Death in the Family Day 4

 Dad is on his way to be buried now.

2 days ago

I am not in control of my body right now. I’m resting on my bed trying to relax, but I’m shaking all over. I’m exhausted on top of everything. It’s a hard day today because my dad is being laid to rest in his final resting place. It was scheduled as an immediate burial and there was no funeral. I miss my dad deeply. The stress of losing him is showing in these nano movements in my body that I have no control over. I can’t drive like this. I’m going to have to stay home until I am better. The dogs are scheduled to have their nails trimmed today, but I can’t drive like this. My mental state is calm. My body can’t take any more stress or work today. Pray for me please.

2 days ago

Where dad is going to rest “Forever In Peace”

2 days ago

I miss you dad. They buried your body today, but I know your spirit is with me always. I take comfort in knowing energy is neither created nor destroyed. Spirit lives forever. I’ve worked hard for you dad. I have more work ahead of me. I need to remember to rest as needed. This isn’t easy to do.

1 day ago

RIP dad in Heaven Dec 9, 2022

1 day ago

I feel like I tried to armor myself like the first Lensa AI picture. I’m overwhelmed now, but I want to be more like the second Lensa AI picture and in tune to my needs, and not just everyone else’s needs. I matter too.

1 day ago

1 day ago

I’m in between jobs, taking a break and want to call my dad to talk.

1 day ago

I miss calling my dad all the time. We are both disabled veterans who have no one to talk to because everybody is at work.

1 day ago

Still trying to make this goal

https://gofund.me/9bcfb54c

1 day ago

7 hours ago

7 hours ago

I bought some new clothes on clearance to stock up. I need to be able to change my clothes more often because my life is going to change. I’m going to start exercising daily on the incline trainer. All this nervous energy has to go somewhere.

5 hours ago

4 hours ago

I’m fighting depression normally but with my dad’s passing away, I am having to fight harder. I am so tired today that I spent most of the day in bed already. Pray for me please.

1 hour ago

Thank God for my mom, Marie Edmonds, because she knows how to keep me light-spirited. I wish she could retire and spend all her free time talking to me.

1 hour ago

Hee hee hee. First woman in the family to serve US Army too!

 

Yes and yes

1 hour ago

I am peaceful today, like this picture.

1 hour ago

END OF FACEBOOK POSTS

    

    I am so tired today. I have gotten nothing done that I needed to do. I needed to wash dishes and laundry. I need Caleb to clean out the kitchen trash can. I needed to go to Walmart to restock my sugar-free sweet tea. I need a new mop. I wanted to go to Lowe's Foods for some bell peppers. I need to get things mailed out at UPS. I need to break down the boxes on my porch for Jonathan to be able to haul them away tomorrow. I need to find the contractor bags. Caleb needs to pick up the poop in the laundry room. Caleb needs to clean up the backyard and put things where they belong. The kitchen needs to be cleaned top to bottom. Groceries need to put away.I'm just too tired to do anything. i spent most of the day in the bed sleeping. I'm exhausted. I've managed to get through the week. There was just so much going on that I am in charge of. I wish I had a life partner to support the family during this time. The neighbors have been checking in on us. Chris helped by taking a truck load of our trash to the dump. Jonathan has been around twice already to take trash away. Ashley has been cleaning and asked her friends to help during the time she couldn't be here. The house looks so much better than it did. I'm going to need a lot of support for awhile. I am fighting depression symptoms. 

    I have my VA appraisal on Monday morning. Caleb and I are going to work tomorrow to get as much as we can done. Most of the heavy cleaning has already been done. Carly and Jessica got the hallway carpet shampooed yesterday and cleaned the bathrooms for us. 

    I am too tired to do much of anything today. Just way too tired. Caffeine is not helping me today. It's deeper than that.  

    I am trying to remember that Christmas is next week. Caleb's 14th birthday is after that, on New Year's Eve. He already received his big gift of a brand new bike for his birthday. 

    I miss talking to my dad all throughout the day and all throughout the night. I think about him often. He is finally free from the shackles of this world.

    I did manage to brush my hair this morning. I changed out my nose stud for the snowflake one too. I haven't found my dental kit that I travelled with yet. I know it is around here somewhere. I need to brush my teeth badly. They are so stained from all the tea I drink daily. I need another shower, but I don't know where all my clean clothes are. I need to find my far-infrared compression tank top. I know I just bought 2 more recently. Stuff gets in the house and disappears all the time because Caleb is not putting things where they belong. 

    Ashley cleaned Caleb's room for him. We can see the floor now! I am going to hire her and her friends to clean on a regular basis. It will greatly reduce the stress I feel on a regular basis as I try to do everything by myself, but I am disabled. 

    I am trying to keep it together right now. If I wasn't on medications already, I would be in a lot more trouble. My spirit feels at peace. My emotions are not all over the place. I am not crying uncontrollably. I am not lashing out at my loved ones. 

