Wednesday, July 8, 2020

5 Year Journal Day 51

     Today's prompt is " What word did you overuse today?" I did not overuse any word today.

     Yesterday it was raining on and off all day. I woke up around 6 am. I stayed up for a few hours, and then went back to bed. I had the best nap ever. My body went numb, and I didn't move. I woke up feeling better. I wanted to get some cleaning done, but it never happened. I ran some errands, and ate out at Subway with Billy and Caleb.
     We had an incident where Caleb called the police on Billy. It was a drama-filled mess, and I'm glad that it is over. No one was hurt. We are safe.
     My niece, McKenzie, was taken to the Urgent Care and tested for COVID-19. She is 12. I'm sure it was traumatic. Nichole's mother was taken to the hospital for high blood pressure. Nichole's grandpa was refusing to eat again. I'm very close to Nichole, and I wish I could do more for her.
     Today, I am taking Billy back home. Caleb has his occupational therapy appointment. I don't plan on being able to get much done today because I won't be home. 
     It's 4:23 am here now. I don't have a lot on my mind. It seems odd to me. Usually I have so much to talk about. I haven't been feeling well lately. I have a number of things going on. I am PMSing, and predicting the weather with my pain and aches, I'm tired, and not motivated to work. When I am dealing with my health issues, many times I get brain fog, where it's hard to think much about anything.
     I contacted my psychiatrist about changing my anxiety medication. I don't feel like it works for me.
     I contacted my neurologist about changing my medication. I think the pregabalin (Lyrica) is causing me to not have feeling in where I am supposed to be sensitive. It's the reason I don't bother having sex. What's in it for me? I can't feel a damned thing! So, it's a quality of life issue. I don't necessarily want to be celibate.
     My photo shoot is approaching on the 19th. I hope the weather is nice, and not raining.
     I wish I had a legal way to make passive income. I have no money to invest. The only option I have is to find work, and that's not an option.
     Who knows what Wednesday is going to bring? I'm counting down the days until pay day because I'm nearly broke. I'm waiting for my vaping supplies to arrive in the mail and I'm practically out of e-juice. I'm not looking forward to being without it.
     I want to teach Caleb to work for the video games and accessories he wants to buy. So far, he wants Fable Anniversary, Fable III, and Minecraft. He needs a set of over the head, headphones with a microphone so he can chat while playing. The Fable games are about $40 a piece, not cheap.
     I'm reading "The Christian Parenting Handbook" still because I only pick it up when I feel a certain way. Sometimes, after writing my blog, I'm just tired and go back to bed. That's been the case lately. I read a couple of chapters today though.
     Sometimes I wish I had a partner to parent with. I've had so many bad experiences with adults mistreating my son, though, that I don't think it will ever be possible. I lean on my Aunt Lisa, as her children have just graduated high school. From time to time, I lean on Rachel too. Her daughter graduated this year from high school as well. Rachel's son is a few years older than Caleb.
     I am trying to decide how to take the supplements I have ordered. Do I take them one at a time, and determine if I feel any different, or do I take them all at once? Originally, I was going to take them all at once to get a really rich anti-oxidant, anti-inflammatory effect hopefully.
     I need to be walking 5 times a week. I haven't been doing that in more than a week. I haven't  been feeling good. I have barely been able to keep up with the kitchen cleaning, which is more important to me. I can't stand the heat, and it's been at least 90 degrees here a few days in the last week, and it's only going to get hotter. I was praying for rain to cool off.
     I have been overeating too. Just munching on junk. I can't stop once I start eating tortilla chips. It's one of my weaknesses. Usually I don't buy them. It makes it easy to say no to them when they aren't in my house. Weight loss is not an easy process. It was much easier the first time around because I could take thermogenics with appetite suppressants and caffeine in them. I can't take those anymore because I am on medications and they might interact badly.
     I still haven't taken Caleb to the beach yet. SMH The Summer Concert series is re-opening this Friday. They are free concerts in the park down the street, on the island. I would like to go, but I have social anxiety in large groups of people. We'll see. I don't want this summer to be a total bust.

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