I struggled to get sleep. I am still so tired. It's 6:29 am here. Caleb and Bella fell asleep on the couch with me. I was not comfortable. I did not wake Caleb up to get him to move off the couch until I got up around 1:30 am. I've been waking up what seems like every 20 minutes since then. I think today I will spend a lot of time resting and trying to catch up on sleep.
Caleb has an appointment at noon. I have the WoVen group tonight. I am thinking I will just put dinner in the crock pot today.
It was nice at first to have Bella and Caleb sleeping on the couch. I was watching an episode of House when they both fell asleep. I had to get up to use the bathroom. When I came back, I lost my spot on the couch and had to lay down on my side to go to sleep. I can't sleep comfortably that way.
Yesterday I had a lot of pain from the thunder storms that were going on all day. I applied a liberal amount of icy hot to all the places I could reach before I went to lay down for the night. It helps.
Yesterday, like I mentioned before, was pay day and also bill pay day. I spent some time doing that, but I spent most of the day driving around to all the local grocery stores to catch their deals on the last day of deal week (Tuesdays). We went to Food Lion, the gas station, Walmart, CVS, Lowe's Foods, Arby's and Harris Teeter. We came home to thunder storms for the rest of the day. It was a long and busy day. I was highly productive though.
Caleb and I butted heads over him taking off to go to the Veterans' Park without permission. He doesn't seem to understand that he has to listen and follow orders. It's for his own safety.
He also threw a fit when I decided at the last minute that we were going to Harris Teeter which is a distance away. He threw his shoes at me while I was driving. He was yelling and screaming in the car, like a toddler who needed a nap. He started crying that he wanted to go home.
As a treat, we went to Arby's for lunch. It was delicious, and also expensive. It will be a long time before we are able to go back. It has been a long time since we were there last.
When we came home, he didn't want to bring the groceries inside. It wasn't raining at the time. It's so frustrating !
I didn't make dinner because we both had big meals from Arby's. We just had some chips and salsa for a snack. I have to have food with my night time medications.
Eventually, I had Caleb bring in most of the groceries. There are still some canned foods in the car that he will have to bring in today.
I still smell like Icy Hot. I might apply some today before I start moving around. I've got a hot mess in my kitchen that I need to clean up.
In other news. my cut seems to be healing nicely. Caleb's cut seems to be healing too.
I got a call from Wounded Warrior Project about their Female Project Odyssey. I was scheduled to go to one in April, but then everything went sour when I had trouble with my car, and of course COVID-19 ordeal.
I applied for food assistance. I do not think I will qualify, but I want to here it from them. I can use whatever help I can get.
I haven't seen any more spiders in the bathroom since I sprayed that essential oil based insecticide. It was like every time I needed to use the toilet, a spider would come out of nowhere!
I didn't go walking yesterday because I was so tired when I got home after running around all day. I figure I got my activity in for the day.
I was able to buy Caleb some of his favorite ice cream from Walmart! He loves the Breyer's Oreo ice cream. I also found Zatarain's Gumbo on the shelf! It hasn't been available since before COVID-19. I bought a $40 Boston Pork butt for $20. I bought London Broil for $2.99/lbs. I bought beef stew meat at buy one get one free (rings up at half price). I bought chuck roast worth over $20 for $10. I bought freshly made seasoned sausages at buy 1 get one free. Yep! I did awesome! AND I didn't spend my cash on any of it. I spent the money sent to me by Pandemic-EBT to buy the groceries. I spent it wisely. I'm not proud of myself for spending so much, but I am proud of myself for the deals I managed to get. Can you tell that I have a food problem? Yeah.. pretty obvious.
I deal with food insecurity mentality as well as buy the things you love but can't afford normally, on sale mentality. I am a provider. It was even my job in the Army. I was a Supply Personnel. I bought supplies for the troops for a living.
I'm on my second Dew for the morning. It's 7:21 am here. Nichole has been driving towards home for some hours now. I wonder how she is doing, but I don't want to distract her. She's got a van full of people, dogs, and their belongings. She has a long way to drive from Florida to Colorado. I pray they stay safe.
