0240 and I have been up for a few minutes. I am listening to Erica Rock's November telecall. I woke up because I needed to use the bathroom and I was getting too warm. 

    Yesterday Caleb and I installed 2 security cameras. I feel better now.

    I wrapped all the Christmas presents I already have in Christmas bags. I went ahead and sent Chrisitinia her box of presents. Unfortunately I insured the box and listed what was in it on the packaging label at UPS. Ugh. I wanted it to be a surprise!

    Caleb and I went out to Food Lion to buy ground beef to make spaghetti with. We then went to UPS over by Lowe's Foods. I wanted to get Caleb's hair cut but he was not ready. I wanted to stop for Chinese food since the restaurant is right there, but Caleb did not want it. So, I put gas in the car and went home.

    We left later to go to Jersey Mike's. I was just hungry and could not cook for myself. I got no cleaning done. The whole day was taken up by installing the security cameras and setting them up.

    Today is Sunday. I need to prep for Ashley to come help clean up tomorrow. I told Caleb I needed a rest day though, so we will see how far I get with anything. I was exhausted last night. I went to bed pretty early. Caleb was jacked up on Maple syrup and frozen waffles. I forgot that Maple syrup does that to him. The sugar just adds to his hyperactivity. 

    Surprisingly the security camera app did not chime last night. 

    I was burning from the inside out because I asked for heavy cherry pepper relish on my sub. 

    The day before yesterday, I burned a lot of sage and some palo santo. The sage caught into a big fire and I dropped it in a candle. Eventually Caleb poured water on it to kill it. It erupted in higher flames. He used the fire extinguisher to put the fire out. 

    I think we might be done with this stalker. That would be great. I would like to get back to my normal way of being. I would like to stop carrying a weapon with me everywhere I go in my own house. I want to be able to sleep when I need to sleep. I want to be able to rest peacefully. 

    I took advantage of the 65% sale at Sounds True and bought some classes to learn about trauma and healing. I have enough to keep me busy all year long next year. 

    I am ready to take my medications and supplements. BRB.

    I had to wake Caleb up to get more sweet tea from the Mazda so I could finish taking my pills. It is now 0348.

    I finished listening to Erica Rock's November tele-call. 

    We have to load up the trash cans today for pickup tomorrow. 

    I get to clean up the kitchen, even though I said I was taking a rest day. It's the only way to be able to cook dinner tonight. I bought these hamburger patties on sale that are a mix of ground chuck and beef brisket. They should taste pretty good. I might have to make them tonight because they were a manager's special due to needing to be cooked right away. 

    I need Caleb to clear the hallway. I gotta shop vac and begin the carpet cleaning process. 

    I just went shopping online at amazon and Lowe's. I had to buy things to keep up the house from Lowe's and needed extra phone chargers from amazon. I was able to buy 2 of the books I wrote in on sale for cheaper than the author's price! 

    I am ready to go lie down with Bella and Bubba in bed. It is now 0541. I have been awake for a long time now. I have a lot to accomplish today so I want to be well-rested and re-energized. 

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

    

    

New Start Day 105

     It is now 0212 and I have been awake for about 40 minutes. I was too warm and got up. I ate some red grapes and blueberries. I called my dad and spoke with him for a little while. Caleb woke up a few minutes after I got up. He is wide awake. 

    Yesterday we went out to Jersey Mike's for brunch. We stopped at Lowe's Foods on the way home to buy bread for sandwiches since Caleb ate the entire loaf I just bought. We came home and I needed a nap after finishing my giant sub. I ate the first half while at Jersey Mike's and the second half when we got home. 

    I wanted to clean up inside the house since it was raining outside when we left the house. When we came home, it was no longer raining. I ended up hand-washing a bunch of dishes to fill the dish strainer, and pre-washing the dishes that I loaded into the dishwasher. I had to stop before completing the job because my back was hurting. I still have pots and pans to wash. 

    One of Caleb's neighbor friends brought over a plate of Thanksgiving food for him. It had fried turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes, brussel sprouts, broccoli and cheese, some sort of vegetable mixture, ham, and a biscuit. Caleb shared his plate with me. It was good! I was thankful for his friend, named Stan. 

    I did not do any Black Friday shopping. When I went to pay at Jersey Mike's, the credit card I use to pay for things was declined due to insufficient funds. I paid using my debit card, but had to check on my accounts when I got home. Yeah, I spent a lot lately, so I had nothing to spend yesterday. 

    Yesterday I got the security cameras in the mail. I am going to ask Jerry if he can install them for me today.

    Last night Caleb broke down the door to the guest room because that was the only way in. He nailed a door to the frame to keep anyone from coming in. Anyway, he broke it down yesterday because he thought that man might be in there. He was able to completely shut the window and nail it closed. He covered the window with a tapestry since the blinds broke, and we did not want to be spied on. 

