New Start Day 103

     It is now 0225 and I have been awake for a few minutes. Yesterday I was so tired that I was not able to get anything done. I had to rest. I encouraged Caleb to get some work done, but he didn't do much. I am tired now, but I needed something to eat and drink. I had ham and Swiss cheese for an early breakfast.

    As darkness approached, Caleb and I prepared for our unwanted visitor. We gathered our weapons and reviewed our plans for safety. It was about 1645 when I decided to stand guard outside of my porch door, in the light. I told Caleb to let the dogs out in the backyard. Caleb wanted to stand in the backyard even though I wanted him to be safe inside the house. 

    I called the police department prior to going outside. I wanted to know what we could do to prevent another occurrence. A police officer looked at our back door and was not convinced that anyone was trying to break in to our house.

    I also wrote on my Facebook page:

    "It's getting dark here in North Carolina. We are getting prepared for our unwanted visitor. I hate this so much. And it's right around the holidays too. I wish I knew what this guy wanted. I would give it to him just for him to never come back.

I posted on the Oak Island Locals page just to be bullied, hated, and made fun of. This is my life. This is why I don't have friends here. This is why I don't look for connecting with people here. They don't know me at all and they say the most hate-filled things when I am seeking support.

I feel not only threatened by the man who continues to try to enter my home illegally, but by the lack of police support to prevent this situation from occurring tonight, and the lack of local resident support.

I am a single white female, single parent, disabled veteran, college graduate, business owner, contributing book author, blog writer, Reiki Master, Revelation Breathwork Facilitator, valid driver, supporter of many causes, voter. Not knowing how to handle this out of the blue situation, I am relying on my previous training.

I hate feeling targeted on so many levels from so many people. I want my life to go back to focusing on what I want to focus on, not emergency services. How can I relax when I am clearly begin targeted and have no clue who is doing this to us?

I continue to act in LOVE. Whoever is doing this clearly needs help of some kind. This is not normal behavior I am seeing.

I will however never cease to protect my home and my family.

If you read this, let me know I have your support. I feel alone in this."

    Caleb and I stood guard outside of the house for a little more than an hour. When our neighbor, Chris came home, he checked our new motion-sensor lights for us. We went inside after that.

    

    It was 1900 when I looked at the clock. The knocking on the back door occurred a few minutes before that. I went to the back door, but nobody was there. The back light was on. I am guessing he got scared and ran away.

    I happened to be on the phone with my dad at the time I heard the knocking on the door. I hung up with him and called Chris, like he told me to do. Chris came outside and looked around but saw nobody.

    I was satisfied and ate my leftover pizza. I took my meds, let them settle in my stomach, and went to bed.

    Standing outside on guard helped me to remain calm when the man came again. It helped Caleb to calm down too.

    Today I have an appointment with Jason from Revelation Breathwork. I need to get this house cleaned up if I can manage it.

    I started cleaning up my room yesterday. I was gathering dirty clothes in a laundry basket to be washed. I also began picking up trash from the floor. Caleb began trying to clean up the bathroom so I could take a shower. I had him begin washing laundry too.

    I need Caleb to put away the dishes in the dishwasher and the dish strainer. I never asked him to do it yesterday because I wanted him to clean up the bathroom so I could take a shower. I never got to take my shower because Caleb never finished cleaning the bathroom. Hopefully I can take a shower this morning. I look like a wreck because I have not been doing my morning routine in the morning since I got home.

    I got the Modern Gents ring I ordered yesterday. It fits! And it's lovely.

    I got the toaster I ordered from amazon, along with a few other things I ordered. I wanted to be able to toast the keto bread I bought for my turkey sandwiches.

    I have a lot of seminars to catch up on from Revelation Breathwork and the Prosperous Healer. I think I might spend Thanksgiving watching some of those so I can catch up.

    I think I'm ready to take my meds. BRB.

    I took most of my meds and supplements. I need a shower.

    I'm just letting all those pills I just took settle in my stomach before I take my Victoza shot.

    I've got to change my mattress protector. With 2 dogs and a teenage boy sleeping in my bed, it doesn't stay clean for long. I need Caleb to pick up the trash that I raked into piles. I need Caleb to prep the hallway for a deep carpet cleaning. I need Caleb to clean up the mess in the laundry room too. After he puts the dishes away, I will have places to put the dishes I wash and I will be able to load the dishwasher to run it. I have to clean out the fridge and freezer of the food that has gone bad. I need to come up with a grocery list of things we want to eat on Thanksgiving. We probably won't need much, but I don't want to be without food if the grocery stores are going to be closed.

    I don't remember taking Bubba to be weighed in to get his meds this month. I don't think I did that yet. I might have to go in today.

    I think I'm ready to get my shower. I itch like crazy when I am not clean. I have to go find some clothes to wear. I don't know where all my far infrared compression tank tops are. I'm going to try to find one. Maybe I have a basket of clean clothes in my messy room. It wouldn't surprise me. Time goes by so fast for me. It seems like I can never catch up to being normal. I am always working to get out of being behind. It's exhausting to feel like I work so hard and don't get very far. It would help me if Caleb wasn't going behind me and making more messes and if he would clean up after himself. Most of what needs to be cleaned is because of him. Trying to train him to clean up after himself is difficult. He resists anything I say. He doesn't want to work or complete tasks. It's important for him to know how to keep a clean house. I had chores before I was his age. I was washing the family's laundry, cooking meals, and hand-washing dishes at elementary school age.

    I feel the pressure to train him. I thought I was training him all along. I feel the pressure to be successful at training him. I have to do what it takes to get him to understand that there are things that are important to do on a regular basis.

    It's times like these that I wish I had a life partner. I shoulder the burden of parenting Caleb all by myself. It's a lot to take on, especially when he is so disobedient and defiant. I'm trying to keep him out of trouble too. I can't help him if he doesn't listen.

    I'm doing the best I can with what I know. At least we are done with the psych eval. He has regular mental health appointments. I feel like I had to put a lot of energy to get this far. At least we have diagnoses and I can learn more about them and try to help Caleb the best way I can.

    Autism isn't easy for anyone, and neither is ADHD, anxiety, depression, or PTSD.

    I am tired and sleepy. I'm going to rest for a little while before I go take a shower. It is now 0407.

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!