Mathew is probably finishing up his day over there in the Middle East on deployment. Eric is probably anxiously awaiting his newborn baby, if not already on paternity leave. I don't know, he hasn't responded to my messages. Sherri has been up for about an hour by now. I'm sure she's on her second or third cup of coffee. My mom is probably eating breakfast with Kenneth before they go to work. Here I am writing my blog! LOL Caleb is still sleeping, thank God. I'm not ready for him yet. Bella is on the couch, curled up in my blanket.
I don't know what my Aunt Lisa is up to today. She may or may not be awake by now. I'm sure my cousins are enjoying their summer break, and sleeping in for sure. My Uncle Andy... I don't know his routine.
I don't know when Rachel wakes up normally. I will have to ask her. I know she doesn't sleep well.
I am so thankful that my cousin, Max, sent Caleb his Xbox 360 and some games. Rachel gave him more games when she visited. Billy gave him the game we are both fascinated with at the moment, Fable II. It gives him something to do other than cause trouble. It gives me a break from having to entertain him because he is "bored." Apparently there is a Fable III out. I would like to get it for him, if I can find it, for his birthday. He also has never played the original Fable. I thought it was a lot of fun!
I forgot to send the absentee ballot out yesterday. I was in a hurry to get on the road and get things done. I still haven't completed Bella's Spa Day. She has to have her teeth brushed!
I want to pack away Caleb's new clothes so he doesn't use them until he needs them. He has plenty of size 12 shirts that fit him appropriately, and size 12 and 14 bottoms. I bought his new shirts and pants in 14 and 16. Once again, get it on sale. Don't wait and pay full price. So... yeah. I'm back in debt over that. I had to do it though. I didn't know if he had clothes that fit him anymore because he has been wearing my ACUs for a very long time. I bought him more clothes in camo so he could have his own stuff.
I am still waiting on clothes from the order before this order that I placed for Caleb to have clothes for the photo shoot. I think we are both going to be wearing all white. I hope the weather is good that day.
I'm not feeling like this quitting vaping thing is going to be successful. I've tried quitting before and failed many times. It's a crutch. I want to get healthy, but I don't want to make myself miserable in the process. I've tried nicotine patches and lozenges in the past. They don't help. It's not the nicotine I crave. It's the vaping itself. What will I do with my hands when I no longer vape? Maybe I should take my anxiety medication when I quit. At least that might do some good in calming me down until I don't need them anymore. I remember going through nicotine and caffeine withdrawals at Reception in Basic Training. I couldn't sleep from the night sweats. I use to be a train smoker of Newports. I use to be a Coca-Cola drinker. You can't do either in Basic Training.
I remember a trainee who pissed hot for cocaine at Ft. Sam Houston. She swore up and down that she was framed, like really? How the hell you going to be Combat Medic and do that shit? Didn't the background check tip you off that you might need to be on your toes? It was the same trainee who called me out in combatives in basic training. I didn't know what she had against me. I was quiet in basic training. She wasn't even from my platoon! She was angry about some imaginary infraction against her, I guess. Her Drill Sergeant hated me too. I secretly think he really loved me though, like one of his kids.
Talk about almost peeing your pants. Waiting in line at 0430 to go pee after about 150 other females is no fun. Thank God my last name starts with a "d."
I didn't mind the mindless tasking of chores. I had already been doing that my whole life. I had never had to cut the grass with scissors before though. I had already built a safe place in my mind to go when things were unpleasant. I would sing to myself in my thoughts. I had my husband at the time send my lyrics to my favorite songs because I was forgetting them. He was an idiot, and sent me lyrics to songs I had never heard before too, but at least a few of them I could use.
I already had PTSD when I went to basic training, and I think some people picked up on my heightened state of awareness. I kept Jesus in my heart, and asked him for help nearly every day and every night. I was exhausted at the end of every day. I had sleep apnea and didn't know it. I would fight to breathe in my sleep. I woke up just as tired as I went to bed. We were all so different, and yet we were all there.
I remember having thoughts about the Holocaust as we were put into cattle cars to go places. We were "nut to butt." One time I cried about it, while in there. I didn't know where we were going, or what to expect. I knew I wasn't going to die, but the Jews didn't know anything when they were put on trucks or trains. I felt the same way in the open showers. Like a Jew in the Holocaust. It was a horrible way to feel. I had so much despair and depression, heaviness of the heart.
There is nothing the Jews did to deserve that treatment. Why didn't God protect them from the Nazis? Why isn't that a part of the Bible?
I need a break. Caleb just woke up. It's 8:24 am here.
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