    I asked if Ashley, Stacy's stepdaughter, who owns a housecleaning service could help us clean up the house. I am tired of living this way and need help. She is coming to help on Monday. In the meantime, I am trying to get Caleb to clean up as much as we can.

    I bought Caleb some cargo pants for Christmas. He feels comfortable in my old ACUs. I want him to have civilian pants that he can wear. 

    I am still behind in the Revelation Breathwork and the Prosperous Healer seminars. I bought a Meditation and Mindfulness course kit. I also purchased some trauma healing classes from Rewire Therapy. 

    Bella is sitting on my foot! Oh Bella boo boo! Such a sweet girl!

    Today I am aiming to finish cleaning the kitchen. I want to get a bunch of laundry washed. I will have to take over washing laundry because I can't trust Caleb to keep the laundry moving. I want Caleb to clear the hallway. 

    I'm ready to get my medications and supplements down. BRB.

    Got that done. 

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

    

Haunted November , 2022

 I am being haunted by this bunny mask wearing man. He stalks the house every night and even during the day. The police won't do anything about it. Caleb has confronted and even talked to the man. The man states "I never meant any harm." He took his mask off and showed Caleb his scarred face. Even though those were his words, he continues to stalk my home. Caleb has since shot him in the forehead with BB gun. Bubba, the pitbull puppy, bit the man in the butt. At another time, Caleb shot him with a BB gun in the butt (last night as a matter of fact) and Bubba bit him in the crotch. I haven't gotten my security cameras in the mail yet, but once they arrive, they will be installed. The man will be caught on camera and charges will be pressed. 

      I feel like I am supposed to be learning some lessons during all of this. I almost feel like this man is a manifestation of my shadow self. We still don't know why he keeps coming back or is doing what he is doing. I am trying to catch him on camera, but keep a loaded BB gun on me, and other weapons to protect myself nearby.  This man has been haunting me every night since Friday night. I'm going to burn sage today and light some candles. I am going to spread salt around the house, and if I have enough salt, I will cover the backyard perimeter too. 

      I don't hate this man. I hate what this man is doing and how I am reacting to it. I am a bunch of nerves that are rattled and on edge. I am so tired, but I can't sleep. I don't think about him during the day, but he is out there then too. I am constantly looking around and protecting myself. It's exhausting.   

      I feel like this man is attracted to my home for a reason. I don't know what that reason is. After being hurt, you would think he wouldn't come back, but he comes back.

      I am not as scared as I was. This person needs real help. He obviously doesn't know the danger he is putting himself in. This is not a joke to me. I am applying for a pistol permit today. I won't be a victim. I hate that I have to protect myself in my own house. I am wearing a gun holding vest just to clean my kitchen. It's really ridiculous that I should have to do that to wash dishes. I'm exhausted from my fear running so high for so long. 

      I ask for peace. I ask for resolution of this situation quickly. I ask for the safety of my home, property, and my family, to include my fur babies. I just want to sleep soundly and deeply to restore myself.  

      Hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving,

      Jennifer de Mello

New Start day 104

     It is now 0311. I have been awake for about 20 minutes. I am listening to Elizabeth Peru's last call for 2022. I just took most of my medications and supplements. So many pills!

    Yesterday morning the guy was hiding in the bushes behind our backyard fence. He was wearing the same bunny mask he was wearing the night before when Caleb saw him. I was on the phone with my dad and trying to take my Victoza shot. Caleb took the BB gun and shot the guy!

    Last night the guy came back and went into our shed. Caleb let the dogs out and Bubba bit the bunny mask wearing guy in the ass!

    In other news, I had to cancel my appointment at the VA for yesterday. It didn't feel right to be gone from home for so long right now.

    Both the Mazda and the Volvo batteries were dead and unable to charge or jumpstart. I asked the next-door neighbors if we could get a ride to Walmart to exchange the Mazda battery. Devin, Chris' daughter drove us. I could not stop talking to her! LOL

    Caleb installed the Mazda battery. I connected the terminals though. It was still under warranty so I did not have to pay to exchange the battery. 

    I ordered Domino's AGAIN. At least I ordered some salads too. Caleb ate a salad! He never eats salad! I was proud of my son yesterday. 

    We were able to buy groceries at Food Lion and stop at the auto shop where dad had his car towed. 

    We didn't get any housework done with all the running around we did. Oh I almost forgot that I FINALLY took a shower! I felt so much better after I got dressed and ate lunch. I felt like I had good energy. 

    I bought sweet potatoes to cook, a couple of cans of corn, a couple of bags of cut collard greens, and a couple bags of potatoes for Caleb to eat with our turkey. I bought sandwich bread, lettuce, tomatoes, and bacon to make turkey club sandwiches. I just realized that I did not buy mayo!

    The guy came to the backyard the night before last too. That's when Caleb saw his bunny mask. I did not call the police that night or last night. 

