Wednesday, December 21, 2022

Holidays Approaching Day 4

     It is now 0556 and I have taken my meds and supplements. I am listening to Jana Carrey's audio "Cosmic Mother Returns Workshop." Yesterday was not a productive day for me. I did no work at all. I was just so tired. I stayed in bed for most of the day. I only got up for the termite inspection, the plumbers coming over, and to go out to Lowe's Foods for a rotisserie chicken and a salad from the salad bar. I was just exhausted and worn out. 

    I did go check up on dad's memorial page and spent some time crying over old photos before my appointment with Jana Carrey. I miss my dad. 

    The appointment was awesome. It always is. I'm so glad that I was able to get into her mentorship program when I did. I was able to process some things about my dad's passing with her. I felt so better when we were done. I felt a lot lighter. My chest did not have so much pressure in it. My shoulders could go back without effort. I feel like I can take a shower today. Yesterday I just couldn't. 

    I received most of my Torrid clothes order yesterday. I am excited to wear them today after my shower. I bought bras and leggings mostly. I need bras to be able to walk on the incline trainer. I don't need to fight my breasts when I walk to exercise. I needed more leggings too because I will be changing clothes more frequently. I am still so far behind in washing clothes. I can't speed up washing clothes so...

    Today is the Winter Solstice. It's the shortest day of the year. 

    We go to Lumberton tomorrow morning. Caleb has to unload the Mazda of all the drinks still in there. We are going to help Dona Sharon move to my house. She will spend the holidays with us. I will ask for her help in collecting my dad's stories and writing his obituary while she is here. I will also eventually get dad's death certificate and have to call about his accounts. 

    The house is mostly clean. Caleb was taking apart his bike in the living room to pull missing parts needed for the new bike from the old bike.

    We discussed getting a turkey to cook. I am waiting until we get back home to buy one. I still have to clean the kitchen. 

    I'm just listening to the audio. There is so much information in her workshops. 

    I haven't been keeping up with my Reiki business. I had to miss classes and I have to find time to catch up. I missed both Reiki Next Steps class and also the Prosperous Healer and Revelation Breathwork. I just couldn't manage everything with all the additional responsibility on my shoulders and grieving on top of that. I feel like it's time to get back to life. It's time for me to focus on my life, and not my dad's death. I have a lot of work ahead of me. I have a lot of goals I want to accomplish. I still need 5 people to train to Reiki level 1 in person to meet the requirements for learning how to attune virtually. I think I have Caleb, Ashley, Carly, and Dona Sharon for sure. I'm waiting to see what Jessica says. She wanted to research what Reiki is before giving me an answer. 

    I really haven't been meditating lately. I haven't been getting out of bed at 0200 like I use to. I've been staying in bed with snacks and drinks by the bed for when I wake up. I need to stop eating in the middle of the night. One step at a time. I was in that space before, and I can be in that space again. 

    I have been doing ok on my diet. I have not fallen into the pizza delivery trap again. I feel like I am not only caring for myself for myself, but also for Caleb, and honoring my dad in the process. It has more significance for me now to eat healthy and be on my diet. It makes it easier to make better choices now. My ketones were at 0.4 last night. I need them to be at 0.5 to be in ketosis. 

   The dark seasons are hard for me anyway. I struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is just a sort of dark season depression. It makes it harder to make my own food, which is required for this diet. The holidays bring huge meals and celebrations on top of that. I don't normally cook the traditional meals that Dona Sharon use to cook for us. I have no need to cook so much food for Caleb and myself. However, the sweets are everywhere, and hard to say no to. Temptation is everywhere. My lack of energy drives me to order delivered foods which are usually high in carbohydrates. I gain so much weight in the dark seasons. I don't go out as often. I stay at home because it gets dark sooner and I can't drive in the dark safely. 

    I feel better today than I did yesterday. I woke up with fibromyalgia pain everywhere yesterday. When my medications and supplements began to work, I felt no more pains, but all of a sudden was relieved enough to rest. All I wanted to do was rest in bed. 

    Fibromyalgia affects me during periods of stress quite frequently. My nervous system is hyperactive. Thus the pain that has "no cause." It's emotion-based. 

    Caleb has his psychiatrist and therapy appointments this afternoon. He is doing ok from what I can tell. He doesn't need medication adjustments like I thought he might need. 

    I have to shower, wash up. I have to pack for tomorrow, but I can't pack until tomorrow because I need my medications and supplements out up until I leave. 

    I kind of wanted to go to the 2300 service at the Oceanview United Methodist Church on Christmas Eve. I am not sure I will be awake.

    I know we missed the Christmas parade this year. I don't know if we missed the hot chocolate and Christmas carols at the park.

    I never sent some Christmas cards that I meant to send. I don't even know if I know who to send cards at this point. I sent so many out already. 

    I had to block somebody who was posing as a white man on Instagram. He tried to make excuses to not have a video call so I could see and hear him, and that's a red flag of the biggest size. 

    I had issues with Speedy Plumbing on Friday. A plumber came over and left without doing any work. His diagnoses was wrong that he reported to American Home Shield. I'm so glad I could just call Jon's Plumbing Co. from Southport. They came on the same day and fixed all our problems. We had to replace the flapper in one of the toilets. There was grease buildup in one of the pipes leading to the sewer system. That is what was causing the toilets to not drain. I don't know how you can call yourself a plumber and not care that people don't have working toilets in the house. Both our toilets were backed up.

    My dual red/white rose bushes are blooming only white roses like they know about dad's passing.





    I just woke Caleb up so he can let the dogs out. I'm only halfway through the workshop. Bubba wants to go outside.

    It's nice and cold today, but I hope the sun comes out. I can't wait to try on my new leggings. I've been wearing shorts because my leggings are in the dirty clothes right now. Maybe I can get the laundry started. That would be a good move. If I could get the kitchen cleaned before tomorrow, that would be awesome too. 

    I've been talking to my mom every day. She has been really supportive during this process. 

    The workshop is over now. Caleb toasted a keto bagel for my breakfast. I feel like spending more time in bed, but I need to take a shower. I'm going to sort through the box of new clothes and pick something new to wear today. 

    Caleb caught a bluebird from the porch and set it free in the backyard. 

    It's going to be a busy day today if I can get moving and stay moving. 

    Have blessed day, and thank you for reading! 

    

      

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