    I am trying to get Dona Sharon to move in temporarily for the holidays so she is not in that room they shared, and where my dad died, for the holidays. She is having trouble getting packed. I asked her to ask for help around her, even if she needed topay someone because I am not in good shape to drive back out there. I was shaking uncontrollably on Thursday. I just need to be at home. I am the most affected by my dad's death, second to only Dona Sharon. They were together for 27 years. She tried to save his life. She is traumatized by seeing him turn blue from lack of oxygen, and witnessing him stop breathing. I feel so much for her for having to go through that. I do not know if she is seeking help. That is a different level of grieving. 

    Part of me is able to rest knowing that my dad feels no more pain and will never have another heart attack or surgery. I feel ok knowing that I spent as much time as I could with him. I spent hours a day talking to him on the phone. I visited as much as I could manage. We were very much a part of each other's daily lives, and that what makes it hard without him now. 

    I knew he would eventually pass away. I never imagined it would happen so soon. I know my dad doesn't want me to feel badly. I know he doesn't want me to be depressed. He helped me fight depression many times before. He doesn't want me to feel guilty for anything. We shared a lot of good times together. I told him I love him. He told me he loves me and Caleb. He loved Bella and Bubba too. He was always asking about them. He was impressed by both of their personalities and disposition. He did not die thinking I did not love him. 

    I reached out for help immediately. I knew it would be a hard pill to swallow. I already have mental health problems without anybody I love dying. 

    In his honor, I am going to get healthy again. I have already started eating according to my Virta Keto diet again with no cheating. I purchased a new exercise machine that should be fun and interesting to use. It is a vibrating plate that I will stand on. It will help develop strength and balance, and all I have to do is stand on it while it is on. I bought new clothes to workout in. I will begin walking on the incline trainer as soon as we can move all this clutter into the shed. I already talked to Ashley about her helping us organize the shed so it will be done sooner than later. I am taking control of my body's health in every way I can manage. I am taking more new herbal supplements to help with depression since I am already on the highest dose of my anti-depressants. I am taking supplements to help me burn belly fat and control my cravings and hunger. I am drinking lots of water and trying to turn down the amount of Diet Mountain Dew I am drinking. I am going to quit vaping here soon. I need to find my nicotine patches to help me come down slowly instead of just giving it up cold turkey. 

    I normally do Reiki on myself every day, but I have fallen asleep too quickly this week from exhaustion to do it. I do have a lot of support from my classmates who are sending me Reiki daily. I had Revelation Breathwork class today and tomorrow. I was exhausted and was not functioning, so I missed today's class. I will watch the replay once it is available. 

    I have a lot of distant support from people I interact with on a regular basis. I bought more flower essences to help me quit vaping from Jana Carrey. They are helping me to stay relatively calm during this stressful time. I highly recommend them. 

    I started taking more Adrenal focused supplements to help my body deal with stress. My mind seems to be ok. My mind knows better. There are a lot of traumas and emotions stuck in my body that keep me from physically being ok. My nervous system overreacts as a symptom of PTSD, fibromyalgia, and having seizures. I was working on healing them before my dad died, and will return to healing when my time frees up. There is just so much to do. I had a lot in the plans to do before my dad died. His death just added more work to my already full schedule. 

    RJ and Jeanette both responded to my text messages. I am grateful for that. My mom has been calling me to check up on me. I am grateful for that. I have been trying to stay busy to get things done. I guess I pushed too hard.

    My dad was buried Thursday. He made it to his final resting place. God bless him. His headstone won't be received for up to 6 months. 

    Christmas is next week. I will likely make an altar for my dad. Hopefully Dona Sharon will be here before then. I think she slept all day because she was up all night. I haven't really talked to her in a couple of days. 

    I still have to write up my dad's life story and obituary. 

    I'm trying to prepare for this VA appraisal though. It's a lot of work. Caleb is doing ok because he is staying busy like me. I have an appointment with Jana Carrey on Tuesday.

    I am just holding on today. I am very tired. I will likely go to bed early. I just have to take my numbers, eat dinner, and take my medications and supplements. I gained a lot of weight. I'm now only 15lbs from my starting point. I think some of it is water weight because I'm on my period. We shall find out. I am taking a break from school for another semester. I don't think I have any reason to return but I don't want to make that decision right now. 

    I am waiting for my dad's death certificate in the mail. I then have to schedule an appointment at the courthouse to establish an estate for my dad to be able to handle his accounts. Thankfully I don't think he had many accounts. I had to tell the VA transportation that he died the other day. I also had to tell another part of VA of his passing because they called his phone looking for him.

    I tried reaching Jose, but he has not responded to my messages. Jose was a good friend of my dad. He will be very sad of the news. 

    It's time for me to have dinner. 

    Have a blessed day, and thank you for reading!