    I got so distracted. Better luck tomorrow.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

New Start Day 103

     It is now 0225 and I have been awake for a few minutes. Yesterday I was so tired that I was not able to get anything done. I had to rest. I encouraged Caleb to get some work done, but he didn't do much. I am tired now, but I needed something to eat and drink. I had ham and Swiss cheese for an early breakfast.

    As darkness approached, Caleb and I prepared for our unwanted visitor. We gathered our weapons and reviewed our plans for safety. It was about 1645 when I decided to stand guard outside of my porch door, in the light. I told Caleb to let the dogs out in the backyard. Caleb wanted to stand in the backyard even though I wanted him to be safe inside the house. 

    I called the police department prior to going outside. I wanted to know what we could do to prevent another occurrence. A police officer looked at our back door and was not convinced that anyone was trying to break in to our house.

    I also wrote on my Facebook page:

    "It's getting dark here in North Carolina. We are getting prepared for our unwanted visitor. I hate this so much. And it's right around the holidays too. I wish I knew what this guy wanted. I would give it to him just for him to never come back.

I posted on the Oak Island Locals page just to be bullied, hated, and made fun of. This is my life. This is why I don't have friends here. This is why I don't look for connecting with people here. They don't know me at all and they say the most hate-filled things when I am seeking support.

I feel not only threatened by the man who continues to try to enter my home illegally, but by the lack of police support to prevent this situation from occurring tonight, and the lack of local resident support.

I am a single white female, single parent, disabled veteran, college graduate, business owner, contributing book author, blog writer, Reiki Master, Revelation Breathwork Facilitator, valid driver, supporter of many causes, voter. Not knowing how to handle this out of the blue situation, I am relying on my previous training.

I hate feeling targeted on so many levels from so many people. I want my life to go back to focusing on what I want to focus on, not emergency services. How can I relax when I am clearly begin targeted and have no clue who is doing this to us?

I continue to act in LOVE. Whoever is doing this clearly needs help of some kind. This is not normal behavior I am seeing.

I will however never cease to protect my home and my family.

If you read this, let me know I have your support. I feel alone in this."

    Caleb and I stood guard outside of the house for a little more than an hour. When our neighbor, Chris came home, he checked our new motion-sensor lights for us. We went inside after that.

    

    It was 1900 when I looked at the clock. The knocking on the back door occurred a few minutes before that. I went to the back door, but nobody was there. The back light was on. I am guessing he got scared and ran away.

    I happened to be on the phone with my dad at the time I heard the knocking on the door. I hung up with him and called Chris, like he told me to do. Chris came outside and looked around but saw nobody.

    I was satisfied and ate my leftover pizza. I took my meds, let them settle in my stomach, and went to bed.

    Standing outside on guard helped me to remain calm when the man came again. It helped Caleb to calm down too.

    Today I have an appointment with Jason from Revelation Breathwork. I need to get this house cleaned up if I can manage it.

    I started cleaning up my room yesterday. I was gathering dirty clothes in a laundry basket to be washed. I also began picking up trash from the floor. Caleb began trying to clean up the bathroom so I could take a shower. I had him begin washing laundry too.

    I need Caleb to put away the dishes in the dishwasher and the dish strainer. I never asked him to do it yesterday because I wanted him to clean up the bathroom so I could take a shower. I never got to take my shower because Caleb never finished cleaning the bathroom. Hopefully I can take a shower this morning. I look like a wreck because I have not been doing my morning routine in the morning since I got home.

    I got the Modern Gents ring I ordered yesterday. It fits! And it's lovely.

    I got the toaster I ordered from amazon, along with a few other things I ordered. I wanted to be able to toast the keto bread I bought for my turkey sandwiches.

    I have a lot of seminars to catch up on from Revelation Breathwork and the Prosperous Healer. I think I might spend Thanksgiving watching some of those so I can catch up.

    I think I'm ready to take my meds. BRB.

    I took most of my meds and supplements. I need a shower.

    I'm just letting all those pills I just took settle in my stomach before I take my Victoza shot.

    I've got to change my mattress protector. With 2 dogs and a teenage boy sleeping in my bed, it doesn't stay clean for long. I need Caleb to pick up the trash that I raked into piles. I need Caleb to prep the hallway for a deep carpet cleaning. I need Caleb to clean up the mess in the laundry room too. After he puts the dishes away, I will have places to put the dishes I wash and I will be able to load the dishwasher to run it. I have to clean out the fridge and freezer of the food that has gone bad. I need to come up with a grocery list of things we want to eat on Thanksgiving. We probably won't need much, but I don't want to be without food if the grocery stores are going to be closed.

    I don't remember taking Bubba to be weighed in to get his meds this month. I don't think I did that yet. I might have to go in today.

    I think I'm ready to get my shower. I itch like crazy when I am not clean. I have to go find some clothes to wear. I don't know where all my far infrared compression tank tops are. I'm going to try to find one. Maybe I have a basket of clean clothes in my messy room. It wouldn't surprise me. Time goes by so fast for me. It seems like I can never catch up to being normal. I am always working to get out of being behind. It's exhausting to feel like I work so hard and don't get very far. It would help me if Caleb wasn't going behind me and making more messes and if he would clean up after himself. Most of what needs to be cleaned is because of him. Trying to train him to clean up after himself is difficult. He resists anything I say. He doesn't want to work or complete tasks. It's important for him to know how to keep a clean house. I had chores before I was his age. I was washing the family's laundry, cooking meals, and hand-washing dishes at elementary school age.

    I feel the pressure to train him. I thought I was training him all along. I feel the pressure to be successful at training him. I have to do what it takes to get him to understand that there are things that are important to do on a regular basis.

    It's times like these that I wish I had a life partner. I shoulder the burden of parenting Caleb all by myself. It's a lot to take on, especially when he is so disobedient and defiant. I'm trying to keep him out of trouble too. I can't help him if he doesn't listen.

    I'm doing the best I can with what I know. At least we are done with the psych eval. He has regular mental health appointments. I feel like I had to put a lot of energy to get this far. At least we have diagnoses and I can learn more about them and try to help Caleb the best way I can.

    Autism isn't easy for anyone, and neither is ADHD, anxiety, depression, or PTSD.

    I am tired and sleepy. I'm going to rest for a little while before I go take a shower. It is now 0407.

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

New Start Day 102

     It is now 0423 and I have been awake for a little while. Caleb is awake too. Yesterday we had another scare. That man came back and tried to get into the back door. Caleb opened the door and ran after him. I called the police.

    Other than that, my day was good. I spent the morning getting stuff done. I cleared a lot of broken down boxes and broken down furniture pieces from the porch by myself. I also swept the kitchen floor and picked up stuff that had fallen. I then went to the backyard and began raking the trash the dogs tore up into piles for Caleb to pick up.

    I spent the afternoon in Revelation Breathwork Facilitator class. I had a good time there until I was interrupted once again by this dude trying to enter my house illegally. 

    Today is the Monday before Thanksgiving. I have no appointments today, thank God. I am tired. It's nice and cold here now. I am wearing a sweater. I never took a shower so I need to do that today. Caleb has to get the rest of the trash from the backyard. He also needs to put the clean dishes from the dishwasher and dish strainer away. I have laundry to wash. I have dishes to wash.

    I have to clean out the fridge. 

    I have to take my meds. I got most of them down.

    I don't have much to say today. When Caleb wakes up he is talkative. My brain doesn't work under those conditions. I'll have better luck next time.

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

    Added:

    I wrote this email to one of my mentors:

      "I couldn't wait to share what is happening here until our appointment. Friday I came back home from visiting my dad for a few days. Friday night someone was knocking hard on our front door. I had already gone to bed, but I heard it from my room. It was around 9pm. I don't like unexpected visitors and people close to me know that. I have C-PTSD and it triggers me. I hate it when someone knocks on the door so I ask to be given a heads up if someone wants to visit so I can look out the window and greet them without them knocking on the door or using the doorbell. We did not expect anyone at that time, and we were scared when the same person jumped our fence to knock hard on the back door. I called the police because Caleb was scared, and I didn't know what to do. 

      No one was found. We fell asleep eventually.

      Saturday I had a Revelation Breathwork Facilitator class all afternoon and it was supposed to last until 7:30pm. I had to leave class early because the same person from Friday night came back and reached into my guest bedroom window. Caleb hit the hand with a hammer. I called the police again. No one was found again. We fell asleep eventually again. I failed to mention that I picked up an aluminum baseball bat and went outside to protect my family.

      Sunday I had the rest of the class, same schedule as Saturday. Around 5:51pm the same person was trying to get in the back door. Caleb yelled for me. I took up my bat and a tactical knife and went to the door. I did not see anyone. Caleb opened the door and took off running after someone. The man ran down the street towards the main road. I called the police again. 

      I don't know if I told you, but I'm an Army veteran. I served 4 years. I have been trained to fight wars. My sense of control collapsed the first night and my fear was strong. The second night, I overcame my fear to protect my family and went looking for the perpetrator. The third night, Caleb overcame his fear to run after the perpetrator. 

      In all of this, our dogs did not bark, growl, howl, or anything. They were totally calm and not paying attention.

      I get the feeling I am being tested. For what, I do not know. I almost feel the need to prove myself as if someone is judging my reactions. 

      My Revelation Breathwork Facilitator teachers both mentioned my halo before class started Sunday. It wasn't even sunny outside. It was gray and dismal. I have no lamps or lights behind me. I could see it too. I've accepted that I am surrounded by light beings. I ask for them to guide and protect me nearly daily, so why wouldn't they be around? I like it when others validate what I am seeing so I know it's not just me who is witnessing this phenomena.  I find it strange that I have never witnessed someone else's camera pick up the same light around them.

      Anyway, I figured if nothing else you could offer your thoughts so I have more than mine to contemplate. Keep us in your prayers for our safety.

Jennifer de Mello"

New Start Day 101

     It has been a few days since my last post. It is now 0357 and I have been awake for a few minutes. I left for Lumberton on Tuesday after trying to clean up a bit so I would not come home to bugs in the house. We got there and went to eat at Outback with my dad. We had a good time. On Wednesday I was planning to see Lella in Fayetteville for lunch to meet her and her kids. She never told me what time to meet her, but then she went to Zaxby's and said she was there. I had not left Lumberton yet and had to make it to my CPAP appointment. We ended up missing each other. I made it to the Reford Road VA Clinic where my appointment was. I ended up chatting with a veteran in the waiting area. She was sitting close to me, so I struck up a conversation with her. It was validating to have a conversation with another veteran.

    I got my CPAP replaced with a newer model. The appointment did not require much. The person helping me was nice. I went back to the van and we left to go eat at Zorba's Greek restaurant. I love gyros. Oh! We had IHOP for breakfast.

    On Thursday we had Denny's for breakfast. I wanted to train my dad and Dona Sharon to level 1 Reiki so we stayed an extra day. I ended up taking Dona Sharon to the license plate agency and helping my dad have his car towed. I was having panic attack symptoms that had no cause. I could not teach like that. We had Jersey Mike's for lunch/dinner. 

    On Friday we had Waffle House for breakfast then came back to pack. We left the room a mess of dog pee and poop. We did our best to get the pee up with towels, but Caleb had nothing to pick the poop up with.

    While we were there Caleb saw a rat in the vent in the bathroom. 

    We got home just in time for me to get ready for my appointment with Dr. Kent for my diabetes medication review. The Wifi needed to be restarted. I could not access my Virta app to create the spreadsheet I normally send to Dr. Kent. I could not access the internet on my computer either. Dr. Kent called and I was unprepared. I asked to schedule another appointment in a month due to technical problems. 

    Friday night someone banged at our door around 9pm. We did not answer the door. The person jumped the fence and banged on the back door. Caleb was scared so I called 9-1-1. The police came and did not find anyone around the house. The shed was open. 

    Yesterday was Saturday. I had Revelation Breathwork Facilitator class from noon to 7:30pm. Before I could finish class, around 6:20pm or so, someone reached their hand in the window of Christinia's old room. I called the police. They did not find the person.

    I called my dad but he was too tired to hear me out so I talked to Dona Sharon. She helped me calm myself by letting me talk to her. I was not able to finish the class. 

    The class continues today at noon. Hopefully there will be no more problems with that person who keeps coming over here. 

    I just got sidetracked doing some shopping. Did a little bit of Christmas shopping while it was on my mind, before I forget what my intentions were. 

    I need to take my medications and supplements. BRB.

    I just ordered some business supplies from vistaprint. I ordered some dog supplies for my fur babies too. 

    Today I have class starting at noon. The replay is not up yet from yesterday, so I can't catch up on what I missed. I had to leave real quick and in a hurry to call the police last night. I was about to start facilitating breathwork for my partner who just facilitated my breathwork session. I feel bad for having to leave like that. 

    I have to clean out the Mazda at some point this week. It stinks. I have to clean out the fridge before tonight too to make sure the bad food gets out in the trash. 

    I made it home in enough time to go pay the water bill on Friday so that's done. We also went to Amsterdam Life to pick up some Delta blend gummies to try for pain. Then we went to Food Lion so Caleb could buy some food. He wanted to buy a money card for his XBox with the money he got from his papa. I bought some salad ingredients thinking the salad ingredients in the fridge probably weren't good anymore. I'm not sure. I haven't checked yet. It seems like everything is happening so fast that I haven't had time to recover from the trip before I had to start working. 

    Caleb put up the new Christmas lights on the tree yesterday. They are pretty. 

    Caleb broke down the door to Christinia's old room the other night. I think it was Friday night. He thought someone was in there. 

    I tried to unlock the gate last night but I could not find the key to the lock. The keys I tried did not want to go in the lock. 

    We ordered Domino's Friday night. I ate a lot of brownies. I need to get back on my diet before I start gaining weight. 

    The house is a disaster area. I need Caleb to help me clean up. I can't do everything without him because he is the reason it got like that in the first place. I need his help to clean up because the job is massive and overwhelming. I need his help because I need him to stop doing things that cause this sort of chaos in the house. I need him to clean up after himself and follow my instructions when I tell him to do something. When I say "Take out the trash", I do not mean take it out of the trash can and leave it in the living room, for example. I mean take it out of the house and put it into the trash bin outside. This is frustrating the Hell out of me. I hate living like this. 

    Thanksgiving is next week. I'm not going to do anything special. I told my dad that our visit was like Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas wrapped into one. I gave both my dad and Dona Sharon those neck massagers for Christmas. I have to remind the to use them. 

    When I was talking to a classmate yesterday, I wondered if my no-reason panic attack symptoms were caused by what my future held with the person banging on the door and the police calls. I was calm when dealing with the Friday night. Saturday night I went outside with an aluminum baseball bat to beat this person's head in. I refuse to be this person's victim. I refuse to live scared in my own house. My neighbors know about what has happened here. Chris, the next-door neighbor, says to call him after calling the police next time.  

    I love spending time with Maura and Jason from Revelation Breathwork. I wish I could schedule more time with them. My schedule has been so off lately that I can't keep up with basic needs. I am late for my shower, for instance. I am ripe! I bought a bunch of those Bravo Sierra antibacterial body wipes to help me get through the time between showers but still. 

    I had a weird reaction to being over there in Lumberton. I woke up with back pain, which I assumed was because of the mattress. I had a full dump in the toilet each morning I was there. I could not believe my regularity! I struggle with chronic constipation so it was weird. I even let out a few blood clots from my period. I have not had a full period in more than a year! So that was strange too. 

    I love my dogs. They love to cuddle in bed with us. Strangely they have not barked when we were dealing with the banging on the doors. They were in bed with me at the time. Maybe they did not hear it? I was already in bed when it happened. I got up, of course. Caleb was scared. 

    I asked Caleb all day today to clear a path from the front door to the screen door to make it easy to get out of the house in case we needed to in a hurry. This boy resists work at all costs. He did not do a single thing while I was in my class. It would have taken maybe 15 minutes to clean up those broken down boxes that are on the floor on the porch. 

    I feel like now I have to carry a weapon in my own house. It's really ridiculous. 

    If I didn't have class today, I would be cleaning the house up. I've been asking Caleb to get the laundry moving. I don't know if he has been or not. We have many blankets that need to be washed. 

    The door knob on the shed is broken. I don't know how that happened. Caleb went out there and tried to put some 550 cord to keep it closed. Then last night the shed was open again! WTF?!

    I don't know what this person wants or why they keep coming here. As far as I know, I do not have any enemies. Whoever this is, is not in their right mind. I don't know if it's drugs or what, but I'm guessing it is drugs. He/she came to the wrong house. I don't have drugs. I don't have money. I barely have food. I give food freely to those in need when I see them. Why is this person behaving like that?

    Clearly he/she doesn't know me well enough to call me on my phone. It's a stranger. Why my house? I can't think of anyone who would be acting this way. If they want food or whatever, he/she is going about it the wrong way. Somebody is going to get hurt if this continues. It won't be me, Caleb, or my dogs. Just putting that out in the universe.

    I went ahead and asked to cover myself, my family, my house, my vehicles, and my property in protection.  I am secure that I am being divinely supported. 

    So, I have class from noon until 1930 tonight. Hopefully there won't be any distractions or police calls. Tuesday I have a 1-on-1 appointment with Jason from Revelation Breathwork. Wednesday I have an in-person appointment at the VA Women's Clinic in Wilmington. I also have my appointment with Jana Carrey at 1700. Thursday is Thanksgiving. That's all that we have going on the week. I will not be working with Brandi this week again because I have that appointment with Jason on Tuesday morning and because of the holiday. I have to remember to contact her and let her know. 

    It is now 0633 and I am just thinking. I need a shower. I would feel better if I washed up and changed my clothes. I don't know if I have any more far infrared compression tank tops to wear though. That sucks. I really like how they feel. I bought more but they haven't arrived yet. 

    I did decide to buy a Healthyline chakra light therapy mat the other day. It arrived last night. I can't wait to set it up and try it. 

    There's so much to do right now. I wish I had someone I could ask for help to get my house back in order. 

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

    

New Start Day 100

     It is now 0047 and I have been up for about 15 minutes. I am tired but I was thirsty and hungry and needed to use the bathroom. I was too hot in bed. I had to get up to sir out and cool off. I am having trouble sleeping since I no longer have the use of my CPAP. It died a few days ago and I won't be able to replace it until Wednesday when I got to the VA CPAP clinic in Fayetteville. 

    Yesterday went differently than I expected. I took a shower finally yesterday morning before the appointment I had with Ashley. I was ok but felt like I might be overstimulated from the shower. It's not an uncommon thing for me, I just don't remember sensations feeling that strong. My appointment with Ashley was a no-show. She messaged me late last night apologizing. I think she needs a Reiki session more than she realizes. I might try to reschedule one time. I was super tired and went to try to take a nap. I could not fall asleep so eventually, I got back up. I ordered Domino's for the day. Caleb and I began cleaning up the living room that he trashed. He finally got all the boxes moved onto the porch. I was able to shop vac a small part of the carpet to make room to store our drinks. Bags of trash went out. We got as much done as our weak bodies could do. We only worked for a few hours before my legs were starting to give out. There is still more work to be done. I hope to make more progress today. 

    I didn't make it to my class. I was too tired from not sleeping well lately. I can't sleep as well without my CPAP.

    Today Bubba goes to the vet for his follow-up flu shot. I have another class tonight that I probably won't make it to. 

    I just want to be able to sleep. I am so tired from not getting enough sleep. I have to drive so far away just to replace my CPAP. That was the soonest I could get there. 

    If I don't cook the turkey today, I will have to throw it away. At this point, I don't care because I'm tired and can't push myself any harder than what I already am.

    Caleb has to clean out the Mazda for our road trip with the dogs to Lumberton tomorrow. I haven't even left yet, and I already can't wait to be back home. I hate traveling. There's so much work involved. 

    I'm trying to get things organized over here so we just have to worry about maintenance in the future. We won't have to spend so much time cleaning if Caleb gets his act together. The floors have to be cleared so I can shop vac, pet vac, and shampoo the carpet. 

    Caleb is supposed to be working on getting ht laundry washed. He got all the brand-new blankets dirty within a week. He is going to wash them. 

    I accepted the partial scholarship from Yogamu for the Yoga Therapist program. 

    I have been feeling weird for a couple of days now. 11/11/2022 was a portal as well as Veterans Day. I also had my mentorship call with Jana Carrey then. I've been getting glimpses of images pop up in my head. They don't last long enough for me to know what I'm seeing. I've been getting the weird vibes from colors again too, where it makes me feel like I'm burning up from the inside out. I don't understand what I am supposed to get from all this. I asked my guides to communicate with me in a language I understand. 

    I will take over the laundry since it takes Caleb forever to get a single load washed and dried. Caleb will assist me in cleaning the living room to the point where the floor can be cleaned. He has to unload the dishwasher and the dish strainer for me. He has to clear the floor in the hallway to be cleaned too. I don't even want to look in his room right now. 

    I have to begin packing for our trip tomorrow. We are just going to go at a leisurely pace so I am not stressed out  and also so I don't forget something important. I have to pack all of my medications and supplements. That's a duffle bag right there. Caleb has to wash out Bubba's crate today and make sure he has a clean blanket for inside. Caleb has to take the trash out of the Mazda and clear out the trunk space to be able to load everything we need. 

    I guess I'm ready to take my morning medications. BRB Man! That's a lot of pills I take in the morning now. I recently added some to help me with my diet. 

    I just have to let my pills settle in my stomach before I can go back to bed. If I go now, and lie down, they will come back up. 

    I can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving already. It's still warm outside. I'm glad I returned those sweaters and hoodies. It's not cold enough for me to wear them comfortably. 

    We found a big box of hair products under the table. No wonder I couldn't find what I was looking for! It had never been opened! Ugh.

    Here is a photo of me yesterday.

    Here is a photo of what was behind me.

    Does anyone else think it's strange that the light behaved that way around me? There is a tree in front of the window outside. There is a bookcase in front of the window on the inside. When I took a photo of the space behind me directly with my phone camera, it's dark. When I took a photo of myself on the zoom call screen, I have rays of light in front of me. How does the light get in front of me? There was no distortion from taking a photo of the computer screen. How it appears here is how it appeared on my screen. I find it odd. 

    

    I have to remember to make an appointment with Marcela this week. I need to check in with Jenn too. I need to let Michal know that I will likely not be able to make Wednesday's Next Steps meeting. 

    Sheila asked about buying a gift certificate for someone for Christmas from my Reiki business! Isn't that great? 

    

    Well, it's about time for me to get some rest. I have taken care of my needs.

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!

New Start Day 99

     It is now 0007 and I keep waking up. I am soaked in my own sweat. I had to get up to dry off and air out. I needed a drink too. I commonly breathe through my mouth when sleeping so my mouth dries out. I am still very tired. I am very sweaty and hot though.

    Yesterday was a productive day. I was able to supervise Caleb and guide him into doing work. We got most of the boxes ready to be picked up and hauled away. They had to be moved to the porch, broken down into smaller pieces, and bagged. I worked on getting the kitchen cleaned up a bit. I mostly turned into a Drill Sergeat to get Caleb working though. He is so resistant to work. I just wanted everything be done with. I got him working on his laundry and he took the kitchen trash out. He broke down the boxes we stored on the porch temporarily and began to bag the pieces. I did not cook like I wanted. I ordered brunch using DoorDash and ordered from Bo'Jangles. Caleb just woke up.

    I woke up a couple hours ago for the same reason. I needed a drink and wanted to eat too. Today is Sunday. There is just so much work that we need to do. I feel like it never ends. I am going to take the opportunity to throw away the things that I no longer need or want, or donate them. I have all this stuff that was removed from the china cabinet I got rid of earlier this year. Caleb began working on fixing up the shed so we can use it again the other day. I need to box the stuff I want to keep, but not keep in the house,  and put it out there in the shed to store.

    I started putting my new houseplants where I want them to be. So far I have 2 live tiny Christmas trees unpacked and 4 smaller ribbon plants unpacked. Caleb unpacked the baby olive tree, and brought in the snake plant from the porch. It's beginning to look a lot greener in here. The air quality should get better too.

    I just took most of my medications and supplements. I was super thirsty, so why not go ahead and get that done while drinking my tea?

    Caleb went back to bed. I never did take a shower yesterday. I had a hard time doing much of anything yesterday. I wanted to get work done but I needed Caleb to do his work first. I didn't want to take a shower and then get cleaning the house afterward. 

    Today I am going to take a shower. It's a priority today. Caleb is going to pick up where he left off yesterday with his work. I have a turkey to roast. We have to make sure the trash bins and recycling bin are full and taken to the road. We are still washing laundry. We have a lot of blankets to wash. The Mazda needs to be cleaned out. 

    We are going to Lumberton on Tuesday because I have an appointment in Fayetteville on Wednesday. It is too far for me to drive all the way there and back in one day. I will have to bring the dogs with us and stay the night a couple of nights. 

    I'm trying to get as much work done as we can before we leave so we don't come home to so much work. 

    Yesterday I had a Reiki session scheduled with Rachel, but she was't feeling well. I meant to do a distance healing Reiki session to help her feel better, but I forgot about it as /i got more involved with housework. I have a Reiki session with Ashley this morning. I have a class tonight that I was not aware of. Tomorrow I take Bubba to get his flu shot in the morning.I have the Prosperous Healer class at night. Tuesday we are driving to Lumberton. Wednesday I have my appointment to get my new CPAP at the Fayetteville VA. Thursday we drive home. Friday I have my phone appointment with Dr. Kent regarding my diabetes medications.Saturday and Sunday I have all-day class in Breathwork Facilitating. So it's non-stop work over here this week.

    In between all that we have to catch up on our chores and pay the bills. Time goes by so fast because we are almost always working. 

    I had a rough day yesterday. Caleb is so resistant to working that we often run into trouble whenever I need him to work. Let's just say there was a lot of yelling going on. I could not get my point across to him. It's like he has the hardest time understanding that he needs to clean up after himself all the time. I cannot be his maid. I cannot afford to hire a maid for him. He must be responsible for picking up his messes. He is old enough to do it without me having to tell him every single time. It's frustrating as Hell. No matter how many times I tell him, it's not sinking in that "Hey! This important!"

    He has to argue and talk back about every job I tell him to do. I would not have survived my teenage years if I did that. 

    Anyway, I think I'm going to try to get more rest. It is only 0134 now. I haven't slept a lot. I need quality sleep. It's hard to get without my CPAP. I am using a student pillow turned upside down to support me leaning upward as I rest. I have to have my head up to breathe, but not like on a regular pillow. I need to leaning against a pillow from my shoulders up where my head can rest and not be suffocated by the pillow. I sleep on my back. I can't wait to have my new CPAP machine. 

    Both the dogs are sleeping in my bed with Caleb. I am ready to go join them. I have a lot of work to get done today. I did not even realize that I have a class tonight until I looked at my calendar earlier. Ugh. This is why I can't go back to school. I can't manage all this stuff on a regular basis. 

    In other news, Sheila wants to buy a Reiki session gift certificate for someone for Christmas! Isn't that awesome?! I am excited. I was thinking that I would make gift certificates, but I never got around to it. 

    I spent some of yesterday backing up my computer to the new external hard drive I bought. It is 16TB. I thought I was getting a good deal, but there is no backup software and Windows does not recognize the device half of the time. In order to avoid problems in the future I went ahead and bought another external hard drive from a trusted brand to back my computer up. 

    I still haven't gotten caught up on the classes I missed. I have to watch Module 4 of the Next Steps Program, a few Revelation Breathwork and Prosperous Healer seminars too. I feel bad for missing so many live classes. It sucks to fall behind. 

    1 have 3 ads running on Facebook/Instagram that have converted to 0 appointments. I don't know if it's a total waste because now more people know I'm in business. I updated my website a few days ago so there is more information available. 

    I'm wondering if I might be able to catch up with a couple of friends while I'm in Fayetteville. Lella lives close by. I'm not sure how far away Rachel is. I have a Facebook friend who works at one the VA clinics in Fayetteville too. It'd be nice to see them again. I need to give Lella a hug because we made it this far. It's been about 15 years since we were stationed in Korea together. 

    I was offered a partial scholarship to an 800Hr Yoga Program. I decided to take it. I don't know why I can't stop taking classes. My schedule is so full already. I guess I just enjoy the learning. It will allow me to offer more services in the future. The program is so expensive and I really wanted to try it. I could not just sit back and let the opportunity pass without acting on it. I might not ever be able to afford to take it again. If someone offers you a scholarship and you don't take it, do you think they will offer you another scholarship at a later date? Probably not, right? 

    Anyway, I just finished my Dew. I'm ready to go lie down in bed. 

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!